fuck it if I can't have him.

Things were going well. In the couple of weeks that followed, Remus had only accidentally called Sirius ‘love’ twice, which was surely just a force of habit now that they were spending time together again.

Remus had hooked up with Davey once since he and Sirius had cleared the air, and immediately felt very weird about it afterwards, like he’d done something wrong despite knowing that he hadn't. When he’d spoken to Davey about it, he’d been supportive and had no problem with going back to the way they’d been before and told him to get this shit with Sirius sorted out. He’d also told Remus that he’d still like to come down and chat to him when he was in the archives, because he enjoyed spending time with him with his clothes on too apparently, which Remus agreed to happily, but made Davey promise to bring him tea on these visits. Remus knew that with any other boss, this whole thing could have been disastrous, so he was very grateful to have Davey as a boss, and now as a friend, he supposed.

Watching Sirius, Regulus and Barty interact would never stop being immensely entertaining to Remus. Barty loved to push Sirius’ buttons, but never to the point of being cruel, and Sirius often played into this, pretending to be much more exasperated than he actually was. He knew that Reg and Remus had been right about Barty being a decent guy deep down, but the memory of the morning after Bogarts was still too fresh in his mind for Sirius to call him a friend, yet.

A few days after the following full moon, Remus found Sirius’ favourite Hendrix shirt on the chair in his bedroom. He couldn’t remember the last time Sirius had been in his room without a shirt on, and it definitely hadn’t been there a week ago when he’d done his manic pre-moon clean. It was baffling. Still, he slipped it over his head. Not because it smelled like Sirius, but because it was soft and comfy, and also maybe a little bit because it smelled like Sirius.

When he entered the kitchen, Sirius did a double take. “That’s my shirt.”

“It was in my room.” Remus raised an eyebrow questioningly. “Any idea why?”

“Uh, no,” Sirius said quickly. “Maybe the laundry got mixed up.”

“Maybe,” Remus said, unconvinced. He put the bread in the toaster and smiled as Sirius set two mugs on the kitchen table. “It’s comfy.”

“It looks good on you,” Sirius said without thinking. Well, no, of course, that was all that he was thinking, but he’d tried so hard not to say it out loud. The way the sleeves clung to Remus’ biceps and stretched across his back as he moved was making him feel very un-breakfastly things.

“Oh,” Remus was glad he was facing the toaster so Sirius couldn’t see how pink his cheeks were. “Thanks?” He spread strawberry jam onto Sirius’ toast and set the plate in front of him, avoiding looking at him, before putting more bread in the toaster. “Up to much this weekend?”

“Going to see Reg later, if you want to come?” Sirius said with his mouth full of toast. “Nothing else planned. Might see Lily tomorrow to study some more for the burns and scalds test next week.”

“I can’t believe you study now.” Remus spread a liberal layer of butter and then a tiny bit of marmite onto his own toast. “Minnie would be so proud.”

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

Sirius should have known better than to take Remus over to Reg’s flat. When they got there, Reg and Barty were both sitting on the small sofa, leaving the armchair the only free place to sit. Sirius stared at it for too long, not wanting to look at his grinning brother, before Remus sighed, sat down, and pulled Sirius into his lap. When he looked at Reg, he was looking past him with an amused smile on his face, presumably being glared at by Remus, whose fingers held on to his waist rather distractingly, his thumb stroking the back of his ribs. He’d noticed Barty quickly move his hand off Regulus’ thigh as they Flooed in. He desperately wanted that to happen so he could give Reg a taste of his own medicine.

When he’d popped round to apologise for snapping at him at Florean’s, Reg had laughed so hard he got the hiccups. So, Honestly, Barty or not, Sirius couldn’t wait for the sibling rite of passage of ribbing him about his partner. Not that Remus was his partner. But with each day that passed, Sirius realised how much he wanted him to be. He leaned against Remus’ chest gently, hoping he didn’t imagine the contented hum that came from beneath Remus’ ribs.

“We’re thinking of going to Bogarts again next week. Are you up for it? Or were you traumatised by the last time?” Barty asked.

“It’s sweet that you think we’re that easily traumatised.” Remus said, “I don’t see why not.”

Sirius could think of several reasons why not, most of them the visceral memoty of an ethereal glowing purple Remus getting his face devoured by the grinning chaos demon in front of him, but still, he nodded, “I’m in.”

