Warpaint

Bee

"What do you know about Brenda Albrighton?"

" I know that voice. It sounds like a scheme! what are you up to?"

"Nothing but she's your roommate, tell me about her?"

"She seems sweet,"

Madi always try to say something nice before anything else but it's not long before she breaks and shares her real feelings. She can be pretty brutal when it finally comes out.

"Sweet?" I raised my eyebrows at her.

The girl I had witnessed that day in the library was anything but sweet. She was just being mean to someone who didn't deserve it. At least I knew Albus could cope with her now but I still didn't understand why some random ravenclaw in last season's Chanel patent flats was being such a bitch to Albus. It didn't really make any sense but I tried to ask. He went red and just changed the subject. It looks like I need to do my own research.

"Fine, she never stops talking, she's always ridiculously sucking up to me like we're best friends but whatever she did to piss you off then she was probably trying to impress you. She's just a bit desperate,"   

Brutal.

Madi's mum is known as the sweet assassin as she's one of the most successful wizarding lawyers. She is so friendly but deadly. She'll invite you around for tea but she'll also put you in prison. I've always felt it's who Madi models herself after because Madi who is genuinely nice has a wicked streak. She doesn't want everyone to know that though. It's fun.

"So is there any gossip about her?" I probed.

"I don't know about gossip but she dated Albus Potter last year"

"WHAT?"

Madi gave me the weirdest look. If I was her then I would be doing the same thing too. I don't know how I was going to talk myself out of that huge over reaction. I honestly just lost my mind a little. I don't know why Albus wouldn't just tell me. I thought he had better taste than her though. I wonder what it was that he liked about her. I mean she looked like his cousin. That's weird right? Maybe he just had thing for redheads. Why do I care so much?

I'm dating Ethan. Ethan is amazing.

"Since when have you cared so deeply about Albus Potter's love life?"

I have no idea but evidently I do care. A lot.

"I just can't believe she got someone to go out with her" I said snobbily "I mean isn't it creepy how much she looks like a less attractive version of his mum?"

"I had never noticed that before! That's so weird but being from that family must mess you up a bit. James isn't exactly well adjusted either"

"He's a dick"

"I know you have thing about how he treats Lou but he's not so bad when you get to know him. Everyone has issues"

I chose not to continue that conversation but Madi and I fall into easy conversation with each other, as Madi describes the newest fashion collection from her new favourite designer, Padma Patil . Sometimes it's easy to forget that we have so much history. Her dad is my godfather's best friend. I played at my godfather's house a lot as a child and Madi's dad started bringing her a lot more often when he realised there was someone for Madi to play with. We've been best friends a long time.

*

I don't know why I bother going to look for her. Lou was probably just with Potter but I had this nagging feeling that I should look for her. Madi said she had been gone a lot at mealtimes when I was away. She had barely worried because she had a feeling that she was sneaking around with ‘James'. The idea that I shouldn't be worried about Lou had never really occurred to me before.

I had muffed scream from our dormitory then Penny Shearer came running down the stairs as quickly as possible. Penny was another of our roommates, she kept herself to herself. She was frequently seen bolting from our dorm at the first sight of an argument. She didn't seem to have a flair for the dramatics like the rest of the dorm. I was pretty sure that Penny was escaping Lou who was by the sounds of it ten seconds away from a meltdown.

"James and I broke up!"

She exclaimed as I opened the door. I know I shouldn't be annoyed as she looked a mess. Her shoulders shake as she sods then she throws herself on my bed. Her way of making sure that I don't leave.

I can't believe we're here again. I knew this would happen. I didn't feel any pleasure in being right this time though. It had all been a little weird since the Slytherin prank incident, I had still been hanging out with them though. The fact that Lou hadn't said anything about it meant I had been forgiven if I wanted it or not.

"What did he do now?" I asked impatiently  

"Nothing! He's perfect! I'm the problem! I'm so disgusting and I don't deserve him" she cried dramatically.

Ah, this is break up situation three then. Lou and James seem to break up for a wide range of reasons. Reasons that James break up with her included she's too clingy or she pushes him away too much. She can't win. The reasons that she breaks up with him are equally stupid. I don't know where we got to a point that I'm the voice of reason. I can barely think straight a lot of the time but I'm the sane one.  

"We aren't doing this again, James Potter isn't perfect and he is a waste of your time"

"You never understand!"

