The Remus Lupin Boyfriend Experience

Sirius, in his infinite wisdom, had come to the perfect couple's costume almost immediately, and after rummaging through Remus’ wardrobe, he was convinced they could pull it off.

Remus was sold on the idea as soon as he heard it. It was kind of perfect. He did know that wearing such light colours would end up being a bad idea at a party where James and Sirius were in attendance, but he wasn’t particularly attached to any of the pieces that Sirius had pulled from his wardrobe. A white shirt, tan trousers, a light brown waistcoat and a camel-coloured jacket that he seemed to remember buying for a different costume years ago. A bow tie borrowed from James would complete the look.

He knew that objectively, seeing Sirius dressed as the Crowley to his Aziraphale would just be Sirius pretty much just wearing his own clothes, but the anticipation… well he felt that deep in his abdomen.

Sure enough, when Sirius emerged wearing his costume, with tiny snakes drawn on his face in eyeliner and sunglasses on, Remus had to hold himself back. This was the terrible idea cherry on top of the terrible idea sundae.

“You look…” he considered his words, “stunning.”

Sirius blinked at him, “Oh.” His cheeks burned, “Thanks Moons. So do you. I should have talked Mum and Dad into having a costume contest.” He reached out to straighten Remus’ bow tie, deliberately not letting his eyes go any higher than the bow tie. “Let’s go.”

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“Sirius! Remus!” Effie sang across the kitchen. “Look at the two of you! I don’t know what you’re meant to be, but you look lovely!”

Sirius, already anticipating this opened his phone to a picture of Crowley and Aziraphale and explained to his mum that they were from a book and TV show.

“A couple’s costume! Oh, beta, you’re a softie at heart.” She looked to Remus, “He just needed someone to bring it out.”

Remus shrugged with a small smile, “He’s always been like this deep down.”

“Well, yes, because he knew you.” Effie looked at him like that much was obvious. “What can I get you gentlemen to drink? I have Tia Maria just for you, jaan.”

“Oh, you didn’t need to do that.” He grinned at her, “Thank you.”

“I also wanted to try this magical drink.” She opened the fridge, took out a carton of orange juice and started pouring it into three glasses with ice cubes. Remus looked at Sirius, he shrugged and shook his head.

She poured the brown spirit into each glass and gave them each a stir with a straw.

“And this supposedly tastes like chocolate orange?” She said, then took a sip. “Oh! It does!”

“No, it doesn’t.” Sirius laughed, “Don’t encourage him, mum!”

“Sorry love, it’s two against one.” Remus nudged him, “It’s delicious.”

“It’s… Fine.” Sirius was still drinking it. It wasn’t unpleasant, he just didn’t get chocolate orange from it, more… murky orange.

“You’re too stubborn for your own good, beta.” Effie set her glass down.

“Tell me about it!” Remus agreed, “But he did sell seven paintings to a gallery this week!”

“You did?” She pulled her son into a hug, almost spilling his drink. “Oh, that’s wonderful.”

“Thanks.” His ears were pink. “I really wanted to get exhibited there so it’s pretty cool.”

“Sometimes you just need one thing to go right, and everything else starts falling into place.” She said with a pointed look at Remus. “I’m so proud of you, Sirius. Make sure you tell your dad.”

Sirius nodded as his mum bustled out of the kitchen.

“She is not going to take it well, is she?” Remus said quietly.

“Almost certainly not.” Sirius sighed. “And I can’t threaten to punch her to make her shut up about it like I did Benjy.”

Remus laughed, “I’d pay to watch that.”

“Oh my god!” Lily, resplendent in an Ariel costume burst through the door. “This might be the gayest thing you two have ever done, and that’s saying something.”

“Can we skip to the part of the film where Ariel can’t talk?” Sirius asked. “Where’s Ursula when you need her?”

“The ineffable husbands.” James, as Prince Eric, appeared behind his fiancee. “Suits you.”

“There was a tiny part of me that thought he might have come as Ursula,” Remus said to Sirius.

“Kids today. No imagination,” Sirius scoffed.

“No, they have too much imagination, my god the things I read today.” He dragged a hand down his face. “Never ask eighteen-year-olds to write a romance trope in less than 5,000 words. So much self-insert stuff.”

“Any about being hot for teacher?” James asked, then gasped as Remus blushed. “Oh fuck, there was?!”

