Pain Relief
“You’re a really good driver,” Sirius noted as they drove down the London streets. The radio was playing Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go by Wham! The song had been released the year prior and was still a radio hit.
“Thanks,” Remus said and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “We’re almost there.”
Sirius turned his face to look at him, and Remus let out a scream. In Sirius’s forehead, a sharp shard of glass was stuck. Blood dripped down his face, but Sirius seemed unbothered. He tilted his head to the side, a wide grin spreading on his face. “Careful, Moony, I’m not sure it’s a green light.”
“I—”
The force of another car hit them, and all Remus registered was pain. In his face, leg, stomach, everywhere. He screamed and he screamed and he—
“Shh, shh, Rem, wake up. Remus, wake up!”
Remus bolted into a sitting position, his whole body clad in a thin layer of sweat. His throat hurt. Maybe he really had been screaming. On the edge of his bed sat Lily, her hands held up before her as if she was unsure whether she could touch or not.
Well fuck that.
Remus reached out for her, and Lily instantly folded her arms around his upper body, rocking him. “Shh, shh, it’s okay,” she muttered as she stroked his hair. Sirius had done that, too. God, Sirius—
“Sirius was there,” he hiccuped. “I dreamed he was there, Lils, and—and it hurt, I—I could feel it all over again.” He hid his face in her neck and she continued to hold him. And he let her, like Sirius had told him it was okay to be.
*
Heat. So much heat. It was in the air around him; in him; in the fingers that trailed along his skin. A breath fanned his cheek and a hand moved down his chest. His eyes were closed; too lost in the feeling. The hand went lower, lower, lower—
“C’mon, posh boy, can you take it?"
Sirius opened his eyes, then, to see Remus Lupin loom above him; bare chest on display; tattoos stretching over his skin; those eyes shining in the dark-lit room. He quirked an eyebrow. “So, can you?”
Sirius woke with a start, momentarily confused as to why he was alone in his bed and not with Remus above him. Then the shame crept in, and he let himself fall back against the pillows. He had known Remus for less than a month, and here Sirius was, having a sex dream about him.
Sirius hadn’t dreamed like that about anyone since he was a teenager. He’d suppressed that part of himself for so long that even his dreams seemed unaware of who he was. But it was always there, in the far back of his head, together with the voice of his mother.
Disgrace. Scum. Shame. Toujours pur. Toujours pur. Toujours pur. My greatest disappointment. Toujours pur. Toujours pur.
Sirius curled in on himself and tried to move his thoughts away from the memory, but then he just became aware of the present problem in his pants. “Fuck sake,” he muttered.
When Sirius had moved to London and felt ready for all the opportunities ahead, he’d never expected that this would be happening; that this part of himself would unravel once again. Yet here he was, and it wasn’t going anywhere, no matter how long he lay there.
He sighed and looked at his alarm clock. Three in the morning. Shame still trailing its fingers along his skin, he pulled off his pants, put a hand around himself, sent a silent prayer to a god he didn’t believe in, and hoped that James was deeply asleep.
*
Remus looked at the empty page in his notebook, chewing on the end of his pencil. His eyebrows knitted together, finger tapping against the page. He was perched on his desk chair in the midst of his room; ankles crossed. He had a minor headache from the day prior, though it had been much worse when he’d woken up; a few painkillers and puff—pain gone.
He’d tried to use painkillers for his leg before, too. Opioid painkillers had helped a bit, but they made him feel nauseous all the time, affected his sleeping, and gave him severe anxiety. He would rather live with the pain, though it was still far from preferable.
His conversation with Sirius that night prior had sparked a bit of hope in his chest. Then the image of Sirius with a glass shard in his forehead passed before his eyes, and he quickly shook his head, suppressing a shiver. It wasn’t real. It hadn’t happened. He had to keep reminding himself of that.
He looked at the page and put the pen to the paper.
I call you ‘Love’
You call me ‘Moon’
Oh my darling, how you make me swoon
“Christ,” Remus muttered and looked at the words. “You sound like a lovesick teenage girl, Lupin.”
“Act like one, too.”
Remus looked up, startled, to see Lily standing in the door frame of his room. Her hair was hanging in loose waves around her shoulders and she was wearing her coat.
“Oh, hi, Lils.”
