Even Stranger Magic

"Yo! Pretty boy! Move your ass!"

"Hey, shut up!"

"You're worse than a chick!"

Steve scoffed quietly while he did try and hurry with his hair. Billy couldn't say Steve was a chick when Billy set an alarm just to wake up with enough time to do his hair. Steve didn't even usually take so long, it was just… Harry liked Steve's hair, he said it was pretty.

And - and Steve liked Harry, he thought he was pretty - handsome, whatever. Harry was attractive and Steve was going to tell him so.

Steve finished making a careful loop in his hair with his fingers while he rehearsed what he was going to say…

"I like you," Steve whispered to his reflection. "More than just as a friend." No, that was no good, Harry might think he meant like best friend or something.

"Harry, hi, I wanted to know if you wanted to go out with me," Steve tried out. "Like as - as boyfriends."

Was that too pushy? Did it sound weird? It was weird.

Steve's eyes were shining and his face was flushed with some mixture of fear and excitement while he tried to find the perfect words. It was terrifying, Steve could hardly sleep after he decided that he was sick of being worried about it.

His parents weren't calling him back, his classmates got bored with the gay-bashing over the summer - it was Steve that needed to stop being a coward. So - so he was gay, okay. Billy was dating a witch, Jason had a girlfriend and a boyfriend.

Okay, Jason might not have been the best example since he told the group pretty bluntly that his dad would kill him if he knew, but a secret boyfriend still made him like half-gay. Bisexual, that was what Nancy called it.

"You're not gay, you're bisexual," Nancy told Jason at lunch, quietly enough that nobody outside of their table heard her.

"That's what I said," Eddie grinned. He had Chrissy's head on his shoulder and Steve was pretty sure there was some sort of game of footsie happening under the table between him and Jason too.

"Can someone be bisexual if they're dating guys?" Chrissy asked.

"You can be bisexual while dating either gender." Theo sat beside Harry and rolled his eyes when Nancy and Jonathan both gave him pointed looks - they were kind of getting good at the whole ‘couple who totally judges you together' act.

"I am gay," Theo said, clearly and unashamed. "Women do nothing for me."

"Is it misogynistic to be gay?" Jonathan mused quietly.

"It is when Theo says it," Nancy laughed.

Steve's stomach had been squirming through the entire conversation like it was trying to get away from everyone suddenly talking about their sexuality.

"Siri…" Harry spoke up suddenly, looked across the table to his sister with big eyes. Steve couldn't guess what the question was he had, but Sirianna was more fluent in Harry than Steve was.

"It means two things," she said, grinning with a little sparkle in her eyes. "You got it right."

Harry's eyes flickered to Steve too quickly before he nodded and went back to staring in the distance. Steve tried to catch his eyes again while Nancy launched in a debate on sexuality with a too-willing-to-talk-about-it-loudly Eddie.

Steve didn't catch his eyes again during lunch, but he did catch Nancy's almost aggressively aimed comment:

"I think," Nancy stared at Steve so hard it was almost terrifying, "that it's perfectly normal to be bisexual."

Yeah? Then maybe Nancy should break up with Jonathan and start dating Chrissy. Or Nancy and Jonathan should both start dating Chrissy, Jason, and Eddie…

God, Steve's friends were a mess, actually. But - but they were all still friends. So… Steve looked at Harry when the bell rang for the end of lunch and Harry blinked before he sort of grinned at Steve…

So what was stopping Steve from dating who he wanted to?

"Harry, I really like you," Steve said to his reflection, imagining green eyes instead of his brown ones. "I'd like to be your boyfriend, if you want."

Simple, honest, not a lot of room for misinterpretation.

"You forgot the roses, Romeo."

"JESUS FUCK!" Steve jumped at least a foot in the air at Billy's calm taunt. He spun around and saw that Billy stood in the doorway of his bedroom, smirking at him with his arms crossed over his chest. Steve clutched his chest where his heart was freaking racing and he tried to glare at Billy.

"You have to stop walking so quietly," Steve complained. "You're a snoop, man."

"Nah, you were just distracted by your speech," Billy said, his smirk shifting to a grin just a little too sharp to be entirely friendly. "Finally got your head out of your ass?"

