Absolute (Harry)
“I do love Theo.”
“I know that, but that doesn’t mean you’re in love with him.”
Harry took a cookie when Hop pushed them closer to him and then bundled up a little more securely beneath his blanket. The sun was beginning to rise and it wasn’t ‘like’ Harry and Hop had been outside all night talking, that was exactly what they had done.
It had been a week since Theo left - since he left Hawkins, left Harry - and Harry was handling it fine.
Harry went to school, he stayed awake in his classes. Harry did his homework to the best of his ability. Harry cleaned the house after dinner. Harry slept.
Everything had been fine and then Hop seemed to get frustrated out of nowhere and start sniping at Harry over things that weren’t wrong —
“Quit cleaning.”
“Eat a full meal.”
“Make some damn noise.”
Harry had snapped, finally snapped, and stormed outside the night before, determined to stay outside until Hop stopped - stopped… stopped yelling at him for things that weren’t wrong.
The anger didn’t last long, only long enough for the sun to set. By the time Harry could see stars appearing in the black sky, Hop had shown up outside with food he said Harry had to eat and a lot of good advice.
“Look, kid.” Hop smoked a lot, but he aimed the cigarette smoke away from Harry while they were outside and Harry appreciated it. It made it easier for Harry to nibble on the cookie and listen intently to whatever words of wisdom Hop had after Harry haltingly and rather unwillingly told him about every interaction he ever had with or about Theo Nott.
“There’s love, and that’s real,” Hop said. He stared off toward the sunrise and Harry watched the colors and emotions play off his face, bouncing around and mixing together. “You love your sisters, you’d kill for them and die for them if you had to.”
Right.
“Then there’s romantic love, and that’s a different mess altogether,” he went on. “That’s when you want to be near ‘em all the time, want to be with ‘em until you’re both old and grey and wrinkled. It’s different, Harry. It doesn’t make one love any less important than the other, but if you were in love with Theo, you’d know it.”
“How?” Harry asked. Because Harry did love Theo. He did. Harry was scared for him, Harry worried about him, Harry loved him. But Harry didn’t know if the love he had for Theo was ever any different than the love he had for Siri or El or Hop himself. Harry worried about Billy, he’d been scared for him when he lived with his father. It didn’t mean that Harry wanted to kiss Billy or hold his hand or grow to become old with him.
“Well…” Hop scratched his chin, he seemed to think hard about Harry’s genuine answer. Harry needed to know because Siri said he was heartbroken and Harry had felt heartache before, mental pain so extreme that it manifested physically, he didn’t think that was what he felt over Theo leaving.
Harry thought he just missed his best friend.
“When you’re in love with someone… you can feel it in your whole body,” Hop said slowly. “It’s nerves in your stomach when you’re around ‘em, it’s feeling hot every time they touch you. Shit like that sometimes fades with time, but it never really goes away.” He glanced over at Harry, checking that he was eating one of the cookies that Joyce Byers brought for them. “That make sense?” he asked.
Harry considered it for some time, long enough that the sun had truly started to settle in the sky and cut through the cold morning air.
That did make sense, a lot of sense. Harry didn’t feel those things for Theo, even when they kissed it hadn’t made Harry feel any different than he felt when he kissed El’s forehead or Siri’s cheek.
“It does,” Harry said. He stood up and held the blanket around himself more tightly so he could take the plate of cookies without dropping either. It was early, too early really, but Harry had spent all night talking and he had maybe an hour or two left of talking-energy before he decided he was going to stop for at least a week.
“Will you give me a ride, please?” Harry asked Hop. Because it did make sense, Harry knew exactly what Hop was saying. It all made perfect sense suddenly as Harry could imagine exactly what Hop described through his own memories.
“You want to go now?” Hop asked, somehow not needing to even ask where it was Harry needed a ride to.
Harry nodded; he needed and wanted to go then. It was as important as everything that Hop explained to him. It seemed incredibly important that Harry shared what he just realized —
Harry loved Theo. Harry had never been in love with Theo.
Harry was in love with Steve Harrington.