“Hiya, Rem,” Lily said softly. “I’ll go out for a bit. I’m gonna meet with Mary to go to the cinema. Will you be alright?”
Remus scoffed. “Yes, yes, I’ll be fine, you just go and gossip your girl gossip about a certain James Potter.”
“Ah, you know me so well,” Lily laughed and walked to him. She bowed down and kissed his temple. Briefly, her eyes scanned the page. “God, you do sound like a lovesick teenage girl.”
“And that’s your cue to leave!” Remus said and snapped the book shut. “Bye-bye!”
“Alright, alright,” Lily cackled and left the room. “I’ll see you!”
Once he heard the front door close, he opened the notebook once again and scanned through the pages. Much of it he cringed at; some of it left him feeling empty and whole at the same time; some of it was just random sentences scribbled down.
Don’t give someone your all when they never needed it to stand tall
To live is to die and to die is to live
I’m haunted by memories that cut deeper than knives
If my worst sin is to love, then how am I a sinner?
Remus flipped mindlessly until he unexpectedly heard someone clear their throat in the doorway. His head snapped up and to his surprise, he found Sirius standing there.
Sirius smiled sheepishly. “Hi, um, I met Lily on the way up. She—she said to just go in. That you would be in your room.”
“Oh,” Remus said dumbly. He was slowly registering that Sirius was seeing his room for the first time (he hadn’t seen it the day prior) and there were old dishes everywhere, the sheets needed to be changed, and he hadn’t aired the room all day. “Um, hi.”
Sirius looked at him a tad awkwardly. His cheeks were the loveliest shade of red. “I—I said I would bring you the cream, but I can bring it back later if you’d like.”
“No, no,” Remus rushed and put his notebook aside. “Now is as good a time as any. Come in. Sorry about the mess. I didn't expect anyone but me in here today.”
“Sorry,” Sirius said, once again, sheepishly. “I like your room, though. It’s very you.”
Remus’s room wasn’t big by any means. His bed was placed in the corner by the window; overstuffed by pillows. He had a desk next to it, on which he had a few sketchbooks lain out. The flooring in there was of wood, but he had a circular carpet almost covering the entire floor in ugly shades of orange and green. He also had a small, homemade bookshelf which his father had originally built him once upon a time. Remus couldn’t get rid of it even if he wanted to; it was like a limb. A part of him that he would miss with everything in him if he lost it. The walls were covered in albums and music posters. A mirror hung on the wall on the right side of the door. All in all, it didn’t look like a room belonging to a twenty-five-year-old, but Sirius liked it, so it must count for something.
“Thank you,” he said softly.
“Can I sit?” Sirius gestured to Remus’s bed as he stepped further into the room. He was holding a small white box in his hand.
“Go ahead.”
Sirius said, fiddling with the box in his hands. He had a hard time looking Remus in the eye, clearly.
“Are you okay?” Remus asked, worried. “You seem a bit off. Hungover?”
“Nah, I’m fine. I’m a Black—We don’t do hangovers.”
Remus snorted. “Alright.”
The word disowned sounded in his head, but he didn’t figure this was the time to bring it up. And then again, stuff like that was often latched onto the word pain, and that word was a personal one. Sirius had told him that, and Remus couldn’t agree more.
“Well, I brought the cream as promised,” Sirius said and held the box out. “There’s not a lot left, but there should be enough for now, I think.”
“Thank you,” Remus murmured, wincing slightly as moved to get up. “I’ll just go to the bathroom to—”
“No, no, no!” Sirius said and instantly pressed down on Remus’s shoulder to keep him seated. I saw your cane in the living room—just… do it here, and I’ll wait outside.”
“You sure you don’t want to see the goods?” Remus asked with a wriggle of his eyebrows teasingly.
Sirius stood instantly, arms crossed over his chest. “I thought we’d established that I’m not like—like that, Remus.”
Remus furrowed his eyebrows at Sirius's sudden cold demeanour. “I’m sorry. I—I know.” Did he? Did Sirius? “I was just teasing. Thank you. I’ll call once I’ve applied it.”
Sirius nodded and promptly left the room.
Despite all that Sirius said, Remus couldn’t get himself to believe him. Not with all those small touches; not with the way Sirius looked at him; not with the way he said Moony like it was a breath of fresh air. There was something there, something that could grow into something beautiful. Remus was sure of it, but then again, Remus had always been a hopeless romantic.
