Regretting You?

HARRY

I walked down the corridor towards Professor Snape's chamber not really knowing what to expect. To say the truth, I was afraid of rejection but I was ready to try anything in my power to get Sev comfortable with me and make up for all the time I hadn't been there for him and spoil him on the way, after all, it was all worth it.

I set foot into the chambers which had a homey feel to them just like my own. The living room was cozy with shelves around the fireplace, where various items and plaques were showcased and cream-colored sofas laid out in front of it. The kitchen was well-planned out and had all the modern-day appliances including a refrigerator and microwave. The dining table was laid out beside the kitchen counter. The cream-colored theme gave a warm feeling to the chambers.

Wanting to get a feel of the layout down here so that I could get comfortable roaming around, I walked down to the array of rooms in the hallway.

The first door was what I assumed was his study. Three of the four walls were hidden behind floor-to-ceiling bookshelves with every title you could think of, stacked neatly in alphabetical order. His desk was placed in the center of the room with a few marked essays scattered over it. I bundled the essays up securing them under a paperweight on the table. A few books which I assume Sev might have been reading earlier were staked on a stool beside the table. I walked out of the room, softly closing the door behind me mindful to not disturb the toddler sleeping in my arms.

The second room must have been Professor Snape's bedroom. It was comfortable yet modern. The very far end supported two doors, one leading to a bathroom and the other to a nursery. The layout of the nursery was cute and very un-snape-ish. It was painted in bright colors suited for a child. The crib was placed against the wall which was decorated beautifully with star and moon hangings along with a few pictures of Sev with Minerva, Albus and Poppy hung just above the crib. A rocking chair was placed by the side of the crib with a few toys scattered around along with a sitting pillow.

I walked towards the changing table lowering the precious bundle on it making sure to strap him in before going to the chest of drawers to find the cleaning supplied neatly arranged in it. I was snapped out of it by a cooing sound from right behind me as I turned around to doe-shaped black eyes starring right back at me. I couldn't help the smile that overtook my face as I made quick work at changing Sev.

I ran my fingers through his soft curls as tears started to pool his eyes. I was confused as to why he was on the verge of tears when I just changed him. Shrugging it off. Maybe he was just tired, I picked him up, bringing him to my chest, swaying back and forth, trying to calm him down to the best of my abilities as silent tears ran down his cheeks and all he did was clung to me like a koala, socking as much warmth as he could as if he was going to be pushed away. That's when it clicked to me, he too was afraid of rejection. After so long of being on his own, I wouldn't blame him for his insecurities.

I sat on the rocking chair as Sev refused to let go of me but I could see he was fighting a battle with sleep.

"Ayana," I called softly to not startle the small dozing bundle in my arms. A small pop later a tiny house-elf dressed in a skirt and sweater stood beside my chair.
"Yes, Master Harry. What can Ayana do for sir?" She questioned half bowing to me.
"Just Harry Ayana," I corrected softly before continuing.
"Please bring me a bottle of milk with a little bit of cinnamon." She bowed popping in and out in less than a minute, handing me the bottle. I touched the nipple to Sev's plump lips who started sucking on it almost eagerly.

"Anything else sir?" Ayana questioned again.
"Please bring down my belongings from my quarters and set them in the guest room. I will arrange it after putting him to bed."

After feeding and tucking Sev in the crib along with the doe plushie I found in there. Sev has whined a little when he was taking away from my body warmth but he soothed himself to sleep as soon as the pacifier went into his beak. I went to the guest room. It was very modern with a Tv unit and all the necessities and attached facilities. After arranging the room as per my taste and putting my things away, I took a relaxing shower before going to bed. Today had been exhausting. It felt like I had been run over by a number of elephants. Bonding is indeed tiring and taking care of a toddler to top up with that. I was fast asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

SEVERUS

It was still early when I woke up as an adult. The lamp beside my table was left on that's when it all came rolling back to me Harry finding me in the corridor, me calling him dada, the bonding, Minerva telling him about my situation, and Harry tucking me in. I rushed to the bathroom, leaning over the sink. Splashing water over my face, I tried to calm my racing nerves.

'It can't be,' My thoughts were a wild mess. 'He won't take this well. Harry Potter. All he's going to do is treat me like I treated him. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!'

I stared at my reflection in the mirror and took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. Even though I was an adult now, it didn't mean I couldn't change back. I had to reason. I couldn't change right now.

"I will just have to refuse the bond," I said to my reflection in the mirror. Just saying that made my throat burn with tears. But it was better to end it now than to be hurt later. I just couldn't afford to get attached to someone who I bullied for a good seven years. Maybe he had saved me from Azkaban but that didn't mean, it didn't mean he didn't hate my guts.

