Thin White Duke

Sirius was exhausted when he finally awoke. He was lying wrapped in Remus’s arms. A feeling of safety so profound washed over him. 

“Marry me” he breathed into the hard plains covered by russet chest hair. 

“Hmm.” Came a sleepy reply. 

Serius smiled. He’d ask again. Then closed his eyes and went back to sleep. One that was mercifully dreamless. 

It was almost noon when Sirius woke again. This time alone. He reached out. The bed was still warm. Remus wasn’t gone long. 

“Morning Sleepyhead.” Remus said walking back into the room. “There’s coffee and some warm pastries beside you if you’re hungry.” 

Sirius’s stomach growled. Remus’s wolf growled back. Remus grinned as Sirius pounced on the food. “Mmmm. Delicious. Have you eaten?” 

“A couple of hours ago. Should be able to fit in one or two more.” 

Sirius laughed. He loved the understatement.  Remus could finish a dozen and it wouldn’t make much of a dent.  They ate in happy silence until a thump came from inside the wardrobe. 

“What the!” Sirius exclaimed, and fished the last of the croissant out of his coffee with a disgusted grunt. 

“It appears our guest is awake again.” Remus said, calmly finished his pastry. 

“I had forgotten about him.” Sirius stared at the wardboard and picked up his wand. “Silencio. That should hold for a while.”

“We won’t hear him certainly. What happens if he manages to breaks out?” Remus asked. ‘Hunt. Kill.’ Replied the Wolf. 

Sirius waved his wand and put a binding spell on the wardrobe. “Better?”

Remus nodded. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, watching Remus carefully. 

“Full moon next week. Restless Wolf.”

“We’ll be home in a couple of days, then we can go for a long long ramble. In the meantime maybe I can take your mind off your furry friend….” Sirius waved away the breakfast items and began to crawl across the bed, eyes full of mischief and lust. 

Remus rumbled low in his throat. The wolf was happy to be distracted by the promise in the human's eyes. Sirius leapt and landed above Remus, taking in every feature before bending to devour the magnificent mouth. Remus responded with equal enthusiasm, and soon they were lost in each other.

——

Regulus could feel again. At least he thought he could feel. Nope. Not feeling. Spinning. Tumbling. Too fast to catch his breath. Colours flashing. Images stabbing through the darkness. His head expanded to the point where he felt it would explode into millions of disparate pieces he’d never find again. So much information pouring through. It was as if every door and wall he had built in his mind labyrinth had come crashing down all at once. All the protective spells and barriers he had placed to protect everyone he loved and everything he valued were all gone. Leaving jagged edges ripping into him as he whirled and wheeled and spiraled out of control.  This was so much worse than all the physical torture he had ever endured. So much worse. 

A voice. 

A voice. Soft. Sincere. 

Regulus flung out a hand. His hand didn’t move. 

Regulus flung out a thread. A thought. He knew that voice. He knew he knew that voice.  He clung onto the thread. He slowed down a fraction. And a fraction more. He was still hurtling through his labyrinth but he, it, wasn’t spinning anymore. He looked around. The images were slowing. There continued to be doors in place, and walls where there should be walls. He threw out another thread. He decelerated. The explosion which had threatened began to coalesce. He could see images more clearly. He shied away. The world sped up. Another thread. And another. A theme. He clung on. The voice. Still no words. A murmur. A vibration. An image. Yes. That image. He wrapped everything he had around that image. He didn’t care that it should have been buried so deep nobody could get to it. It was his. He wasn’t going to lose it. His body twitched. 

—— 

James was vaguely aware of Pandora of checking in on them but he ignored her. Regulus had twitched again. He’d been deadly still for the last couple of hours. That hadn’t stopped James from talking about anything and everything that came into his head. He’d kept his voice low, gentle. Not an easy task when all he wanted to do was rave and shout. To break whatever was gripping Regulus and forcing him into this state. Another twitch. Gingerly James moved his hand and began to push it into the gap that was starting to form between Regulus’s arms and legs. If he could just free his knees, release his head, maybe Regulus would be able to breathe more easily. Maybe Regulus would wake up. Nothing happened. James fought the despair threatening to overwhelm. There was hope. There. Was. Hope. The arms moved a fraction. Then stopped. Wedged again. No gap. James closed his eyes. 

“How’s he doing?” A quiet voice asked. 

James blinked. He’d dozed off. What time was it?

“A little before mid-afternoon” came the answer to his unspoken question. 

Everyone was sitting in the room. ‘Keeping vigil.’ James thought wearily. 

“He twitched so something’s happening.”

“How can we help?” Lily asked, one had holding Sirius in place. 

“I need to help Prongs? Why can’t I help?” 

James thought about it. He was exhausted. “Could you tell some stories. Maybe if everyone shares a story, that might help. He started to move when I was talking.”

