Regretting You?

SEVERUS

I woke up to a ringing alarm clock.

The alarm clock sucks. Why?
Well, to answer your question, they suck because they wake you up especially when you didn't want to be woken up.

I groaned blindly grabbing at the nightstand so that I could shut the irritating thing up and banish it to hell but it did its purpose, I was wide awake. Getting out of bed, stretching, and groaning as my sore muscles cracked.

I felt rested after so long. I felt content. There was this fuzzy feeling in my heart that I haven't felt before as the events of the past couple of days reeled back into my mind. I couldn't believe my luck. I had finally found a guardian after so long but it was all worth it as I felt comfortable with him. He made me feel wanted. A smile took over my face as the thought of finally having someone to lean on registered.

Moments in the other part of the chamber brought me out of my musings. Harry. My guardian. Mine. I felt warmth spread throughout my body at the merry thought of it. Putting my robes on I walked out of my room wanting to greet Harry. I wanted to make up for all the time I have been mean to him.

Harry was sitting calmly on the dining table, reading a book.

"Good morning, Harry," I said softly not wanting to startle him but got no response as he continued to read completely ignoring my presence. Something didn't feel right. I shook off the fear that started to bubble up in the pit of my stomach as I called for him again. The same one I got whenever I was about to be reminded of my 'Place' by my dear father. He looked up at me but not with adoration but with pure hatred.

Instinctively, I stepped back as he took his sweet time to walk up to me, the look of hatred never leaving his face. This wasn't real. He slept with me and made sure I was comfortable. This was just a dream. I tried to reason but nothing seemed to work as Harry continued to advance towards me until my back hit the wall. There was no way to escape whatever was coming next.

"I can't believe I'm saddled with you," Harry sneered. The venom of his voice pierced my heart. It pained me. 'Stupid! You shouldn't have got attached in the first place. You should have known better. You are no one to him. He hates you. He will never accept you no matter how hard you try." I tried to bring myself out of my wild mess of thoughts as Harry stood there looking at me with rage and disgust written all over his face.

"The Bat of the Dungeon," Harry continued, walking closer to me. "A damned Little. Can you believe the irony of that?"

"Y... you said...you said," I tried to speak or more specifically stuttered past the lump in my throat. I didn't want to cry. Crying never solved anything. It made things worse. The belt! NO! I don't want to be beaten. Please! I am sorry for existing. I... I... But before I could go any further my musings were cut short as he started to speak again.

"You said. You said," Harry mocked evilly. "Snivellus. My dad and Sirius were right. Snivelling, baby Snivellus." I couldn't believe he brought that up. It was impossible to speak past the lump in my throat that was growing with every passing second making it impossible for me to hide the tears that flowed down my cheek without my consent and all I could do was stand there and cry as he continued to rant what a burden I was. It wasn't the Harry who had helped me the past couple of days, making me feel loved I daresay. How desperately I wanted to wake up from this horrible nightmare but then the realization hit me, I couldn't hide from the harsh words. It pained me to think that I was so stupid to believe in Harry's, scratch that out, Potter's antics.

"Just look at you," Harry continued the verbal abuse. "You're ugly. No one in their right minds would want to be saddled with a crooked nose, beady-eyed, dungeon bat."

"Look at the baby cry," Harry teased, standing very close to me for my comfort. "The poor baby's crying. Go on, cry. Cry! You're nothing but a cry-baby. All those times you made Neville cry. All the times you scared helpless first years. Now you stand here and cry like a baby." Harry stepped back a little and sneered in disgust. This can't be happening. This is all a dream. This can't be real. I tried to reason as my brain started to slip. Mushy thoughts made their way into my mind and I just stood there crying my heart out, unable to control myself anymore.

I was far gone into my headspace. My heart ached. I thought I found my proper guardian. Someone who would love me. Someone who would take care of me. Caress my hair. Tell me stories. Sit with me when I was sad. But no. That just wasn't in the cards for Severus Snape.

I was lost in my headspace; to realize that I didn't go to the bathroom before coming out to the sitting room. I didn't even know I was wetting until I heard Potter's voice again.

"You disgusting bastard!" Harry yelled. "You peed yourself. Are you a baby or an adult? Are you going to have to stay in diapers?" Harry gripped my shoulders and started shaking me harshly, continually yelling at me as I winced in pain under his grip.