Steve's head was never ‘in his ass'. It - Billy didn't get it, but Steve was over it. If Jason freaking Carver could wear a cross around his neck, lead the Hawkins Catholic Church Youth Group, and screw Eddie Munson without blinking then Steve could ask Harry out.

"Yeah, yeah." Steve grinned a little self-consciously. "Laugh it up, Hargrove."

"Oh, I'm gonna." Billy punched Steve's shoulder when he walked past him in the doorway. "Can you do it before school starts? I need something to get me through the day, you know?"

"You're an ass," Steve said, laughing at Billy's bull. Billy talked a big game, but it was all talk lately. Somehow Billy became the calmest person that Steve knew - a good listener too.

Steve had sort of burst in Billy's place a few times since the Great Theo Nott appeared to bitch about him. It wasn't like anyone else got it though, Billy was the only other person who saw what a total douche Theo was. He acted like he had some kind of claim over Harry, like Harry was just his.

It was annoying and Billy thought so too.

"Aw, don't be like that." Billy kept up with Steve, only pausing in the foyer to scratch Ziggy's ears before they left. "Seriously, when are you hitting him with the big question?"

"We're meeting up after school," Steve said, he already had it all planned out. Swim meet tryouts were coming up, Steve had a key to the school pool as the team captain. Harry wanted to tryout, Steve told him they could practice his tryout in the pool at the school so there were no surprises for him.

It would be the perfect time - they'd be alone, no risk of anyone showing up uninvited. They'd go through the routine Steve taught him and then - then before they left Steve would ask him. It wasn't exactly romantic, but romance wasn't as important as privacy and Steve wasn't going to get that anywhere else.

"Guess you're not riding with me then," Billy said. He smirked at Steve and was really getting too much enjoyment from Steve's possible upcoming humiliation. "Queen Steve is all grown up, I'm so proud."

"Yeah, screw you." Steve flipped Billy off with his own grin. Billy probably wasn't trying to ease Steve's nerves, but he still kind of was. Billy flipped him back off and Steve kind of thought that - that maybe it would be fine.

Even if Harry wasn't interested, and Steve really thought he was - if Harry was a girl, Steve would have called it a sure bet - Harry wouldn't be a jerk about it. Theo was like an unknown variable in the equation, but Steve was crap at math so he still liked his odds.

Steve kept up with his own pep-talk and rehearsal through his morning classes. It would be fine, even if Harry didn't want to date or whatever. Harry was still kind of messed up sometimes, he might not be ready for a relationship. It didn't have to be the end of the world if Harry wasn't interested.

At least he would know Steve was and - and maybe when he was ready, he'd want Steve.

The best outcome was Harry admitting that he liked Steve, was thrilled that Steve liked him, all their friends would be happy for them, Theo moved back to England, and everyone else lived happily ever after.

Steve was imagining the short and simple speech Harry might give during his Spanish II class - a class he was only in because Billy was apparently freaking fluent in Spanish - when someone kicked him. Steve jerked in his seat, turned to see Robin looking at him quizzically.

Billy was carelessly - braggily - taking a nap at his desk beside Robin.

"What?" Steve whispered to her, trying to go unnoticed while their teacher talked about the semester projects they would be assigned soon.

"I said your name three times," Robin whispered to him. "I thought maybe you died."

"He's rehearsing," Billy grunted. Not asleep then, cool, cool.

"Rehearsing? For what?" Robin asked, perking up.

Steve hesitated… He liked Robin, they kind of clicked after the whole ‘hi please pretend to be my girlfriend' thing. Robin had worked afternoons at Scoop's Ice Cream Parlor over the summer while Steve worked the opening shift at the pool, so they didn't get a lot of chances to hang out. But Robin was cool, Billy swore she was gay, though his only reasoning was that she didn't fall in his bed when he tried… which… Billy was a good-looking guy, so… yeah, fair.

Robin had even heard Steve tell his parents he was gay, she had smiled at him and told him she was proud of him. It had been a weird thing to say and Steve had been kind of distracted by Billy cutting his finger off, but - why not?