“I can hold him? Would that help?” Sirius sounded so young. “I used to hold Regulus like that when we were little.  If one of us had a nightmare we’d sneak into the others room and then curl up together under the blankets. I used to tell him stories about the stars. He used to tell me stories about dragons. It always helped us to sleep. Kreacher would make sure we were back in our own beds before mother woke up.”

“Kreacher will be pleased you remember him kindly.” Pandora smiled. “He once told me a story of how you two loved to climb onto the roof at night when you were supposed to be studying. You always claimed to be teaching astronomy while Regulus claimed he was teaching myths and legends so you were not disobeying orders.” 

The room fell silent at the image of two lost little boys talking quietly as they gazed at the sky. James looked at Sirius. “You can try “ he said, shifting on the bed to make room for Sirius. Regulus moved with him. As though tied by some invisible thread. “Let’s hold him together.”

“Like brothers,” Sirius said. 

Remus, Lily and Pandora shared a raised eyebrow. Willow opened her mouth to speak, then caught Lilly’s quick head shake. Tara whispered into Willow's ear. Willow giggled. Sirius was going to get a tremendous shock at some point today.

A low rumble reverberated through the room. Remus grimaced. “That would be afternoon tea time. Sirius why don’t you tell Regulus the star stories and let James sleep for a bit while we go get something to eat. I promise to bring back food for you both.” 

“Excellent idea.” Pandora agreed. “Also I want to check on the rat in your wardrobe. My jumper spell has probably worn off by now and he’ll be getting noisy,” 

“He was but we put silencing and locking charms on it.” Remus said as they all left the room. 

The room was silent, with only the occasional noise from the street below drifting up. 

“Prongs.”

“Hmmm.”

“What will happen when Reggie wakes up?”

“Don’t know. Not thinking about it.” 

“Do you think he’ll stay with us?”

“Not thinking Pads. Too tired. What stories did you tell?” 

Sirius smiled sadly. He sank down facing James and Regulus with one arms stretched over both of them. His brothers. He loved them both. The warm yellow sun and the distant white star. 

“Once upon a distant memory,” he began, his voice low “A young prince lived in a magnificent castle where the walls were covered in beautiful paintings depicting majestic animals and the gentle people who lived alongside them. In the castle there was laughter and joy. Children played in the wide open spaces between the buildings and wandered carefree through the surrounding woods, regardless of rank and status. Servants kept a watchful eye, offering a kind word or helpful advice to those in their charge. The prince was happy, content with his place in the world as he learnt how to rule the kingdom from his parents and their advisors. He was a good student. Clever and quick. Willing to learn. Allowed to make mistakes and do better each time. Life was filled with wonder. 

One day when the prince was out riding with his father deep in the woods they came upon a wounded cub.  Filled with compassion the prince begged his father to let him bring the beast back to the castle and care for it. The King, deciding that this would be a good lesson, agreed. Servants were assigned to see the beast safely transported back to the castle and housed in one of the empty stables. The prince, true to his word, learnt all he could to be able to take care of the cub. With time and patience the cub grew stronger and became a loyal friend and companion to the young prince. The two became inseparable. As the young prince grew into a kind and wise young man, the cub grew into a noble and resplendent lion, with a pure white coat and jet black mane to match his human. When it was time to marry, the man did so for love, not politics. The lion too found a mate amoungst the neighbouring prides. And together the couples continued to bring laughter and joy to the castle and woods. 

The years passed in peace and harmony. In time the prince became king. He ruled with the same kindness, compassion, and wisdom he had shown his lion and his wife. This is not to say that the man and lion had no faults. For they most certainly did. Always curious, the man would often seek knowledge that was dangerous to him or the kingdom, sometimes causing other kingdoms to demand retribution. There were also times when the innate arrogance or stubbornness of both man and lion would anger their advisors, as neither would listen to reason and a poor decision or proclamation made. On these occasions the man would feel remorse and seek to redress the situation. What the lion felt, he never said in public. On the whole, man and beast were beloved by all the people of the kingdom. If battles were required, they would fight at the front. If diplomacy was required they would orate in the grand halls and boardrooms. 

Life continued. The kingdom was prosperous. But as with all things, Death began to orbit the royal family. Taking first the noble lion, who had lived for more decades than any lion before him, and then the king. The people were heartbroken. Death, upon seeing the impact upon the kingdom, took pity on those left behind and granted the lion and the king a place in the sky as the constellation Leo, and the grand star Regulus, the heart of the lion. And so it is today, Leo and Regulus continue to look down upon us, and remind us to live with kindness, compassion, curiosity, wisdom, and above all love.”

Tears ran down Sirius’s face. He remembered so vividly sitting on the roof. Two young boys wrapped in blankets they’d stolen from their rooms wishing with all their might that the story was true. That they lived in a place of love and laughter, free to be themselves not continually molded into cold and heartless creatures like their parents. 

“That was beautiful.” James whispered. “Thank you,” and drifted off into dreams of wandering through summer woods with a white lion, grey wolf and shaggy black dog. 

Sirius watched them. Curled up together. Carefully he wapped more of himself around them both and began the tale of andromeda even though he knew neither could hear him. 

