A Hellish Detention
“It’s a tale I’ve heard, one known to you: bereaved of her brothers
by her son, her hope and heir, the mother cursed him.”
The Heroides - III: Briseis to Achilles
Sunday 22nd September, 1975
Oh my ever-loving lord
What?
Well, that’s one way to find out you were at the party last night.
Sorry?
…
OH NO.
NO.
Yes.
STOP SMILING!
I CAN SENSE YOU SMILING!
Oh, you would have to kill Prongs to get me to stop smiling in this moment.
How I wish I had a camera.
What did I say?
Please tell me nothing incriminating?
Nah.
Just that you loved me like lungs love oxygen.
And that you want to marry me like the sea marries the sunset.
…
I was quite poetic.
You were.
And you’re joking.
And I’m joking.
It was mainly just absolutely shocking spelling.
The handwriting was…
It was definitely there.
Well, that’s fine.
How’s the hangover?
Not so bad, actually.
I have my own personal stash of Pepper Up.
That certainly isn’t concerning.
Actually…
It’s more I raid the cupboards in the hospital wing and Madam Pomfrey pretends not to notice.
I feel like that isn’t comforting whatsoever.
Ah, well.
How’s your hangoverr?
Please. I’m trying not to think about it.
…
Remus sat back, slotting the end of his wand between his teeth as he thought, before putting the tip of it to the paper again.
Go to our bathroom stall in an hour.
I’ll leave some for you there.
Are you joking?
Oh my Merlin and Morgana I love you.
Not like!!
Not like in that way.
I just
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
I do know what you mean but I am thoroughly enjoying this.
Fuck off.
I hate you.
…
No I don’t. Thank you. Really.
You’re welcome, Padfoot.
…
Wait.
Why am I wearing lipstick?!
***
Wednesday 25th September, 1975
Remus was walking towards McGonagall’s office.
Dinner had just gone which meant the sun had allowed itself to cast a pretty pink and orange blanket of light over every stone wall that was open to it. The stained-glass windows were exceptionally brilliant. It reminded him of the church he used to walk past on his way to the market—a beautiful scene of Mary holding baby Jesus to her chest, swaddled in a blue blanket that had a crack right in the middle where someone must’ve thrown a pebble or something of similar nature.
He didn’t think of home much when he was at Hogwarts. It wasn’t a sore subject, like Pandora’s, but it wasn’t really somewhere he found himself aching to go back to. He found that being at home often tired him out, given it was quite boring if he wasn’t doing something at all times. Occasionally, Remus would even offer to do chores for the old man who lived next door—he had quite the obsession with rearranging his garden every summer and was never one to turn down help. Well, if you could call help just leaving Remus to it. At least it came with the benefit of unlimited biscuits.
Anyway, Pandora often said she thought Remus was too independent. That he should ask for others’ help more because of some silly thing that went something like ‘he was entitled to be cared for’. He had brushed her off, for the most part, pushing the thought deep into the forgotten depths of his mind. But recently, talking to Padfoot, he felt unusual.
‘Fullness’ was what he had thought to describe it. Not that he noticed that he wasn’t full before, it just felt like everything was a little bit brighter. That sounded miserable, actually. And Remus had never been miserable. He had just been… there. But, well, with Padfoot, he was now a little bit more than just ‘there’. He was seeing a point in things such as smiling at someone for no reason or catching up with a person you haven’t seen in… Hang on. Was that…?
Remus sped up walking slightly. Across the courtyard, in the parallel corridor, was Dorcas… who had now caught his eye and was walking quickly too until the pair of them were in a sort of race against each other to McGonagall’s office up ahead. His eyes flicked to the large, heavy door then back to Dorcas who was fixing him with a determined glare. They both rounded the corner into the same hallway until they were side-by-side and pushing the door open, stumbling over one another as they shouted,
“CAN I TAKE OVER DETENTION, PROFESSOR?”
“COULD I POSSIBLY OVERSEE DETENTION TONIGHT?”
The severe woman looked up from behind her half-moon spectacles at the pair of them, cocking a curious eyebrow.
”You know,” McGonagall started, raising both eyebrows as she removed and folded her glasses, “I often find it polite when students knock.”
In unison, both Remus and Dorcas stretched one arm behind them to knock on the door.