“It was all very loosely based on… Apparently, a handful of students see me as a ‘hot werewolf’. Not too sure what to do with that. Kinda wish they’d just not handed it in.” Remus stared at the floor as his three friends howled with laughter, “I passed them on to Dorcas to mark because I’m not touching that.”

Sirius pulled his phone out of his pocket.

Sirius Lupin

I’ll paint you and Marlene at your wedding for free if you send me screenshots of the stories about hot werewolf Remus.

Dorcas

I would have done it for free. Thanks! 🥰 Give me ten minutes!

He winked at James before sliding his phone back into his pocket undetected.

Lily and James grabbed a drink and then the four of them did the rounds of talking to the Potters’ friends before settling in the conservatory. Sirius curled himself next to Remus on the smaller sofa.

Sirius’ phone vibrated and he reached between him and Remus to retrieve it from his pocket. “Oh shit.” He laughed, “Story time!”

Remus took a moment to catch on, “Oh, she didn’t?”

“Oh, she did!” Sirius laughed. “She said she selected a few of the best snippets. Ok-”

Dorcas

And so, he continued to watch and wonder. Every glance Doctor Måne threw his way in class, every small smile, every brief second that green eyes met his own, only deepened his belief that there was more to him than met the eye. He had to be patient, he told himself. If he was a werewolf, if his wildest fantasies were true, then it would reveal itself in time. Until then, he would wait, his heart pounding with the thrill of possibility, captivated by the man—and the creature—he believed him to be.

“Oh… my god.” Lily was gasping for air. “You have fans?”

Remus had covered his face with his hands after ‘Doctor Måne’. Måne being Danish, Norwegian and Swedish for moon.

“Wait, there’s more,” Sirius said gleefully.

Dorcas

The "forbidden love" trope had always struck Lavender as melodramatic, but now she found herself living it. There was an undeniable allure in the idea of a relationship that couldn’t, or shouldn’t, happen. The thrill of it, the danger, the line that wasn’t supposed to be crossed—it all simmered beneath the surface every time she sat in his classroom. He was older, wiser, and untouchable, a figure of authority who should have been nothing more than that. But wasn’t the tension what made these stories so compelling?

There was something about the way he smiled at her one afternoon that made her breath catch in her throat. It was nothing more than a polite, professional smile, but in that instant, she let herself believe it meant more. She imagined that he, too, was caught in the push and pull of this unspoken attraction, torn between what he wanted and what was right. The idea was intoxicating, and for the rest of the day, she carried that smile with her like a secret, replaying the moment in her head over and over again.

Sirius went quiet in the middle of a burst of laughter before mumbling. “Holy fuck. Moons.”

Dorcas

This one might pique your interest, Sirius.

I didn’t want it to end. I’d quite forgotten how it began until he let go of my hand when we were out of sight. I’d forgotten that we were pretending. He leant against the wall, his sandy hair falling into his eyes. He was smiling. This was fun for him, making his ex-boyfriend jealous. As he looked up at me, I threw all caution to the wind and placed a hand either side of his head on the cool bricks. His eyes met mine, and there wasn’t a trace of regret in them, more something… teasing. Only two idiots would come up with a scheme like this. Maybe that was a sign that we were meant for each other.

James had tears streaming down his face at this point and Lily was silently shaking with laughter. Remus had curled up into a ball and groaned at the end of every sentence.

“I can’t believe they’d submit that for you to mark!” Sirius laughed, “That’s so bold!”

“I always note that I pass it on to someone else to mark. I don’t know if that encourages them, because they know it makes me feel weird, or if they just don’t care.” Remus said from behind his knees. “Teenagers are fucking wild. Imagine submitting a nude portrait of your tutor when you did your degree, Pads?”

Sirius’ tutor had been an eclectic lady in her early seventies. “No thanks. You are like a creative writing student’s wet dream though. It’s hardly fair to them.”

“Fuck off!” Remus groaned into his knees. “I’m going to murder Dorcas, and I’m going to do it slowly.”

Sirius Lupin
Moony says he’s going to murder you and do it slowly.

Dorcas

Tell him that’s hot.
If I was into men, I’d be all over that.

Sirius Lupin

Ugh, tell him yourself while he’s murdering you!

Lily had recovered the use of her voice. “Does this happen a lot?”

