Hopelessly Hopeful
Reina spent the next day at school with the same weight pressing down on her, like the dull headache she’d grown used to over the years.
The excitement from making the cheerleading team had been sucked away, and now all that was left was the dull hum of anxiety and frustration left over from last night’s dinner.
The thought of an arranged marriage hung over her like a storm cloud. How could her mother speak about it so casually? As if her future was just a business transaction to be arranged and signed away. As if she was.
At lunch, Pandora and Reina sat together, both still riding the high of making the cheerleading team. Reina tried to mirror Pandora’s bubbly energy, but her mind was elsewhere.
“So, Dorcas said we’ll have our first practice next week,” Pandora said as she scrolled through her phone, her voice practically bouncing with excitement. “I’m so ready for this! Can you believe it? Us—on the team!”
Reina forced a smile. “Yeah, it’s pretty cool.”
Pandora frowned, putting her phone down. “You okay, Rein? Your mind is a bit .. I don’t know, with the fairies today."
Reina took a deep breath, trying to push aside the gnawing thoughts. “Yes thank you, I’m fine. Just a lot on my mind.” She glanced across the cafeteria, where James was sitting with Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Their laughter carried across the room, carefree and light. She wished she could feel like that for once.
Pandora’s gaze followed hers. “You’ve been staring at James a lot lately.”
Reina blushed, quickly averting her eyes. “No, I haven’t.”
Pandora smirked. “Oh, please. I see the way you look at him. It’s cute.”
Reina rolled her eyes but couldn’t help the small smile tugging at her lips. “He’s just...he is nice.”
Pandora giggled. “Nice? That’s all you’ve got?”
Reina’s thoughts drifted to how James had helped her through her anxiety attack the day before, how he had listened to her and made her feel seen, even if she didn’t want to admit it. “Yeah, he’s... nice.”
Before Pandora could tease her more, James stood up from his table and made his way toward them. Reina’s heart skipped a beat, her nerves suddenly on high alert.
“Speak of the devil,” Pandora whispered with a wink.
“Hey, ladies,” James greeted them with his usual charm, leaning against the table. “How’s it going?”
“Great!” Pandora said, grinning up at him. “We’re officially cheerleaders, so we’re pretty much on top of the world and the food chain for that matter”
James chuckled. “well for what it's worth congrats , you two. I always knew you’d make it.” He turned his attention to Reina, his hazel eyes warm and mischievous. “Especially you, Rein. You absolutely crushed it at the tryouts.”
Reina felt her face flush under his gaze. “Thanks... I guess.”
James raised an eyebrow. “You guess? Come on, give yourself some bloody credit. You were amazing.”
Reina fidgeted with the hem of her sweater, trying to hide how flustered she felt. “I’ve just... done a lot of gymnastics and stuff, so it wasn’t that hard.”
“Well, I’m glad your skills are going to be put to good use. You’re going to kill it as a cheerleader.” He paused, his eyes studying her more closely. “Though... you don’t seem too excited. Everything alright?”
Pandora glanced at Reina, waiting for her to answer.
Reina’s chest tightened. She wanted to brush it off, pretend everything was fine, but something in the way James looked at her made her feel like she couldn’t hide anymore. but she did. She always would.
“It’s just... stuff” she muttered, not wanting to go into detail. “I'm tired and... I’m not really hungry.” She motioned to the untouched food in front of her.
James’s expression shifted, a hint of concern flashing in his eyes. “Uh huh only...You didn’t eat much yesterday either.”
Reina felt her heart race, realizing he had been paying attention. To her. “I’m fine. Really. It’s just... I’m not a big eater.”
Pandora jumped in, trying to lighten the mood. “She’s always been like that. Skips meals all the time. I think she’s half-robot... or a nargle” she added and eyed Reina with mock suspicion
" A nargle?" James questioned but James didn’t laugh. Instead, he kept his eyes on Reina. “If you ever need to talk... about anything, I’m here, alright?”
Reina nodded, but the weight of his concern made her feel exposed, like he could see right through her. “Thanks, James. I’ll be fine, though. I am fine."
James opened his mouth to say something more, but before he could, Sirius and Remus walked up, looking for James.
“There you are, mate,” Sirius said, slapping James on the shoulder. “What’s going on over here?”
“Just talking to these future cheerleading stars,” James replied with a grin, his mood lifting slightly now that his friends were here.
Sirius glanced at Reina, his smile faltering for just a second before he nodded at her. “Well done, Reina. Heard you made the team.”
“Thank you.” she said quietly, feeling the familiar tension between them. It was always there now, hanging like a shadow in the background.
Remus nudged Sirius and looked at James , his hand brushing against Sirius's as they stood together. “You guys should come to our practice next week. Watch us in action.”
Pandora smirked and gestured to Reina. We wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus’s waist, pulling him closer and looking at Reina with a hopeful look in his eye.
We’ll be there,” she said, her voice softer when she spoke to Sirius. To her big brother.
His eyes widened in suprise then flooded with a look of relief.
The tension that always seemed to cling to Sirius around Reina evaporated replaced with something softer, more real.
Reina looked away, not wanting to ruin the rare moment, but the sight of her brother looking so at hopeful made her chest tighten. They used to be so close, and now...Well now they were hopeless.
As the group started to drift back toward their table, James lingered for a second longer. “Seriously, Reina,” he said in a low voice, so only she could hear. “If you ever need to talk...or well anything really...I’m here.”
Reina swallowed, nodding. “Thanks, James.”
He gave her one last look before heading off with Sirius and Remus, leaving Reina feeling more seen than she’d felt in a long time. But with that came the pressure of hiding the truth—the fact that her mother’s expectations were suffocating her, that the very idea of eating made her feel sick, and that every time she looked in the mirror, she wondered if she would ever be enough.
Pandora leaned in, breaking the silence. “He totally likes you.” she giggled like a little girl with a lollypop.
Reina rolled her eyes, but her heart wasn’t in it. “Shut up, Dora.”
But as she sat there, her thoughts spiraled back to James’s concern, to the weight of everything she was holding in. Maybe one day she would let herself lean on someone. Maybe one day she wouldn’t feel like she had to do it all alone.
But for now, she had to focus on surviving—one day at a time.