Professor McGonagall gave a sigh, shaking her head with a smile that betrayed her attempt at masking amusement.
”What I was trying to say, before I was so rudely interrupted,” Dorcas began, walking up to the desk.
”We were talking at the same time!” Remus spluttered, following her.
She shot him a glare before turning to the professor once more, “I was wondering if you wanted detention tonight taken off your hands?”
”I wanted to ask the same!” Remus protested, petulantly, his eyes wide at McGonagall.
“So,” McGonagall nodded, slowly, slotting her fingers together and resting her hands on the desk, “correct me if I’m wrong. But two Slytherin prefects, the very same Slytherin prefects that have a tendency to sulk when they have to perform their required shifts, are now tearing the door of my classroom down to… take over detention?”
”I thought of it first!” Remus protested, “I should be the one doing it!”
”No you did not! I’ve been thinking about this since Monday!”
“Well—I’ve been thinking about this since Sunday!” A lie. But Dorcas didn’t need to know that.
”You may both take over detention,” McGonagall interrupted them, raising her voice slightly, “Given I can see you are so equally passionate about it. For whatever strange reason that may be.”
Oh. Right. For some reason, Remus hadn’t thought of that.
Seemingly also stunned, Dorcas turned to Remus with a shrug.
*
“We are so fucked.”
Dorcas sighed, “Yeah.”
In front of them was a sheet of paper detailing every attendee of McGonagall’s detention.
Alford, Philip | 25.09.75 | Has not turned in homework for three weeks then proceeded to turn in work that said nothing but the phrase, “Yellow Submarine”.
Black, Sirius | 25.09.75 | Pushed a first year to tears by informing them that, if they did not supply him with custard creams, their O.W.L’s would automatically fail.
Burbage, Charity | 23.09.75 | Caught with muggle cigarettes in the courtyard.
McKinnon, Marlene | 25.09.75 | Assured the first year that Mr Black pushed to tears that they would not fail their O.W.L’s. Not unless they supplied them both with chocolate bourbons.
Skeeter, Rita | 25.09.75 | Caught in the fifth floor corridor after curfew. Denies any other students being with her.
Snape, Severus | 22.09.75 | Caught sneaking into the Gryffindor common room with a hair dye potion.
“Well, at least we know why you wanted to cover detention so badly.” Dorcas mused, tapping her finger over Sirius’ name.
”Fuck off,” Remus scoffed, “As if I didn’t see you frothing at the mouth over Marlene McKinnon at the party.”
”Wha—I—!” She spluttered, bunching her shoulders up, “I was not frothing at the mouth!”
”Alright, then. Frothing at the snatch.”
Remus probably deserved the punch to the arm he received.
The detention would start at eight o’clock and both Dorcas and Remus were told that anyone who arrived late would have to stay longer for the time they had missed. Almost everyone arrived after ten past, but they let them off. The latest to arrive, of course, just had to have been Sirius. Remus felt giddy at the idea he’d then have the twenty minutes he missed alone with him after.
They were sat at the desk Remus had often been on the opposite end of, ticking off the named that had arrived. Only a place like Hogwarts would have a designated detentions room. It wasn’t anything fancy—about half the size of normal classrooms with the desk perpendicular to the blackboard. The door was conveniently positioned right opposite the desk so Remus and Dorcas could see right when anyone entered.
And, when the clock just about hit 8:32pm, raucous, laughing voices approached before James Potter was pushing the door open with a disruptive bang and Peter Pettigrew was shoving a cackling Sirius Black into the room.
”You’re already late, you stupid sod!” Pettigrew was practically howling in a hushed shrill as though it wouldn’t still be heard by the entire room.
Sirius stumbled in, red faced with a stupid grin, then turned around in a way that made him look almost drunk, “Sorry I’m late, Minnie—Remus!”
”Sirius.” Remus greeted in a playful mock of the same tone, struggling to keep himself from laughing also.
“You—what’re you doing here?!” He asked, rushing over to the desk.
“Covering detention.” Remus answered, then nodded his head down at the badge on his robes, “I’m a prefect.”
”Ah, yeah—course. Course.” Sirius said, before the two of them lapsed into a silence. Remus hadn’t realised they had been staring at each other gormlessly for what was probably too long until Dorcas spoke.