"You're right. I don't understand your hero worship." I said exasperatedly. I don't know if there was a way that I could bring next part that wouldn't cause more upset but I had to say it.

" You have to put yourself first, don't you think all of this is making your condition worse?"

"I wish you would stop calling it a condition!" she cried before continuing "we never talk anymore, you always seem so happy! I don't know how you can be happy. Why aren't you broken like the rest of us?"

Broken like her.

The past few weeks flashed before my eyes. Every thoughts, every image he was in. Albus. I think I was so busy that I didn't realise that I was happy. Somewhere along the way that slowly I started to feel like I could breathe again. It seemed to have happened so smoothly. I feel guilty for being happy because it's not fair. Despite this new revelation, I still felt part of me was missing that it's something that I'll never get back.

"I am broken" I whispered but as I spoke I felt stronger and my voice grew louder  "but unlike you I'm letting myself heal. I don't keep ripping open old wounds and hoping that outcome will be different."

"You're not better than me, you're just the same. A control freak who can't control the one thing that mattered the most. You couldn't save her!"

That's the problem with friendship like ours. It was so strong and intense that you give a piece of yourself to each other. They know your deepest thoughts, darkest secrets and see the worst parts of you but they still care about you. That's what our friendship was based on a trust that we would keep each other safe because we could ruin each other but we chose not too. I feel like she had just broken that trust.

I bolted from the room.

*

There was something calming about the seeing the moonlight stream into through the window with the faint cooing from the hundreds of the owls that inhabited the room. I had never really cared for the owlery before, mainly I viewed it as an inconvenience. It was where I needed to be though, I don't think I was going to be able to write this letter to my dad. I had been trying to write it for two hours but I was just listening to the sound of the owls and ignoring the world. Lou's words had rattling around my brain too much.

I enjoyed the distraction of being surrounded by people. It helped me to avoid the pang I felt when I realised that my dad hadn't written to me at all since I had been back. I thought he might have sent something, knowing dad he was up to his eyeballs into work. He would be pretending like me that it wasn't happening that he could push all his emotions deep down to no-one could ever tell that his grief was suffocating, we were more alike than I would ever like to admit.

Dear Papa,

I'm settling back into Hogwarts...

I think I was at a loss when I was trying to say anything of value. I was staring at the piece of parchment, tracing the inked words with my fingers hoping the words come to me. I guess dad and I never talked properly over those two weeks, we both felt like two souls lost souls without her.I don't think I even heard him say the word ‘death' first. A sound escaped my lips, a strangled sound of frustration and grief.

"Having a bad day?" said a voice from behind me, I rushed to wipe my face as I had barely registered the salty drops streaming from my eyes. I could barely made out with the face from which the voice had spoken.

"None of your business!" I fired back without bothering find out who was interrupting me.

"I'm sorry! I'll just go now."

I recognized that voice from somewhere. This person was someone I knew. I couldn't cope. I didn't know what to do. They stepped out of the shadow. It was Tammi. The Hufflepuff Queen. How could I be stupid to have a public breakdown?

The next thing out of my mouth was something I never expected. I expected myself to issue threats to keep this a secret. How dare she come here? I wanted to scream at her to leave but she was still standing there.

"Your cat is really cute."

"Thanks" she said "you know he's really good at making me feel better, maybe you could have cuddle with him? He's very friendly!"

She bounced back from being screamed just two seconds ago. She's a true hufflepuff. I don't know how she can bare to be in the same room as me. I barely want to be in the same room as me a lot of the time. It didn't look like she was going away anytime soon.

"I'm not very good with animals" I said cautiously.

I never had any interest in animals. It wasn't really my thing. I guess I wasn't the caring type even as a child. Normally I avoid the owlery because birds are quite scary plus it really smells bad in here. I looked as the cat which was huge, ginger and really fluffy that Tammi was holding. I really wanted to hold the cat.

"That's ok because he is good with people"

I nodded and she handed me the cat. I think that's when I truly let go. The dam in my chest just burst open. I cuddled the cat for dear life. I buried my face into his soft fur as I sobbed. The cat seemed perfectly content in my arms though. He didn't seem put off by my show of emotion. I felt Tammi's arms reach around me to form a hug. She didn't know me but she still cared.

"My mum died"

I hadn't planned to say it. I hadn't spoke those words to anyone. It was too hard. They seemed to have fallen out of my mouth though. It felt bittersweet. It was so painful but it felt like a weight was lifted.