HARRY

Whimpering sounds could be heard from beside me but my sleep-fogged mind was far too tired to care. Before I could even comprehend what was happening, something wet spread under my leg and that was what woke me up instantly. I sat up seconds away from cursing but my words died in my throat as I glanced beside me to the whimpering man. That's when all of it came back to me. I had a little to look after. I had found my little and the said little was having a nightmare from the look of it. Sev has tears streaking down his cheeks, mumbling incoherencies, likely engrossed in a nightmare.

My guardian instincts kicked in as I rolled him around and brought him to my chest, combing my fingers through his sweaty hair, trying my best to comfort him and wake him up without badly startling him. I could feel the dampness increase as minutes ticked by but that was the least of my concern. I focused on Sev, providing calming energy to him. Before you ask, being a guardian has its own benefits. Slightly rocking back and forth I whispered unintelligent words in his ear so as to calm him down.

A hand reached out to have my nightshirt in a firm grip as a cue for me to continue my soothing mantra but this time a little louder. I hugged him close wanting him to feel my presence for him to realize that he wasn't alone in this.

I looked down to those doe-shaped red-rimmed eyes looking right back at me. Just looking at those sad eyes made something stir in my heart. I felt horrible seeing my little one in such a fragile state.

"Oh, my little Sev," I cooed, pulling Severus closer to my chest. "What happened?"
Severus shook his head, trying to bury his face back into my chest.
"Come now, my little dragon," I tried to convince him, rubbing Severus' back. "What happened? Can you tell me?"

Worry was seeping into my whole body as Sev cried. Severus mumbled something into my chest. I could feel the whispered words on my chest, but couldn't understand any of them. Not totally. I could only get snippets of words. And the words I got didn't make sense to me. I wanted to push Severus out a little so that I could hear him properly, but my instincts told me otherwise and reminded me that Severus needed comfort before we could continue this talk. So, I sat there with Sev in my arms.

I knew that the bed was wet, and we both needed to be cleaned up. So that Severus wouldn't become too uncomfortable or shorten the comfort he desperately needed, I waved my hand casting a drying charm over the bed, and cast a warming charm, in addition to it, over the two of us.

I didn't want to rush Severus. I held him until Severus was ready to let go. After a short while, Severus' grip on my nightshirt loosened, not completely but it wasn't as firm as it was in the first place. I took that as a sign to enquire about the nightmare.

"Sev," I said quietly, caressing his cheek.

I felt Severus turn his head further into my chest (which I was surprised Severus could do. Sev already was imprinting his face into my side). I thought it wasn't the best time to talk about all this and let it go, rubbing my hand up to his back. I was brought out of my thoughts by Sev's mumbling and looked over at him questioningly.

"Repeat it," I almost pleaded, never stopping to rub circles on his back. I don't know why I did that when I could see he was in his adult mind but seeing him like this was heartbreaking.

"You hate me," Severus whined. "You think I am ugly." His voice hiccupped as he tried to hold back his sobs. I was quick to soothe my baby. I put my finger under Severus' chin, tilting his head until I met his dark orbs that were filled with so much sadness and hurt that my heart ached for the man who was alone a good portion of his life.

"No, no," I replied, shaking my head for emphasis. "You are not ugly."

I said it forcefully so as to make him believe every word I said. I could see the small smile tucking at the corner of his lips and that made me smile in return as I continued with my previous statement.
"And this nonsense of me hating you. That is just not possible."

I leaned down and without a second thought kissed Severus several times on his forehead, cheeks, nose, and back to his forehead. Severus gave a small chuckle because my short stubble tickled his cheeks; he wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me tightly and I let him. I wasn't the one for physical contact, especially with a man. After what Uncle Vernon did to me, I was never able to trust a grown man to touch me but Sev was different. He was my little. Mine. And I would provide as much comfort as he needed.

After a few moments, I pulled out of the hug, patting his back.

"Are you feeling better?" I questioned.

He simply nodded in my neck, not wanting to let go for now.

"All right," I said, slightly pushing Severus away. "Let's get cleaned up. We are taking the day off from teaching so that we can spend quality time together, truly getting to know each other."

Severus smiled at that and fell back into my arms, hugging me tightly. I obliged freely. When we let go of each other this time, I got out of bed, noticing Severus didn't want to get out against the side he slept on. I moved so he could get up. He moved the cover from over his waist, and the tears were back. Severus shook his head.

I looked him over and saw fresh tears pooling his eyes.

"No, my Sev," I said, kneeling in front of him. "What's wrong?"

"I-I... I'm sorry," Severus sighed, looking down.

I looked down and saw his firm grip on the edges of the duvet. He wouldn't let go when I tried to move the covers off his lap. I sighed, looking at Sev who tried to avoid eye contact. This was going to take forever.

