Warpaint

Bee

I wandered through the house, I needed to get my head a bit clearer. It felt so cluttered. I wished I could clear out all the things that my brain had in it. I wished someone would tell me what's right. I still felt his kiss on my lips - that obviously meant something. 

I needed to lie down. It was well past midnight but the party was not showing any signs of slowing down. I pushed my way through the crowds of people. I needed somewhere quiet. My brain felt fried since leaving Albus. I climbed the stairs, stopping to look at the photos on the wall. One of Albus caught my eye, I'd never quite seen him smile like that. He must have been around seven or eight years old at the time. He was so cute. I wanted to go back. I wanted to make things better. I was so stupid to walk away like that.

I liked him so damn much that I didn't even know how not to mess things up around him. I wanted to protect him but every time I let him a little close to me, I forgot all about that. The way I felt about him was so overpowering that I couldn't help myself. I snapped myself out of it too late and hurt him. How could I control this pattern? 

Maybe I couldn't 

I turned the door handle. It wouldn't open, most likely Ginny Potter didn't fancy people going through her underwear drawer. Good call Ginny. I moved onto the next door, the door knob twisted and opened. The room was painted a bright red but the thing that caught my eye was on the bed. Two familiar figures. A shirtless James Potter being straddled by Madi.

"GET OFF OF HIM RIGHT NOW!" I screamed out.

I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I had my own problems, but as if this evening couldn't get more crazy, I walked into this. 

James and Madi.

"I think the lady is quite happy where she is."

Madi looked suitably mortified by the situation. He looked smug as hell. I wanted to rip the smirk from his mouth. People ask me time after time what my problem with him is. I never go into it ever. It opens something that I won't be able to close. 

I was going to murder him. I could actually kill him right now. 

"She's coming with me, she's making a mistake and you're letting her!"

I knew that Lou was the ace card. They hadn't thought this through. Madi was scared of her in reality. At least she used to be. I think she just wanted to be her now. James is Lou's biggest prize. It's an act of war. How had Madi ended up in his bed? Where was Lou?

I couldn't rule out that they had broken up and Lou had gone off with someone else but it didn't feel right. 

"I want to stay here, Bee." 

I wanted to drag her out by her hair. 

I was so tired of being in everyone's business. I didn't want to do it anymore. I slammed the door as hard as possible on my way out. I just needed to let go. That wasn't my problem. I couldn't keep trying to save people who didn't want to be saved. It was another secret that I had to carry with me though.

*

I was really hoping that this wasn't another door filled with horror. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to smoke. There was always drama at New Year's, like always. Tonight was another level though. I cared about these people. Caring is both wonderful and exhausting. Tonight was proving this theory beautifully. 

I knew before I looked at anything that this was Albus's bedroom. There was just something about it. I think it was the way that it smelt or just the sudden sense of calm that I felt being surrounded by its walls. I was safe here. Albus both made me lose my mind when I was around him and made me feel safe. 'I felt like I belonged with him in a way I'd never felt before

I don't know why I don't have these moments of clarity when it matters. It was only in moments when I felt like I had lost it all that things made sense. The door opened. I was ready to hex whoever walked through it. I wanted to be alone.

It was him.

I knew then that I didn't want to be alone. 

There was a confusion etched on his face that I felt deeply too. I had come to the conclusion that it was him that I wanted to be with. I hoped that despite his anxiety something was telling him that I was worth taking a chance on. 

"I'm so sorry," I began.

"You need to open the letter," he announced. 

There was something so powerful about his voice that I went instantly to find the letter. I opened it with trembling hands. The letter was a lot thicker than I remembered it being. I scanned the opening note which confirmed what he said before. He liked me. A lot, by the sounds of it. The rest of the letter turned out to be a story. He had written a story for me as a Christmas present.

I knew that I had been silent for a while. His prose was so mesmerizing. The description was beautiful. It told the story of a female warrior called Arielle. She was amazing. The words jumped off the page. Arielle's world was vivid as day. 

"It ends on a cliffhanger? What happened to her?"

"That's the magic. The reader needs to figure it out."

The mark of a good writer is always leaving your audience wanting more. It was a fantastic story. I shouldn't be surprised by his talent. He was so talented. 

