Have me, please.

It had been the worst idea Sirius ever had, who was Remus to say no though?

It all started when Remus was under a tree, looking at the Dark Lake, talking to Lily. It was a lovely day, really. It was sunny but it wasn’t hot enough that Remus had to take off his sweater. He thanked the breeze for that. It was when Lily was complaining about how creepy it was that Snape followed her like a lost puppy when she had made clear they weren’t friends anymore, when Sirius shouted. Not said, shouted.

“Moony! Here you are.”

“Why so loud, Pads?” Remus said once Sirius had come close to them.

“It’s the excitement. Lilym darling, can I borrow him?” They weren’t friends exactly, but lately Lily had been much more friendly to him and James.

“He’s all yours.” Lily said with a smile because they both knew Remus very much liked to be. Here’s the thing. He may or may not have had the biggest crush on Sirius since he was twelve. They were seventeen, by now he knew how to control himself and not be nervous or anything. He had accepted Sirius was straight due to all the girls he had dated. And even if he wasn’t straight, why would someone like Sirius would be interested in someone like Remus? 

Anyway, he had told Lily when they were fourteen, tired of having yet another secret to hide. Lily had been supporting and now they joked about it.

“Great, cheers.” Sirius grabbed Remus’ arm. “Come on!”

“Alright, hang on,”

Once they were dar enough Lily could’t heat them, Remus noticed Sirius was rather nervous looking. “What? You are scaring me, Pads.”

“Look, I need a favour.” Sirius smiled mischieviously. 

“No.” Remus said firmly.

“What? I didn’t even get to ask you!” He whined and Remus only sighed. He nodded and waited for Sirius to ask. “Would you, Remus Lupin, like to be my boyfriend?”

Remus’ heart started beating faster. Alarms went off in his head. What? Was this real? What was going on? Remus looked for any trace of humour in Sirius’ eyes.

Apparently Remus freaking out was too obvious as Sirius clarified. “Fake-boyfriend.”

Oh. Remus knew it was too good to be true. Hope had built itself for a moment, but was now long gone. Remus cursed at himself for believing it could be possible.

“What?”

“Marlene dumped me some months ago, remember?” Remus hummed not getting where this conversation was going. “Well, she hasn’t asked me to get back together…yet.”

“Oh God, what are you planning? Get it out, Pads.”

“Well, she had this weird thing with you. I mean, I know you are friends but she always seemed kind of jealous of you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, I don’t know what that was about either. But, it comes in handy. I come up with a brilliant idea. We should pretend to date so she gets jealous and asks me to get back together, huh?” He ended that sentence rather proudly and it made Remus only want to smack him even more.

“So you want to use me?” Sirius didn’t know he was playing with his emotions, still it hurt Remus.

“No! I would never do that, Moony. I would throw myself at you if I was using you.” God forbids he would do that. “Thats’ why I’m asking. So, would you be willing to be my boyfriend only when Marlene is in the same room as us?”

So yeah, Remus should have thought it through. What it meant. You know, holding hands, being very close and affectionate… “Alright,” Shit. Fuck.

“Yes?!” Sirius was clearly surprised. “Honestly, I thought it would take much more to convince you. Not complaining!” He added.

Remus had fucked up. Lily. He needed Lily.

“Can we talk about it later?”

“Yes! Of course. Later.” Then he grabbed Remus’ shoulder. “Cheers a lot. Really.

Sirius left giving Remus a thumbs up and a grin on his face. Rather shamefully he walked towards Lily who was reading some book.

“Hit me.” Remus said sitting down.

Lily did. “Why did I hit you?”

“Sirius asked me to fake-date him.”

“Alright. Weird but ok.”

“And I agreed.” 

Lily hit him again with the book. “Remus!”

“I know.”

“What were you thinking? You will never get over him now!”

“I just thought that if i can’t date him then I’ll allow myself to have only this.” Remus placed his face on his hands. “I don’t know.”

“Oh, love. It’ll be alright.” She hugged him now.

“If we are going to do this we need rules.” Remus said once Sirius had sat down on the chair in front on him. They decided to meet in the library where no one would hear them. 

“Rules? Moony, you are taking the fun out of dating.” He said crossing his arms.