Steve turned all the way around in his seat so he could whisper to her without anyone else hearing him.

"I'm asking Harry out today," he said, the first time he told someone who wasn't Billy. It still made his stomach do a flip, but it wasn't painful as much as it was… kind of excited?

"Really? I thought you two were already together?" Robin whispered back. "You're so totally gay for each other?"

"I mean - I think he is and I - I am, but not like together," Steve stammered. "Unless it goes good today."

"Okay! Let's hear the speech." Robin propped a hand under his chin and blinked at Steve expectantly. "Come on," she said when he hesitated. "Rehearse it to me!"

"Um…" Steve glanced over at where Billy was a little too peacefully sleeping before giving in with a heavy sigh. "I really like you. I'd like to be your boyfriend, if you want."

Robin blinked at Steve while a clock on the wall ticked and Billy snorted at his desk.

"Oh, that's it?" Robin made a face and Steve's stomach dropped.

"No, no, I'm sure it's great! Harry's like kind of special anyway, right?" Robin said quickly. “So he probably doesn't need you to dump a bunch of complicated feelings on him! Keep it short and sweet, he’ll love it!"

Billy lifted his head with a loud sigh and an overly dramatic roll of his eyes.

"Harry's not fucking stupid, he's a damn genius if you talk to him for more than thirty seconds. And,” he pointed his finger at Robin, “don't mock Steve's plan or he won't say shit and I'll have to watch the two of them dance around each other for another fucking year."

Steve's face was burning some, but he still nodded in agreement to Billy's… kind of insulting rant.

"And you don't get to say shit because I know damn good and well that you're too chicken shit to say a word to that person," Billy said to Robin, catching Steve's interest that time when Robin was the one to turn bright red.

"Hey, Hargrove." Robin raised her middle finger with a fake smile that did nothing to hide her obvious embarrassment. "How about you go fuck yourself?"

"Because unlike you idiots," Billy snatched his stuff when the bell rang and stood up, shaking his head like Steve and Robin were children who disappointed him, "I don't have to. Sort yourselves out…" Billy muttered something as he left the classroom that Steve was—

"I'm pretty sure he just called us queers in Spanish," Robin said, speaking Steve's exact though. "Am I… super impressed that Billy knows Spanish slang or insulted to be lumped in with you?"

"Both,” Steve said, despite the insult that rolled off his back. “Hey, who was he talking about?" Steve asked while gathering his own stuff.

"Hey, Harrington." Robin smiled cheerfully again and flipped Steve off as well. "Worry about your own love life."

It wasn't… ugh. Robin flounced out of the room before Steve could tell her that it wasn't a ‘love life' it was just… like… his life… which could possibly one day perhaps maybe hold the possibility of love.

And also - Robin sucked at customer service. Steve could only imagine her flipping off her customers all day at Scoop’s, a thought that actually made him laugh on his way to his next class.

Lunch went by too quickly and Steve spent most of it trying to get Billy to tell him who he thought Robin was interested in. It was a lot more entertaining than watching Harry, Theo, and Jonathan work together on a project they were going to do for art.

Steve should have taken art for his elective, but nooo… he let Billy talk him into taking weight training, which sucked. Steve was athletic enough, in good shape, but the seniors who took weight training were as insane as Billy about it and it wasn't really Steve's scene.

It was an easy A though since the coach napped in his office and just let them screw around in the weight room.

That was where Billy finally snapped, fed up with Steve bugging him for who Robin's secret crush was.

"Jesus fucking Christ, you're worse than the damn dog!" Billy huffed at him. "Use your brain, dumbass. It's the second hottest chick in this shit hole school."

The second hottest girl?

Steve pretended to lift weights while he thought about it. Nancy was probably the prettiest girl, but Chrissy was really pretty too. Billy would rank Sirianna as the hottest, so Steve didn't bother trying to rank her. Robin herself was pretty, funny too, but it wouldn't be herself.

"Chrissy?" Steve guessed, unsure how Billy would rank girls.