—— 

The voice changed. A voice from his past. A voice Regulus had missed more than he’d realised. Annoying and soothing all at once. Another thread to hang onto as he rebuilt his labyrinth, trying desperately to find his way out. Another buried memory assaulted his battered mind. It was terrifying how many repressed and painful experiences he had locked away. Far far more than pleasant ones. And the most pleasant of all buried practically out of reach. Another torrent of viciousness and brutality. Some of which he had inflicted. Significantly more of which had been inflicted on him. A savage, inhuman shriek echoed through his mind accompanied by barbarous images. Regulus winced and wheeled away. He never, ever wanted to be exposed to his mothers mind again. Voldemort was sick and twisted, inclined to evil and most definitely power hungry, but his mother. She was the purest evil. It was the children that made the difference, Regulus decided as he moved through the endless passages. Voldemort hadn’t cared if children lived or died in his pursuit of wizard purity. Walburga positively revelled in the emotional and physical abuse of children, especially her own. 

Regulus slammed another door. Built another wall. Put up more shields. The threads were growing thicker. And brighter. Regulus thought absently. He had fallen into a rhythm now his internal world had stabilised. He certainly wasn’t enjoying what he was seeing, but at least he wasn’t being torn apart by the memories any more. He vaguely wondered if his nightmares would reduce. Pandora was convinced that facing your fears defeated them. Regulus decided to wait and see if she was right, though he doubted it. Especially given the mountains he had. 

With a sense of satisfaction Regulus reinforced the last shield. His internal labyrinth was rebuilt. Stronger now. Nothing was going to get in or out without serious conscious effort - and the right combination of spells. He grinned to himself. He really was a bloody genius. Still grinning he turned. ‘Now for the easy part. Waking up.’ He thought. And stopped. Before him lay a roiling mass of dark grey clouds. ‘Fine. I'll find another way out,’ he thought. He stepped slowly around in a circle. He now floated above his labyrinth. He growled in frustration. Suddenly he was buffeted by a giant hand and tossed into a pool of stagnant dark liquid. A shriek of pure malice reverberated in his head. The pain was intense. Claws grasped his ankles and legs, pulling him further into the pool. Regulus screamed. It felt as though his body was being attacked by red hot needles of acid as the claws dug deeper into his flesh. Faces rose up out of the liquid which now surrounded him. Cadaverous structures barely human in appearance yet in every face he saw someone he knew. Someone he had once loved repeated over and over again. Someone who must hate him now for everything he had done in order to survive.  

—— 

James emerged from his dream feeling far better than he expected. Sirius was valiantly trying to hold both of them and murmuring quietly to the top of Regulus’s head. 

Sirius looked up. “You okay!” He asked quietly. 

“Yeah. Need a pee. Do you mind?” 

Both of them laughed the absurd normality of the statement. “Go for it.” Sirius grinned. 

“How long have we been here?” 

“I reckon it’s probably going on eighteen, maybe nineteen hours.”  

James blanched. That felt like a very very long time for nothing to happen. He didn’t move. 

“Go. I’ve got him.”

James carefully withdrew his arms and rolled off the bed. He was back less than two minutes later. “Any change?” He asked, carefully wrapping himself around the stone like ball Regulus.

Sirius shook his head, eyes bright with tears. “I don’t want to lose him James. We’ve not been friends for years but at least I always knew he was alive. He was surviving in that evil house. That he knew there were people who still loved him. I don’t know I’d do if he never woke up. Never came back.” Tears ran over the sharp cheekbones. A softer, more rounded face than his brother’s gaunt angles, framed by waves of black hair, at this moment the family resemblance was  strong. James felt his heart lurch. He loved both so much. He wanted to keep them safe. Keep them together. Forever. 

A light knock on the door interrupted their thoughts. Remus and Pandora entered. 

Remus ran a hand along Sirius’s back and kissed the top of his head. “Come on Love. You need to get up and get some fresh air. I promise we’ll be back in less than an hour.” 

James nodded. “Go. We’ve got this.” He motioned to Pandora who stood quietly at the foot of the bed. 

Sirius knew they were right. Being outside had always helped clear his head. Becoming an animagus at fourteen had been one of the best things he’d ever done as it gave him the freedom to run without feeling and intrusive thoughts.  Reluctantly Sirius unwrapped himself and promptly fell off the bed as his legs gave out. He snorted on disgust. “I hate it when you’re right.” He muttered and allowed hihself to pulled uptight into a hug. “We’ll see you soon.” He added as Remus let him from the room. 

“Something’s changed.” Pandora stated abruptly when the boys had gone. 

“I thought so.” James whispered. “I needed to pee.” He added to Pandora's unspoken question. 

“Good. Maybe now he’ll emerge. I can’t hold the others off much longer. We need him back by dark.” She said cryptically. 

“No pressure then.” 

“No pressure.” Pandora looked at Regulus for a long moment. “And he has you. That should help.” She gave James a sunny smile and glided out of the room