Moony
Flashback
End of June
9 years ago
Once someone said “all’s fair in love and poetry”, and James couldn’t agree more. These past days at Caipirinha BH have been the living proof that in the end, everything will be okay, no matter how much you feel that it won’t or that you’re stuck in the same gear for ages, it’s just a phase. Your life will not revolve around the mistakes you make or the lows you eventually get through at some point.
There’s a saying that tells: “you are born alone and you’ll die alone”, or something like that. But, for James, there’s no truth in that. Maybe you get out of the womb alone, or not. Maybe you have a sibling or two coming out with you. But that’s just the verbatim part of the story. You can’t be born alone, since there’s a person giving you life. And with the course of life, you will get to experience all different kinds of love people get to offer. You’ll get to live a full life revolving with people who appreciate you and love you.
So no, you won’t die alone. The memories, the happiness, the freedom, the will, everything you got to acquaintance, every person who made you feel lovable, every stranger that smiled to you on a boring Tuesday morning, every kind words that got you through a hard time, all of this, all of them will go with you. James learned that by observing how his grandparents take life. How it’s not that serious for them. The manner in which it’s so easy for them to love and spread their love, infecting everyone with their magic.
“Hey,” Sirius whispered probably by the second or third time, snapping his finger next to James’ ear, waking him up from his night philosophies.
James rubbed his eyes, trying to scare the sleepy away, still barely reasoning where he was or what was happening, the knowledge coming to him in bits. “What?” He murmured back, in the account of the other two boys sleeping in the room along with them.
The window was cracked open, therefore James could see the lights from outside reflecting Sirius smirking, glad that James was awake now. “Let’s sneak out!” He said, a little bit louder, enthusiasm flooding all over his voice.
Frankly, James is totally up for it. But he is fighting his heavy eyelids now. It’s like they hate to see an adventure that James would like to tell his children about when he gets old, obliging him to go the boring way. He hates the idea of being a boring adult. Or the idea of being an adult trying to be a teenager. An example that makes James roll his eyes is those adolescents that deny affection at all costs, he feels sorry they won’t be able to experience teenage love at 35. Or James is too bitter ‘cause he had gotten his teenage love and lost him right after. At least he experienced it. At least he will be able to rely on those memories from those few weeks.
“To the beach?” James questioned, already smiling and giving in into the idea.
“Yes!” Sirius nodded, a grin taking over his face.
But oh, how James wants to sleep right now. This bed (a mattress laid on the floor) is so comfy! “Hm, I don't know…” He closes his eyes for a few seconds, enjoying the soft breeze hitting his face as the window opens up more, cooling that hot room on a summer night. “What time is it?” James asks once Sirius nudges him again. Sirius is lying next to James on a double mattress, in front of them, horizontally, there’s Regulus on a single one, and Peter on another single next to Reggie. There’s a king sized bed in that room, but they thought it would be more fun this way.
Sirius pouted.“Twenty past one,” He replied, keeping his voice low.
“Why are you guys awake?” Peter sighed, taking off his eye mask and glaring at both James and Sirius. James couldn’t help but not giggle at him. To be fair, he looked kinda funny, his pink silky eye mask hanging from his neck, along with his cute pyjama set, not matching his angry face at all. Pete only grimaced harder at James, cutting off his laughter.
James pressed his lips together, avoiding to look directly at both of his friends right now or else he knew all of them would break into loud chuckles and wake up the whole house. “Sirius’ suggesting a sneak out,” he managed to say, cocking his eyebrows at Pete, whose face immediately lit up.
“Alcohol involved?” Peter questioned, his eyes shining like he just found his golden pot at the end of the rainbow.
Sirius nodded with his eyes closed, “oh, absolutely.”
Peter grinned, taking the eye mask off of his neck now and depositing it under his pillow, “I’m in!”
Sirius glanced at James again, giving him those puppy eyes no one, I repeat, no one, could resist. “Please James?”
“I mean…” James shrugged, already giving up. “We need some rush anyway,” he grinned.
A huge smile took over both Sirius’ and Peter’s face. Sirius rolled over to James’ side of the bed and wrapped him in a messy hug.“Yes! That's ma boy.”
