Spared Tears.
"Hey, Dennis," Remus spoke into the phone. "How're you?"
Dennis let out a heavy sigh that travelled through the phone. "Still jobless. No one wants to hire a dirty, sick queer. I'm lucky to still have my flat. Mr Johnson didn't kick me out. He doesn't believe that it travels through skin contact and all that, so, I suppose there's some happiness in that."
"I'm sorry," Remus said, resting his back against the wall. "Do you have enough money to get by?"
"Yeah, I have a bunch of savings. Should be able to live on that until I, you know."
Remus swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. "How about I come to visit soon again, eh? I can bring Lily, too, if she has time."
"That would be nice," Dennis said softly. "You don't have to, though."
"I want to, Dennis."
"Alright then," Dennis said. "How about this weekend?"
Remus poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue as he thought. "This weekend... yes, I can make that work. Um, can I maybe bring my boyfriend, too?"
"Boyfriend?" Dennis chuckled. "What did I miss?"
Remus shrugged, even though Dennis couldn't see him. "Remember that guy I told you about last time I visited you?"
"The posh one?" Dennis said. "Yeah, I recall. So, he's your boyfriend now?"
"Yeah," Remus grinned. "I actually have a date with him in fifteen minutes."
"Is this your way of telling me to hang up?"
"No," Remus laughed. "But I do have to go soon."
"You sound happy," Dennis said. There was a wistfulness tone to his voice. "Been a long time since I've heard you sound happy. It's nice."
"Thank you."
Once they hung up, Remus grabbed the duffle bag he'd packed, opened the door to Lily's room to say goodbye to her and James, and left the flat. He'd brought his cane, too, just in case.
Five minutes later, he was standing in front of the door to Sirius's flat and the building. A week prior, Sirius had given him an extra key to their building—"You can be here whenever you want; don't have to steal James's keys for that." Yet, even though he had the key, he still lifted his hand to knock.
It only took two seconds, and then Sirius opened the door open just enough for him to move out and closed it behind him again. His cheeks were rosy and his eyes crinkled with his smile. "Moony, hi!"
"Hi," Remus said softly. "Will you finally tell me how tonight is gonna be any different from any other date we've had inside your flat?" He made air quotes as he said the word date.
Sirius hadn't informed him of what they would be doing. He'd only said to bring cosy clothes.
"So James didn't tell you?" Sirius asked. "Damn, I honestly thought he'd have spit it out when he went over to Lily. He was so damn excited about it. Looked like a fucking puppy."
"Okay..."
"Close your eyes," Sirius said.
"As you wish, posh boy," Remus said, and dutifully closed his eyes.
He felt as Sirius tugged on the items in his hand. "Let me just go in with these first. Keep your eyes closed!"
Remus let go of the bag and cane, eyes still closed. Excitement pooled in the pit of his stomach.
The sound of the door opening reached his ears; Sirius's footsteps retreated into the flat; then back to Remus again. He felt as Sirius's breath fanned his face and then felt his lips press softly against his own. He smiled into the kiss.
"Come with me," Sirius said and took Remus's hand.
Remus followed him into the flat, still blinded by his own eyelids.
"Can I open my eyes now?" he asked as they stopped walking.
"Yes," Sirius said, voice giddy. His hand was still in Remus's.
Remus opened his eyes, and immediately a small "Oh" fell from his lips.
Sirius and James had purchased a TV. A big, grey box standing on a low table in front of the couch, but that was not what made Remus's heart skip a beat. Sirius had dimmed the light in the room and instead lit candles. The couch was stuffed to the brim with new pillows and blankets. There was a bottle of red wine standing ready on a small table set next to the couch; two glasses were already filled.
"You like it?" Sirius asked anxiously. "I know you love to read romance, and you're quite the sappy romantic yourself, not that I'm different, to be honest, but I figured you'd like something like this, but if you don't, that's okay, and I really should stop talking now."
Remus chuckled, shaking his head. "I take it you're done now?"
"Yeah," Sirius breathed. "So... do you like it?"