“I will have to insist you keep your hands off me this time, Lupin. I’m since reformed.” Barty said, looking at Remus and deliberately avoiding the eyes of the two brothers boring into him.

“Somehow, I’ll manage to preserve your newfound innocence.” Remus said dryly. “I’m sure Regulus will dance with you, though. If you ask him very nicely.”

Sirius didn’t miss Reg mouth ‘traitor’ at Remus and chuckled, relaxing a little more into Remus’ arms. There was something about the way that Remus’ arms felt around him that nobody else could compare to. Like he was supposed to be there.

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

Bogarts was… much as they’d left it. Smoky, with beer and sweat heavy in the air. Dreams by Fleetwood Mac was playing as they walked in, and James twirled Lily under his arm as they made their way to the bar.

Sirius insisted on buying the first round and once they were settled at the same table as last time, he set the tray down.

“Sure you don’t want to cuddle again, Lupin?” Barty opened his arms and smirked.

“Not with you, mate.” Remus laughed, “Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.”

“More like stole my t-shirt.” Sirius grumbled.

“Excuse me, you insisted that I wear it.”

Sirius had insisted, but he didn’t think Remus would call him out on it in front of everyone. Sirius hadn’t left the shirt in Remus’ room deliberately, but he was very glad that he had, because Remus seemed to have no qualms about wearing Sirius’ clothes now. He'd grab one of Sirius' shirts right out of the washing machine that he insisted they have ('Because cleaning charms are weird, Sirius!'). It was very domestic, and very hot. Sirius constantly had to remind himself that they were just friends and that while Remus was slowly returning to the casual physical touches they had before, he needed to hold back, because it was taking everything in him not to push back the curl that had fallen onto Remus’ forehead, because he knew that would lead to his fingers carding through Remus’ hair, pulling him closer and then…

He grinned as You’re my Best Friend by Queen started playing. “Dance with me?” He asked Remus quietly. Remus looked at his friends, deep in conversation and nodded, taking Sirius’ hand to allow him to lead him through the crowd.

“Alright, who has tonight?” Regulus asked urgently.

Lily sighed and pulled a piece of parchment out of her bag. “Where are we, the 17th? Anytime before the 21st is Barty.”

“I knew I should have listened to you.” James said, having put money on the day after Sirius broke up with Edgar. “I just thought they wouldn’t waste any time.”

“You’re a romantic. It’s very sweet, Jamie.” Lily kissed him on the cheek, “Though, unless they kiss between the 22nd and 25th, your sappiness may have cost us twenty galleons.”

“Anything after the 25th is mine!” Reg grinned. “I still think I’ve got this.”

Remus hadn’t had anywhere near enough alcohol to not feel incredibly self conscious while dancing, especially next to Sirius, but he was determined to push through it. He kept hold of Sirius’ hand as they moved to the music. He laughed as Sirius lifted his arm for him to twirl under and almost lost his balance. Sirius grabbed his arm (definitely not panicking about the bicep beneath his fingers) and suddenly they were much closer than they’d been before.

“This song’s always made me think of you.” Sirius said into Remus’ ear. Remus pulled back to look at him. He’d always associated the song with Sirius, despite knowing that John Deacon had written it for his wife, it just fit Sirius somehow. Well, no, it made a lot of sense. So to know that the feeling was mutual was a relief in one way, but had also made his heart start hammering in his chest. “Moons?”

“It’s always been you for me.” Remus heard what he’d said and tried to correct himself, “With this song. Made me think of… you.” He trailed off when he noticed how Sirius was looking at him. The combination of heat and warmth radiating from his eyes. The smile splitting his face like rays of sunshine breaking free from a cloud. “You’re so…”

“Fuck this.” Reg stood up and strode away from the table.

“Where are you going?” James called after him.

“To sabotage Barty!” He shouted back.

“Wanker!” Barty muttered. “Can’t believe he’d fuck up his brother’s night to sabotage me.”

James looked at him like he was an idiot. “I can absolutely believe that he’d do that. Sirius would do the same. Maybe you should go and dance with him, so he doesn’t feel like a third wheel.”

Barty looked from Lily and James to the dance floor. “I like you, Potter. You’ve got good ideas.” HE got to his feet and disappeared into the crowd.

“Love this song!” Reg shouted, appearing next to Remus and Sirius, millimetres apart, who both turned to give him identical looks of frustration and annoyance.