“Should I wake Reggie up?” Peter whispered, looking at the boy (apparently) passed out on the mattress in front of him. Regulus enjoyed sleeping in big shirts and those same pair of blue shorts. He had four pairs of those if James isn’t wrong. This look fits him, though. James liked it even more when the big shirts Regulus wore to sleep were stolen from James’ closet.
“I'm awake,” Regulus murmured, not opening his eyes or moving at all, just letting them know that he was listening. Probably because they woke him up, too.
“You in?” Sirius questioned exhilarated, all giggly and wobbly, throwing a pillow at Regulus’ head.
Regulus only sighed and turned to the other side, letting his back to face James and Sirius. “No. Let me sleep,” he hissed, taking his brother’s pillow and hugging it like a little kid.
“You sure?” James asked softly, half disappointed that he wouldn’t be joining them, half concerned about it. Regulus wasn’t one to turn down possibilities to just go to the ocean, maybe bring one of his books, watch the sea, be annoyed at his brother, yap with Pete, just the basics. And he was a night owl, especially since they were on summer break. Or maybe James is overthinking and he is just tired or too comfy in his bed, exactly like James was a few minutes ago.
“Uhum,” Regulus responded, slightly less hissy since it wasn’t Sirius talking.
Sirius shrugged. “Okay, your loss, baby bro.”
“Whatever,” Regulus breathed. “Just don't drink all the alcohol,” he said in a warning tone, knowing exactly how his friends were.
Peter grinned, proving Regulus’ point. “We wouldn’t!” He exclaimed, meaning there was a good chance they would come back with one or two less bottles.
“Yeah, yeah,” Sirius dismissed his brother, probably annoyed that Regulus was trying to boss them even when he wouldn’t be present.
Frankly, James doesn’t see why the fuss about it, he likes being bossed. “Okay,” he said, trying to get their attention. “What should we take?”
“Um…” Peter hummed, pressing his lips together, trying to think of everything they would possibly need. “Towels, booze, maybe a change of clothes and something to eat?” He suggested.
Sirius nodded, “sounds ok.”
“Who's going to the kitchen?” James whispered, arching his eyebrows at both of his friends. Someone had to do it and it wouldn’t be James. Except Sirius and Peter started looking away, avoiding James’ eyes like the two little shits they were. Of course. “Ugh, I hate you,” he groaned, but went anyway. James grabbed one of Sirius’ bags that were empty and laid on the floor and went on his way.
“You love us!” Peter hummed as James was leaving the room.
“Nah,” James mouthed, rambling under his breath how his friends were awful to him. C’mom! He’s just a little baby, can’t they see that?
Sirius chuckled. “Oh, you absolutely do.”
“Right?!” Peter smiled.
“Whatever,” James snorted, hiding his own smile as he left the room.
The kitchen was deserted, which was weird. Usually it would have a figure there somehow, either his vovó dancing along with whatever was playing on the radio or his vovô drinking coffee or baking something while his wife cooked their lunch or dinner. It was rarely empty or without a heavenly smell coming from it. The oven always had some old brazilian cake recipe (carrot cake is different from cake with carrot) smelling from miles away or the good old rice and beans along with some kind of protein and vegetable.
The food he wanted now wasn’t that healthy, though. James searched the cupboards to find those snacks he knew would be there, like cheetos and ruffles. But he grabbed some fruit just to balance it a little. And also because cheetos could never fill his stomach enough for him to drink.
Once James had everything he needed inside Sirius’ bag, he went back to their room, to find that Peter and Sirius already packed everything they all would need for the night out. They’re not so bad after all.
As soon as Peter spotted James with a full bag entering the room, a smile came across his face as he asked, whispering in an attempt to keep everyone that was still sleeping in the house that way, “this window?
“Yeah.” James nodded, putting the bag on his shoulders and signaling for Peter to go out, “you first, Pete."
“Ok.” He said, climbing out of the window effortless, managing to make no noise at all.
“Pads,” James called his attention, making room for him to go after Pete. “Wait for me near those big rocks?” He asked, as he stayed behind, clearly throwing his friends out for a moment alone with the one left in the room. Subtle. Ugh, James hates when he does impulsive things like this without thinking of a better way to at least mask away those feelings that will get his friends to wonder and assume things. Fuck.
“Yeah,” both Peter and Sirius responded at the same time.
“You okay?” Sirius mouthed, though. Not loud enough for anyone to hear. Just him and James, James and him. Reassurance.
