Cosmic Love
Kissing Remus was everything Sirius had hoped it would be. The way he pulled him closer like he couldn’t get enough, the way he was anything but gentle, and when he pulled away, he looked at Sirius like he was his entire world. It was intoxicating.
He’d done his best to tune out the cheers of his friends, and then of the locals, who would join in on cheers for anything. Any excuse to shout in the pub, apparently. He rested his forehead against Remus’ and laughed softly.
“They’re going to be unbearable about this, aren’t they?” He murmured.
“We can’t even apparate home from here.” Remus giggled, and the sound went straight to Sirius’ heart. He started to turn his head, but Sirius touched his jaw and turned his face back to face him.
“Don’t look at them.” He smiled, “Don’t give them the satisfaction.”
“If we don’t acknowledge them, at least one of them is going to come over here eventually.” Remus said, “My money’s on Lily.”
“You reckon?” He brushed his lips against Remus’, “Maybe if we stay like this, they’ll feel like they’re interrupting.”
Remus smiled before tilting his head and kissing him again.
“I don’t think it had occurred to me how disgustingly insufferable they’re going to be,” Regulus said quietly. “Those forty galleons are not going to make up for it.”
“At least you have forty galleons. The rest of us will have to suffer for free.” Pete tore his eyes away from his friends. “Someone go over there.” Barty jumped to his feet. “Not you, Crouch.” Pete pulled him back into his seat.
James cleared his throat loudly, and they broke apart, though still only had eyes for each other. “Oi! Play pool or go home!”
Sirius finally looked over at them, then back at Remus. “Home?” Remus nodded enthusiastically.
They stopped by the table to hand over the cues to Lily and Barty, and say their goodbyes.
“We’re going home,” Sirius announced unnecessarily.
“Wow, what a surprise!” Lily cackled, “Fucking finally.”
Remus really should have sniped back with something about jumping the gun, but was she really? Mary had used the word inevitable to describe him and Sirius more than once, and no matter how annoying it had been at the time, she’d been right. It was always just a matter of time before they were drawn together.
“Yeah, yeah. We know.” He said fondly. “Enjoy your night.”
“Enjoy yours!” Reg called after them as Remus slipped his hand into Sirius’.
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The walk home seemed to take forever. Maybe it was because they stopped to kiss again so many times, but every time felt just like the first. The same burst of excitement, nerves and at the same time, the feeling that this was just something they’d always done. It was natural. Sirius thought his heart might burst when, after kissing him solidly against a wall, Remus kissed the end of his nose softly, then started walking towards their flat again.
“Moons?” Sirius said quietly when they were almost at their door.
Remus turned his head to look at him, and smiled, “Yes, love?”
“We should probably talk about this, right?” He brushed his thumb over the back of Remus’ hand. “Before we rush into anything?”
“I don’t think anything we do now could be considered rushing, but yes, I think that’s probably a good idea,” Remus said as he opened the door.
When Sirius closed it behind them, he pulled Remus back towards him and let Remus press him against the heavy door as he kissed Sirius’ jaw, then down his neck. Sirius grasped Remus’ jaw gently and guided it back up so he could kiss him fiercely. When Remus finally pulled away, Sirius’ lips followed his for a moment, not wanting to be apart from him for a second. Remus laughed softly as he cupped Sirius’ jaw.
“I’ve forgotten everything I wanted to say.” Sirius chuckled as Remus dragged him by the hand into the living room and pushed him onto the sofa. He half expected him to crawl into his lap, and he wouldn’t have minded at all, but Remus just grinned at him.
“I’ll make tea, see what you can remember.”
Sirius sat there for the few minutes it took for Remus to boil the kettle. What did he want to say to Remus? Part of him wanted to apologise that they hadn’t been doing this for years but he didn’t want to ruin the mood. He also didn’t want to come on too strong, but all the things he wanted to say felt like too much. I’ve wanted to do this for so long. I want to do this forever. Then the terrifying thing that had been popping into his head for weeks now. I love you.
Remus set the mugs on the table before settling next to Sirius on the sofa, right next to him. “You figure it out?”
Sirius, still very much caught up in his head, forgot himself for a moment. “I love you.” tumbled out of his mouth.
Remus blinked at him for a moment before the most beautiful smile Sirius had ever seen crossed his features. “Yeah?” Sirius nodded, “I love you, too.”
Sirius hadn’t been prepared for that, Remus could tell. For all of Sirius’ cockiness, there had always been an underlying thread of insecurity. Remus suspected that learning that Edgar had only dated him for social status had been a further blow to his self-confidence, and had vowed to himself to make Sirius believe that he deserved the world.
“I feel like we could have been doing this for so long.” Sirius said quietly, “I’ve wanted to for so long, but then I—”
“I know. Me too.” Remus kissed his shoulder. “But now we have forever, so it doesn’t matter.”
“Forever?” Sirius smirked.
Rather than make a joke of it, Remus just looked at him and said “Yeah, that’s my plan anyway.”
