Angstober 2024

Regulus sat in the waiting room of the doctors office staring at the polished floors.

He was sick.

He was dying.

His parents were talking to the doctor, probably trying to figure out a way to save their only son. They ignore the fact they have another son and that they don’t need Regulus alive. They ignore the fact they disowned their oldest son and now only have him left. They ignore the doctor when he says there is nothing that can be done. Regulus was dying and they couldn’t save him.

Regulus tuned everyone out; he didn't need to hear how long he had left or his mother begged for them to do something to save him. Regulus accepted his fate right there in the doctor's office. He was going to die and there was no stopping it. Regulus thought about what he wanted to do before he died.

He wants to fall in love. He wants to experience just once the feeling of being loved by another person. Another human being other than his brother. He wasn't sure that was something tangible for him. If no one could love him when he was healthy he doubted anyone would love him while he was dying. Eventually he was able to leave the doctors office. The car ride home was silent and tense. No one dared speak.

Once home Regulus went to lay down in his room he was tired and drained from being out. His mother stopped him before he could get up the stairs and quietly handed him his phone. His parents had confiscated his phone once they kicked his brother out of the house in fear his brother would take him as well. Regulus was confused on why his mother was giving it back now.

“Convince your brother to come home” Was all his mother said before walking away.

Regulus should have known. His parents needed an heir and since he was dying they needed his brother back. Regulus walked into his room and laid down on his bed. He turned his phone on and saw all the messages that were left. They were mostly from his brother begging him to run away with him and to please answer his texts. Some were from his friends asking where he was and what had happened. After his brother had left his parents pulled Regulus out of school and began homeschooling him. They were scared that if they gave Regulus the freedom they had given Sirius that Regulus would leave. Ironic how all of it backfired.

Regulus opened his texts from his brother first and stared at it for a long moment. What was he supposed to say? ‘Hey sorry for never texting you mom and dad isolated me from the world after you left and only gave me access to the outside world now because they found out I was dying and need a healthy heir to continue the family bloodline’

He’s sure that would end terribly. Regulus looked at the messages for a bit longer. He looked for too long because suddenly Sirius was texting him.

‘Reg hello!!??’

‘I can see that you saw my messages what the hell happened!’

‘No one has heard from you in years, are you ok?’

Regulus' breath froze as he read the messages. He wasn't sure how to respond. He hasn’t even realized how long it’s been since he had last talked to someone other than his parents or a doctor. Regulus was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of his phone ringing. His brother was calling him. Regulus was nervous he hadn’t talked to his brother in so long.

What if he was mad at him? What if he hated him? Regulus shook his head and answered the phone, putting it close to his ear. He didn’t dare to speak, too nervous and not knowing what to say. Thankfully his brother spoke first.

“Reggie? Is that really you? Are you ok where are you I’ll come get you” His brother’s voice sounded scared like he didn’t believe the person on the other side was really Regulus.

He sounded different. He sounded older. Regulus felt tears he didn’t know he was hiding fall down his cheeks. He tried to stop it, tried to hold it back but hearing his brother’s voice after years of isolation. Hearing it knowing he won’t be able to hear it once he’s dead. Suddenly he didn’t want to die, he wanted to live and he wanted his big brother.

He could faintly hear his brother tell someone he would be right back as he tried calming Regulus down.

“Regulus, I need you to tell me where you are ok? I will come get you yah?” His brother said in a calm voice.

Regulus gripped his phone tightly as he took a shaky breath. “I’m in my room” he whispered. He heard his brother pause, probably deciding if he should still come to Regulus' aid or not.

“Alright alright Reggie listen I’m on my way yeah? Pack a bag everything you would need ok I’ll be there as fast as I can” Regulus could only let out a small yes before his brother hung up.

Regulus did what his brother had told him, packing everything he would need. He wasn’t sure what his brother’s plan was but he was sure his parents didn’t care if Regulus left or not. Not since he was useless to them anyways.

Regulus made sure to pack his notebooks and clothes. He didn’t have much but that just made things easier. Regulus stopped once he got to where he kept all his medication. Truth be told Regulus had been dying for years taking countless medications to try and keep him alive. None of the medications had worked because now he was dying. Should he even bother continuing taking them?

Regulus decided that yes he would take them in the hopes that they would give him a bit more time with his brother. Regulus left his room a bag in hand filled with most of his life. Once he walked out of his room he was met with his mother with her arms crossed.

“Well?” She asked not even caring that Regulus was crying.

“He’s coming to pick me up” Regulus spoke, hating how monotone and dead his voice sounded.

“I told you to convince him to come home not run off with him” His mother snarled glaring down at her once beloved and most adored son.

“There is no point in me staying mother. I can try to convince him but you and I both know nothing is bringing him back home” Regulus gripped his bag tightly.

