Why did he need to bring my jumpers into it, though?
“Fuck, I’m so attracted to you right now.” Remus had been watching as Sirius made his way out of the kitchen, and hadn’t seen Benjy approach from the other door.
Remus looked at him blankly, “Well, that’s inappropriate.”
“Re, come on. I heard you outside last night. 'I take back any time I said this was a bad plan, Pads.’.” He rested a hand on Remus’ waist, choosing to ignore how Remus’ body recoiled, and dragged him into the small pantry, not bothering to close the door. “What Gil doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Meet me in—”
“What the fuck? No. Not a chance. First of all, I’m absolutely not going to be the person you cheat on the person you cheated on me with.” He tried to step backwards, but the wall was closer than he’d realised. “But, most importantly, I’m perfectly happy with Sirius, thanks.”
"Come on, you're not really with Sirius, are you? You're just using him to make me jealous. You don't have to pretend anymore." Benjy sneered as Sirius appeared in the doorway. Remus sighed in relief. “For fucks sake. Not now, Black.”
"I'd appreciate it if you took your hands off my boyfriend." He said, eerily calm as Remus looked panicked. He wanted to reassure Sirius that this wasn’t at all what it looked like.
"Cute, you've really got him playing the part, haven't you?” He trailed a finger along one of Remus’ ribs. “I always said he’d do anything for you, and I—”
"If you don't let go of him, I’ll let you know how much I'm not playing a part. If you value your teeth, I suggest you back the fuck up.” Sirius stared at him until he let go of Remus.
"You're seriously together?” Benjy looked uncertain now.
“I’ve loved him since we were eleven.” Sirius’ face was unreadable, “I’ve been in love with him for longer than I care to admit. It’s not my fault that you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants and you lost him. Now, he’s made it very clear that he’s not interested. Please fuck off.”
“Remus, can we just talk about—”
“No.” Remus spat. “I have nothing to say to you. I’m happy and you don’t get to ruin that anymore.”
“I bet you were fucking while we were together. You always act like you’re so good. Saint Remus, with your soft jumpers and your… books and your—”
“That’s enough.” Sirius snapped. “We were absolutely not fucking while you two were together. Remus isn't that kind of person, and that’s another reason that I love him. He’s nothing like you. You fucked around, Fenwick, welcome to Find Out. You never deserved Remus. You think so little of him even now that you think he’d leap at the chance to what? Suck you off in your room while I go for a piss? No chance. Did you ever actually know him? Like actually know him?”
Benjy looked mutinous, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
“And you have no business talking to me, Benjy. Sirius has rebuilt the parts of me that you broke. I love him and I have never been happier than I am when I’m with him. Never. I can’t be any clearer, me and you, never going to happen again.” Remus eyes were aflame and Sirius was mesmerised, “If you see me in future, no you fucking didn’t. Have the life you deserve.”
Benjy looked between them before storming out of the pantry. They heard a door slam over the noise of the party.
"Did you mean what you said in there?" Sirius asked quietly as they walked back through to the living room.
“Um… I— What— No? No. Obviously. I was just— Did you mean what you said in there?” Remus looked shaken.
"No. Obviously. I was just talking you up in front of Benjy, you know? Just showing him what he’s missing. Seems to have done the job this time.” He let out a hollow laugh.
“Right. Of Course.” Remus grimaced, “I think we’ve finally nailed the act, then. Why did he need to bring my jumpers into it, though? Arsehole.”
“Yeah, if that bitch of a drama teacher could see me now.” Sirius chewed his bottom lip, looking around. “Moons. I think I need to go outside.”
“I got you, sweetheart. Let’s go.”
As they made their way through the living room, hands still clasped together, Sirius realised he was pretty tipsy, and judging by the way Remus was swaying gently while trying to get through the crowd, he wasn’t alone. Stupid, hot, tipsy Remus. He touched the spot on his jaw that Remus had kissed the day before with his free hand.
“You’re tall, you’re supposed to be good at this.” He said quietly, not expecting his friend to hear.
“You’re not tall enough to have an opinion on how well I’m handling this situation, love. You must be at least,” He let go of Sirius’ hand and pointed to his forehead, an inch above the top of Sirius’ head. “this tall to ride.”
Something flashed in Remus’ eyes that made Sirius’ inebriated knees feel weird and he stumbled slightly. He grabbed Remus’ hand back and held it firmly, earning him a soft smirk which hit him right in the chest.
They ran into a bottleneck situation where the living room met the hallway and Remus stopped, causing Sirius to crash into his back unceremoniously. As they waited for a moment to head towards the door, Remus looked back at him.
“I’ll text Jamie,” Sirius pulled out his phone with his free hand, “See if he’ll come and pick us up. Take me home, Moons?” He watched in real-time as Remus’ pupils dilated.