Remus rolled the desk chair over to the bed and sprawled out on it on his back. He scooted out of his jeans, leaving him only in his pants and jumper. He looked at his thigh and grimaced. There were many minor scars from where minor pieces of glass had cut into him, but then there were the scars. The ones where large shards of glass had cut into him so deep they almost touched bone. They were ugly and hurried; when Remus had arrived at the hospital, he was already close to losing his leg, so they hadn’t bothered to be precise. It stood out white against his otherwise warm skin.
The tension in the scars was thick from the cold and with the hope of relief, Remus unscrewed the lid of the box.
Sirius was right when he said there wasn’t much left.
What did Sirius, Remus wondered, use the cream for? Scars, obviously, but where? Why? Remus couldn’t help the curiosity that gnawed at him; but once again, that was a personal matter, and Remus wasn’t entitled to that information yet. Maybe not ever.
Remus scooped a bit of the cream onto his hand and delicately began to apply it to his scars. At first, it burned a bit unpleasantly as the cream seeped into his skin, but then all he felt was… relief.
Remus could’ve let out a sob of happiness. The pain wasn’t gone, but it was less. He quickly took a small amount more and applied it to the scar on his face. The pain there wasn’t as bad as the ones on his leg, maybe because it was so thin, but he still felt the relief wash over him as the pain was numbed.
He quickly pulled back on his jeans and got to his feet, one arm supporting him against the wall. He made his way out of his room slowly and into the living room. Sirius was sitting by the record collection, flipping through the various possibilities. He looked up with a grin as Remus grasped his cane from the wall.
“It works,” Remus said, awe-struck. “It fucking works.”
“I know,” grinned Sirius and stood. He crossed his arms, assessing Remus with his eyes. “Do you have plans for today?”
“No.” Remus shook his head, excitement pooling in the pit of his stomach.
“Up for a bit of a travel?” Sirius asked, inclining his head towards Remus’s leg.
Remus nodded eagerly. “It’s really not that bad today.”
Sirius wet his lips. “Let’s go pay my cousin’s shop a visit, then.”
The minute they were down on the street, Sirius suggested they order a cab. Remus tried to tell him no, that it was too expensive, and that they should just take the metro, but Sirius just shrugged with that mischievous grin of his and said, “No problem, I’m rich.”
That was information to revisit later.
But at that moment, Remus just sighed and looked down. “Sirius—I—not cars. Please.”
Sirius took it in a stride, his expression not flickering. “Alright then—Let’s walk to the metro.”
They walked to Waterloo. Remus relished the feeling in his leg. Every step still hurt, but that usual tension was now gone. Once they reached the underground, there were still two minutes left till their train would arrive.
It was buzzing with life down under the city. People were rushing past; some were carrying crying babies; some were playing music to earn money.
“Man, I love London,” Sirius muttered under his breath. “It’s so busy.”
“Too busy sometimes,” Remus said.
“You’re only saying that because you grew up here,” Sirius tsked. “London is the best city in the world.”
“Nah, that would be Edinburgh.”
“Really? I’ll have to take a look for myself sometime.”
“We could go together,” Remus said, and on exhale. “Just you and me.”
Sirius didn’t get to reply, because just then, their train rolled in and they hurried onto it. Once they stood in there, Sirius brought up the conversation again but didn’t answer Remus’s question.
“So, Edinburgh, why’s that the best city in the world?”
The train started to move as Remus said, “I went there with—my dad. I was just a child and it was just a day trip; something for his work, but I just… loved it. There was just something in—”
“—The air,” Sirius finished the sentence softly.
Remus exhaled with a smile. “Exactly.”
“We—we could go sometime together,” Sirius spoke slowly. His eyes were downcast.
“I’ll hold you to that,” Remus said. He was resting his weight against his cane.
Sirius grinned at him. “Wanna sit down?” He gestured to some of the empty seats.
“I’m actually fine with standing if you are,” Remus said. “My leg isn’t that bad right now, truly.”
Sirius nodded. “Alright.” He nibbled with his bottom lip. Remus’s eyes were transfixed on it. They looked so— “Do you have any siblings?”
“What?” Remus jerked his head up from where he was currently having impure fantasies. “Um, no. I don’t.”
“I do,” Sirius said, voice small. “One. A younger brother by two years. Regulus.”