All I could do was wait for Tammi's reaction. The apology because what's what people do isn't it? They don't know how to react. I didn't want people to know for this reason. I didn't want their sympathy. I couldn't bare the idea being a charity case. I was Bianca Forestieri. I was a Queen. It was my identity. I had tried so hard to keep it that way.

"That's awful"

It wasn't an apology. It was just the truth. It would take some time but I could cope with that.

"What's his name?" I said as I stroked the cat.

"Gingersnap"

I looked at the cat. It was the perfect name for him. I started giggling and I just couldn't stop. Tammi laughed too.

*

Albus

You would recognise Lily anywhere she went. Her hair was flaming red like Rose but she had hers full of thick streaks of black. She had mysteriously got her nose pierced recently too. She had the appearance of a rather fierce looking tiger. She was enjoying the piercing for the two weeks before Christmas break. I think we all knew that mum would rip it out if she had to. It was a bit of a teenage rebellion apart from Lily's sunny personality spoil the illusion that she was trying to pull off.

Lily and I weren't close despite her good nature. I think sometimes it would be nicer to be close to my siblings but there was still a lot of love there even when stuff wasn't great between all of us. There was never a reason that Lily and I weren't close, it just didn't happen that way.  

"Hello stranger" I said as she approached me.

"Al" she smiled as a greeting.

Lily is the only person to ever call me Al. I didn't ask her to but she came up with it one day so I guess it's her thing. I'm glad that it didn't really catch on as I'm not too sure if I like it or not. I'm happy to just roll with it for her though

"It's that time of year again!" she exclaimed brightly

"Huh?"

"I'm here to make money off our crazy family obviously" she said as she rolled her eyes. I think I preferred it when she wasn't so sassy.

Lily has been running a betting circle within the family. A couple of times a year when all the family get together, it's a recipe for disaster so Lily who was eleven at the time saw the chance to make money from it. She is now a betting expert aged fourteen. We bet on what will be the family's biggest drama over the holidays, there is always at least one. Always.

"You do have a nose for drama"

She winks.

That's not true. I did correctly guess last year though I managed to scoop a sizeable pot from everyone. So Christmas was at our parents house last year. Every other year it has been at Nana's house because she loves to host and cook. Christmas was always her thing but Mum decided that Nana should have a year off. The major drama came over Christmas dinner when Auntie Fleur brought her own roast potatoes obviously unsure of my mum's cooking ability. Fleur ended up wearing the potatoes as Mum was a bit offended. Everyone got a bit caught up thinking it would be Molly Jr who would create the drama. They missed the obvious, the family is really rather predictable even though they come across as mental.

"It's your nose piercing, mum will say it's fine at first to try and be cool then she'll snap over Christmas dinner, there may be some blood involved"

"yikes. Creative prediction. Everyone else is going for something Molly related again. There are some great theories in here." She said as she waving a little flowery notebook under my nose. I like how she doesn't seem vaguely phrased that I predicted blood at the dinner table.

"Personally, I think Molly likes to keep it fresh by not causing any christmas drama but saving for the rest of the year, Lils"

"Don't call me Lils"

I guessed the nickname thing didn't work both ways then.

I handed her a few coins as payment. She was off again. She rushed off claiming that she could catch Freddie if she hurried. I didn't fight it. I just watched her sprint up the corridor and away.

*

I eyed my phone as I spied a new text from Bee. I wanted to read it but Scorpius is around, I'm trying really hard not to draw too much attention to my new friendship. I didn't want Rose to know, Scorpius had minimum information on the subject

"Is that her?" he asked not even looking up from his Muggle Studies essay.

I always forget to turn my phone to silent when we're in the library. My phone had rather obviously buzzed. I wasn't surprised that Scorpius hadn't looked up because nothing would stop him when it came to Muggle Studies. He was currently writing an essay on ‘The Cultural Importance of Television in Muggle Society' but I only know that because he told me his thoughts on this common room last night, I don't think I've ever seen him use so many wild hand gestures. People were staring by the end but it's one of the reasons I love Scorpius. He is quiet but he'll also happily scream from the rooftops when something is important to him.

"Maybe"

Scorpius already knew that only people who text me are Rose or Bee. He was quick to smooth over my absence on Tuesdays and Thursdays by claiming that I joined Weird Sister Music Appreciation Society. I don't know how believable that is considering my normal overwhelming desire not meet new people. Rose has a habit of believing everything that Scorpius says for some unknown reason. I'm just using that to my advantage at the moment.