"Sirius, I love it," Remus whispered and reached up to cup Sirius's jaw in his hand. "It's—Well, let's just say, if I hadn't been in love with you before, I surely would've now."
Sirius let out a visible sigh of relief. "Thank God. So, it's a movie night. I rented a movie."
"Which one?" Remus asked softly, thumb stroking over Sirius's tender skin. He was warm.
"The Man Who Fell to Earth," Sirius said. "Bowie plays in it. I figured you'd like it."
"Sirius."
"Remus."
"I love you."
"I love you too," Sirius said sheepishly. "I love you quite a lot, actually. You make me really happy and apparently also a rambling mess."
Remus kissed him. Remus would die a happy man if he had the taste of Sirius Black on his lips.
A deep understanding for Marlene settled into him, then. He'd never thought much of marriage or children. He'd never thought that it could be a possibility. Perhaps that was because he'd never had a person he'd wanted to share those experiences with, but he did now. He had Sirius. An ache settled into him; a longing.
He kissed Sirius deeper, fingers moving into his hair.
Sirius moaned lowly against Remus's lips. The sound went straight to Remus's groin.
"Moony," Sirius panted as Remus began kissing sloppily along his jaw. "Wanna—Wanna wait a bit with the movie?"
"Yes," Remus murmured and backed Sirius towards the wall. "Yes, yes, yes..."
*
The movie was good. He'd never watched anything with David Bowie in it, but he was pleasantly surprised by Bowie's acting.
"Why's Bowie kind of..." Sirius murmured halfway through the movie, eyes fixated on the screen.
They were cuddled up on the couch. Remus had his head on Sirius's shoulder, his empty wineglass resting loosely in his hand.
He lifted his head to gaze at Sirius. "Love, are you crushing on Bowie?"
It was evident that Sirius's cheeks reddened even in the dim lighting. "I'm just saying—he's not ugly."
"No shit," Remus cackled. "I could've told you that."
"This feels like bullying," Sirius said.
Remus snorted. "Whatever, posh boy. Watch the movie."
So, they did. Occasionally, Sirius would dip down to kiss Remus's forehead, and Remus would squeeze Sirius's inner thigh.
When the movie ended, neither of them moved. Remus could've fallen asleep there with how content he felt, but he remembered what he'd agreed with Dennis all of a sudden.
"I'm kidnapping you this weekend, by the way," he said and craned his neck to look at Sirius.
"Is that so?" Sirius asked amusedly. "Where to?"
"We're going to visit Dennis in Windsor. Saturday til Sunday," Remus said.
"How is he?" Sirius asked. His fingers began to card through Remus's hair. The candles around them flickered.
"He lost his job," Remus said lowly. "Because he's infected. He isn't in need of money, though, so it's all good." He snorted humourlessly. "He doesn't deserve this."
"Of course he doesn't," Sirius said. "It's not fair."
Life isn't fair for people like us, Remus wanted to say, once again thinking about Marlene.
"Have you ever thought about marriage?" he said instead.
"Not really," Sirius said. "My—my parents always ranted about how they one day would find me a girl suited for me, so I could continue the family name, but that's about how much thought I ever put into it. Why do you ask?"
"Just a conversation I had with Marlene." Remus sat up, fully facing Sirius. He took one of Sirius's fingers in his hand and fiddled with them. He wasn't wearing rings right now, but it was comforting, still. He wet his lips. "If marriage was legal for queer people, what would your thoughts on it then be?"
Sirius smiled softly at him. "Then I'd marry you."
Remus wrinkled his nose, blushing, and squeezed Sirius's hand. "One day, we can, maybe."
Sirius squeezed back. "Maybe."
"Can I ask you another question?"
"Sure, fire away."
It was almost like their cigarette breaks outside the shop.
"What was your dream career as a child?"
Sirius didn't seem to find the question odd. "I wanted to fly to the moon. Didn't think I'd ever manage to."
"Cheeky bugger," Remus said, but he couldn't fight the smile on his lips. "And you call me romantic."
Sirius wriggled his eyebrows. "How about you? What was your dream?"
"To be in love."