“Your whole family really has a fixation with stars, don’t they?”
Sirius scoffed. “Don’t I know it?” He was holding onto a pole in the midst of the train aisle to help his balance as the train moved.
Remus tilted his head. “What made you think about him now?”
“A lot of things make me think about my family lately.” Sirius shrugged. “It was his fault I was disowned, you know.”
Remus held his breath. “Oh.”
“Yup.” Sirius pursed his lips. The train came to a halt by a new station to let new people onto it. “Hate him for it, haven’t spoken to him in almost ten years—Haven’t spoken to any one of them for that long except Andy if she even counts. Isn’t that fucked up? Not having spoken to your family for ten fucking years?”
“No,” Remus said. “I haven’t spoken to my dad for eight.”
“Really?” Sirius’s eyebrows shot up.
Remus hummed. “He didn’t like catching his son in the act of putting it up someone’s arse—Not that I did either, it was really fucking awkward.” He let out a dry chuckle. “Well, he didn’t want anything to do with me after that, only my mum did. She stayed with me even though she’d loved him for twenty years up till that point.”
“I’m sorry,” Sirius said.
“I’m not,” Remus said, eyes boring into Sirius’s. “Family doesn't have to be blood, Sirius. Family is in the people who love and care for us. I learned that a long time ago.”
Sirius swallowed. “I’m not sure I’m ready to learn that. To truly accept it. I—I have James’s family now. I lived with them after I was kicked out, and I love them like my own parents, but sometimes I just wish…” He looked out the window where a new station came into view.
“It’s okay to wish,” Remus said, “but it’s also needed to realise that maybe this was for the better.”
Sirius looked at him; eyes big, grey, and earnest. “If I could have any of them back, I would choose Regulus. I want to ask him why he did it, but also because, despite everything, I miss him.”
Remus desperately wanted to ask where all this came from; all this pain. What was the foundation of it? What made Sirius Black not accepting of the things in his past?
“I know you do,” Remus said softly. “And that’s okay.”
Sirius wrinkled his nose. The train was moving again. “Our stop is next,” he said.
Remus nodded. “Okay.” He looked at his hand that was clutching his cane. “You really know when to throw a deep conversation at a guy, huh?” He looked up, grinning softly.
Sirius’s cheeks turned red. “Well, you’re easy to talk to, that’s all.”
“Easier than James, even?” Remus asked with a quirked eyebrow.
“Yeah, well, I learned recently that James thinks I’m a shell of who I once was because I can’t share everything with him.”
“Like what?” Remus tilted his head; his heart beat rapidly in his chest.
“Like who I am. Deep down,” Sirius said, back suddenly straight as he looked Remus directly in the eyes.
A secret message moved on a thread between them. A message that said, I see me in you; you and me are the same. It was an admission in some way; one Sirius trusted Remus in the middle of a train. A relatively empty train at that, but still.
“You could tell him, you know,” Remus rasped. “He’s your friend.”
“I’ve lied to him for so long; to so many,” Sirius whispered. “And it's first now that I’ve begun to stop lying to myself, and, Moony, I’m still so ashamed—”
The train came to a halt, making Sirius stop mid-sentence. “We have to get off now.”
Remus refrained from making a crude joke, and they quickly moved off the train. Once on steady ground, Remus noticed the flash of red on Sirius’s cheekbones. He was embarrassed and refused to meet Remus’s eyes.
“We better get going.” He began striding towards the exit stairs, and Remus did his best to keep up. He didn’t do that very well.
“Sirius!” he called as he watched Sirius retreat up the stairs. “Fuck’s sake, posh boy, wait!”
Sirius came to an abrupt halt halfway up the stairs and turned. “Shit,” he cursed. “Sorry—It completely slipped my mind.” He moved down a few steps to where Remus was making his way up. “I’m so—”
“Shut up, love,” Remus said and sent him a tight-lipped smile.
Sirius looked down and followed Remus’s tempo the rest of the way up the stairs. People were all around them.
Once they’d made their way onto the streets, Remus said, “So, the train.”
“I don’t know why I said all that,” Sirius said. “I didn’t mean it. Forget it.”
“No,” Remus said calmly. “And yes, you did mean it.”
“You don’t know shit about how I feel,” Sirius spat.
“If you feel any way about me how I feel about you, I think I have a good idea of it,” Remus said, once again, calmly.
