Break Your Plans (Max)
Max wasn’t crying when she showed up at Billy’s door, it just looked like that. She sniffled and pounded her fist on the door before wiping at her face again.
Billy didn’t take long to answer, even less time to take one look at Max’s face and declare, “Oh, I’ll fucking kill him.”
“Lucas didn’t do anything,” Max said, shaky but firm. “It was my fault.”
Billy arched a sarcastic eyebrow, “If he didn’t do anything wrong, why’d you say ‘Lucas’ when all I said was ‘him’?”
Good point.
“I broke up with him,” Max said, her lower lip wobbling again. It had been awful, it made her feel like a jerk wad. Lucas had been crushed, asked her why and Max couldn’t tell him.
Max couldn’t tell anyone except for Billy.
“I think I’m gay,” she blurted out, saying it to someone else for the first time. Except Max didn’t think, she knew.
Because after Hawkins Middle School announced their eighth grade back to school dance, all Max thought about was how great El was going to look in the dress she bought for it.
“Jesus fuckin’ Christ.” Billy sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Why’s everyone think I’m the queer support person?”
“You’re my brother,” Max reminded him thickly. He was her brother, finally. Billy was just the kind of brother she hoped he’d be, it took him moving out to become that person.
“Whatever.” Billy might have scoffed, but he still put a hand on Max’s head and patted her awkwardly. “So you’re fuckin’ gay, who cares? I always thought you looked like a carpet muncher. ‘Course, Lucas was a pussy, so I don’t see—”
“BILLY!” Max laughed then, the first time since she knew she had to break up with Lucas. Billy grinned crookedly, softened at the edges.
“No, really, Max. Who cares?” he said. “Find some chick who makes you happy, at least you’re not going to end up knocked up and walking down the aisle for a douche bag.”
Billy was rude and blunt and right.
Who cared?
On the day of the eighth grade dance, Max still attended. She had on a pretty dress she bought with El and El herself in her arms while they danced. There were plenty of teachers shooting them disapproving looks, Max couldn’t have cared less.
“I was surprised you asked me to come with you,” El said softly, her big brown eyes shining.
“Because - because we’re both girls?” Max asked nervously.
“No, because I don’t know how to dance,” El said in her simple and straightforward way.
She really didn’t. Not that Max was much better, but she was having fun anyway. It felt right being there with El, better than it would have with Lucas.
“You’re a horrible dancer,” Max agreed teasingly. “I think it’s cute.”
El was cute. El was cute and Max liked her and, to quote her big brother, who cared?