"Dumbass." Billy dropped the barbell he had on the floor, clanking it loudly enough to startle the four other guys in the class. Billy wiped his forehead and Steve - Steve used to think about what having a brother would be like… He'd think about how much noisier his house would be, how he'd always have someone to play basketball or hang out with.

Then Billy looked at him with the most exasperated look of ‘dumbass' and Steve realized that was what having a brother would be like.

"Heather Holloway is the second hottest chick in this school," Billy said. "Jesus, you're hopeless."

"Oooh." Steve pictured Heather, one of the senior girls who worked with them at the pool over the summer. Heather was tall, tan, had a great body, and her hair was amazing. "Yeah, that makes sense," he agreed. "Did Robin tell you she likes her?"

"Nope." Billy picked the barbell back up for another set - the guy was a beast, honestly, Steve was tired just looking at him. "I watched her walk up to Heather fifteen times in five minutes at the pool before she left."

That - yeah, alright. So Billy was suddenly the calmest guy Steve knew and the most observant. How that happened, Steve had no idea. It had to be the girlfriend and the dog - maybe they balanced out all of the unstable craziness that used to burst out of Billy. 

Thinking about who Robin was crushing on had pretty much kept Steve from worrying about his own plans most of the day. When the bell rang and school ended, Steve once again started sweating and panic-rehearsing in his head.

Steve thought that he was going to freak out completely by the time he met Harry at the pool entrance, but… but seeing Harry actually helped. Like Harry was there with his usual silent nod and his clear eyes and Steve stopped worrying so much.

The worst he could say was no.

They swam mostly in silence, with only Steve's occasional instructions echoing in the pool room. Their strokes were almost in synch, but Harry struggled to keep up when Steve stopped holding back and tried to push him further. It didn't surprise him that Harry only tried harder when Steve did, Harry was competitive as hell.

It was kind of adorable. Okay, it was totally adorable.

When they finished, even Steve was a little out of breath as they settled on the edge of the pool by their clothes and they both tried to catch their breath. Steve went for towels from the rack and he tilted his head to the side when he walked back, noticing for the first time that Harry had a necklace on. It wasn't anything gaudy, just a simple black cord with a silver medallion hanging from the front. The writing on it wasn't in English, but Steve was trying to not creepily stare at Harry's chest either.

Harry was breathing kind of heavy and shivering even with the towel that Steve found for him. It would have been a great time for Steve to have a jacket to offer him, but summer was still hanging on outside and Steve didn't think about the AC in the school.

"I think…" Harry's lips were a little blue and Steve sucked because he only noticed that after he noticed that Harry was smiling at him. "You're going to make a good swim captain."

Steve chuckled at what seemed to be a backhanded compliment. Harry was good at those, when he was comfortable.

"Haha, you love me," Steve teased him, returning the smile freely. He nudged Harry's shoulder with his and felt the thrill that happened when it was just them together like that. When Harry was happy and comfortable enough to insult Steve, it was - it was awesome.

"I used to," Harry said, continuing the light banter. Harry seemed kind of shyly pleased when Steve laughed again.

Steve lived with Billy, Harry was going to have to work harder to hurt his feelings.

But… but that was kind of a good way to bring up what Steve wanted to talk about…

"I mean… if you don't hate me too much…" Steve tried to remember his exact speech and forgot it entirely when Harry looked him square in the eyes. Without his glasses on and their faces so close together, Steve became tongue tied.

Harry waited though and - and it was great, alright? It was great that someone didn't expect Steve to be smooth or cool or anything, it was great that Harry was willing to wait for Steve to say what he wanted —

No, what he needed to say.

"I - I've kind of been working through some stuff," Steve started awkwardly. "And even if I've known something for a while, it was hard to accept. It was like I didn't really know myself anymore and it - I just needed time to figure it out. But I know now, okay? And maybe I'm not making sense, I'm sorry, but I'm good with me, I'm not scared or whatever anymore."

God, he was rambling. Steve took a deep breath and his brain actually did him a favor and pushed the words he practiced all day right to his mouth.

"Harry, I like you, a lot."

Harry blinked and Steve thought maybe he understood what he was going to say, maybe he knew —

"Steve," Harry sounded suddenly pained. His eyes tightened and his arm curled around his stomach, like he was protecting himself from a hit he didn't want to receive. "Please, stop," he said quietly.