Sirius digested this for a moment, “I was really fucking stupid, wasn’t I?”
“Yep.” Remus nodded, “But we got there eventually.”
Sirius caught Remus’ lips in a soft kiss, and then Remus was in his lap, pushing him against the back of the sofa. Sirius slid his hands under Remus’ shirt and ran his fingers across the warm skin of his lower back.
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The first time Remus got caught up at work, four days later, and got home an hour later than usual, Sirius was tense. He’d spent the better part of the last thirty minutes trying to talk himself down, but by the time Remus stumbled through the floo, Sirius had convinced himself that Remus had stayed behind with Davey. It wasn’t like they’d talked about being a couple, but he’d assumed that was the case, and now he was kicking himself for not having the awkward ‘what are we? conversation.
Remus took one look at him, all angst and angles in the armchair and froze. “Alright?”
“I don’t know, am I?” Sirius frowned, he knew it was immature but his brain was not being kind to him.
Remus fought the urge to snap back at him. “You don’t look ok, no. Is it because I’m late?” Sirius nodded, trying to keep his face neutral, but when a tiny hurt expression slipped through, Remus suddenly understood. “Sirius,” he said softly, “Do you think I stayed late to hook up with Davey?”
Sirius’ eyes widened for a second, “I’m trying so hard not to think that.”
Remus sat on the sofa, “I ended that weeks ago. He was completely fine with it, and I have no regrets about ending it.”
“Moons, I’m sorry.” Sirius shook his head, “I suppose I just didn’t know what we are, and that made me… anxious?”
“Well, I was talking about you at work earlier and I referred to you as my boyfriend, and it felt great. So if that’s something you’d—”
“Yes. That. Please.” All of Sirius’ worries dissipated. “Fuck, I love you. I’m sorry. I do trust you. I swear.”
“I know. It was just a weird situation that we needed to talk about. I get that after the last couple of months… it’s been a lot of change.” Remus beckoned Sirius over to the sofa with one finger and Sirius happily flung himself across the room and mostly on top of Remus. “I want you, and only you.”
Sirius sighed contentedly, “Same here, Moons. I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions.” However hurt he felt at the thought of Remus and Davey, it hurt much more to think that those thoughts had hurt Remus. “I got stuck in a loop.”
“It’s ok.” Remus kissed his temple, “Probably a sign that we should communicate more, right?” Sirius nodded, “Alright, I hated waking up without you today.”
“That’s your idea of communicating?”
“It’s the first thing that came into my head. I was sad.” Remus shrugged, “Missed you.”
“I was literally in the next room.” Sirius laughed, “I didn’t know if you’d want your own space or… I’m very happy to share a bed every night.”
“Yours or mine?” Remus smiled at him. “Mine’s comfier, admit it.”
Remus’ bed was comfier, thanks to the many charms Sirius had put on it so it would be comfy post-moon.
“Yeah, it is. Alright, I’m sleeping in your bed tonight. You better not roll into the middle again.”
“I absolutely will, I’m afraid.” Remus said, “It’s just unconscious me wanting a cuddle. You’d deny me that?”
“Well, when you put it that way.” Sirius kissed him softly, “I’ll allow it.”
“Love you,” Remus said between kisses, “drama queen.”
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“Find anything interesting today?” Lily asked, setting down her empty glass of wine.
“Seventeenth-century Azkaban records.” Remus grimaced. “Interesting, and horrific. Don’t get me wrong, the Dementors are fucked up, but the torture device schematics and reports of the way they were used.” He shuddered, “I didn’t even have to read them, just organise them.”
“And so you read them all?”
“Naturally.” He smiled. “The Pear of Anguish made me feel genuinely sick, and—”
Sirius put down a glass of wine, a vodka and coke and a pint of Guinness and gently tugged at the soft curls at the base of Remus’ skull, before sliding into the booth seat next to him. Remus’ arm instinctually pulled him closer until he was practically in Remus’ lap.
“How do you know when he wants to switch to Guinness?” Lily asked.
“Well he’ll have four pints of Bass, and then after nine, it’s Guinness time.” Sirius smiled at Remus. “It genuinely threw me when you stopped drinking. I didn’t know what time it was based on what was in front of you anymore. It was terrifying.”
“I’m sure it was.” Lily rolled her eyes affectionately. “James beat you again, then?”
“Yeah,” He looked over at the table where James was trying to teach Regulus to hold the cue properly, and Regulus was having none of it. “It wasn’t even close.”
“It’s fine, you can lose at Monopoly in a bit.” Remus smiled as Sirius rested his head on his shoulder.
“Your Moon PMS seems better this month,” Lily said.
“Don’t call it that. Jesus.” Remus groaned. The full moon was on Monday, so the Moon-grumpies, as Sirius was now calling it, would probably hit tomorrow. “There’s still time, Evans.”
James slid in next to Lily and the four of them looked over to where Reg and Barty were trying to play pool and generally not succeeding. “We’re getting them together next, right?” James said with a grin.