James shot him a simple smile that made the skin around his eyes crinkle a little. An honest one. “Uhum,” he nodded.
Once Pete and Pads were at a fine distance, James sat on his mattress, watching the sky through the opened window. It was really dark that night and you could have a clear vision of the stars, which was kinda rare in cities like London, since it was always raining or the pollution was taking over. Not here, though. Here the breeze smelled like salt and big forests, the water was warm and the sun was always present, the sky was clear and brightful, especially with so many shiny dots in the vault of heaven.
He just needed to ask it again, to be certain. He doesn’t want to bother his sleep for any longer, just… this question. “You sure you don't wanna go?” James whispered, hoping the boy would be already asleep so he wouldn’t have to deal with this James. Sometimes James catches himself wondering how it was for Regulus to watch him failing to get over him. Was he annoyed? Was he pitying him? Was he done with the situation? James would be done with himself if he was Regulus.
“Yes.” He answered from his mattress, still facing the other side.
“Okay.” James softly remarked, making his way out to not bother him too much.
“Wait, James?” Regulus stopped him, turning over and resting his body on his forearms, sleep taking over his tired body and face. He had bags under his eyes, since the last thing they were doing these last days was rest.
“Yes?”
“Have fun.”
James smiled. “Thanks. Have a good sleep.”
“Thank you, uhm—” He stopped, thinking about something. “---I-I miss you,” Regulus managed to get out, going back to laying down, his eyes meeting the ceiling.
The words left his mouth before James could think about it. “I miss you too, love.” It was the split of a second, the kindness of a damsel, the falling of a sandcastle, a single word that slipped out, his consciousness bailing on him, leaving him alone with the person he was a month or two ago. James didn’t mean to say it out loud, but his distress was speaking for itself, playing along on the tip of his confused tongue, as he clears his throat, his eyelids weighing way too much for him to keep them up, his brain continually cursing him for letting the heart speak up.
Regulus pretended it was nothing, because in the end, it was. “I’m just glad we’re still friends, after all.”
“Yeah. Me too. Friends.” He said, and before Regulus could say anything else, he climbed out of the window, trying to erase how hard those words stabbed him. Trying to pretend that they didn’t have any effect on him at all.
He could see Peter and Sirius from where he stood, a two-minute walk away, which meant a twenty-second run.
“Don’t ask!” Peter hissed towards Sirius, cutting him off.
“But–”
James rolled his eyes, more at himself than at them. It was in fact his stupid idea to stay back and talk to Regulus, because his stupid heart still loves him and his stupid brain couldn’t even control that shit. Stupid, stupid, stupid. They were already talking about that five-minute talk he had with Regulus like it was a major event in history. They were friends before all, for fuck’s sake. “No need for a fuss. I was just checking if he really wanted to stay,” he snorted, regretting it right after. Why was he being rude? He isn’t rude, especially to the people he loves the most.
Ugh.
Why does this kind of thing only happen to him? Maybe he is going crazy. Life and its circumstances are really testing his patience now.
Peter cocked an eyebrow. “Oh”
“Okay.” Sirius stated, shooting Peter a weird look that James couldn’t manage to read.
“What?” James asked, switching his gaze between both of them as they stared at James like he gave himself up. He probably did, now.
“We weren’t talking about you,” Pete explained, openly giggling at James’ slip.
“No?”
“No!” Sirius laughed, too, making James’ cheeks go red for a few seconds.
“It’s just that Sirius spotted someone up there,” he pointed to the top of the big rocks, “and he wants to talk to the guy,” Peter sighed, like he was a tired father trying to control his naughty children.
Oh, this finally caught James’ interest. “Where?” He questioned, looking around.
“Up there, you dumbass.” Peter shook his head.
Ohhhh! James caught sight of him. They guy had dirty blond messy hair and a cigarette on his fingers. He looked about their age and he was sitting on top of something, probably a smaller rock, as he looked at the sky, just as James was doing a few minutes ago in the room. “He seems high.”
“I said the same thing.”
“Or he's just staring at the moon,’ Sirius said, grinning. “I’m gonna go talk to him.”