"Yup, you're a romantic through and through," Sirius declared.
Remus chuckled. "I suppose I am." He searched Sirius's face. "Thank you for making child me's dream come true. I know he'd be very happy for me."
Sirius reached out for Remus. Remus met him halfway. They moulded together in a soft kiss. When they parted, their foreheads rested together.
"Thank you," Sirius said. "Thank you for giving me a reason to reach for happiness."
Remus kissed him again; deeper, this time. It was urgent and Sirius immediately melted into it. Remus pushed Sirius back on the couch, lips still attached. Sirius arched into him. His leg was beginning to ache. He tried to ignore it.
"I love you," Sirius murmured between kisses. "I love you so much."
"I love you too," Remus whispered, pressing his forehead against Sirius's temple as they kissed.
"Moony," Sirius said.
"Mhm?" Remus hummed, eyes closed.
"I—I want to... Well, I've been thinking—"
"Congratulations," Remus said. "What about?" He opened his eyes to look at Sirius.
Sirius was blushing. It was something he only ever seemed to do around Remus. "Well, I want you to, well, if you want to, too, of course, to, er, well—"
"Sirius," Remus laughed, already seeing where this was going, "just spit it out, yeah?"
"I want you to fuck me!" Sirius said hurriedly. "I want to have sex with you. All the way."
"Oh, yeah?" Remus mumbled, tilting Sirius's chin up a bit with his pointer finger. "Think you'll be able to take that, posh boy?"
Sirius's eyelids fluttered. "Yes," he said. His fingers dug into Remus's back. "I can."
"Alright then," Remus smiled and dipped down to kiss Sirius. "We're gonna take it slow this time, though, okay? Gonna take care of you."
Sirius nodded, hands sliding to the nape of Remus's neck. "Thank you."
"Let's move to your room," Remus said and leaned away slightly. He barely fought a wince. Of course, Sirius caught it.
"Is it your leg?" he asked with furrowed eyebrows.
"It's fine," Remus insisted.
Sirius tapped his chin as if in deep thought. "How about... no? We're not gonna have sex while you're in pain, Moony."
"But—"
"Let's take care of your leg first, then sex afterwards," Sirius said and moved off the couch. He padded over to Remus's dufflebag, rummaged through it to find the two pain relief creams, grasped his cane, and returned.
Remus tried to bite back his irritation. He wasn't irritated at Sirius; he was irratated by his leg for ruining the mood. He voiced his thoughts out loud as Sirius returned to the bed with the items. "This is really destroying the mood, eh?"
"Don't be silly," Sirius said, and unscrewed the lid. "Nothing could ever ruin how much I want you, but I don't want you to be in pain while we do anything, okay? Now, trousers off, let me cream you up."
Remus snorted loudly, the weight lifting off his chest. Sirius had that effect. "You're incredible," he said as he scooted out of his trousers while still sitting on the couch. Pain flared in his leg, more prominent now, but soon, Sirius's hands were on him, gently applying the cream.
Remus let out a relieved sigh as the numbing feeling settled into his nerves.
"Moony, is this making you hard?" Sirius asked amusedly after a few moments.
Remus who had his eyes closed, now peeked one open. "Sorry? Can't help it—You're quite literally massaging my thigh."
Sirius snorted. "Guess I am. Here, take your cane to the bedroom while it gets to work completely."
Remus took his cane from Sirius and got to his feet. Sirius intertwined his fingers with Remus's right hand. They moved to the bedroom. With each step, the pain in Remus's leg became less and less.
"All good?" Sirius asked once they were in the room, his head inclined to Remus's leg.
Remus nodded softly. "All good."
"Okay, then by all means, let's return to the matter at hand."
Sirius kissed him, and Remus dropped his cane to put his hands on his waist.
They stumbled towards the bed, the back of Sirius's knees gving in as he hit the edge and fell softly down on his back. Remus followed him, lips once again attached. Sirius arched against him, fingers moving under Remus's shirt to scratch at his back.
Remus loved it when he did that.
"Love," Remus panted as they pulled apart for a breather, "do you have supplies?"