It felt weird going against his mother. His brother was always the one to defy her. Not Regulus, he always tried to stay quiet and out of her way. Death really does change a person.

His mother didn’t speak, just stood there seething with anger and disappointment. After a moment she moved and let Regulus walk away.

“I am so disappointed in you Regulus” His mother said once Regulus was almost down the hall.

Regulus stopped and turned to her.

“You and I both” Was all he said before turning back around and walking out of that house. The second he walked out he felt a weight lift off his chest. He felt lighter and more free. This time when he cried he let himself cry. He walked down the driveway and waited for his brother. His brother didn’t make him wait long running towards Regulus the moment he saw him alive. Sirius knocked him to the floor with his hug crying as he was reunited with his baby brother.

Regulus couldn’t help but cry as he hugged his brother. He hadn’t even realized how badly he had missed him until now. They sat there on the ground for a moment holding each other and crying. After a while Sirius stood up and helped Regulus up.

“I've missed you so much, look at you. You've grown so much since I last saw you” His brother smiled tears in his eyes.

Regulus nodded and hugged his brother again. He didn’t want to let go, he didn't want to die.

He was dying.

Sirius had no idea.

Regulus took a deep breath before letting go of his brother. Sirius must have sensed that something was wrong because he had a concerned look on his face.

“Listen Sirius I- I have to tell you something and I’m not sure how to tell you” Regulus paused trying to push down the tears threatening to fall.

His brother waited for Regulus to get his composer, not saying anything. He looked worried and scared about whatever Regulus was going to tell him.

“Siri I’m dying a-and I don’t know how much longer I have left mom she wants you home that's why I was able to call you that’s why I was able to get out she doesn’t need me anymore” Regulus couldn’t help the tears that fell as he told his brother the truth.

His brother wasted no time wrapping Regulus into a tight hug. Both brothers cried as they mourned over the time lost and the time they will never get. Sirius didn’t let go of Regulus until he had finally stopped crying. Regulus felt tired and drained and wanted nothing more than to sleep but they were still outside.

“You can stay with me I share a flat with my three friends you will love them you can have my bed and I’ll lay on the couch ok we can walk it’s not to far from here I wanted to live near you incase you ever got out” Sirius explained as he grabbed Regulus bag and lead him down the street.

Regulus smiled at the fact that his brother never gave up on him. Even when he had no way to reach him. His brother always believed he could get out. Regulus wished he could have gotten out sooner. Once they got to the flat Sirius stopped and turned to Regulus at the door.

“Ok so just warning you before we go in James can be loud and super energetic but if you tell him you need space he will back off, Peter is quieter but is super competitive in chess and can get really loud, Remus is cool he has some sort of chronic illness I can’t remember the name of but he uses a cane and wheelchair sometimes so just be mindful of that but other than that everything should be fine any questions?” Sirius asked, smiling at his little brother.

Regulus hesitated for a moment before replying. “Um yeah can you not tell them that I’m yah know dying? I just don’t want them to be weird about it.”

Sirius' eyes widened as he shook his head. “No it’s ok they won’t be mean about it or anything they are all really cool and-” Regulus cut him off.

“No Sirius please just don’t tell anyone please” Regulus begged.

It’s not that he didn’t trust Sirius' friends , it was just that Regulus didn’t want them to worry. He didn’t want people to feel bad for him. Regulus was dying and he was trying to be ok with that. He wouldn’t be able to be ok with his death if he knew there were people worrying about him. He rather no one knows. Sirius didn’t push Regulus on this decision, just nodded and opened the door.

Regulus walked in and was immediately knocked down by a big black dog.

“Padfoot no! I’m so sorry Reggie he’s sweet just gets really excited” His brother ran over and pulled the large dog off of him.

Regulus smiled standing up. Sirius had always wanted a dog Regulus was glad he was able to finally get one.

It’s all right um where can I put my stuff?” Regulus asked, looking around.

The apartment was larger than he expected but still seemed cramped. There were dishes in the sink and dog toys all over the floor. There was a book and coffee cup on a table and pillows on the couch. The apartment felt alive and welcoming drastically differently than 12 Grimmauld Place which always felt stuffy and dead. Sirius led Regulus down a small hallway and into his room. Sirius' room was much like his old room back in their old home. It was messy with clothes thrown across the room. Posters of bands and artists were hung half haphazardly all along the room. There was a dresser with makeup and nail polish neatly organized on it. Of course that was the only organized thing in his room. Regulus put his bag down and sat on the bed. Sirius sat next to him. They sat there for a moment just enjoying eachothers company.

“Do you have any medications? Or are you-” Sirius started to ask, trailing off at the last bit.

