Ill Met By Moonlight
Dolores Umbridge loathed the Forbidden Forest with its strange creatures and nearly sentient trees. But needs must, unfortunately. She’d put that love potion in Argus’ tea thermos and needed to find him now, so he’d declare his love for her. She was tired of waiting for the young caretaker to realize on his own what a gift she was offering.
Shivering in her pink cardigan, she hurried down the dark, misty path until she heard voices ahead. Carefully peering around a tree, she finally saw Argus—but not alone. Bathed in moonlight, the brown-haired man was laughing with Miss Norris, the hippie professor with the weird golden eyes, his thermos with the laced tea laying unopened on the ground.
Fury roared in Dolores’ mind. He hadn’t touched her tea, instead cavorting with that bitch. And Dolores needed him for her political career. A marriage to a Squib would be just the ticket to prove to the wizarding community what a kind and self-sacrificing citizen she was. It didn’t hurt that Argus was handsome with his light eyes and sinewy build. He’d look good on her arm, once she cleaned him up.
In the clearing, Miss Norris pressed her lips against Argus’. Red-hot rage exploded behind Dolores’ eyes when Argus didn’t push the woman away, instead kissing her back, tangling his hands in her long, dust-colored hair.
Whipping out her wand, she stormed towards them, scrambling for the words to a transfiguration spell that would turn Miss Norris’ stupid face into an ass. See if Argus would want to kiss her then.
The couple turned in surprise as she approached, and Argus stepped slightly in front of his hussy, pathetically trying to protect her.
“Miss Umbridge,” he said. “Whatcha doing out of bed? It’s past student curfew.”
“Oh,” Dolores tried a little giggle. “I’m sure I’m misunderstanding; how silly of me. You know we are supposed to be together, so what are you doing with…her?”
Argus sighed. “Miss, I’ve said this before. I ain’t interested. Now go to bed and stop following me.”
A strange calm, spread through Dolores. Pointing her wand at Miss Norris, she muttered the spell and waited as magic shimmered in the air, the Forest silent like it was holding its breath. Dolores ignored it, feeling victorious for one brief moment. Until the magic revealed a dust-colored small cat instead of an ass.
“What did ya do? Turn her back, you foolish girl!” For the first time, Argus sounded genuinely angry, though Dolores was certain he’d get over it soon enough.
“No counter-spell, I’m afraid,” she shrugged. “Naughty women deserve to be punished. Now drink your tea and I’ll announce our betrothal.”
Shocked, Argus stared at her. “No counter—”
He stopped. Shook his head, then gently picked up the cat and turned away.
“Argus Filch come back here!” Dolores shrieked. He ignored her and kept walking, cradling the blasted cat in his arms.
“Fine,” she screamed after him. “Have a lovely life with Mrs. Norris!”