Sirius nodded briskly and gestured to the dresser. "Yeah, all's there." He started kissing along Remus's neck, and Remus let out a low sigh of pleasure.
Slowly, they undressed each other until they were skin against skin. They kissed for a long time, hands exploring while doing so, but after a while of that, Sirius grew impatient.
"Moony, fucking hell, can we please get to work?" Sirius panted as Remus was colouring the skin along his collarbones purple.
Remus chuckled. "Sure." He got up from the bed quickly and went to the dresser. True to Sirius's words, there were the items. Remus grabbed them and returned to the bed. "I have to say, I'm really pleased that you bought a size XL."
Sirius scoffed, rolling his eyes fondly. "Whatever, don't let it get to your head."
Remus cackled and kissed him. Once they broke apart, he asked lowly, "Are you nervous?"
"I don't think so. Excited-nervous, maybe." Sirius wet his lips. "Will it hurt?"
"It might be uncomfortable at first," Remus said. "I'll make sure to prep you well, but if it's painful, we'll stop, okay?"
"Okay," Sirius breathed and settled his hands onto Remus's shoulders. "Then get to it, Moon Boy."
"Moon Boy?" Remus asked as he popped open the lid of the lube.
"Effie and Monty call you that," Sirius informed him. "They know about you."
Remus had a hard time containing his smile. He warmed the lubricant between his fingers. "Alright. Hope you only told them good things. Are you ready?"
"Of course I did," Sirius huffed. "And yes, I am."
Remus reached between Sirius's legs. When he touched Sirius, a small gasp fell from the long-haired man's mouth. Remus's eyes were locked on him, searching for any small sign of discomfort as he circled his finger around Sirius's entrance. When he found none, he pressed his index finger in.
Sirius's lips parted in a silent Oh. His eyelids fluttered; his lashes kissed his cheekbones with each blink.
Sirius took one finger easily, quickly relaxing and reacting to the feeling. Sirius was a loud lover, and Remus relished in each sound that left Sirius's mouth. When Remus added a second finger, and Sirius had got adjusted, Sirius's hips were practically rolling against Remus's hand with eagerness.
"Eager much?" Remus said, amused.
"So, so—Fucking hell! What was that?"
Remus smirked, crooking his fingers again. Sirius moaned, back arching. "What do you think it was?"
"Whatever," Sirius panted. "Do—do it again, please."
"Only because you said please."
When they got to three fingers, Sirius's eyes were closed shut; his nails dug into Remus's back; moans fell from his lips like a song.
"So fucking ready for it, aren't you?" Remus mumbled, fingers crooking again.
"Yes!" Sirius whimpered. "I want—want you now, please."
So Remus retreated his fingers and opened the condom package. Once everything was in place, he guided Sirius's legs around his waist and lined himself up. His eyes found Sirius's and in them, he saw nothing but trust, desire, and a bunch of that Sirius Black impatience.
Remus rolled his hips.
Sirius's lips parted. Remus rested their foreheads together.
"Okay?" he panted.
Sirius nodded wordlessly, ankles digging into the back of Remus's thighs. Remus slowly rolled his hips, entering Sirius's body. Sirius was tight around him; it made his mind go hazy with want. At last, their skin was flush, and they were both breathing heavily.
"Fuck," Sirius cursed. "Size extra large indeed."
Remus snorted and pushed some hair away from Sirius's forehead. "I'll move whenever you need me to."
"Just—two sec." Sirius swallowed. Remus followed the motion with his eyes. "Fucking hell, this is different than fingers."
"Good different?" Remus asked softly.
"Only one way to know, right?" Sirius said cockily on a breath. "You can move now."
So Remus did. He drew his hips back slowly and thrust back in. He built a slow pace, eyes focused on Sirius's face. At first, Sirius's body was tense as he got used to it, but after a few minutes, he grew pliant underneath Remus, those familiar moans beginning to leave his lips.
"You can go faster than that, Moony, I'm not made of glass," Sirius panted after some time.
They built a fast rhythm, both sweaty by now. The window fogged and with how loud Sirius was being, Remus was thankful that they were alone in the flat.