"I know that you're scared. I don't pretend to understand why yet but I'm going to fight for you because I believe in you. I believe in us."

At that moment, I didn't feel scared. I felt braver and stronger than I had in a long time. It was enough to make me forget Lou in that moment. I could only describe it as launching myself towards him. He was surprised at my sudden movement but ready to catch me. My lips found his. True bliss. 

*

I normally awoke on New Year's Day to regret and a banging headache. It was almost a tradition. I felt different this morning. I felt happy and rested. The threads from last night danced across my mind. I felt freed. Albus and I had the best night together. We talked, laughed and kissed until the morning light. 

We finally fell asleep. He was still sleeping now. He looked so peaceful. I did need to leave at some point though. Lou and Madi would be wondering what had happened to me. Lou had told me to stay away from Albus. She would figure it out if I didn't get out of here. I wanted to stay and bask in the light of the most perfect night. It was a terrible idea though. I could text Albus later to explain. 

Maybe I wasn't thinking properly because I needed to pee so badly. That'd explain why I was thinking about leaving Albus again, hurting him again. I needed the loo. That explained why I was such a disaster. If I found the toilet then I'd be sane again. That's what I'd tell myself for now. 

I remembered Potter saying that his parents always stay somewhere fancy for the evening when they go to parties. Thank god - I don't want to bump into Harry Potter on the stairs. I wished I'd asked where the toilet was before. It would make this whole process a lot easier. I wished I had worn a longer dress. I looked amazing in this dress but it made the walk of shame a bit more obvious. I slipped out of Albus' door. 

"What are you doing coming out of my brother's room?"

James. 

Fantastic. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said coolly. 

I was fighting a losing battle because he'd seen me. I couldn't come up with anything better in the moment though.

"You know there are going to be rumours about this."

He was right again. The rumour mill at Hogwarts is insane. Something like this would ruin everything. If Lou knew then she'd target us, she'd target him. Albus is the one that would come off worse in all of this. I hate my friends. I mean I love them but I really kind of hate them. This just couldn't get out. I couldn't let this become a thing. I refused to let James Potter do this. 

"There aren't going to be any rumours about this because you're going to tell no-one about this."

I changed the game. He won't play me. 

"And why would I do that?"

"I don't think sleeping with Madi was a great idea, you know, I think someone might be very upset to find out the truth, don't you?"

"You wouldn't tell her."

"I don't owe you anything, so this is how it's going to work-"

"She wouldn't believe you."

"You shouldn't interrupt me, Potter. As I was saying, you're going to forget that you saw me here because if you don't then I'm going to tell Lou what you did, and you wouldn't want that because her daddy gets very mad. You know that he's the Head of IQA so he'll crush your Quidditch career dreams in a second."

The International Quidditch Association is a big deal. Lou's father had headed up the committee for the last fifteen years. He has a monopoly on Quidditch. Lou's father is also petty as hell. Potter didn't realise who he was messing with when he first got involved with Lou. I've seen Lou's dad screw over many of his colleagues for far less. Just because he calls Potter son now doesn't mean he wouldn't turn on him. 

"You wouldn't dare."

Death stare. He was mad. We've been enemies for a while. You get to know your enemy's emotions rather well. 

"That attitude shows how little you know me. Don't test me," I said sharply. 

"What does Albus see in you?"

"You're not even fit to say his name." 

The words left my mouth before I could stop them. My emotions would always rule my head. I blame the Gryffindor in me. I could have been a great Slytherin or even Ravenclaw if it wasn't for my mouth being quicker than my brain. 

"Wow, you really like him, don't you?"

I do.

More than anything. 

"Keep this conversation to yourself otherwise I'll crush your world and even your daddy isn't famous enough to fix things."

Probably a bit too dramatic. He looked scared though.

"I didn't sleep with her, you know, we didn't do it."

She probably felt bad after I came in and stopped it. He didn't need praise for not sleeping with her. He didn't deserve to be praised for not being an entirely shitty person. 

Did he deserve to be blackmailed though?

"It's nice to hear that you grew a conscience, but that information is irrelevant." 

"You'll keep it so Madi doesn't tell too?"