Severus has given his selected memories to Harry when he had come down to the shrieking shack which Harry had used later to bail him from going to Azkaban, charged for being involved with the death eaters. Since then, their relationship has gotten somewhat mended but not to a level where Sev was comfortable sharing his secret with the younger, and now that the secret was out Severus couldn't help being scared out of his wits. It's not that he didn't want Harry to be his guardian, he wanted it more than anyone else. He wanted to let Harry take care of him and help him but the fear of rejection was overpowering his feelings towards Harry.

I stood straight. I wanted some of my specially brewed Chamomile and Lavender tea. It always calmed my nerves and helped me sleep.

I walked out of my bedroom to the living room making up my mind to refuse the bond. When I got to my kitchenette, I saw Harry sitting at the small table, reading a book.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Harry asked, not even lifting his head.

Not wanting to give Harry the satisfaction, I looked down at the man like I did when Harry was still in my class.

"May I ask," I sneered against my will to cuddle the said man. "What, Mr. Potter, are you doing in my quarters? You have absolutely no gall to talk to me like that."

Harry stopped reading and looked up at me. I noted that he didn't have the same fearful look he used to have when I taught the boy. He looked confident and well-built in contrast to the skinny boy with hand-me-downs I remember seeing in class.

"Did you sleep well?" Harry asked, completely ignoring my rude statement. That irritated me to no extent. Why was he messing up with me? Why can't he just leave me alone and make this less difficult for both of us? Why Merlin just why did you have to put me in such a situation all the time?

"Now, look here, Potter," I sneered again, shaking out my conflicting thoughts. I wanted to let it all go. The little inside me was screaming for me to accept the man I have come to look up to as a parent in the time I have spent with him over the past few weeks but I just couldn't forget the feeling of being pushed away after people realize what a burden, I am to them. "I want you out of my chambers this instant. You have no right to be here." I said as confidently as I could muster, willing myself not to shed tears at that very instant.

"You better calm down, Severus," Harry said, his tone becoming hard as he stood up from his seat.

I automatically stepped back, gulping at the tone Harry gave me.

"I don't know who you think you're talking to," Harry continued, gradually walking towards his recalcitrant charge aka me. "I must remind you, Mr. Snape, I am your Guardian. I will not take that tone from you. If this defiance continues, I will not hesitate to put you over my knee. Adult or not."

I was struck silent at the reprimand I just received. My throat burned; hearing Harry get angry with me. Tears streamed down my cheeks before I could even blink. I can't do this. I can't bear for him to leave me. I can't bring myself to push him away.

He must have noticed the tears as he came forward and I couldn't help but flinch as he brought his hand towards me, expecting a slap but all he did was rest it on my cheek rubbing at the tears with the pad of his thumb and I leaned into the touch against my better judgment.

He walked the both of us to the dining table, pulling the chair out for me, helping me sit down as I lowered my head into my hands, crying my aching heart out. I was shocked when he tried to calm me down by running his hand through my hair and down my back. I was stiff under his touch but forced myself to relax in the comforting touch. I could feel the calming waves coming off him as he tried to soothe me.

"What's wrong, Sev?" Harry questioned softly as if he were afraid, I would lash out again which I would probably have if I was thinking straight and wasn't tired but the exhaustion was taking a toll on me and I was too tired to care. "I don't believe that these tears are because you found me here."

"I was mean to you," I responded, head still in my hands not realizing I was mumbling and he couldn't catch on my words. I could hear him pull his chair closer to mine, reaching out and taking my hands away from my face.

"Repeat it," Harry coaxed. "I didn't hear you."

"I was mean to you," I admitted, trying to hold back the bundle of sobs trying to escape from my lips. "You're not going to like me. You're going to leave me."

"Now, what kind of nonsense are you talking about?" Harry asked rhetorically. He conjured a warm flannel and wiped my face with it which I didn't like a bit I am forty for Merlin's sake. "Why would you think I would leave you? I just found you. You are mine. I will never leave you. You are my heart. Shh, I'm here. And here is where I will stay. Calm yourself. It's alright." Listening to the words coming out of his mouth I couldn't hold back the sobs anymore and I closed my eyes and cried. Harry pulled me close to him and wrapped his arms around me; I cried on Harry's shoulder. He whispered sweet nothings in my ear and that helped me calm down more than I would ever admit.

I knew I was slipping.

HARRY

Before I could even comprehend what was happening, I had my arms full of an over-excited toddler. He wiggled in my arms wanting to get down and I put him down but not before he placed a sloppy kiss on my nose and erupt into giggles taking in my scrunched-up face. I laughed as he crawled back to his nursery over to the toy box placed in the very corner of the room.

"Sev, don't..." But before I could even finish the little monster has toppled the box over and he was sitting in a mountain of toys. This little guy will be the death of me. I summoned my instant camera from my room, capturing the moment as Sev sat there flinging his arms around, his small giggles filling up the room. He looked too happy as if he were having the time of his life and I couldn't find it in my heart to scold him for making a mess on the floor.