“We are not, that’s the thing.” Remus’ heart hurt a bit. Sirius rolled his eyes. “I’m serious.”

“Fine, what rules?”

“It depends, how are you planning to show that we are dating?”

Sirius rested his arms on the table and leaned to Remus. “Well, first I thought about shagging you on top of the dinning table-”

Remus got up.

“Alright! Alright!” Sirius said. “We could hold hands in the hallways. I’ll start calling you sweetheart and stuff. I’ll start the rumour that we are dating. And we’ll have to kiss-”

“What? We don’t have to do anything. Sirius, I’m not going to kiss you.” It had taken a lot in Remus to decline the offer. “Holding hands and pet names are fine, but that’s it.”

Sirius groaned. “Can I at least kiss your cheek?”

He had to think about it really hard. On one hand it would be nice to feel Sirius’ lips on his skin. It would be sweet. No. It was too much. “No.”

“Remus,” Sirius whined. “What can I do then?”

“I don’t know, er, you can…” Remus thought what he wanted to experience but not too much as to get Remus’ hopes up. He assumed he was using Sirius too. “Caress my hair and my hand and stuff.”

“Aw, didn’t know you were a romantic, Moony.”

“Shut up, I’m doing this for you.” Sort of.

“And I really appreciate it. It will be for some weeks until Marlene wants me again. I promise.”

“Fine. Let’s do it.”

At first it was weird. Not unpleasant, not even close to it. But odd nonetheless. 

The next morning as soon as the they stepped out of the common room, Sirius took his hand. And it was lovely. He slid it off, brushing Remus’ skin and interlocking their fingers so naturally Remus almost forgot it was fake. It was hard but Remus was able to hide his smile. He couldn’t however stop his chest feeling with emotion. 

Neither James or Peter were surprised as Sirius had proudly announced his plan to get Marlene back. They didn’t care that much to be honest.

It was unnecessary for Sirius to start the rumour because as soon as everybody saw not only them holding hand but Sirius’ adoring look and his grin, no one was talking about anything else. After all the marauders were popular. Sirius’ love life had always been material for gossip but now? Firstly, Sirius was dating someone new. Not anyone but a boy! A half-blood boy! And! A marauder. So yes, everyone was looking. Marlene couldn’t miss it. Remus wasn’t used to it, being the center of attention. He supposed he had to if Sirius Black was going to be his boyfriend. 

At breakfast, Sirius either didn’t care or didn’t notice the stares and the murmuring. He was eating with one hand and stroking Remus’ with the other. It seemed so natural. Remus decided to enjoy it.

What Remus didn’t anticipate was how utterly loved he felt. Sirius was a considerate boyfriend. He sent notes to Remus in class, gave him flowers and even walked with Remus everywhere he went. People congratulated him because of how lovely Sirius talked about him! It was all so perfect. but it wasn’t real, Remus remindedn himself.

It was the third day when Sirius did it. They agreed on it, so he wasn’t sure why it came to him as a surprise. They were in a hallway chatting when they had to separate ways, Sirius took Remus by his chin, moved his head slightly and pressed his lips to Remus’ cheek. “See ya!” He said trailing off.

Remus just stood there, the place where he had been kissed burning. He let himself smile, if someone asked, he was allowed to, Sirius was his boyfriend after all. Needless to say it was all Remus could think about.

Later that night when Remus was at the common room, reading in a couch, someone stood in front of him. He looked up and there was Sirius grinning so genuinely Remus thought maybe it was. 

“Why are you paying attention to your book instead of your boyfriend?” Remus looked around. Marlene wasn’t even there, just some first-year-olds. He was about to point it out but then Sirius took the book out of his hand, layed on the couch and rested his head on Remus’ lap. Then he grabbed Remus’ hand and placed it in Sirius’ hair. Then he started rambling about some prank he thought about. Again, Remus smiled fondly and started running his fingers through the other boy’s hair. He could stay like this, he thought, it was soft and comfortable. They spent maybe an hour or two like that, simply talking. 

A week passed by and Remus was getting used to it. It was like a fairy tale. In public eye they were the perfect couple. And they would be, Remus believed. Something had changed, well, yes, they had always been close, shared glances too long to be considered friendly, smiles full of adoration, secrets only they knew. Still, they seemed closer. Gestures meant much more. Or maybe, Remus had gone crazy and as the rest of the school he was buying Sirius’ act. 