It wasn't long before Remus reached down to jerk Sirius off along with his thrusts. When Sirius came, it was with a drawn-out moan, and Remus followed only moments after.
They lay tangled together as they regained their breath. When Sirius said, "Well, that was fun. High-five?" they both broke into laughter.
*
“So, I should probably tell you that Dennis and I used to date when we were teenagers.”
Sirius shot his head up from where he’d hidden it behind his book. The book hit the table between them, open on a random page. “What?”
Remus cackled. “Yeah. Kinda felt forced—Was just because we were both gay, so we felt like it was expected of us. We broke off a few months later and agreed to just be friends.”
“Oh. Okay. Phew.” Sirius relaxed into his seat once again. Outside the window, the landscape flew by as the train moved. “But just, you know, out of curiosity, did you ever have, you know”—Sirius gestured into the air—“with him?”
“Sex, you mean?” Remus asked, eyebrow raised amusedly.
Sirius shrugged, fingering the page of his book.
“Sirius Black, are you jealous?”
“What? No! Just—curious.”
Remus reached over the table and gently intertwined his fingers with Sirius’s on top of the book. They were the only ones, in that traincar. Lily had left to go to the restroom. “No, I never did. If you really want to know, my first time was with Jonas Martinez in a bathroom at a part—”
“Okay, stop!” Sirius said, and let go og Remus to clasp his hands over his ears. “Lalalalala, I’ve heard enough!”
Remus cackled and Sirius slowly lowered his hands. He loved to hear Remus laugh.
“I’ve been with men before,” Remus mused. “You know that.”
“Of course I do,” Sirius mumbled and picked up his book again. Marlene had convinced him to read it—Little Women.
“You’ve been with people before, too,” Remus said, the laugh in his voice clear.
“They were women,” Sirius grumbled. “Didn’t exactly enjoy it with them.”
Remus leaned forward on his elbows; eyebrow still raised. “Oh, so you think I enjoyed it with the other men, do you now?”
Heat rose in Sirius’s cheeks, but he still straightened his back. “Obviously.”
“Obviously, huh?” Remus said. “Lean a bit closer, love, and let me tell you exactly what I enjoy.”
Sirius slowly put his book down; blood roared in his ears. He leaned forward. The urge to kiss Remus hit him but he refrained.
Remus put his finger under Sirius’s chin and leaned in further, so his lips hovered over Sirius’s ears. “What I enjoy is to hear you begging for my mouth.” Sirius swallowed. “My hands.” Sirius’s eyelids fluttered shut. “My cock.” Sirius’s fingers twitched. Remus placed a kiss on his jaw. “Been fucking gagging for it since that first time, haven’t you? And it’s only been a few days. Just can’t get enough of it.” Remus’s fingers moved from his chin and trailed teasingly over his throat. “That’s what I enjoy, posh boy. You. No one else for the rest of my life, so as much as I love this adorable possesive side of you, I need you to know that you’re the only one I’ll be with for the rest of my life. Fuck those other people, being with them was nothing compared to being with you.”
“I—I—” Sirius’s mouth was dry.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Lily’s voice sounded beside their booth. “I’m sure you’d like to go at it right now over the booth table, but alas, I have returned.”
Remus leaned back with a smirk. Sirius was stuck in the same position for a few moments, blinking.
“Hi, Lily,” Remus said happily as Lily moved into the seat next to him. “Good trip to the toilet?”
“What an odd question, and the answer is no. Train toilets are disgusting. Had to fucking squat.”
Sirius finally leaned back and shook his head slowly. His mouth was still dry.
Lily raised an eyebrow at him and then looked at Remus. “Is this him gagging for it?”
“Ha!” The laugh was sudden and Remus clasped a hand over his mouth. “Oh, Lily, how I adore having you in my life.”
“Oh, by the way, Sirius,” Lily said with a teasing glint in her eyes, “I spotted that tent in your trousers the minute I stepped into the car. Might want to think a few innocent thoughts.”
Finally, Sirius could muster words. “Oh, fuck off, Lily.”