Letting Sev play I walked out of the room to prepare some lunch or more like brunch. We skipped breakfast and now I can't have Sev skipping another meal. After preparing a light meal consisting of some red sauce pasta, a light vegetable soup, some fruit salad, and an apple pie with sugar syrup for dessert. What I didn't know was I was going to regret making all saucy dishes soon as Sev thought he was a 'big boy' and could have his food all by himself which consisted of shoveling food into his mouth with the help of his hands. It was a disaster as Sev has managed to get about all the food on his clothes, rather than in his mouth even getting food stuck into his soft curls.

I called Ayana to run a bath but not before snapping a shot. With a lot of wiggling and splashing from Sev's part, he was finally washed and put into a pair of clean clothes which consisted of a black shirt with white lace and white trousers completing the outfit with white socks and black booties (shoes made of cotton or soft material worn by babies.) along with a new diaper, a pacifier clipped to his shirt and a very wet me was left behind to dry and change myself.

"Dada, Ev p'ay," Sev said a pout on his face as I came out of the bathroom in a matching outfit to Sev consisting of a black t-shirt and white trousers.
I brought my little bundle of energy to my chest cuddling him before throwing him in the air and catching him as little giggles escaped Sev. What I was unaware of was Ayana secretly capturing the moment on the camera as I continued to play with Sev.

By evening Sev was in adult form. We have sat by the fireplace together with some tea and cookies as we caught up on grading and lesson plans, making small talks in between. Professor Snape seemed more relaxed around me and that was a good sign. I know it will take time to get there but I know taking little steps we would eventually be there one day.

After dinner, Professor Snape, it seemed odd to call him by his name when he was an adult even in my thoughts, did his reading as I just roamed around trying to find something to do. Dinner was a silent affair and I could see Sev was tired by the way he was rubbing his eyes time and again as he bookmarked the page he was reading, setting the book down on the table.

I walked over to him. "Come on, Sev," I said, coaxing Severus to stand. "You're exhausted. Let's get you into bed."

Sev got up, leaning on me slightly as we walked to his room. I pulled down the duvet for him to get in and walked inside the nursery to get his stuffed doe and pacifier from there, cleaning the toys on the floor with a wave of my wand as I walked out. Sev was leaning on the headboard when I came out, content sucking on his thumb. I carefully replaced Sev's thumb with the pacifier before running my hand through his soft hair, yes, they were soft contrary to what people thought of them as greasy. Maybe they were greasy when he worked with potions but definitely not now.

"Get some rest," I said softly, coaxing Severus to lay down, handing him his doe as he cuddled it to his chest. There was a spark of innocence in his eyes which were emotionless and cold more often than not and that gave away of him being in little space not completely for him to be a toddler but it was there to an extent.

I was about to walk out to retire for the night as well when I felt a hand grab my wrist. I turned around to look at Severus' pleading eyes which told a very different story and I could see what he was asking from me. "Do you want me to stay?" I questioned knowing that was exactly what he wanted. I was awarded a nod from Severus. "Move over," I responded more than happy that he was comfortable with me sleeping by his side. Well, I can't blame him for being scared to be alone as he had been alone for a good part of his life, hiding his fears under the emotionless mask he wears and I plan on changing that.

I could see a smile tugging at his lips as he made room for me to climb in and a warm feeling spread out throughout my body as he cuddled into me as soon as I laid down beside him and I rubbed his back trying to lull him to sleep. I was asleep within mere minutes as my exhaustion took over.

A loud knock on the door disturbed my peaceful slumber as I looked beside me at Sev who was now facing the other side, the pacifier, and the doe long forgotten. I cast a silencing charm around Sev not wanting to disturb him as I got out of the warm bed and walked to the door, wrapping my arms around myself in the process as it was quite chilly outside the room.
I was surprised to see Draco standing on the other side, with a surprised look on his face probably matching mine at the moment.

"What are you doing here, Harry?" Draco inquired.
"Severus needed me," I replied calmly, not wanting me to elaborate anymore, which he clearly wanted me to do judging by the expression on his face.
He responded with a soft okay probably still very confused by the whole scenario but didn't ask about it again and I was very grateful. I couldn't just walk around giving out Sev's secret. It was his place not mine to inform anyone of his classification.

"I'll talk to Severus in the morning then."

"That would be better," I replied. "Goodnight."

I closed the door without waiting for Draco to reply. When I walked back inside the bedroom, Severus was still facing away from my side of the bed, but he clutched his doe while lightly sucking on his pacifier which was back in his mouth from where it hung on his nightshirt earlier.

I quietly summoned the camera. This moment was too cute. I wanted to have a lot of memories with Severus. I needed to capture them all, for these were too precious to ignore. After taking the picture and revoking the silencing charm, I got back into bed, falling asleep immediately.

Will Severus be able to hide the truth from Draco???