"Severus," I soothed, speaking slowly and firmly, so as to not let Sev's mind wander and think I was making fun of him. "You had a horrible nightmare. It scared you. There is nothing to be ashamed of."

"But I wet the bed and on you," He whispered still not meeting my eye. His cheeks flamed red with embarrassment as he looked at my now wet trousers.

"And I'm still here," I tried to reason with him. "There is nothing a little wet could do to me. All I have to do is wash it off. I'm not worried about it. You don't need to be, either."
I stood up and pulled Severus up with me.

"Now, we are going to get cleaned up. While you're taking a shower, I'm going to clean up in here. After my shower, we're going to leave. Okay."

Severus nodded. I cupped Severus' cheek, caressing it with my thumb, brushing a few tears away. "Good boy. Go on."

Severus took a shower. The dream still haunted him, but the reassurances eased him. While he washed, he could feel Harry's love. It made him smile. Truly smile.

I called Ayana, asked for her to clean the sheets and the mattress before informing her of our plans for the day and telling her to help in the kitchen. After Ayana left, I gathered Sev's clothes for the day and set them on the bed.

I waited for him to exit, telling him to get dressed as I walked to my own room, to take a relaxing shower myself. I got cleaned up and dressed in record time to walk out of the room where Sev sat on the sofa, skimming the day's Daily Prophet.

"Anything good in the paper?" I asked curiously.

Severus lowered the paper and eyeballed, raising an eyebrow.

"There is nothing in this paper that is good," Severus sneered.

I laughed at his sense of humor. "Come on, let's go have breakfast."

We walked out of the castle and headed towards Hogsmeade. It looked like a card; the little thatched cottages and shops were all covered in a layer of crisp snow; there were holly wreaths on the doors and strings of enchanted candles hanging in the trees.

"Severus," I said, catching his attention. It was a little weird addressing him by his first name when he was an adult but I guess I will get used to it sooner or later. "While we're there, we are meeting someone important to me." A smile was tucked at the corner of my lips as we entered three broomsticks.

SEVERUS

My brow furrowed. Didn't Harry say that I was important? Who's this other person? Why are they taking my Harry away from me?

'Severus, calm your horses down. It's not like you own him.' My brain scolded me.
'Stilllll......' I whined back.

I was so lost having a conversation with my brain that I didn't realize Harry was calling for me until he shook my arm lightly.
"Did you hear what I said?" Harry asked.
"I want you to be nice to her. And I don't think it will be a problem." He continued as I shook my hand, curious as to who was the person that was behind the ear-to-ear grin Harry was sporting and how can I ignore that mischievous smirk plastered on his face to go with that grin. I have a bad feeling about this. He is up to no good. Or is he?

Harry smirked. He knew that it would surprise Severus when he saw that it was one of his former students, with whom Harry was in love with. Harry was so excited about Severus and his girl meeting that he wasn't in tune with his Little to know that Severus was stressing.

We chose to sit at the very back and I was grateful as I couldn't withstand attention. Harry continued to babble about this important person or rather an important girl which I presumed was his girlfriend. My excited mood faded away as anxiety started filling up on me. I didn't want to be here anymore, I wanted to go back to the safe proximity of my quarters.

He must have seen the far-off look on my face as he brought his hand to rest on top of mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Severus, you alright. If you want to go back to Hogwarts, we can." 

"No," I said shaking my head. "It's nice being away from school once in a while," I said, forcing myself to pull up a smile on my face. I can survive this for his sake after all he had done for me. "So, who is this person?" I questioned curiously to divert his attention and released a relieved breath as a fond look overtook his features but before he could answer, he stood up abruptly, startling me a little. I watched him stand and looked towards the entrance to see our guest. To say I was shocked was an understatement. Pansy Parkinson! of all people. Well, what can I say we are talking about the fucking hero of the wizarding world, a dunderhead, Harry, my fucking guardian, Potter?

She has grown up into a beautiful woman with perfect curves on a lean frame, sporting dark brown eyes matching her short, curly brown hairs.
'Stop lusting over your guardian's girlfriend...' my brain supplied.
'I was just helping the writer describe her, not lusting, you piece of shit.' I replied getting up.
'All yours to curse my boy.' Can it be possible to have a smirking brain, not to mention irritating?
'Shut it, dickhead.' What's wrong with me? I can practically hear my brain laughing. Is that even possible?

She smiled at Harry, a surprised look crossed her face as she took in the fact that I had tagged along, I am not a social butterfly and definitely never the one to socialize with the chosen one, before smiling and greeting me politely.

