Bejeweled

Bellatrix was miserable. She felt utterly and truly alone. A week had passed since she’d confronted Remus about being a werewolf, and they hadn’t shared a word since. She kept her gaze away when they passed in the corridors and ignored him when he was looking at her during meals. She could always tell when he was, as if her skin was newly attuned to him, even across the room. 

Then again, now that she thought about it, there might not have been anything new about that. What was new was her forcing herself to ignore it. To not look up and at least make eye contact across the room, even if she never dared smile less someone see. 

But despite spending more time with her Slytherin friends again, she didn’t feel connected to them anymore. She didn’t agree with the things they said, she didn’t want the things they wanted, and since she was trying to actually connect with them again her little game of undercover agent didn’t work anymore. She was disconnected from everyone; no longer a Slytherin blood supremacist, no longer secret friends with her Gryffindors. 

And the bloody muggle studies dance was on Saturday! 

Bellatrix had decided to spend her Friday afternoon, after classes had ended, but before dinner, in the library actually trying to get some studying done. With everything else on her mind, she’d been finding it hard to focus on books and homework, but that didn’t stop the NEWTs from creeping ever closer. 

Somehow she actually managed to quiet her mind enough to get lost in her Transfiguration notes, at least for a while. 

At least until her cousin decided to sit his ass in the chair across from her and put a silencing charm around them. “We need to talk,” Sirius informed her. 

Bellatrix glanced up from her work, raising an eyebrow at him. “Do we now? I was unaware,” she replied in a haughty tone. 

She saw the hand he had resting on the library table clench into a fist and unclench again before he answered, voice lowered even though the spell prevented them from being overheard. “Look, don’t pull that shit right now. I’ve been watching you, and even if you try to hide it, you’re just as miserable as he is. So stop being such a bitch and just…go back to whatever was going on with you and Remus before you found out.” 

“So you know what he is.” She’d been wondering if Cousin Sirius and his little group knew what kind of disgusting monster their “friend” really was. 

“Yes,” he answered tightly. “I don’t give a shit. And if you deserved to be friends with Remus, neither would you.” 

“Why are you even here? Just to insult me?” she scoffed. 

“Trust me, the only reason I haven’t hexed you into the hospital wing is because of Remus. He’s convinced you’re actually a decent person somehow, so I’ve been watching you to see if there’s any inkling that he’s somehow slightly right. And fuck me sideways, you actually do seem upset.” Sirius let out a sigh, leaning back in his chair. “So just…stop with this. He’s still the same Remus you seemed to care about, he just has a condition.” 

“A condition?” she hissed. “He’s a werewolf!” 

“For one night a month!” Sirius insisted, slamming his palms down on the table. 

“No, he transforms one night a month, but he’s always one of those-those things!” 

“And you’re always a bitch!” Sirius snapped. “I don’t know what the fuck Remus sees in you! You’re not worth his time!” 

Bellatrix could feel the tears in her eyes and hated it, because Cousin Sirius saw them too, she could see it in his face. When had she become such a fucking cry baby? 

“Just leave me alone!” Bellatrix jumped from her seat, hastily shoving her things in her bag before storming off through the library. 

In her rush out of there, fighting back the tears, she ran straight into another student. The collision would have sent her sprawling to the floor if he hadn’t caught her, arms around her steadying her. 

She knew who it was before she’d even glanced up at his face because of the way every nerve in her body was set aflame. The only person she wanted to see and the last person she wanted to see. 

“Are you alright?” Remus asked as he pulled back quickly, as soon as he seemed sure she was steady. Too quickly, as if touching her burned. 

Bellatrix made the mistake of making eye contact with him the same moment the first tear fell. Her mouth open to say something, but no words coming out. 

“Are you alright?” he asked in a much different tone, softer, not asking about the collision this time. 

She wiped the few tears that had escaped on her sleeve, forcing no more to follow. Next, she simply did the cowardly thing and continued past him, running away as if she wouldn’t find the monster of a feeling inside her wherever she went. 

~ 

Remus wanted to run after her. To hold her and tell her whatever she was upset about would be okay, but he knew that would only make it worse. He was a monster, of course she would run from him. 

Fuck, he missed her so much. It had only been a week, but it felt like years since she’d last talked to him. Last looked at him across the Great Hall with that twinkle in her eye that seemed reserved just for him, even if he was imagining it. Since she didn’t think he was a monster. 

The next student out of the library doors was Sirius Black, of all people. It took all of half a second to connect the dots. 

“What did you do?!” Remus demanded of his friend, who instantly flinched back in guilt. 

Sirius put his hands up. “Nothing!” he answered. 

Remus glared at him. Obviously it wasn’t nothing if Bellatrix had run out crying! 

“Well, nothing that should have made her react like that!” Sirius amended. “I’m kinda scared, actually. I didn’t think Cousin Bella cried even when she was a baby.” 

“What did you say?” Remus demanded. 

Sirius bit his lip and looked down at the ground. “I may have called her a bitch,” he admitted. Then he looked back up at Remus to defend himself, “But I’ve done that before several times and she’s never cried about it,” Sirius insisted. 

Remus deflated. Of course Sirius would try to help and end up only making it worse. Was there even a worse at this point? Bellatrix would never talk to him again anyway, she was disgusted by him, disappointed in him. No, this didn’t really make a difference. 

“Just…don’t do it again. Please,” he sighed. 

Sirius frowned and put an arm around his friend. “I’m sorry, Moony. I thought maybe I could get through to her.” 

Remus snorted a bitter laugh. “Ah yes, because you two get on famously well.” 

“I know!” Sirius snapped his fingers and pointed towards the ceiling. “You need a rebound! Tomorrow’s the Muggle Studies Dance, you should ask someone. What about Marry? She’s had her eye on you for a while, she’d say yes. Or even one of the Slytherins to make Cousin Bella jealous? More risky, but we could find one.” 

“Sirius, please,” Remus shook his head. He didn’t even want to go to the stupid dance. A whole night of just listening to all the songs that reminded him of the girl who wanted nothing to do with him.