It was hard. Living, that is. Remus thought as he stared at the roof. He couldn't sleep, but what's new? It would be weird if he couldn't stay awake. He couldn't even blame it on the full moon; it had been two weeks ago. It was just life, he supposed.

His hands felt numb from keeping them in the same position. His legs too. It was funny how he was laying, straight, on his back and without moving. It was funny because it reminded him of a tree, just what everyone compared him to because of his height. 

Remus’ hazel eyes found a particular spot on the ceiling and was determined to telepathically communicate all his problems to it. 

Then, in between James’ snoring and Peter’s mumbles, he heard a frustrated groan. Sirius was also awake. His heart went a bit faster. He almost smiled. Almost. Then, the sound of curtains moving. Footsteps. Silence. And then:

“Moony, you up?”

His voice was a bit off when he said: “when not?” but it was expected as he hadn’t talked in hours. Remus sat up.

Sirius opened the curtains and asked, almost shyly if he could come in. Remus scooched so Sirius could sit next to him. He had probably had a nightmare, Remus thought. Or maybe stress about the quidditch game he had the following day kept him up. The bed was small so it was no surprise their shoulders were touching. It wasn’t out of the ordinary. Sirius and Remus had had a ton of conversations late at night on each other's bed, the common room or even the Astronomy tower. 

They weren’t looking at each other, couldn’t even if they wanted to, so they kept their eyes forward. 

Some minutes of nothing but silence went by until Sirius said, almost a whisper. “I’ve been thinking,” 

“Finally.” Remus interrupted.

“Shut up.” He bumped their shoulders together. “ What if I’m unlovable.”

What? Remus thought that was the most stupid thing Sirius had ever said, and the other boy was known for saying a lot of stupid shit. Because if Remus was certain of one thing is that Sirius Black was perfect. He couldn’t imagine someone not loving him. Alright, yes, if you didn’t know him maybe Sirius could seem a bit annoying. But if you got the chance to talk to him and actually see him, Oh God, Remus thought, how was that somebody was not in love with Sirius? Remus himself had been mesmerized by the other boy since the day they met. He was simply so bloody alluring.Not only physically. His pure dark hair and piercing grey eyes were enough to attract anyone. However if you got the opportunity to know him, you would realize Sirius was charming and funny and so clever and caring and cool. 

But Remus didn’t day all this, of course. He simply asked: “Why would you say that?”

“Marlene. She doesn’t seem upset I’m dating you. Did she ever care about me? Like at all?” Sirius exhaled.

“Oh, er.” Funnily enough, even if Remus was excellent at essays, he was bad with words. “Well, you were together for months, I would really doubt she didn’t care at all. It would have been a waste of her time to be with you otherwise.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“No, what I mean is, it doesn’t make sense. Perhaps she just… doesn’t like you anymore. What did she say when she broke up with you?” Remus really had no idea about relationships but overanalizing people had been of great help at understanding their behaviour.

“Er, she said she didn’t want to be in a relationship and that she was figuring stuff out.”

“Alright,”

“Remus, am I that forgettable?” He said clearly spirilling down his deep thoughts. “She just moved on. Doesn’t even talk to me anymore. Just like that she got rid of me and continued with her life. Marlene doesn’t have me in her life and she is fine with it. Am I really that unworthy?” His voice cracked at the end.

“Oh, Pads.” Remus would have held his hand or layed his head on Sirius’ shoulder, he didn’t. “It’s not about you. It has nothing to do with you. Maybe she still thinks about you.”

“I don’t know. Marlene seems happy. I should be too.” Sirius sighed.

But he was not. If Remus turned to look he would probably look Sirius’ devastated face. He didn’t look. What for? To confirm the other boy was still undoubtedly in love with someone else. With a girl. 

“You will be. You’ll fall out of love and you’ll be alright.” Remus didn’t know if he was reassuring Sirius or himself.

Thay talked a bit more and then went to sleep, or at least, Sirius went to his bed. They both pretended to be sleepy. In reality they both were overthinking.