Pansy sat next to Harry. "Have you ordered?"
"Yes," Harry said. "I ordered your favorite."
"Thank you," Pansy said. "I'm famished."

'Thank you, I am famished.' I repeated, imitating her in my head. I am sick of these love birds already. The way they are sparing lusty glances at each other makes me want to murder them. 'Ladies and gentlemen, your teacher, aka me, is sitting right next to you.' I said sarcastically in my head.

The three of us, talked until the food arrived, well, mainly these two lovesick people, but whatever. We ate in comfortable silence, talking sparsely in between bites. Halfway through the meal, I was fighting my headspace as I started to slip. I couldn't slip here! Now right now! People can't know about me. I kept quiet but I was panicking inside. My thought process was messed up as I tried to control myself and get my emotions under check but all this socializing thing was too overwhelming for me. Pansy excused herself to the lady's room and Harry reached across the table to touch my hand which was shaking slightly due to how nervous I was feeling.

"Severus," Harry called soothingly. Harry got up and slid his chair closer to mine. "What's the matter, Little Dragon?" He must have caught on to the situation as I didn't respond. I was trying my hardest to keep it all together. Harry stood up to get my robes as Pansy walked towards them.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," Harry said. "We have to go."
"That's fine," Pansy said. "I just got a message from work. I need to get back."

Pansy grabbed her things, kissed Harry, and rushed out of the door, not saying anything to me and I was grateful for that.

"Come, my Little Dragon," Harry said as he helped me with my robes, guiding us out of the three broomsticks. For some reason, we headed to Honeydukes, the sweet street, and I almost slipped seeing all the sweets in there but controlled myself and closed my eyes as Harry guided us through a secret passage to my, or rather our, chambers.

Once inside, Harry took off out robes and left me in the living room as I took a seat on the sofa.
"I'll be right back," Harry said, kissing me on my forehead.

HARRY

I rushed back to Severus' bedroom. I grabbed Severus' stuff doe and dummy which were on the nightstand before heading back into the sitting room. When I walked in, Severus was nowhere to be seen.

I had warded the door, so I could keep track of anyone who went in or out of these quarters. The wards were in place, which meant Severus was still in here.

My thoughts were interrupted by small giggles coming from right behind me. I turned around and saw my Little Dragon back in his toddler form, sitting on the table with a box of chocolate-covered biscuits in his lap. Crumbs everywhere. Sev was so cute, and he had the biggest grin on his face when he saw his dada. I couldn't bring myself to get angry at him.

I accio'ed my camera, taking a shot. Putting the camera down, I walked over to my naughty little monster.

"Well, well," I said. "What have you been doing?"
Sev giggled, holding his arms out, opening and closing crumb-covered fingers. I walked over to Sev. I took the box away from the toddler and picked him up.
"Such a messy Sev," I fake scolded, poking Sev's tummy.

Sev giggled, trying to get away from the tickling finger.

"Let's get you cleaned up," I concluded, walking back to the bathroom.

I sat Sev down on the counter as I worked on a small flannel to dampen it before cleaning Sev up. With a lot of squirming and pleading, Sev was clean enough to get picked back up.

"Now," I thought out loud, walking back into the sitting room. "I promised that we were going to spend the day together. And that's what we are going to do."

I got comfortable on the sofa with Sev on his lap.

"So, would you like to go to London?" I asked.

"Ya," Sev said, bouncing on my lap. "ev go."

"Well, little sir," I said, making my voice sound proper. "Let's gather some needed things for his highness, and we shall be off."

Sev giggled at me as I smiled back at him.

I carried Sev to the nursery. On the side table by the changing station was a large bag. I inspected it and saw there was plenty of room to pack a substantial number of items.

"Alright, little Dragon," I said, walking towards the playpen. "Sit here while I get all the things together. Then we'll leave."

I put several toys around Severus to keep him occupied until we were ready to go. I conjured a piggy backpack, it was easy for me to carry,packing essentials we might need on our day out, along with the camera. While Severus was occupied with playing, I shrunk the stroller and put it in my pocket. I didn't want to worry about trying to apparate with a stroller. It would be easier if I held Sev. The last thing I needed was Sev's doe.

I finished packing. I picked Sev up and checked his diaper to make sure he was dry. It was a little wet. It probably could have waited for a little while, but I didn't want to take a chance. I changed his diaper, grabbed the bag, and headed for the door, picking up the doe that was still on the table.

"Okay, Sev," I said, kissing Sev on the cheek. "Let's go."

"Yay," Sev cheered, clapping his tiny hands.

Is Severus insecure about Harry being with Pansy???