Steve couldn't stop, he didn't want to walk out of that room without finally saying it. If Harry wasn't ready, that was fine, but Steve didn't want there to be any misunderstanding between them on where Steve stood.

"Let me just finish, please?" Steve asked. He waited until Harry nodded tersely to say it quickly, the words that weren't meant to hurt either of them.

"I like you, Harry," Steve said clearly, unashamed. "And if you like me too, I'd - I'd like to go out with you. You know, like boyfriends."

As it turned out, because Steve was a fucking naive idiot, the worst thing Harry could say wasn't a simple ‘no'. It was —

"I can't."

Steve tried to not recoil, he tried to not think two words hurt worse than any fight he'd been in. Steve tried to remind himself that Harry was literally a prisoner for years, had a knife shoved through his forehead in some freaky magical lobotomy.

It still hurt.

"Can't?" Steve asked.

Harry looked down and shook his head, "Can't."

There could have been a dozen reasons why he said ‘can't' instead of ‘no', but only one reason really made itself known.

"Oh." Steve looked at the chain necklace Harry wore, the one he hadn't really questioned much. "Theo, right?" Steve asked, bitterness welling up inside of him. Because Steve could suddenly remember a dozen moments when Harry had seemed like he was saying yes, moments that Steve wasn't ready for yet. But Steve missed his chance and that was Theo's necklace on Harry's neck.

"Yeah." Harry didn't look at him. "It's Theo."

Of course it was.

Steve didn't mean to say that part aloud, it just slipped out and made Harry's head snap up and his eyes to flash in momentary anger.

"He loves me," he said hotly. "So, yeah, of course."

"Loves you?" Steve knew he sounded like an ass, he knew it and couldn't make himself shut up. It was like he was locked out of himself, stuck watching while he let the hurt twist him into someone he wasn't. "He doesn't even know you anymore."

"Yeah?" Harry pushed himself to his feet and Steve couldn't stand anyone standing over him, not if Steve was able to get on his own feet, even Harry. Even Harry who wasn't violent and wasn't going to kick him wasn't someone Steve wanted leaning over him.

"At least he never tried to get my sister to be his fake girlfriend," Harry said, throwing Steve's mistake back in his face like acid.

"Good one," Steve bit out. "Theo tell you to say that?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you let him - him control you since the second he showed up after stalking you!" Steve cried, throwing his hands up. "Theo says jump and you do it!"

"Why wouldn't I?" Harry yelled - he yelled. Steve could count on one hand how many times he heard Harry yell and it had never been aimed at him before.

It fucking sucked.

"Theo is my friend! He doesn't want to hide who he is or - or who I am! Theo doesn't want to hide me away in a cage like a horrible secret!"

"GREAT!" Steve yelled. "Then go find him! Tell him you don't want to make decisions for yourself! Tell him you're the same kid he used to know and that - that I never meant anything to you, it was always him! It'll be really romantic, Harry, you and the fucking strung out creep who stalked you for years!"

Steve crossed a line about two minutes ago, but he knew it was the last straw when Harry stepped back, hurt replacing the temporary anger across his face. Steve wanted to take it all back, he wanted to apologize and tell Harry that he hated Theo and he cared about him and how did it all get so screwed up?!

"Theo's my friend," Harry said quietly. The sudden drop in volume made the echoes of their shouts die and the room felt suddenly empty without them. "Like you were."

"Yeah." Steve deserved that because Steve was the one who couldn't get his shit together, who needed some freaking time to adjust, who missed his chance, who couldn't take second place gracefully. "Okay."

Harry stared at Steve for a long moment, neither of them saying anything more. Steve swallowed down the apologies he couldn't give, Harry's hands shook when he dropped the towel and grabbed his clothes off the floor.

Harry didn't say goodbye, Steve didn't expect him to.

Steve watched him walk out the door and knew that he had never fucked up as badly as he did then.

When the doors closed and Steve was alone, he was pretty sure that what he broke - what he just lost - wasn't something that could be fixed.