Seconds later Barty’s arm slid around Reg’s shoulders and James and Lily appeared next to him. The tension between Sirius and Remus had dissipated quicker than it had snuck up on them and Sirius squeezed Remus’ hand before letting go and turning to James. Remus looked at Reg, who was grinning unnervingly and shook his head, laughing.

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

Remus vaguely remembered waking up in the Shrieking Shack as Sirius healed his arm and hip, but not much else.

He never remembered getting home after the moon. Sirius gave him a pain potion most months since they’d left school and then the three of them would apparate together, with Remus, back to their flat. He’d wake up hours later in his warm bed with tea, water and a snack next to him. He seemed to recover faster for the last six months, maybe it was a weird hormone thing, Remus didn’t know. There wasn’t really any research into werewolf recovery post-moon or how it changes with age, because that would mean someone important caring about the welfare of werewolves.

He was suddenly aware that while he was incredibly comfortable, his head wasn’t resting on a pillow. He opened his eyes slowly and stifled a gasp. In his bed, with his arms wrapped around Remus, supporting Remus’ head on his bare chest, was Sirius, softly snoring and smiling in his sleep.

It wasn’t like they hadn’t slept in the same bed before, they’d just had clothes on when it had happened. Remus knew from where his legs tangled with Sirius’ that he was only wearing his boxers, although Sirius had pyjama bottoms on.

He closed his eyes again, this had to be one of those unfortunate dreams that had been creeping back in lately. Him and Sirius at the beach, Sirius trying to teach him how to dance… yeah, it made sense that this would be how his brain reacted after a moon.

He lay there for a while, the chances that it was a dream growing less and less likely with every passing minute. He felt Sirius start to stir and then he eased his arm from under Remus, and started sliding out of the bed.

“So,” Sirius jumped out of the bed and spun around, eyes wide, “Is this a thing we’ve been doing for long?”

Sirius paused before nodding. “Since the end of last year. It… it helps you recover quicker.”

Remus sat up, wincing slightly, not wanting to look down at his hip. “Something you picked up from work?” Sirius’ brows knitted together, but he nodded. “Pads, I’m not angry.”

“No?” Remus shook his head, “Sorry, I don’t usually fall asleep.”

“You usually just sneak out?” A smirk blossomed on Remus’ face. “Is this why I’ve been finding your shirts in my room?” Sirius nodded as Remus laughed, “That’s been confusing me for months!”

“You really aren’t mad? You’re sure?” Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, turning to face him.

“No, I was just a little surprised when I woke up. What’s the science behind it or magic or whatever helps?” He asked, still smirking.

“Fuck. It’s going to sound so stupid, and weird, and creepy.” Remus waited for him to continue, “Fine, so a few months after I started training we did a module on babies, and there’s apparently muggle science that has proven that if a baby is premature or sick, that spending time with what they call ‘skin to skin’ contact actually helps them get better quicker. Not that you’re a tiny sick baby, but I wondered if it would help and uh, it did. It was right after the moon where you did this last year.” He touched the raised scar that started on Remus’ neck and ran past his collarbone. He traced it softly with his finger, not able to meet Remus’ eyes. “You were so feverish and restless afterwards and I ran out of ideas and then I remembered the skin thing.”

“You never thought to bring it up? ‘Oh by the way, we cuddle after the moon now!’” Remus smiled, enjoying how pink Sirius’ cheeks were. “Thank you.” Sirius finally looked up at him, “For everything you do during and after the moon. Including this.”

“You’re welcome?” Sirius shrugged, “You know I’ll do anything I can to help.” Remus nodded, “I probably should have brought it up at some point though. The truth is, Moons,” He sighed, “I like it, and liking it felt wrong. If it didn’t help, I wouldn’t have done it again, but it did help, and it’s helped since, right?.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely helped. I thought it might have been some weird werewolf thing once you turn eighteen things get slightly easier. But the timeline didn’t make sense.” He rested a hand on Sirius’ knee, “You’re so good to me, Pads.” Remus knew that for the moon that Sirius was with Edgar, he hadn’t felt any worse, so Sirius must have stayed with him even then.

“It’s no more than you deserve, love.”

Remus didn’t miss Sirius’ eyes widen for a microsecond as he registered what he’d said. “Do you have anywhere to be?”

Sirius shook his head, then smiled as Remus patted the bed next to him, barely hesitating before he slipped back under the duvet. Remus pulled him closer and wriggled until they were back to how they were when he woke up. Sirius rested his cheek on the top of Remus’ head, then pressed a light kiss to the same spot. It was fine, it was just him and sleepy, affectionate Moony, half naked in bed together. Totally fine.