There was the white flag. The victory didn't feel sweet like it once did. It felt dirty. I couldn't blame this on needing to pee. 

"I'll handle her."

Holy shit, I think I just scared myself with that conversation. I didn't think I had that in me anymore. I can't believe that whole conversation just happened. I felt powerful but I felt sick . That type of behaviour was what I'd been fighting against. My fight or flight impulse had just been tested. I could have just told him to mind his own business then dealt with rumours later. This is why I'm not good for Albus, because I'll just do shitty things like this. 

Oh, god. 

It was this moment that Albus decided to poke his head out of the door. I couldn't imagine how this must have looked to Albus. James looked ready for murder. 

"I'm sorry, I have to go-"

I bolted back into Albus's room to get  away from James. I needed to get out of here. I couldn't look at Albus' innocent confusion.

"Bee, what's happened?"

"Please don't, I honestly can't do this."

"I'm not letting you do this again."

"ALBUS. I NEED THIS. LET ME GO."

I needed to focus. I shouldn't really be apparating at all. I hadn't passed my test yet but I'd been having some private lessons. 

Focus.

I hoped I ended up in the right place. 

Albus 

*

It was 3am and I didn't feel tired at all.

I'm normally in bed just after midnight on New Year's. I'm not much of a party person. I would be the ‘mum' friend of the group if I wasn't friends with Rose. Rose is the definition of a ‘mum' friend. It's a touch annoying if truth be told.   

Bee and I had just been hanging out for the last few hours. I could occasionally hear the evidence of the dying party beyond my doors but I didn't care. The door was locked and I felt like this was our little world for this evening. I hadn't bothered looking for Rose or Scorpius again. They were probably having fun whatever they were up to. 

"Can I tell you something?" Bee asked suddenly. "I really like the Weird Sisters."

"Oh, the cute girl likes the Weird Sisters."

"Did you call me cute?"

I wasn't sure if I was past the point of being embarrassed around her or not. It's not like she didn't know how I feel anymore. It's still a little odd though. 

"Maybe"

" Well maybe I think you're cute too then" she smiles before continuing "anyway l meant that I like the Weird Sisters' latest album."

I laughed. 

She looked horrified but it was so funny because the Weird Sisters are this band that my dad loved back in his day. They've always had this certain lasting appeal. They're cool enough that James has a Weird Sisters t-shirt anyway.  It wasn't weird that she liked them. Their latest album was a different story. Two years ago, they released this comeback album. It was totally nuts. Everyone universally decided that they hated it. Really hated it. I'd never met anyone who liked it before. 

It was funny because it was my favourite album. I didn't go around telling people that for obvious reasons. The fact that she liked the album was insane. She surprised me everyday. It was one of the many wonderful things about her. 

"It's my favourite album," I said between laughs.

"Lou said that I was never to tell anyone that and she didn't talk to me for three days after I mentioned it."

"I was lucky that Scorpius only stopped talking to me for two days then," I joked.

Technically, he did tell me that I should never mention it to anyone else though. 

Bee was brave. She was fearless when it came to the important things. There was always something holding her back though. She was stuck in some weird school world where the only thing that seemed to matter was Lou Griezmann's opinion. I didn't understand it. I really didn't get it. I wished I could make some sense of it. I knew there had to be something else to the story. I idn't want to ask yet. I wasn't going to push it. I was going to enjoy us for now. This night was all I needed at the moment. 

"It's seriously your favourite?"

"It really is."

"Let's put it on!"

"Depends, can you put up with my awful dance moves?"

"You don't seem like the dancing type"

"Like I said, it's my favourite. I make exceptions for this album,"

I made exceptions for her. 

"Show me what you got!"

The music filled the room. We were in a world of our own. We danced, even though the album wasn't really one you can dance to. We danced like our lives depended on it though. I didn't think about what I must have looked like. I couldn't keep my eyes off her. She was ridiculously beautiful. She was so happy. She made me so happy. 

This girl is the one. 

*

She disappeared from sight. 

I wanted to punch something. 

She was alone with James. It can't have been for very long. Maybe he was busy reminding her what a loser I am. We were doing fine before him. I pushed my way out of my room and banged on his door. 

"What happened?"

"Nothing!"