Sirius came to an abrupt halt in the middle of the street. “What?”
Remus raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t tell me you didn’t know that I like you.”
“I—” Sirius opened his mouth. Closed it.
“You toy with denial like it’s your favourite game, love,” Remus said softly and took a step towards him. “Doesn’t it get tiring?”
Sirius’s eyes were red and he blinked rapidly. “This—it’s all your fault, you know,” he blabbered. “You and those fucking eyes of yours. I was fine before I met you. I didn’t feel the need to—”
“To what, Sirius?” Remus asked softly. His heart was trying to escape his chest.
“Why are we doing this in the middle of the street?” Sirius hissed lowly. He was looking around, bewildered, as if afraid anyone would hear.
“No one will pay you any mind,” Remus said lowly. “This is London, Sirius, people are too busy with themselves to care about your problems. So, what didn’t you feel the need to, Sirius?”
Sirius looked away, jaw tight. “Fuck you, Remus Lupin. Honestly, go to hell.”
“Only if you come with me,” Remus smirked. “Now, tell me.”
“To fucking act on it, okay?” Sirius spat. “I was fine with denying it, but then you were there and no matter how much I fucking want to, I just can’t leave you alone.”
“Then don’t.” Remus took a tentative step closer. “It’s okay to feel it; just like it’s okay to be held. It’s not wrong; does it feel wrong?”
Sirius crossed his arms. “I’m not—I’m not ready to jump into it yet.”
“Okay,” Remus said. “But if you ever are, I’m here.”
“Right now, I think I just need you as a friend. Just that,” Sirius said. “I don’t know about the future. I feel completely out of control and I know nothing, but I know that apparently I like you, and that’s not something I can ignore, and I also can’t imagine my life without you, even though just a few weeks ago, I was doing so just fine with that—so—”
“Alright,” Remus said. “Then I’ll just remain your friend for now.”
Sirius exhaled. “This was not how I expected this day to go. Ugh!” He lifted his hands up, only to let them fall limply at his side. “Do you think I’m acting weird about all of this?”
“No.” Remus shook his head, honest. “I think you have your own reasons to feel the way you do, which is why I’m willing to wait.”
“What if you have to wait forever?” Sirius asked. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“I’ve already told you I’ll be going to hell with you; we’ll just be together there.”
It was a big admission for someone he'd barely known for a month. But it was true. Sirius had planted a seed in him, and it had grown quickly, the roots now tangled so deep in his core that they were impossible to remove.
Sirius nodded slowly. “Can we act like this conversation never happened and just live in blissful unawareness?”
“Okay.”
“But… we’ll still know.”
“Yeah,” Remus agreed. “But until you’re ready to talk about it, let’s brush it under the rug, okay? Now, where’s that shop your cousin owns? I wanna get some more of that cream.”
*
Sirius had basically just admitted to Remus that he was—was that way. And Remus had told him that he liked him, and, God, how Sirius had just wanted told fold then and there, to say fuck it all, but he couldn’t. Not yet. Since the first moment he had laid eyes on Remus Lupin, those walls around him had begun to crumble, but they were still there, weak, but tall.
Really, it was what Remus had said on the train that had made Sirius spiral like he did; to just spill the truth from his lips like he was a poison he tried to undo the damage of.
Family doesn't have to be blood, Sirius. Family is in the people who love and care for us. I learned that a long time ago.
If Remus could learn to accept himself, and the losses it brought, did that mean Sirius could, too? Sirius had never tried to; he’d always hid it away, but it was becoming increasingly hard to ignore. Especially since it also interrupted his sleep, now.
They were walking in silence along the street until they finally reached the corner where Andy’s shop was.
“This is it,” Sirius said. “The Tonks’ Wonder of Pain Relief.”
They stepped inside, and a bell chimed above their heads, but it wasn’t louder than the squeal of a girl around the age of eleven tumbling into Sirius.
“Oof!” Sirius groaned, instinctively reaching his arms around the girl. “Hey, Dora.”
“Mum, Mum!” Dora chanted. “Uncle Sirius is here!”
It was empty in the shop except for Dora, but at her shout, the door to the back room opened, and Andromeda Tonks stepped out. Her hair was a rich brown and curly, her eyes wide and kind, so unlike their relatives.
“Sirius!” she greeted happily. “Didn’t expect to see you today. I haven’t seen you in ages.”