Lily sent him an air kiss and Sirius chuckled.
*
Dennis’s building was built in yellow brick with a tall roof.
“Dennis lives on the second floor,” Remus informed him, hoisting up in his bag. He was supporting himself against his cane.
Sirius had asked if he hadn’t wanted to apply something for the pain, but Remus had been in a hurry to get there.
“Well, let’s go then,” Lily cheerily said and went over to press the buzzer.
Only seconds later, a voice sounded, “Hello?”
Lily pressed the button and said, “Hi, Dennis! It’s us. Let us in, it’s bloody cold outside.”
The door buzzed and when Lily tried the handle, it opened. She held it open for Sirius who then held it open for Remus. Remus winced as he moved over the threshold and the minute the door closed behind them, Sirius sneaked his arm around Remus’s waist.
“You good?” he mumbled lowly as they made their way up the stairs. Lily was ahead of them but she knew better than to wait—Remus hated it when people waited for him. Except for Sirius, that was.
“Yes,” Remus gritted. “Just gotta get to the flat.”
At last, they reached the floor, Lily and Dennis were already in the doorway, talking. Dennis was a tall man, a bit taller than Remus, with short-cropped blond hair, and clear, blue eyes.
Not at all Remus’s type, then.
Not that Sirius had wondered about that.
“Hiya, Remus,” Dennis greeted. “And you must be Sirius, right?”
“That’s me,” Sirius said. He held out the hand that wasn’t around Remus’s waist.
Dennis shook it. “Come in. I brought out the wine.”
Dennis’s flat was small and modest. The walls were white and the floor dark hardwood. The kitchen was small and in a separate room from the living room.
Remus went to the bathroom to take care of his leg. Lily and Sirius sat down in Dennis’s couch while Dennis poured them all a glass of wine.
“Thank you,” Sirius said as Dennis gave him his glass.
“No problem,” grinned Dennis and sat down in a plush chair once he’d given Lily her glass too. He’d placed Remus’s on the table. “I hope you like it. I haven’t tasted it before.”
Lily sipped hers. “Tastes fucking amazing.”
Sirius had to agree. As Dennis and Lily got into a conversation about Lily’s job, he looked at the bathroom door. He hoped that Remus would come out soon. He didn’t know how to act. His limbs felt too big for his body.
When Remus didn’t come out, Sirius directed his gaze to Dennis, acting like he was listening.
If he didn’t know, he’d never have guessed that Dennis was positive with AIDS. As the man sat there, he was smiling and laughing—positively living; positively dying.
“Sirius?”
“Oh, sorry.” Sirius shook his head, looking at Lily. “What?”
“Dennis asked you something.” She inclined her head to their host.
“Right. Sorry.” Sirius cleared his throat. “What did you say?”
“What do you say, eat out or cook some dinner here at my flat?”
“Um—”
“I say eat out.”
Sirius hadn’t noticed that Remus had left the bathroom, but now his hand was on Sirius’s shoulder. He was standing behind the couch, leaning forward slightly. Sirius could rest the back of his head against his stomach.
“Yeah, I agree,” he breathed.
“Then that’s what we’ll do,” Dennis said, clapping his hands together. “But first, drink up. Now, are we feeling sushi, pizza, or what?”
*
They felt like Italian. Their chosen restaurant was not far from Dennis’s building and not long after, they finished their drinks.
“So, do you like Dennis?” Remus murmured as they walked a few paces behind Lily and Dennis.
“He’s really nice,” Sirius said softly. “Very… tall. And short-haired. Never was your type at all, clearly.”
“Calling yourself short now?” Remus amusedly asked.
Sirius huffed. “I’m average, thank you very much, you're just a giant.”
“Sure thing, posh boy.”
They stopped in front of the restaurant; the neon sign shone bright in the dim evening air.
“I used to come here all the time,” Dennis said. “Haven’t been in a while.” The light in his eyes dimmed slightly. He shook his head. “C’mon.”
They followed him into the restaurant. Inside, it was warm and smelled strongly of pizza. There was light chatter from the tables, and waiters moved around between the costumers.