"Stop looking like you've just beat Vladimir Ivanov every time she texted you then, be cool."

Vladimir Ivanov is the current number one in world wizarding chess. I think I might have a heart attack if I ever met him let alone played against him. I thought I was doing a good job at not letting on though. Rose hadn't seemed to mentioned anything.

"What do you mean cool?" I said defensively  "I'm very cool"

"Albus, you're a lot of things but cool isn't one of them."

Ouch.

"I'm just saying that you can't look like some lovesick fool every time she messages you. If you haven't noticed she texts you all the time"  

"I don't like her like that"

Did I?

He looked up from his essay for the first time.  This was unexpected. I think it saved me spending hours thinking about my feelings for Bee. I can't deal with that right now. Scorpius looks unusually serious for him.  

"I've been meaning to talk to you about Christmas"

"Thank you so much for hosting me again. I need it so much more than usual. Honestly my parents are driving me crazy."

Mum had sent me like three more letters demanding that I speak to Neville. I didn't open the last one from her. Scorpius' parents have me over most of the holidays. I go home for Christmas Day but the whole rest of the time is spend with Scorpius. There is something so calm about his house but his parents are so friendly that their big house feels so full. During the holidays at my house, the house is just physically full.

"I can't host you."

"What's happened?"

"My dad is back in contact with my grandparents. He wants us to visit them"

All thoughts about what this meant for me drained out of my head. Scorpius' parents have been estranged from his dad's parents for longer than Scorpius has been alive. I don't think that he knew much about his grandparents or why they fell out. It doesn't take a genius to work out that the issues come from Scorpius' family historic involvement with the Darks Art and Voldemort. No-one talks about the war too much though, it's a sore spot.

This was a really big deal.

"Shit"

"I know"

*

I don't know if I should be walking quite this fast. Bee texted me that she wanted to meet up but I know I didn't need to get there that quickly. I think a little on edge from my conversation with Scorpius. I wasn't sure that I was ready to spend that time with my family. It's just not something I do but more importantly how was Scorpius going to deal with this new revelation.

All the War seems to do is drag up pain.  It is something deeper than we could ever understand. My parents never spoke about it publicly. There are only a little numbers of first hand accounts from the Battle of Hogwarts. Sometimes I wish we knew more but some things are best left in the past.

Bee was already there sitting at a desk with a small smile as she saw me enter the old potions room. She looked different than normal. She wasn't wearing her red lipstick which always contrasted boldly against her dark skin. Her hair was in this big messy bun which I had never seen her sport before. I chose not to mention the change in her normal attire after all, it was her choice if she wanted to share any of the reasons behind it.

"I just wanted to hang out" she said as if reading my mind. It was a friday which wasn't when we normally hang out. I call it hanging out rather than tutoring because we had fallen comfortable conversation about other parts of our lives along ago.

"I see you got my text yesterday"

She seemed to be deflecting slightly but I let her roll with it. A smile creeped along my face as Bee's text had saved me from sporting a bright pink hair for the next week. It was hilarious to see the furious look on James' face when he saw that I was still there with my raven locks. Pink hair was most definitely not the best prank but it serviced the purpose of pissing a few people off.  

"Thanks for the heads up"

"I just don't feel like myself anymore you know?" she said suddenly. I felt she had been trying to figure out what to say since I got here.  "maybe it's not such a bad thing though because I wasn't a good person"

I opened my mouth to disagree with her because she was a good person but I remembered I only ever seen this side of her first hand. I knew her to be kind and warm but articulate, it's perhaps not who she always was though. Maybe she was once that person that Rose described because that person wasn't a good person but I never knew that girl. I know my Bee is a good person.  I chose to sit at the desk next to her in lieu of saying something.

"Maybe it's time to let your guard down now. There is a certain bravery in being soft. You always have those walls so high. There are plenty of people who want to get to know you."

"Like you?"

"Yes. I want to know you"

"I just want to be brave like you"

Like me?

I don't think I had ever thought about myself as being brave before. Sometimes bravery isn't huge heroic acts. Bravery is getting out of the bed when you feel like you can't face the world, it's getting up after you  fall over and being the person that you are. It is so many little acts. I do think I am brave and if I can be then so could she.

"You can be."

"What in the world did I do without you, Albus?"

She lent her head on my shoulder.

So maybe I did like her.

Just a tiny bit.