“WHAT?” James shrieked. Maybe James was going nuts indeed, because this wasn’t appropriate behavior! That guy was a stranger! James never saw him before! He could be a murderer or a very violent person or a robber or… Anything! Why was Sirius so invested in risking their lives like that? Just because he was handsome? Because oh, that guy was really, really hot. But this isn’t him, Sirius doesn’t do guys. “Are you crazy?” But he wasn’t listening anymore.
“HEY!” Sirius shouted, trying to get the guy’s attention as he climbed the rocks to get to him.
“See, I tried,” Peter shrugged.
“Oh, god.” James shook his head, depositing the bag on his shoulder on the ground next to the rest. “Let’s follow him.”
Sirius’ pov
“Hey, Moony Guy!” Sirius exclaimed, this time a little lower since he was closer to the stranger now. Something about him caught Sirius’ attention the moment Peter and him got close to that mountain of rocks. He had a cigarette on the tip of his fingers, probably something to get him high. Sirius thought he didn’t seem like the type of person that would be addicted to nicotine or that kind of thing. That’s a strange assumption to make about a stranger, but damn, Sirius felt like he had known him for years before even meeting him. Isn’t that fucking weird? There was something about his hair being messed by the warm wind or the way his eyes never left the sight of the sky. The stars, the moon, the navy blue. It was like Sirius was being lured to him, as if he wanted to get closer and closer and understand this guy or whatever was going on in his brain. This Moony Person seemed like some sort of majestic gateway to another cosmic world Sirius needed to explore. He could be a burning star, like the sun, shiny and dangerous, remarkable and the nucleus point of his little system. But he also could be a black hole, a door to the complete unknown, intriguing and too far away. Sirius wished he could also hit an off button of reality and just spend some time mooning along with him, in an attempt to feel the same this guy is feeling to make his eyes scintillate like his orbs are made of pure, roasting fire.
The guy looked around trying to spot another person at that empty beach. “Me?” He asked, confused. Yeah, he was definitely a little high. His voice was certainly hoarse and slower than a normal conditioned person. Sirius liked that about him. The voice, the slow-paced movements and the act of not caring. Yes, you.
I’m like the water when your ship rolled in that night
“You!” Sirius grinned. “What are you doing up here at this time of the night?” Sirius asked, coming a little closer and taking a seat on a rock in front of the guy. It was cold, contrasting to the hot weather of a summer night, but Sirius couldn’t care less. He loved that about this place, the way it was never what he expected, the way it could make him feel like he was living life at its best, the way he would be completely dressed like a ten-year-old boy to help his body get along with the high temperatures. For instance, the outfit he’s wearing right now. A pair of really short red shorts and a loose cropped tank top that used to be a Queen shirt, but Sirius cut off the sleeves and its hem. This and the black cap he’s wearing backwards to secure at least a piece of his curls from the wind. Wasn’t working, though.
“Ah, the same as you, I guess?” He laughed, still kind of surprised Sirius was talking to him.
“Uh, my name is Padfoot.” Sirius introduced himself. He opted for the nickname, since Moony was still a stranger (that was high) alone on the beach at two in the morning.
“Nice to meet you, Padfoot.” Moony greeted cheerful, almost laughing, as he offered his half burnt cigarette to Sirius. His fingers were way too long to be true, Sirius doesn’t know how much, but this guy must be really tall.
Sirius accepted the cig, taking a deep drag from the roll, already knowing the lecture James will give him later. Sirius lets the smoke sink in through his lungs, slowly letting it out, patiently waiting for the euphoria to hit. “What's so funny?” He asked right after, giving Moony his rolled cig back, as he stretched his legs and threw his head back, as the breeze hit his warm skin.
Rough from the surface but you cut through like a knife
“Nothing,” Moony murmured, tilting his head to the side. “Just that Padfoot is kinda a weird name,” he explained, taking another drag, as he watched Sirius, completely ignoring the two other boys watching them silently from a few steps behind. There’s a good chance Moony didn’t even notice them, since his gaze was locked in the figure of Sirius Black.
And if it was an open-shut case, I never would have known from the look on your face
Not gonna lie, Sirius loved it. He knew he could be… exotic? He doesn’t know the exact word, but he is aware of his grace. He knows he intrigues people and draws attention wherever he goes. Maybe it’s his long black hair, full of curls and the smell of honey shampoo, or maybe it’s his blue eyes that are capable of blinding (according to Pete), or even his way to live his life as if he’s gonna die tomorrow, not giving a fuck for what people are going to think about him (most times, usually). So yeah, he sticks out in a crowd, and he enjoys that. He enjoys that Moony’s eyes are so deeply hypnotized with him, that he didn’t notice there were two more people there.