They waited by the door for a few moments, but then a short, blonde waitress approached them, a large smile on her face. Sirius furrowed his eyebrows. She seemed familiar.
“Hello,” she said rather dreamily, “do you have any reservations?”
“No, but I was hoping you’d have place enough for four?” Dennis said, hands in his pockets and shoulders inched forward as if to make himself smaller.
“Sure,” she said happily. For a brief moment, her eyes lingered on Sirius, but the moment was over so quickly he could’ve sworn he imagined it. “Follow me.”
They followed the waitress to a table in the corner of the restaurant with a clear view of the door. She handed them menus and promised to be back to take their orders in no time before leaving.
“I want pizza,” Lily informed them. “I never thought I would say this, but James has managed to get me hooked on pineapple on pizza.”
“James’s your boyfriend, right?” Dennis asked. He was sitting next to Lily. Sirius and Remus sat on the other side of the booth.
“Yes, that’s him,” Lily said happily.
“Dump him, who in the fucking world eats pineapple on pizza?”
“Heeeey,” Lily protested softly with a laugh.
“I think you’d like James,” Remus said. “He’s proper funny.”
“James lives with you, right, Sirius?” Dennis asked.
“That’s right.” Sirius nodded and flipped through his menu. “Been my best friend since we were kids.”
“Kinda like Remus and Lily, then,” Dennis mused. “That’s nice.”
They fell into easy conversation as they found out which food to eat. Sirius settled on pasta bolognese, and Remus opted for lasagna. Lily wanted her “death pizza” as Dennis called it, and Dennis wanted a meat pizza.
Not long after, the blonde woman was back. Had Sirius met her before?
“What can I get you all?” she asked kindly.
They gave her their orders and she took their menus. As she took Sirius’s, their eyes met, and his own confusion reflected back at him. Who was she?
“Hey.” Remus had placed a gentle hand on Sirius’s thigh as the waitress left. “You okay? You’re a bit pale.”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Sirius assured him. “Just… hungry.”
Remus could clearly tell he was lying; that familiar furrow of his eyebrow knit his eyebrows together, but he seemed to think better of it than bring it up here. “Okay,” he just said and squeezed Sirius’s thigh. “I love you.”
Sirius smiled softly. “I love you too.”
Lily made gagging noises. “You two are disgusting, did you know that?”
Remus wriggled his eyebrows. “Oh, you have no idea.”
“I saw you on the train earlier,” she said, her arms crossed. “I think I have some idea.”
“What happened on the train?” Dennis asked, amused.
“I—”
“Don’t say it!” Sirius hissed. “Christ, we’re in public.”
“The train was also public—”
“—There weren’t anyone.”
“I was there—”
“—Well, we didn’t see you!”
“I noticed,” Lily dryly said.
“Now I’m genuinely intrigued,” Dennis said.
Sirius covered his face with his hands. Remus snickered.
“They were just ready to jump on each other on the train, is all,” Lily said. “I don’t want to go into more detail and humiliate Sirius further by saying he got a very visible bo—”
“This is hell!” Sirius interrupted her. “Lily Evans, you’re a menace!”
“That she is,” Remus said and then leaned into Sirius’s side to whisper in his ear, “Good thing she doesn’t know just how much you enjoy being humiliated, eh?”
Sirius swallowed, mouth suddenly very dry.
“See, Dennis? Now they’re doing it again.”
Dennis laughed.
Just then, the door to the restaurant opened, and Sirius's eyes trailed over to it. It was a man who stepped inside. Sirius was about to look away, but then the blonde waitress hurried over to him. Curiosity spiked in him.
The man and woman shard the same almost white hair and tan skin. Both had full lips and were to the skinny side.
Siblings, Sirius realised.
They talked for a few beats, and then the man’s eyes zeroed in on Sirius.
Sirius froze instantly. He recognised the man, and, with a start, he also realised who the woman was.
“Oh, God,” he whispered.
The man began walking towards their table.
“Sirius?” Remus asked lowly.
The man was close now.