Remus manoeuvred himself so that he could squeeze through the crowd, not taking into account how physically close this would bring them. Someone elbowed him in the back and they were chest to chest. He looked at his friend and could see his cheeks flushing. He reasoned it was probably all the gin. The way that Sirius was now looking back at him, though, he really hoped that wasn’t just the gin. He quickly averted his eyes toward the door and moved faster than Sirius was expecting, pulling him along. He kept his eyes focused on the door, not caring that he was jostling people on his way out. Sirius did his best to look apologetic as he was dragged past them.
He opened the familiar lock swiftly and strode into the hallway. He paused for a second, turned to face a confused Sirius, opened his mouth, shook his head, closed his mouth, and then headed towards the lift. Sirius followed, still clutching his hand, suspecting that any second Remus would let go. They were no longer pretending after all.
They were no longer pretending.
Remus pressed the button for the lift, then pressed it again three times in succession.
“You know that won’t make it come any faster, right?” Sirius said softly. “Are you ok, Moons?”
Remus shot him a slightly pained look before pressing the lift button again. Miraculously, the doors opened.
They were still holding hands, and Remus was suddenly very aware of it. He didn’t want to be the one to let go. He’d be quite happy holding Sirius’ hand forever. He knew he had to do something.
He could always blame it on the gin, or at least that was how he rationalised it to himself. Before he could change his mind he took Sirius’ jaw in his free hand and kissed him softly. Just a quick press of their lips together. He’d hoped it would bring him closure, that his feelings for his friend would somehow be satisfied by this meagre contact. The effect was quite the opposite. He’d had a taste now, his mouth was still only centimetres away from Sirius’ and he already craved the feeling of those soft lips on his own again. Why were they so soft?
Sirius stared at Remus’ mouth. His brain pinged between so many things that finding a coherent thought was proving to be difficult. His eyes flicked up to meet Remus’. Those deep green eyes blazing with an intensity that he let so few people see.
Remus started to pull away, but Sirius grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, clutching onto the soft fabric. He maintained eye contact, he could feel Remus' breath shaking, but he looked hopeful. It had been so long since he had seen his friend look hopeful.
He let go of his hand before pushing him gently, but firmly so his back was against the wall of the lift. With one hand still holding on to his shirt, the other cupped Remus’ jaw. He let his thumb brush his bottom lip, knowing that what came next was inevitable, and always had been.
Then Remus’ hands tangled in his hair and they were kissing. Not just a brush of skin on skin, but desperate and hungry. Sirius backed him further into the wall, breaking the kiss to grin at his friend, who rolled his eyes before pulling him back in. Remus pressed another open-mouthed kiss to Sirius’ jaw, then another, moving down his neck, revelling in the soft noises coming from him as he grazed his teeth over the fragile skin.
The door opened and they jumped apart. It was incredibly obvious what they’d been doing in the lift, but they didn’t need to be giving Benjy and Gilderoy’s friends a show. They exited the lift quickly and headed for the front door of the building. Ignoring the stares from people Remus definitely knew from the weird art class he and Benjy had taken together.
Remus opened the door and let them out of the building. He hoped he’d never come back here again, but at least now he had one last positive memory of the place. That chapter of his life was done.
“Did you text James?” His voice was hoarse. He cleared his throat and tried again but it made no difference. “We could—”
“He’s on his way,” Sirius paused. “Do you want to talk about that?”
“I— Uh, Do you?” He tripped over his words. He really wanted to talk about it. To tell him how long he’d wanted to do that, with the hope that they would keep doing it. The fear of rejection, and all of the awful things that would come from a failed relationship with Sirius, won. “We don’t have to if you— you know.”
“Oh, ok.” Sirius looked down at his phone. “We don’t have to, only if you want to. It’s fine.”
Remus saw the change in his friend’s demeanour immediately and his heart did a strange flutter. He reached out and took his hand in his, offering him a gentle smile. Sirius knew that Remus wasn’t great at talking about his feelings. He overanalysed them to the point of unnecessary distress sometimes, he felt his feelings deeply, but putting them into words was difficult.
“We can, I just don’t know how to—” He gestured wildly with his free hand.
“It’s fine. We’re just so committed to this whole fake dating thing that we made out in the lift. It happens. It didn’t mean anything.”
He suspected that his friend wasn’t being completely genuine but that just confused him further. If he wanted to let him down gently this would be a good way to do it, he supposed. Maybe that was for the best. He still missed the feeling of Sirius’ body against his, pressing him into the wall of the lift. Before he could ruminate on their situation anymore, James’ car pulled into the car park.
🌙✨🌙✨🌙
It had been almost a week and they still hadn’t talked about The Kiss. Lily (and James, but mostly Lily) was baffled and furious in equal amounts. They really thought that Benjy's 'party' would be the final push they needed, especially after Friday night, but it had somehow been the opposite. They seemed more distant, and they both seemed particularly melancholy. They had no idea how they were going to cope at the Halloween party in this state.