Lost in your current like a priceless wine
Sirius laughed, focusing his gaze on the man, now. “That’s because you haven't met my friends, Mr. Moony.”
Moony finally looked around, acknowledging there were more people present. Sirius knows part of it was because his reflexes were a bit compromised because of the weed, but in his mind, in his own little world, Moony had his eyes all for Sirius in that moment.
“Mr. Moony?” He questioned, after giving both James and Peter a quick smile, then turning to Sirius again.
“Yes.”
“I like it.”
I’m begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans
Sirius laughed. “See, I already like you.” He then got up from his seat, motioning with his hand for Moony to come along with him, which he surprisingly did. Moony clumsily got up from his rock, taking the hand Sirius was offering and then guiding him to the rest of the boys, slowly walking and enjoying the pace. There was a click on Sirius's body after that, like one of the waves in the ocean just hit his flesh and did something funny with it, like…“Right, the tall one with the muscles and tan skin is Prongs.”
“Prongs, hm?” Moony smiled, cocking an eyebrow at Sirius, who shrugged.
“I told you,” Sirius asserted, also with a smile on his face. “And the one with the burnt skin and messy blonde hair is Wormtail.”
Moony chuckled out loud, his voice laughter echoing in that big, empty beach. “Oh, god.” There was something about his laughter that was so… captivating? Sirius doesn’t know what yet, but oh! It feels better than the high of the weed he just smoked, like the melody of a song you can’t get sick of, no matter how many times you hear it. Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind.
“We call him wormy though,” Sirius added.
Remus nodded, “well, I’m finding your group very interesting, Mr. Padfoot.”
“You can call me Pads, we’re already intimate.” It wasn’t exactly true, but it felt like it. There’s this thing about being sixteen and the urge to meet the world that Sirius could really explain, but was right there, taking over his actions and words, messing with his reasoning and making him desperately want for that statement to become true.
Moony seemed surprised with that, but he looked like he quite enjoyed that outcome. Like he also wanted to get to know Sirius, too. “I see…”
“We got booze and food, wanna go down and enjoy the waves with us?” Sirius said, immediately regretting his choice of words. Who the fuck says enjoy the waves? Ugh, where can he kill himself, now?
James, obviously, wasn't going to let that one slip away with ease. “Enjoy the waves?” He repeated, in a mocking tone, so that Sirius ' pale face turned a bright red in a couple seconds.
Moony, though, was unfazed by that poor choice of sentence-making, as he adjusted his hair and even blushed a little. “I mean, since you’re offering, how can I say no?” He grinned, looking a little scared that either James or Peter were going to bite his head off, which was a bit controversial, since he was the taller one around. Sirius is guessing around 1.95? He’ll ask later. “Thank you, Mr. Pads.”
Thank you? For what though? “My pleasure, Mr. Moony,” he replied anyway. “Hey, guys. This is Mooonyyy,” Sirius introduced, singing Moony’s name. “Moony, Prongs. Wormy, Moony.”
“Hello!” Moony greeted.
“Hi,” Peter smiled, offering a hand for him to shake, which he did.
James went straight to the point, “So you’re not a serial killer right?” He asked, looking at him suspiciously. “Never seen you around here before,” James accused, eyeing Moony up and down. If he wasn’t distressed before, he certainly is now.
“No, no,” Moony answered, raising his arms in a surrender gesture, his cheeks accompanying his embarrassment. “I'm spending summer with my grandpas, they recently bought a place in this neighborhood,” he explained.
Oh! Malou said something about a nice couple that had a grandson about their sage staying for the summer. Great, then.
“Oh, that's nice!” James lost the grimace, shaking Moony’s hand happily, probably remembering what Sirius just did.
“We also don't live here,” Peter added, grabbing one of the bags they left on the floor walking towards the ocean, compelling Sirius and James to do the same.
Sirius smiled sadly, “But I wish we did.”
James nodded. “Absolutely.”
