Out of My League
Regulus screamed, startling Jamed who had retreated back into his own happy place in the sky., With a jolt Regulus unfurled, smashing James in the face with his face. James crashed to the floor. Regulus screamed. Horror and pain tearing through him.
Terrified James scrambled back up onto the bed. All the immobility had been replaced by frantic movement as Regulus thrashed and writhed as if fighting for his life.
“Fuuuck.” James breathed as he suddenly realised that Regulus was fighting. That he had been fighting for most of his life. All the rage and torment which Regulus kept carefully locked up when awake burned through him when his consciousness slipped. This is what Pandora had meant when she’d said James needed to be careful how he reacted. James couldn’t fathom how he should react. Everytme he tried to gather Regulus back into his arms, Regulus kicked and screamed. At one point Regulus bit James on the shoulder. James screamed in a fury of his own. He’d held Sirius after many many nightmares, but they had never been this violent.
“Reg! Please. Let me help you. You don’t have to do this alone.”
——
Regulus tore at the claws. Razor sharp teeth were scraping up and down his arms. One of the creatures was crawling up his chest, tongue flicking in and out, its snake-like body wrapping itself around his hips. He was trapped. Liquid poured into his mouth. His eyes wept clotted blood, leaving rusty streaks down his face. Above him flames licked down, dropping embers onto exposed skin and causing the liquid to boil. Through it all he could hear his parents berating him for his stupidity, for letting Sirius, the perfect child, leave to live with the disgraced Potters. For being a useless second son, unworthy of all they had given him.
Despair engulfed Regulus. He stopped struggling. He was better off dead. It would be better for everyone if he was dead. That’s why he blew up the cavern. It was the only way to kill the Lamia and dark wizard who wanted to be Voldemort. He had used all his power, all his magic, to cast that spell and keep it contained to the one space. To not hurt the others. His best friend. His brother. His one time lover. To not destroy the cathedral, as much as he hated his family and their unprincipled business practices. It was time to go. To give in. He hoped death would be kinder than the life he had known.
Regulus was cold. So extremely cold. And stone. As it should be. He let the weight of the iron chains drag him down into the now freezing liquid. He no longer felt his feet. Or his hands. His legs. Or his arms. His body with what was left of his heart - a small lump of charcoal isolated in his chest. ‘As it should be.’ He thought as his last breath left with a gentle sigh.
Something slammed into him. Something warm and fierce. Golden threads wove themselves around his torso, refusing to let him sink any further. A beloved voice was calling his name. Air was being forced into his lungs. Regulus coughed and spluttered. And screamed as the burning sensation returned to his limbs. What kind of torture was this?
—-
James sat staring at the lifeless body on the bed. The violence of only a moment ago, replaced by a vast emptiness. ‘‘No!’’ He exclaimed “Just no!” He raised himself up onto his knees and placed his hands on the exposed bony white chest. “Regulus. You are NOT going to die on me. Selfish prick.” He growled and began to the rapid pushing Lily had taught him during summer when a child had almost drowned. He paused, pinched Regulus’s nose and breathed into his mouth. Then repeated the process. “Come on Reg. Come back to me. I’m not giving up. Not now. Not ever. Come on Love. Come on.”
With an almighty spasm Regulus threw himself upright coughing violently. James barely dived out of the way to avoid being smashed in the head again.
“Morning Sleepyhead.” He said unsure whether to laugh or cry, hug or stay back.
Regulus looked around for the voice, ready to fight whatever monster had dragged him back to hell, and saw James smiling at him. “James.” He croaked. Relief filling his exhausted body. James hesitated then handed Regulus a glass of water. Regulus drank it and smiled gratefully at James. An awkward silence stretched between them.
“Can I …” James started
“Yes,” Regulus responded without waiting
With a smile that lit up his honey coloured eyes James leant in and kissed Regulus. He had meant it to be a gentle kiss, yet the moment their lips met all the fear and longing and love he felt came rushing to the surface causing him to deepen the kiss very quickly. A moment later Regulus responded in kind and James felt his heart skip a beat. Hungrily they explored each other's mouths and moved into each other's arms.
“Thank you.” James whispered when they finally came up for air.
Regulus, who now sat straddling James’s thighs contemplating whether to start on the earlobe or collarbone, met the passionate gaze with a lighthearted expression. “For what?” He asked running his hand through the dark messy curls, his exhaustion forgotten in the rush of adoration which engulfed him.
“For coming back. And letting me kiss you,” James said.
Regulus paused, unsure what to say. He leant in and kissed James. “Guess that makes us even.”
James raised a brow, confused. Regulus debated how much to tell him.
