Happiness (Sirianna)
Sirianna curled in Billy's side and listened while he recounted every second of his trip to California.
It had been Billy's idea to go and Sirianna had supported it fully. Billy said Steve needed a vacation, but Billy needed to see his ocean again, his home. Sirianna had been happy for him to go on his boys trip and she was so happy he was home.
Not that he made it home in one piece, but Harry had patched up Billy, Sirius fixed his car, and Sirianna practiced with Sirius's wand until she was able to fix his surfboard by herself.
It shouldn't have been such a big thing, fixing a broken surfboard. But it was Billy's surfboard and Sirianna had been able to fix it. It made her happy, happier when Billy had enthusiastically thanked her with quite the evening.
Billy called it a date day, Sirianna would refer to it as the happiest day she had since before Billy left.
They went to dinner together, which had been terribly romantic. Billy had been such a gentleman too and Sirianna was so thrilled to be the only girl he had eyes for in the restaurant. They went for a drive afterward and Sirianna told Billy about the nonsense he missed - mostly from Theo, who was truly wearing on Sirianna's last nerve.
Theo was wonderful and he loved Harry, but Theo called Chrissy's boyfriend a liar and hurt Chrissy's feelings and it was getting close to Sirianna losing her mind. It was one thing to say that he loved Harry, but Theo was lying to Harry and it was interfering with Sirianna's friends - who were also Harry's friends and who didn't lie to either of them.
Sirianna secretly hoped that Theo would get tired of the muggle school and return to Hogwarts with Ron. Ron obviously cared about Theo, Sirianna could tell in the letters they exchanged since he left, but Ron also said that Theo had problems.
Which, obviously.
Billy had commiserated with her and said that he didn't like Theo. Sirianna wanted to like Theo, she wanted him to be the sweet and quiet boy that had been Harry's best friend and soulmate when they were eleven… but Theo changed, they all had. Maybe the pieces simply didn't fit together as well anymore.
Billy didn't have any life-changing advice for Sirianna, only a couple of hours spent changing her life in the backseat of his car after they parked at the quarry. They laid on the hood of the Camaro together when they were both needing fresh air and… and a cigarette.
Sirianna giggled then at the oxymoron and Billy looked down at where she was tucked against his side with a half-smile.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"Nothing," she said. It was silly. She smiled up at him and wondered how she was so lucky to have someone like Billy with her. Billy was… he was brilliant. Billy was sweet and funny and he could be terribly kind. Billy cared about Harry and Steve and Chrissy and - and Billy loved her.
Billy loved her.
It had seemed so terrifying before, but Sirianna looked up in his beautiful blue eyes and couldn't feel any of the terror she once felt. It was never terror of Billy, Billy was rough and liked to let his fists speak for him on occasion, but Billy never hurt her. Billy would never.
Because he loved her.
And… and there was something in Sirianna's chest that beat for Billy, something in her veins that sang when he was with her. If that wasn't love… what was?
"Billy?" Sirianna didn't know if it was a night for whispered confessions or not, but her pulse was thrumming along and she needed to say it. She wanted to. Billy… Billy was so brave. Sirianna couldn't imagine how he had been able to say it to her so many times in the last couple of months without hearing it back.
Sirianna wasn't ready before, she didn't know, but she did then.
"I love you," Sirianna told him in a quiet rush. Billy seemed to freeze beside her, actually freeze as in she wasn't entirely sure that he was breathing while his eyes searched hers frantically and Sirianna thought he might have been waiting for a qualifier.
There wasn't one.
Sirianna loved Billy.
It was so natural that she wanted to laugh at herself for being so scared to say it. Of course she loved him, of course she did.
How could she not?
Billy was brave and beautiful, fearless and vulnerable. Billy had been hurt, he had hurt others, he was perfectly imperfect and Sirianna loved him.
"You - you're sure?" he asked. It would have made Sirianna grin, when did either of them say things they weren't sure about? Except Billy's eyes were a little guarded and his voice was a bit rough. Sirianna might tease him another time, but she wouldn't then.
It wasn't the night for teasing.
"Very sure," she said. She took a deep breath and tried to snuggle even harder into his side, which he accommodated easily by holding her tighter and they both leaned back to look up in the sky together again.
"I love you and it's a little terrifying," she said quietly, nearly a whisper. "Because I can imagine a whole life together and - and I want it. I want us to- to go on trips together. I want to see your ocean and I want you to fly with me. I want to one day live together and… I just want us to be together." Sirianna looked up at Billy and studied the side of his face, the profile of the man that Sirianna wanted to be beside every day - on good days to laugh together, on bad days to cry together.
Sirianna just wanted to be with him.
"You're my best friend," she added, because it was true. The entire week that Billy was gone, Sirianna kept turning to look for him when Chrissy said something ridiculous or Jason made a face about missing Eddie. When Theo irritated her, Sirianna looked for Billy so they could roll their eyes together. When Harry looked a little too besotted with Theo, Sirianna looked for Billy to share looks.
Every time anything happened, Sirianna wanted to tell Billy or talk about it with him. They were best friends and that sort of made everything perfect.
"You're my best friend." Billy turned his head so he could kiss the top of Sirianna's head and she felt him pressing his lips hard. "I love you," he said so softly that Sirianna knew nobody would ever believe her that Billy Hargrove could be so soft. "All that shit you want? I've wanted it for months, maybe longer."
"You swear?" Sirianna asked. She turned her head some until she could see Billy, could see the honest emotion that shined in his eyes and was matched in his voice.
"I swear to God," he said.
"Good." Sirianna got comfortable again with her head on Billy's chest, right where it fit perfectly.
There wasn't a perfect night to tell Billy that she loved him and to unload everything she realized when he was away - but there was a night that became perfect while they laid together in their favorite place with their favorite person.