Regulus knows what he was asking.

“I’m still taking my meds. They won’t do much, they just slow down the process but I- I want to spend as much time with you as I can.” Regulus said, smiling at his brother.

Sirius beamed at this and pulled Regulus into a tight hug. Regulus hugged him back and smiled. He wished he could stay in this moment forever. There was a knock on the door and suddenly a very hot and very shirtless man walked into the room. He was tall with scars all along his face and body. He had curly brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. Regulus was sure he was looking but he couldn’t help it. This dude was hot.

“Oh sorry I didn’t realize- um I’ll just go” The man said a bit flustered before walking out quickly.

Regulus was a bit sad to see him leave; he wanted him to stay. Sirius was giving him a weird look.

‘What? Why are you looking at me like that?’’ Regulus asked.

“Regulus look I love you but please don't flirt with Remus”

Regulus' face heated up and he turned away.

“I was not going to flirt with him!” Regulus lied.

“I know that look don’t lie to me, listen I just Moony has been through a lot he just lost his mom please don’t make this any harder than it has to be” Sirius said looking down at his lap.

Regulus sighed. He understood where his brother was coming from he really did. As much as Regulus would have loved to spend his last days on earth in love and dating Sirius' hot roommate he didn’t want to hurt Sirius' hot roomate with his death.

“I won’t I promise” Sirius let out a sigh of relief and nodded.

“Thank you I’m going to go start making dinner tonight is my night to cook” Sirius said standing up.

Regulus laughed. Their parents had never let them anywhere near the kitchen so they never learned how to cook.

“You can cook? Are we sure it will be edible?” Regulus asked jokingly.

Sirius rolled his eyes smiling fondly at his little brother. “Yes it will be edible James taught me how to cook! You will love it!”

Regulus nodded and watched as Sirius left the room. Regulus got up and started putting his things neatly away.

Regulus wasn’t so sure he wanted to die.

*******************

Regulus ran into the bathroom, his heart hammering in his chest. He needed his medication. He knew it wouldn’t do much but it would help. Regulus' vision was blurry and his hands were shaking. He tried to open his pill bottle but couldn’t get it opened.

“Shit shit shit” he muttered tears running down his face.

He felt like he was dying.

He didn’t want to die.

Suddenly Regulus was sitting on the floor and someone was handing him his medication and some water. Regulus quickly took it quickly, taking deep breaths once he had taken them. After a few moments of silence the person spoke.

“You're dying aren't you?” The voice spoke softly.

Regulus' eyes shot open as he stared at Sirius' hot roomate.

“How did you know?” He asked quietly.

Remus smiled softly sitting down next to him.

“I figured it out my mom took the same kind of medication. How long do you have left?” He spoke softly. His voice calmed Regulus' racing heart.

“I don’t know, not long,” Regulus replied, looking down at his hands.

It felt weird talking about his death so casually but it felt nice.

“What do you want to do before you die?” Remus asked.

Regulus thought for a moment before replying.

“I want to be loved not the platonic kind of love but the romantic kind of love” He replied, closing his eyes.

Remus was quiet for a moment before speaking again.

“I could love you like that”

He spoke so softly Regulus almost didn’t hear him.

Regulus didn’t respond for a moment thinking back to what Sirius had asked of him.

“I-I don’t know I want it to be real and not because I’m dying” Regulus said slowly.

“What if I said it was real?” Regulus paused thinking for a moment.

He had told Sirius he wouldn’t flirt with Remus. But dating technically isn’t flirting.

“I don’t want you to get hurt I am dying I- there is nothing you or anyone can do to help save me” Remus nodded gently cupping Regulus face.

“I know love I’ll be ok let me love you” Remus spoke so softly and so lovingly that Regulus couldn’t say no.

He had always wanted to be loved and now he had the opportunity to be loved. He didn’t want to throw this opportunity away. Regulus leaned in and kissed Remus.

*****************

Regulus was standing in the doctor's office feeling numb.

He was still dying.

It was getting worse.

The medicine wasn’t helping.

His doctor didn’t want him taking the medication anymore.

Regulus couldn’t stop taking the medication. He wanted to live as long as he could. He wanted to spend more time with his brother and with Remus.

He wanted to be loved for a little bit longer.

His doctor continued to talk but Regulus wasn’t listening.

He was too busy thinking about his death.

The ride home was quiet.

Regulus couldn’t speak.

Once home Regulus went to Remus' room. Remus was there reading a book in his bed. Regulus crawled next to him and held him tightly. Remus wrapped his arms around Regulus pulling him close. Regulus closed his eyes and listened to the steady beat of his heart.

Regulus relaxed in Remus' arms.

Regulus fell asleep in Remus’ arms.

Regulus never opened his eyes again.