Moony accompanied them, gently taking the bag Sirius was holding in his hands and putting it on his shoulders, whispering, “here, I'll take this.” Sirius was slightly surprised with this attitude, but he liked it. He liked it in a way that he wasn’t expecting to. In a way that made Sirius rethink so many things. He liked it in a way that made his cheeks go red and a rush flooded through his blood. In a way that made Sirius want to touch him and feel his skin on his hands. In a way he watched it happen before, but never thought he could feel it, too. In a way that made him want to scream his lungs out and tear his body apart. Because how? Why? Why did Sirius, of all people, want to press this man against a wall and… I don’t know.
“Here?” Peter asks once they’re close enough to the ocean, but not too close that the waves would wet their sheets and bags.
“Here’s fine” James replied, completely unaware of Sirius's mental existential crisis.
…
“So Moony,” Sirius started, a presumptuous tone swimming in his voice, a way of masking his tension and nervousness, taking a bite of a banana James brought. “Tell us more about yourself.” What Sirius wanted to know was if… If Moony liked… If Moony was like James. If Sirius could… Ugh! This is so fucking hard. Sirius doesn’t even understand what’s going on, but… But Moony! Moony is going on and Sirius is losing his head.
“What do you wanna know, Mr. Pads?” He asked directly to Sirius, after taking a sip of whatever horrible drink James was making.
Sirius chuckled, “I don’t know! You tell me, Moony.”
“Hmm, okay,” he paused, watching the waves hitting the sand, almost reaching their bare feet, with their legs stretched in the direction of the ocean. “Let's see,” he whispered, tilting his head to the side, turning it slowly to slightly face Sirius. “I like to write.”
James nodded, also immersed in the talk. He wasn’t facing Moony the way Sirius was, but he sure had a decent view of his face right now. Moony looked… lustrous. His face was reflecting the silver the sky was offering, his blondish hair had some waves to accompany the ones he couldn’t take his eyes off, his eyes also had a tint of liberty glowing out of them, like a bird who was just freed from his cage, thrived to explore beautiful things. “Reg would like you then,” James remarked, picking up the shells that were next to him, not really paying attention to Moony now.
Peter agreed. “Yes, he would.” He was watching James’ fervid fingers, opening closed shells and throwing them away. James was acting like there was a door right in front of him, a door to everything he ever wanted, but he couldn’t possibly go in, as he did not have the key. Because the key has to be earned, not forged. He couldn’t kick the door, or knock until his fingers went numb. He had to accept that if he was about the contemporary, he had to find another door. Pete was probably also watching him struggle with the things he thinks Sirius and him don’t know about. But James can’t lie for shit. They learned that the best way for him to heal was to let him believe they thought he was already there, running through an endless road, only to hit his head on an unpredictable wall.
Sirius sighed. There’s nothing he wishes he could do more than to help James get out of this hole he let himself in. And… Also help Regulus, who’s also being a stubborn little shit and won’t listen to Sirius. Or even Pete. They are both so, so, so stupid Sirius wants to smash their faces into each other.
“Who's Reg?” Moony asked, also picking up a shell to let his finger play with.
“My brother, but not relevant.” Sirius replied, almost rolling his eyes. He’s tired of Regulus (and James) right now. Don’t get him wrong, he loves them to Jupiter and back, but they are both getting on his nerves right now. Like, is it that hard to have a decent conversation? Communication went to hell and never came back? Is that it? Because Sirius can’t understand this with all of his brain (and he has a big brain, lots and lots of brains). “Tell more,” Sirius demanded. He could get bossy when he drank. He's tipsy right now, so nothing to worry about, except his queen behavior.
Moony, however, did not care about it, or did not show that he cared in some way, in fact, he only pleased Sirius with a fast reply. “I like to write about people.”
People. Imagine being one of those people? One person that this weird, but also paradoxically an amazingly cool boy, took a look and impressed him so much that he felt a need to write about them. These people marked him, probably in good and bad ways, people he most likely will never forget, since he perpetuated their essence, from his point of view, in words. They are never gonna die, either in his eyes or on the ink that stained a yellow piece of paper. Just try and imagine being one of those people.
“What kind of people?” James asked, bringing Sirius to reality again.
“Any kind. They just have to mesmerize me somehow.” Moony explained.