“There’s usually one or two each week. I wish I could say it was the same people each time, but…” He shrugged. “The first time, I was really weirded out. I took it to Minerva and she was like ‘Yeah, that happens, unfortunately. Don’t give them any attention and pass it off to someone else if you don’t want to mark it.’.”

“So you have to put up with being low-key sexually harassed?” James said.

“Nah, it doesn’t bother me, unless it’s being read aloud, Sirius.” He said, “Kids say dumb shit. They’ll look back on it in a couple of years and cringe. It’ll be one of those things that their brain reminds them of when they’re trying to fall asleep. When I was setting this assignment, one of them asked why anyone would even want to fake date and I… explained what I thought was a pretty valid reason, and the kid was like ‘Well that’s really fucking stupid.’”

“Well, it is, to be fair.” Lily smiled.

“Ok, enemies to lovers.” Remus rolled his eyes, “'Re, I hate him so much!’, ‘I just want to snap his glasses and push him down the stairs!’, ‘Oh shit, I think I love him!’. You’re a cliché, Evans.”

“First of all, fuck you.” She laughed, pulling James closer to her as he tried to edge away. “Second of all, shut up!”

“You wanted to blind me and maim me?” James did his best puppy-dog eyes.

“To be fair, you were absolutely insufferable whenever you were around Lily for like, five years.” Sirius shrugged, “I’m sure Moony made sure you weren’t permanently injured.”

“We’re getting off topic.” Lily shook her head, “I want to hear more about Moony’s students.”

“Must we?” He sighed as they looked at him expectantly. “Last week, we were analysing a chapter of some romance book. One of the hockey ones I think. I grabbed whatever Sirius had on his bedside table. I knew it would be trash.”

“Wow! Betrayal!”

“…And while we were analysing it, one of my students said, and I quote, ‘Bruv, why can’t they just talk to each other like adults? Why make it so difficult?’ And, honestly, I’ve never been called Bruv before, firstly. Second of all, while he made a valid point, I didn’t have an answer for him, so I floundered for a second, then opened it up to the class and holy fuck. They’re opinionated. I’ll just say that.”

“No, say more.” Lily leaned forward. “You never talk about work!”

“Do you not see why?” He laughed, “It was forty variations of ‘Millennials don’t know how to communicate’, ‘Why are men?’, what else…” He chuckled, “Oh, the kid that called me Bruv took it upon himself to paraphrase the chapter as ‘two dumb fucks who deserve each other.’”

Remus knew Lily was staring at him, pointedly. He didn’t know why he’d brought this topic up. But it was too late now.

“Sounds about right.” She muttered.

Dorcas

When Nathan graduates and attends a university function, he encounters Professor Bhediya, who has since disappeared from academic circles. To Nathan’s shock, Bhediya’s mysterious absence is due to his life as a werewolf. Their reunion stirs up old emotions and leads to a profound connection that defies the boundaries of their previous relationship and explores the depth of their unspoken bond.

“They literally want you to fucking bite them.” Sirius stared at him, “I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this to yourself.”

“I need another drink,” Remus said quietly.

“Ooh! Does anyone fancy a smoke?” Sirius said with a grin, pulling a small tin out of his pocket. “I rolled a couple.”

“I’m good thanks,” Lily said, “Maybe later.” James nodded in agreement.

“Moons?”

Remus looked at him. Was going outside alone with Sirius to smoke a joint a good idea? Probably not. Was he going to do it anyway? Yes, yes he was. He held out a hand and let Sirius pull him to his feet. He slid the back door open and they stepped into the cold, ignoring Lily’s stifled laughter.

“Fuck.” Remus shivered, “I feel like I’m less prepared for the cold weather every year. We’re getting old.”

Sirius pushed Remus into a seat and then sat on his lap like he’d done in the pub. He hadn’t thought to put his jacket on before coming outside and it was actually pretty fucking cold. Remus’ arm snaked around his waist as he pulled a joint and a lighter out of his tin.

“Shh, werewolves don’t feel the cold. All that fur."

They smoked in silence for a while, conscious of James and Lily watching them through the window. As the joint dwindled, rather than pass it between them and risk burning their fingers, Remus held it to Sirius’ lips for him to toke on. It felt weirdly intimate, considering personal space hadn’t been part of the equation for weeks now.

Remus had the last hit before throwing the roach into the pot that the Potters kept outside for Sirius’ cigarette butts.

Sirius leaned against Remus’ chest and wrapped his arm around his shoulders.