“What could have happened?” Lily said, slicing potatoes aggressively. “Maybe someone called them out for faking and they’re embarrassed?”
“Lilypad, I still don’t know.” James set his knife down. “Neither of them will admit that there’s anything wrong. When I pulled up to get them, they were still holding hands and I was so happy for a second, but when they got in the car, the vibe was just weird.”
“So you blasted Taylor Swift.”
“So I blasted Taylor Swift.” He confirmed with a sigh. “The happy playlist, not even the moody one! Maybe this is a good thing. They’ll come back from this eventually and can go back to being besties.”
“You think they’ll both be alright with that?” She scooped the potatoes into the waiting pan. “Oh fuck. Is this what it would be like if they were together and argued? Or broke up?”
“Probably for the best then.” He frowned. “It’s really weird being out of the loop. We’ve always told each other everything.”
“Everything?” She raised an eyebrow. “You told them how you like it when I touch the backs of your knees while I—”
“It’s an erogenous zone, Lily! Everyone likes that!”
🌙✨🌙✨🌙
Lily
What happened?
Remus
Remus
Moony
I have the day off work, I can do this all day.
Remus
Fancy a cuppa?
Lily
Be there in half an hour
Remus
💕💕
Lily settled on the sofa with her cup of tea. Sirius was meeting with a gallery owner, and Remus was technically supposed to be working from home but shockingly, wasn't in the mood to read through forty short romance stories.
“Are you ever going to tell me what happened?” She asked after a minute of awkward silence.
“We kissed.” Remus tried to hide his face behind his mug. “In the lift in Benjy’s building.” Lily groaned, “And when we were at the Party, Benj pulled me aside and tried to convince me to cheat on Sirius, but he seemed unconvinced that Sirius and I were actually together, but then Pads came in and declared that he loved me and threatened to deck him if he didn’t let go of me.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Lily stared at him. “Go back.”
“So, we’d been at the party for an hour, maybe an hour and a half. Sirius went for a piss, Benjy grabbed me and dragged me into the pantry. Side note: who has a pantry in a flat? Anyway, he said that he overheard me say to Pads about this being a good plan, and was telling me to meet him, presumably in his room, when Pads came back and threatened him so he’d let go of me.” Lily nodded slowly, “Then Benjy questioned whether we were even together and Sirius went off on him. His exact words were ‘I’ve loved him since I was eleven and I’ve been in love with him for longer than I care to admit,” and I said something similar, something about Sirius... fixing the parts of me that Benj broke.”
“Holy fuck.”
“Yeah, and then after Ben fucked off, he asked if I meant what I said.”
“Oh, Remus, you didn’t?” She glared at him, “You told him no, didn’t you?”
Remus nodded, “I couldn’t get any words out. I panicked. I asked him if he meant it and he said no, but honestly, I’d say no in his shoes too.” He rubbed his eyes, “and then we decided to leave and he texted James.”
“And then you kissed in the lift.”
“Yeah, I thought maybe I could get it out of my system. It was barely a peck, and then he kissed me back and oh my god.” He groaned, “Now I know how he kisses and I’m furious about it.”
“So what happened then?” She tapped her finger on her mug.
“Well, he asked if I wanted to talk about it, and I was like we can but… I don’t know how. And then he said that we just got carried away with the fake thing and it didn’t mean anything, and then James turned up.” He chuckled, “He blasted Taylor Swift the whole way home.”
“I have never met,” she inhaled sharply, “two more insufferable people. You’re made for each other, truly, because nobody else should be subjected to the lack of communication skills that you both possess.”
“Lily-”
“Do I look done, Remus?” She frowned, “After tomorrow, you need to figure out how to talk to him or end this whole thing. The way things are now isn’t healthy for either of you and it’s fucking infuriating to witness. I’m absolutely on team ‘talk to him’, for what it’s worth.”
“But why would he say that we just got carried away?”
“Why would you say that you didn’t mean what you said about him?” Lily asked. “I swear, the two of you are just... unbelievable, room temperature IQ, dense, fucking... adorable... bastards.”
“That much is obvious.” He rolled his eyes.
At that moment the front door swung open and Sirius called out, “Moony-moon, we’re getting takeaway for dinner, your man sold seven paintings to the— Oh.” He looked up from his phone, “Alright?”
Lily raised an eyebrow at him, “Peachy, you?”
“Uh, yeah. Pretty good day all things considered,” he smiled. “They might want to commission some work too.”
“That’s amazing!” Remus grinned at him, “I told you that you had nothing to worry about!”
Lily looked from one to the other, muttered something about idiotic men and set her cup down on the table. “I should get going. Thanks for the tea, Re. Can’t wait to see your costume tomorrow.”