James has never been a good liar. I couldn't get much truth out of Bee either so it must be a Gryffindor thing. In the light of morning, I knew that I couldn't just live for snatching moments between Bee and me anymore. I wanted more and deserved more. She taught me that. Know your worth. 

"James!"

"Since we're doing this happy family thing now, I'll tell you this, stay away from her," he said  before stating, "She is troubled."

Troubled? 

The idea that James was going to label anyone as ‘troubled' was beyond ridiculous. Our whole family was one big disaster and he wanted to pass judgement on someone else. Bee has issues but she's a good person. I know that. 

"You don't even know her!"

"And you do?"

"You see what you want to see in her.,"

"You just don't like her because you can't stand not to be liked by everyone."

James is one of those people that is universally liked. I don't really understand it personally but he is by most people. He doesn't know how to act around people who don't like him. He shuts down and is just really angry at people who don't instantly love him. That's someone who is ‘troubled'. 

"I'm trying to help you," he stressed. "You can do better than her, honestly, you can."

That's probably as close as James has got to giving me a compliment. It wasn't what I wanted to hear though. I wanted him not to be such a lying git. I wanted to know why she stormed out like that. I wanted her back. He obviously wasn't going to be much help in finding out what happened. 

He knew more. He's a liar. 

"You just want everyone to be as miserable as you are."

"You'll learn the hard way that she isn't all shiny hair and pretty smiles then!"

I hated him. I knew that I wanted to punch him. I settled for slamming his bedroom in his face as hard as possible. 

*

My whole world felt like it had been turned upside-down. Bee hadn't been in contact with me at all. It had been two days. What was even weirder was that neither Rose or Scorpius had been in contact with me either. I was beginning to get a bit freaked out. I didn't exactly know where I stood with Bee but Rose and Scorpius were a constant presence with my life. I felt like nothing could break that. 

Scorpius had been looking nervously out of the window for the last twenty minutes on the train back to school. I hadn't said anything other than ‘hello' which I got an odd mumbled response to. My fear calmed a little with Scorpius' appearance in our normal carriage. Rose was never to be seen but it wasn't uncommon for her to busy herself with prefect duties during these trips. 

I felt uneasy. Scorpius would talk to me in his own time. I knew that there was no point in pushing him when he wasn't ready, however uncomfortable that made me. It's probably a tip that I should have passed on to Rose a while ago.

"Look, I figure you know that I'd better talk about what's going on," Scorpius broke the silence finally.

"So there is something going on then?"

Of course there was. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know now but whatever it was was bothering him a lot. 

"Well, I don't know but I guess you could say that..." he began, looking unsure. "So James's New Year's Party, we disappeared for a while, erm, sorry about that by the way. Rose isn't going to thank me for telling you this but I need to talk about it with someone."

I stayed silent. 

"Rose told me that she's got feelings for me..."

"Feelings?" I enquired. 

"Like she's interested in me I guess, like romantic feelings..."

Rose and Scorpius? 

Woah. Scorpius isn't an awkward person. He is pretty much happy whenever but this conversation was probably the most awkward conversation that we'd had. I could see why he needed time. 

It made a lot more sense to me than I thought it would though. It explained why she always listens to whatever he says. It would explain that odd ‘don't tell Scorpius that I've failed' thing too. I don't think Scorpius has ever picked his girlfriends based on their academic achievements though. 

"What did you say to her?"

"I don't feel that way about her, I told her that or I tried to."

"Are you sure that you don't like her?"

I had recent experience of denying feelings for a certain someone so I just needed to double check. 

"I love her as a friend, she's amazing but she is my sister."

"Well, I would just let her figure it out, give her some time and she'll come around. She's probably a bit embarrassed, it'll smooth out," I advised. 

It was going to be a bit awkward for a while but she'd get over it in the end. They're too good friends to let this get between them. 

"Albus, Rose and I aren't talking at all anymore because she told me that my grandparents were Death Eaters, his biggest supporters, all because I don't want to be her boyfriend." 

My whole body froze.

Firsthand evidence from the War was so rare that she could be wrong. I desperately wanted her to be wrong. I can't believe that she would do this to him. Whatever the truth was, it wasn't hers to tell.