“Are there rules against dating students?” Sirius asked after a few minutes.

“Definitely.” Remus chuckled, “You worried I’m going to leave you for a teenager?”

“Shut up, Moony.” Sirius huffed out a soft laugh. “Do you think in another timeline, this would be us… for real?” He asked quietly.

“I think that this is us in this timeline, Pads.” Remus took a deep breath, “Or… it could be.”

Sirius just chuckled, “Are you that high already?”

“Not so high that I don’t know what I’m saying… or feeling. Maybe just high enough to feel brave.”

“Fuck, I love you.” Sirius was still looking out at the garden. “Shit, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

Remus pressed his cold nose to Sirius’ neck, “I love you too.” He felt Sirius freeze. “Pads?”

“I forgot— I need to ask my dad about something.” Sirius got to his feet and rushed inside without looking back. When Remus looked over his shoulder, he saw twin expressions of shock on James and Lily’s faces. He shook his head and looked back out at the garden. He wasn’t that cold anymore.

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Remus was eating toast in the kitchen when Sirius emerged the following morning. Remus kept his eyes on his phone as Sirius made himself coffee. The longer the silence dragged on, the more irritated Remus became. Just as Sirius was about to leave the kitchen with his mug, he snapped. “Are you planning on ignoring me forever?”

Sirius turned around with a sigh. “No.”

“Just this morning, then?”

“Moons, I need to— I’m trying to figure stuff out in my head. I said I was sorry.”

“No. You said you were sorry for telling me that you love me, not for abandoning me at your parents' house afterwards. That wasn’t the apology I wanted, funnily enough.” Remus stared into his empty mug. “You’ll probably get a call from your mum in a bit. I told her you were getting a migraine and had to leave in a rush to take medicine.”

“Right.” Sirius muttered as he turned to leave again, “Thanks.”

“I didn’t love trying to navigate the party, stoned as anything, alone.”

“Yeah, sorry. I needed to…” Sirius paused, “I panicked, I guess.”

“This was all fake. It was supposed to be fake, Pads. You weren’t supposed to tell me that you love me.” Remus rested his head in his hands.

Sirius spun around, eyes aflame, “And you weren’t supposed to say it back!”

“Why is that the problem?”

“Because I convinced myself that nothing would ever happen, that you could never feel the same, and I was fine with that. The Remus Lupin Boyfriend Experience. Confusing and Annoying. I prepared myself to be gently rejected, spend a few weeks moping and then slowly go back to how we were. Seriously, what the fuck am I supposed to do with ‘I love you too’? Just ruin my carefully planned emotional turmoil, why don’t you?” Sirius couldn’t believe that Remus looked like he was about to start laughing, “Don’t laugh at me, Moons. I feel like a dick as it is.”

Remus shook his head, “I suppose I still don’t see the problem.”

“I wasn’t prepared for any eventuality where you’d say that you loved me too. I think I tried not to think about it. To not get my hopes up.”

“Yeah?” Remus frowned. “It’s been pretty much all I’ve been able to think about.”

“See, and now you’re disappointed.”

“Only because you’re being weird!” Remus crossed to the doorway. “Sirius. I love you. I am in love with you.”

“Since when?” Sirius asked in a small voice.

“I don’t really know. It kind of crept up on me. I thought it was just a... stupid crush? or something at first and then, yeah. It’s way more than that.” He touched Sirius’ arm gently. “What about you?”

“Same, really. Once I knew, I realised how much had led up to it, you know?” Sirius looked at him, “I’m not trying to be awkward or stupid, Moons. I just didn’t expect this, especially after last week. I’d convinced myself that you couldn’t feel the same way.”

“And you were just going to go to the party last night, publicly break up with me next week and then just, what, pretend that you never loved me?”

“That was the general plan, yeah. And I made it weird because I felt like I was enjoying stuff too much, and that it was just an act for you and that made me feel gross in a way, like I was taking advantage of you or something, and now I just need to wrap my head around all of this.”

“Lily was right. We do have room temperature IQs. I literally kissed you last week, Pads. I wasn’t just caught up in faking it. I wanted to. I really wanted to.” Remus edged closer. “Look, there’s no pressure to do or be anything you don’t want to, but I can’t pretend that I don’t love you anymore, Sirius. Just… think about it.” He stepped around Sirius and returned to his room, leaving him alone in the hallway.