Heaven knows.
Reina smoothed the pleats of her burgundy skirt as she made her way down the stairs that morning. She’d chosen the outfit intentionally: a nod to James, Sirius, and Remus’s football team, whose big game was later that evening.
Paired with her slightly tight cropped white shirt, she felt cute, even if a small voice in the back of her mind whispered doubts about how she looked.
She took one last look at herself in the mirror, tightening her high ponytail and readjusting her bow before smiling at her reflection, not a true smile just a small grin.
She was halfway down when Walburga’s voice drifted up to meet her. “Reina, is that what you’re wearing?”
Reina paused, gripping the banister, her stomach sinking. “Yeah,” she said cautiously. “Why?”
Walburga emerged from the kitchen, her sharp eyes scanning Reina’s outfit with surgical precision. Her lips curled into a thin smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “It’s fine, I suppose,” she said airily. “Though I have noticed you’re filling out a bit these days. A little dieting wouldn’t hurt.”
Reina froze, her breath catching in her throat. “I’m not... gaining weight,” she managed, though the words felt weak, even to her.
Because she wasn't. Was she? She pictured a imaginary scale, the number slowly creeping up.
Walburga arched an eyebrow, a sneer tugging at the corner of her mouth. “No need to be defensive, darling. I’m just saying, a girl should take care of herself. Heaven knows, you wouldn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of your little friends or that boy you’re so fond of.”
Reina’s face burned, anger and humiliation bubbling up in her chest. “The therapists... they said I’m not supposed to diet,” she said, her voice trembling. “At the hospital.” her voice cracked slightly at the reminder of her time there.
Walburga scoffed, waving her hand dismissively. “Therapists. What do they know? They just tell you what you want to hear. A little self-control wouldn’t kill you, Reina. But more weight might." She hissed.
Reina clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms. She wanted to argue, to shout, but the words wouldn’t come. She turned and hurried out the door, leaving her mother’s voice behind.
At lunch, Reina sat with James and Sirius in their usual spot, Pandora and Barty chatting animatedly nearby. James was going on about the game later, his excitement palpable.
“You’re coming, right, Rein?” James asked, leaning toward her with that lopsided grin that always made her stomach flip. “We need all the support we can get.”
“Yeah,” Reina said automatically, though her mind was elsewhere.
The greasy slice of pizza on her tray loomed in front of her like a threat. The smell made her stomach churn, and the thought of the calories in every bite made her insides twist with guilt and self-loathing. Her mother’s words echoed in her head, louder than James’s voice, louder than anything else.
“You okay?” James asked, nudging her gently with his elbow.
Reina forced a smile. “Yeah, just... tired.”
Sirius glanced at her, his brow furrowing slightly. “You haven’t touched your food.”
“I’m not that hungry,” she said quickly, pushing the tray away.
James and Sirius exchanged a look, but Reina didn’t give them time to press her. “I’m going to the bathroom,” she said, standing abruptly. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
She walked quickly out of the cafeteria, her heart pounding in her chest. The guilt and shame were unbearable, a knot tightening in her stomach with every step she took. By the time she reached the bathroom, her hands were shaking.
Reina locked herself in a stall and stared down at the toilet. The thought had been creeping into her mind for weeks now, but she had always pushed it away, telling herself she was stronger than this. But today... today, she couldn’t fight it.
With trembling hands, she bent over and forced herself to purge. The act was mechanical, automatic, and when it was over, she collapsed against the stall wall, tears streaming down her face.
What am I doing?
The question echoed in her mind, but she couldn’t find an answer. All she felt was relief—relief and an overwhelming wave of shame that threatened to swallow her whole.
When Reina returned to the cafeteria, she plastered a smile on her face, hoping no one would notice the redness around her eyes or the way her hands still trembled. James gave her a curious look as she sat back down, but he didn’t say anything.
“So,” Sirius said, leaning back in his chair. “You’re still coming to the game, right?”
“Yeah,” Reina said, her voice steady despite the turmoil inside her. “Wouldn’t miss it.”
She ignored the pizza in front of her for the rest of lunch, pretending to listen as James and Sirius talked strategy. But all she could think about was what she had done—and how easy it would be to do it again.