“During the war, Snape almost killed you with a particularly nasty spell which caused massive internal bleeding. I managed to get you back to stable, with help from Sirius, who took you home I assume.”
James nodded. Regulus had saved his life. Sirius had implied it when they were talking to Effie about Fowey, “ I thought that was just a dream. Wishful thinking that you cared for me, even if we were enemies.”
Regulus cupped James’s face with his hands. “Not a dream. And I do care. More than I can say.”
A knock on the door. Regulus slid off James’s lap, though stayed within the circle of his arms. He honestly didn’t have the energy to hold himself upright.
“I love you,” James whispered into Regulus’s hair.
Regulus turned his face up, silver-blue eyes full of light and .. something more. “I know” he grinned.
James knew the moment the mask dropped back into place. It was the same moment Sirius noticed they were now sitting, not lying, on the bed.
“Reggie.” He shouted and hurled himself onto the pair.
“Oh Merlin. If I’d known this was going to be your reaction I would have stayed dead.” Regulus said testily.
“You were dead?” Sirius hugged Regulus harder. “You’re not allowed to do that. It’s bloody scary for the rest of us.”
“Dying wasn’t exactly a joyous occasion for me either.” Regulus responded, lacing his voice with ice. “And if you keep hugging me like this something is going to break.”
“You wouldn’t,”
“Try me.”
Sirius sat back, though he kept hold of Regulus's hand. “Want to talk about it?” He asked quietly.
Regulus shook his head.
“Ok. When you’re ready.” Sirius grinned at the thought. “Maybe James or Remus could adjudicate who has worse nightmares.”
Despite himself Regulus snorted. “Don’t flatter yourself brother.”
“You’re right. I prefer to flatter others. It’s far more fun.”
Regulus looked over at Remus who stood propped against the wardrobe door and Pandora who sat daintily on the desk, feet on the chair. “Will someone please remove this idiot so I can get some quality sleep? It's been a very long few days,”
“You can sleep when you're more dead, How long do you need?” Chirped Pandora
“How long have I got?”
Pandora consulted her wristwatch. “One hour and seventeen minutes.”
“That’s very precise.” Sirius said curiously
“We need to start on your visitor before the sun goes down. And work out what to do next before we check out tomorrow morning.”
Regulus closed his eyes, took a deep breath in and out, before opening them again. “In that case, Pandora please come back and wake me in an hour.”
“I can do that.” Sirius said, failing to hide the hurt in his face.
“No.” Regulus said. “I need you and Remus to go back up to the cathedral and find out what’s happening.”
“Such as?” Remus asked
“Rumours mostly. And if any of the buildings collapsed after the explosion. I was supposed to meet with the board and senior wizards again this morning to finish cleaning house. I need to know what the fallout is from my failed appearance.” Regulus added seeing Sirius's confusion
“You? Board? Business?” James puzzled
“I’m not just here for my health Potter. I have an empire to run.”
“Oh. I forgot. Would you like me to go with them?”
“No.” Regulus answered, his voice softening. “I may need your help getting to sleep,”
Remus bit down hard on the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from laughing at Sirius’s confused and mildly disturbed expression.
“That’s very sensible.” Pandora said smoothly, shading up to leave. “Let’s see if Lily, Willow and Tara want an outing as well.”
“Sirius, you still have access to the business and family wings. Father never bothered to remove it, though he told Mother he had.” Regulus said, squeezing his hand. “You’ll be able to walk around without much notice. That’s why I need you to go.”
Sirius practically beamed and bounced off the bed. “Right then. See you in one hour and ten minutes.” He said and the three of them left the room.
Regulus let out a long breath. James moved, pulling Regulus with him, until they were both lying down flat. Regulus rested his head on the broad chest, arm across the flat stomach.
“James”
“Hmmm”
“Do you mind if we sleep now and talk when we get back to London? I’m going to need all my strength over the next few days.”
James smiled. “Sleep now. We’ll talk when you’re ready.”
“And if I’m never ready?”
“I’ll wait.” James lifted Regulus’s chin with his free hand so he could meet the silver blue eyes. “You have a great deal more shit to deal with then I do. I’m okay with that. I want you to be happy. Whatever form that takes for you.”
“When did you get so wise?” Regulus teased as he felt his heart swell.
“I had a lot of time to think while you were busy doing whatever it was you were doing in your head.” James said. He kissed Regulus. Regulus kissed him back. They broke apart with a laugh. “Now sleep before you distract me further.”
‘Out of my league, you are.’ Regulus thought. ‘Let’s see what happens after tonight. I doubt you’re going to like it.’ And he drifted into a warm, dreamless sleep.