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

A man with chin length red hair and a Sgt Pepper T-shirt approached Sirius as he was setting up the pool table for him and Remus to play to determine whose turn it was to do the laundry. He didn’t look much older than them, but as soon as he approached, Remus, still sitting with Lily and Barty completely tuned out their conversation, cautious to see how this would play out.

“Hi,” Sirius looked up from the triangle. “I’m Caradoc.”

“Hi Caradoc, I’m Sirius.” He said, holding out his hand. Caradoc shook it firmly, and it didn't escape Sirius that Caradoc’s fingers lingered on his palm as he pulled away. “You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m grand, thanks. You?” He smiled.

“Yeah, pretty good, thanks.” He looked over at Remus and chuckled as he found him watching intently.

Remus’ eyebrows raised slightly and he smiled, Sirius knew that he was saying that Sirius should go for it, but he didn’t want to. He gave his head a minute shake, brow creasing barely perceptibly before looking back to the newcomer.

“Are you here with someone?” Caradoc asked.

Sirius didn’t know how to answer that, and he suddenly realised that this is how Remus must have felt before the whole Edgar mess. Arguably he wasn’t here with Remus, but he really wanted to be. He just wanted to go and sit as close to Remus as he could, lean in as Remus’ arm slid around his shoulders and listen to him talk about books or potions or biting whatever the three oddballs at that table would talk about.

“Oh, uh, yeah. I am.” Sirius smiled.

“Ah right, no worries. He’s a lucky man!” Caradoc returned the smile before walking away.

Sirius looked back to Remus to find three matching incredulous expressions. He shrugged and lifted the plastic triangle before grabbing the white ball from the other end of the table.

“Didn’t fancy him?” Remus’ voice next to his ear made him jump.

“Something like that.” Sirius nodded, “Wasn’t in the mood to get chatted up by some random guy.”

“Fair enough.” As Remus moved around the table to grab a cue, his eyes remained on Sirius. “He was pretty.”

“I’m sure he was.” Sirius set the white ball on the table, not looking away from Remus. “You could probably catch up to him if you—”

“Shut up. No thanks.” Remus laughed as Sirius played the first shot, scattering the triangle of balls across the felt.

“I popped into Ollivander’s earlier.” Sirius said quietly when Remus was aiming for the white ball. He’d been weighing up whether or not to talk to the wandmaker, and wondering how he’d even go about it, but he knew deep down that he’d regret not trying to warn him about the person he had taken under his wing. He was a little worried about retaliation, but in the end it was a risk he was willing to take.

“Yeah?” Remus potted a red ball and winked at Sirius.

Sirius’ stomach did a flip and he forgot to breathe for a few seconds. He blinked a few times, “Uh, yeah. He— He seemed really receptive to the information. Said I wasn’t the first to suggest it, but I was the first to provide location and time so he can see for himself.”

Remus took his second shot. “Chances are it won’t come back on you if Ollivander shows up there and sees him in person. I hope he’ll be sensible.”

“He was talking about getting Mad Eye Moody involved.” Sirius moved closer to Remus. “They’re so fucked.”

Remus smiled at him and held his gaze. “Good.”

At the table, far enough away not to be overheard, James tapped the table with his glass and whispered “I bring this session of the Sirius and Remus Dating Alliance into session.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Lily snorted.

“You love me!”

“I do.” She smiled softly at him, “Worryingly, because you’re ridiculous.”

“Ugh.” Pete said, “What’s today’s plan?”

“Does it matter? Reg already won the bet.” Barty pouted. “Only because I was sabotaged!”

“I don’t think we need a plan. Sirius just turned down a hot bloke while somehow having an entire nonverbal conversation with Remus.” Reg said, pointedly avoiding Barty, “Now look at them.”

All seven heads snapped up to find Sirius whispering into Remus’ ear as Remus covered his mouth, laughing. They quickly noticed they were being observed and Remus pulled Sirius closer, turning his head to whisper back to Sirius but Sirius was still looking at him, and suddenly their lips were so close.

It reminded Sirius of the night he’d almost kissed Remus outside the pub, he could feel Remus’ pulse thrumming through his skin. He looked down at Remus’ lips, then back up at his eyes. Remus was still staring at his mouth as his eyes fluttered closed.