“Well, things have been a bit busy with the moving in and everything,” Sirius said and ruffled Dora’s hair. “But I needed a refill on the cream, so…”
“So you’re only coming to see me to get something from me.”
“Well, I am paying,” Sirius grinned.
Andy rolled her eyes fondly and walked further towards them. “Dora, let your uncle breathe. Sirius, come here and get a hug.”
Dora stepped aside and Sirius went to Andy, her arms enveloping him in a hug. “Just so you know,” she whispered into his ear. “I’m gonna invite you and James over for dinner soon. Peter, too, and you better fucking show up.” She patted his back and let go. “Who’s your friend?”
“Oh!” Sirius turned to Remus, having momentarily forgotten it wasn’t only him and his relatives there. “This is Remus, my neighbour.”
“Hello, Remus Sirius’s neighbour,” Dora said. “What happened to your face?”
“Dora!” Andy hissed. “Don’t ask those kinds of questions. It's rude.”
Sirius looked apologetically at Remus, but to his surprise, Remus was just smiling. “It’s okay,” he said. “I don’t mind.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow at him like, Really?
“Really?” Dora said, voicing Sirius's thoughts. “Then how did you get it?”
“I got kidnapped by a group of zombies but managed to escape with only a few injuries,” Remus said seriously. Sirius almost believed him.
Andy hid a smile behind her hand. Sirius matched her.
“I don’t believe you.” Dora crossed her arms.
“Too bad,” Remus said. “It’s the truth.”
“Mum!” Dora turned to Andy. “Are zombies real?”
“Totally.” Andy nodded.
“Wow, I gotta call Sadie and tell her that.” And then, just as quickly as she had arrived, she sprinted away once again.
Sirius chuckled. “She’s truly a wonder, your daughter.”
“Trust me, I know,” Andy sighed happily. “You needed a new cream, you said? Here, let me find it.”
“We need two,” Sirius said.
Andy just nodded and waved along towards one of the shelves that lined the shop’s walls. It was full of boxes; some like the one Sirius had brought to Remus’s room that morning.
“I’ll give you both a bit of a discount,” Andy said. “Family perks—”
“You’ve never given me a discount before!”
“Yeah, because I know you’re rolling in money. Anyway, I’ve created a few more. This one”—she took a box with a red lid—“also goes in to soothe the muscles. Good for after workouts and such.”
Sirius looked around the shop at all the shelves. “You’ve made many since I last was here, damn.”
Andy shrugged. “When you’ve grown up with pain like you and me have, you tend to try and help people avoid doing the same.”
“I’m proud of you, did I ever tell you that?”
Remus had moved off to some other shelves to give them a look, presumably to give Andy and Sirius some privacy.
Andry wrinkled her nose. “Ew, since then did you become so mushy?”
“It’s the London effect,” Sirius said.
“Liar.” Andy looked towards where Remus was standing by a shelf by the far end of the room. He was clutching a box in his hand, reading the description. “Those are for nerve pains!” she called over to him.
Remus’s head snapped up, his eyes wide. “I saw. Do they work well?”
Andy clicked her tongue, grinning. “Of course, they do. I made them.”
Sirius’s heart swelled at the visible joy and wonder on Remus’s face. And yes, perhaps he could learn to accept this feeling with time. He wanted to.
“I’ll take two,” Remus said.
“On the house,” Andy replied.
“Favouritism,” Sirius muttered with a smile.
“Like you’re no different,” Andy said and nudged his shoulder.
“What do you mean?” Sirius asked.
“Whatever you want it to mean.”
*
“Is it working?” Sirius called through the closed door to Remus’s room. He didn’t get a reply. “Remus!” Still no reply. “Moony!”
None.
“That’s it, I’m coming in!” Sirius opened the door, only to stop immediately.
Remus was standing in front of his mirror wearing nothing but his pants. His eyes were transfixed on his reflection as he continually changed the weight from his right leg to his left leg without a wince.
His cane was on the bed.
Sirius didn’t even let himself get flustered over Remus’s appearance. He simply grinned. “Didn’t hear me?”
Remus looked at him with glossy eyes; full of wonder. “Sorry, I forgot to reply.” He swallowed and looked at himself again. “It doesn’t hurt, Sirius. It hasn’t felt like that in so long.”