“Um—I—” Sirius’s mouth refused to work, and he felt bile rise in his throat.
“Is he sick?” he registered Dennis say just as Evan Rosier stopped by their table.
“If that isn’t Sirius bloody Black. Long time no see.”
The whole table fell silent as they all looked at Evan. Except for Sirius, he was looking at the table.
He’d said goodbye to the past; to every aspect of it.
Right?
Right?
Not Regulus, a voice whispered in his head. You saved that for later. It sounded an odd lot like his mother.
“Sirius,” Remus said lowly, “do you know this guy?”
Sirius was frozen in the same way he used to do when someone moved too fast or raised their voice; his body had recognised danger.
“Doesn’t he know how to talk any more?” Evan tsked. "Did the last decade ruin him completely?"
Remus put an arm around his shoulders. “Mate, who the fuck are you even?” he spat.
Out of the corner of Sirius’s eye, he saw the waitress hurry over to them. Her name surfaced in his mind. Pandora. Evan’s twin sister.
“Evan, not like this,” Pandora said lowly.
“Oh, Sirius and I go way back,” Evan mused, ignoring his sister. “Known him since I was a kid.”
Nothing is gonna happen to you, Sirius thought. No one is gonna harm you.
“Listen”—Lily—“I don’t know why you feel entitled to come and speak to Sirius this way—”
“Your parents are dying, Sirius,” Evan said bluntly.
Silence fell all around them, but it was like those words finally clicked his lock and he was free again. Dying. Those people who used to abuse him were simply… dying. From what? Old age? No, that didn’t make sense. They were not that old. Cancer, maybe?
“What did you say?” Sirius slowly raised his head to look at Evan.
“So that got his attention,” Evan said.
“How?” Sirius asked. “How come it they’re dying?”
“Your mum is losing her battle to lung cancer,” Evan said. “Your dad’s health has been failing for months. A couple of strokes. If he gets another one, the changes of him surviving are close to none.”
“I see,” Sirius said. Remus’s arm had tightened around him. “Well, then they’ve got what they deserve, didn’t they?”
For a second, Evan looked surprised, but he quickly composed himself. Would he really think that Sirius would care for his parents, who had disowned him a decade prior?
Months earlier, perhaps he would.
Then he got Remus.
“He misses you,” Evan said. “He misses you, but he doesn’t want to talk about it. He’s missed you for a very long time.”
Sirius stiffened. “Who are you talking about?” He knew who.
“Evan,” Pandora tried again, “I didn’t call you for you to tell him like this, people are looking for fuck’s sake—”
“Regulus, obviously,” Evan spat. “Who else did you leave behind?”
Sirius didn’t realise he was standing until he had moved into Evans’s face. “Oh, so that’s what he told you, huh? That I left him? Well, guess fucking what, Rosier, I was forced!”
Evan took a small step back. “He never said anything, actually. One day, you were just… gone. It's a Black trait, isn't it? To not share anything.”
“And what, you missed me?”
Evan's eyes flickered and he swallowed. “When you left, we lost him, too!” Evan hissed. “When I heard you were here, I thought maybe—”
“Well, then maybe he should’ve shut his little mouth back then!” Sirius almost shouted and moved past Evan. He needed to get air. His world was spinning. He vaguely registered that his friends followed him.
Outside the restaurant, the air was cold and crisp. He took a shuddering breath. Bile rose in his throat again, and he just got to bow over the nearest bush before he was retching.
Hands pulled his hair away and a hand formed soothing circles on his back.
“It’s okay, love, just gotta get it out.”
Sirius’s eyes watered. If it was because of the retching or because of the fact the brother he hated and missed, also missed him, he didn’t know. Did Regulus hate him?
At last, his insides were empty, and he straightened his back. He looked to his side and there Remus was, smiling softly. “Hi, love.”
“That was disgusting,” Sirius said heavily. His mouth tasted like acid.
“Ah well,” Dennis said and slowly stepped up to them together with Lily. “That encounter would’ve made me want to puke, too. So… how about take out at my place instead?”
“That,” Sirius said, “sounds like a splendid plan.”