But… How exactly? How can someone impress a mind that’s already impressive by itself? It’s like trying to gift rich people, what do you give to someone who already has everything? “And how would one do that?” Sirius questioned anyway. His own voice tricked him, showing how much interest he had on the matter, how much he would like to know, to understand that beautiful dynamic.
“Oh,” Moony grinned, looking at Sirius deep in the eyes. So deep like he was trying to read underneath Sirius' letters, trying to dig into his soul. So deep that made Sirius want to look away for a second. He didn’t. Moony gazed away first. “There's many ways, “ he shrugged lightly, turning his head to face Sirius again. “Having pretty eyes and remarkable hair is a way to catch my attention in the first place, but what I really care about is the insides.”
Oh.
“The personality you mean?” Pete cut in, also interested.
“Yes!” Moony laughed, taking another sip of that horrendous drink. “It's so much more than just skin and bones, a beautiful soul is the star of my works.”
Even though the guy was high and now drunk, he spoke in such pretty words, like he was trying to impress himself instead of the others surrounding him, like he didn’t care about anything except his art. His own impression of himself tangled in between other people’s essence creating a mixture only he understood. A mixture of whole words and full entelechy, minus reality. It sounded beautiful.
“And how do you find one?” Sirius asked, glaring at the stars and the moon trying to find an answer to his wonders. They rarely shut up about it, to be honest. They talk and talk and confuse him even more. But sometimes, he looks up and sees the exact answer he is looking for, he just needs to build up the courage to not bolt.
“They find me.” Moony responded, sounding completely honest, like that happened to him a thousand times before. “I just need to look around and see what's radiating.”
Radiating. Like, shining. Like the moon and the stars, the lamp he has at home and like a firefly. Like every person whose aura is so full and human that Moony sees light in it. In them.
“That’s pretty,” James acknowledged, and Sirius couldn’t agree more.
“It can be,” Moony nodded. “But it also can be frustrating, thoughtful, and passionate.” Sirius now found himself quite intrigued. Frustrating? How can someone who made Moony’s eyes glisten turn into Frustration?
Peter seemed to invade Sirius’ mind and share the same doubts as he did. “How so?” Pete asked, confused. He had a frown in between his brows and his head was slightly tilted to the side. His body language speaking louder than Sirius’ who was just frozen in the spot, either looking at the sky, the waves or this New Moon. His new favorite moon.
Moony shrugged, with an easy smile stamped on his face. “That's the way art works for me. It can be many things, can emanate a thousand different emotions from me. But you’re right, Prongs. In the end, it's always beautiful.”
In the end.
In the end, it’s always beautiful.
This makes Sirius remember a time where Mum told them stories (that now he realises aren’t probably even true) about a couple. A girl and a boy. They had a life together, even if it lasted only a couple years. They were in love, beautifully in love, until one day, the girl had to get away. The boy never knew why or where she left. His life wasn’t the same after that, but he trusted his girl, until, one day, months later, he was invited to her funeral. That was the end of love for that boy, because this one girl was the only one to ever make place in his dreams, sleep or awake. Even though they didn’t have a happy finale, the feeling they shared with one another was beautiful. In the end, it’s always beautiful.
“Yeah?” Sirius murmured.
“Yes.” He replied, his dripping honey eyes landed on Sirius’ sweetening his thoughts. Always. Beautiful. “Like the waves meeting with the moon after a long, hot summer day. They need their peace, and they found it in that little source of light yearning for them.” Moony added, trying to sound a little poetic, but he was way too drunk for that. Except, the best lyrics come from a loosen heart.
Like the waves
Meeting with the moon
After a long, hot summer day
They need their peace
And they found it
In that little source of light
Yearning for them.
“I see it.” Waves, Moon, Peace, Light, Yearn. Oh. Oh, god. Is it really what he’s thinking? Maybe?
He looked into Sirius’ eyes for a couple seconds, then to his hair. “Me too,” Moony agreed, shifting his position to get a better look at the ocean and the big blue sky ahead of them. It was like they were in their own little world and it was perfect. Moony’s knee was slightly touching his own, lighting up an arson inside Sirius’ body. That was the answer he really needed.
“Look at the waves,” Moony pointed out. “They are beautifully chaotic, but also manage to maintain quite a melodious rhythm. Like your eyes.” He explained his view, utterly whispering the last phrase. Only for Sirius to listen. Only him.