”Meadowes is here too!” She exclaimed, sarcastically. Remus watched her huff and cross her arms with a knowing smirk in Marlene McKinnon’s direction who looked up with an expression of the same nature.
”You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
”Oh.” Sirius said, turning to face the source of the comment, “Your dorm mate’s here.”
“He is.” Remus replied, smiling tightly.
“Of course you’re friends with Loony Lupin.” Snape drawled with an impressive roll of his eyes before dipping his head back down to his parchment.
“Loony…” Remus heard Sirius mutter under his breath, before sparing a glance at Remus inquisitively.
Oh, Remus was going to take great pleasure in finally punching Severus one day.
There wasn’t really any point in denying Snape had said anything. So Remus just gave his best polite smile in hopes of giving away nothing.
Sirius’ smile turned slightly sly and knowing in a way that sent Remus’ insides into a frenzy. The dark-haired boy walked over to the desk, picked up a sheet of parchment with an elegant flick of his fingers, then took a seat right next to McKinnon. Giving away about just as much as Remus.
He raised an eyebrow, eyes locked on Sirius who looked down at his parchment, licked the end of his quill and left his tongue out for far longer than it should’ve been (in Remus’ humble opinion), then dipped it into the ink and got to work.
“I thought you said you’ve got no idea who he is!” Dorcas hissed in his ear.
He turned to her with smug excitement and a shrug, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
”Alright, Remus ‘eyefuck’ Lupin. That was obscene.”
”Well, maybe now I’m a bit more confident in my guess.”
She was right. It was obscene. And it had also laid out the path for the next two hours: Remus walking around the classroom seeing if anyone needed help and ‘coincidentally’ hanging around Sirius’ desk for longer than necessary, Remus staring shamelessly as Sirius stroked his jaw with the feather of his quill, Remus continuously glancing at the clock in gross anticipation for when they could finally be alone.
Remus was startled out of one of his staring sessions by the sound of paper being slammed onto the desk in front of him. He cocked an unamused eyebrow at an equally unamused Snape who seemed to have been the source, stood in front of it.
”I’m leaving.”
”Sorry?” Remus scoffed.
”I’ve finished the assignment. I’m leaving.”
”The detention is time based. Not…” He waved a vague hand at the paper, “work based.”
”And I’m supposed to care because…?” Snape drawled.
”Because I can give you another detention if you don’t.”
Snape narrowed his eyes at Remus and Remus matched the glare. They both stayed like that for a good few moments, Snape’s eye was twitching and Remus could see his lips fighting off a grimace.
“Just sit down, it wont kill you.” Remus sighed.
”It might.”
“Don’t get my hopes up.”
Remus had to hold back a smirk as he heard a snort come from someone behind his greasy-haired dorm mate. He could’ve guessed exactly who the source was. And, of course, he was proven right when Snape sauntered dejectedly back to his desk to reveal Sirius hiding a grin behind his palm where it had just been rested on his jaw, pretending to pay attention to the work.
Surprisingly, however, his gaze didn’t linger. It instead caught where Dorcas had pulled up a chair to McKinnon’s desk and was quietly explaining whatever work the blonde had been assigned, her voice hushed. Remus had never seen Dorcas this way—all gentle and unobtrusive. Marlene seemed to be as equally surprised given she wasn’t usually treated the best by Slytherins, being openly a lesbian.
Remus wasn’t the only one who noticed this either, apparently. Because, when he looked back to his usual subject of admiration, Sirius was also looking in their direction with an almost impressed smirk before meeting Remus’ eye with a chuckle. Remus shot him a minuscule shrug before looking down at the parchment Snape had slapped down.
It had to be Sirius, right? What with the knowing looks they’d been giving each other all evening and there was no chance he’s getting out of the whole ‘Loony’ thing. The point that was really throwing him, however, was that Sirius didn’t at all seem bothered by the fact he was in, what was meant to be, their opposing house. Nor did he seem bothered that Remus shared a dormitory with their arch-enemy.
“Hi.”
Remus looked up, brows furrowed to find Rita Skeeter stood with a large smile on her face, a piece of parchment in her hands.
”…Hello.”
“Here you go!” Rita grinned, slapping the parchment on the desk in front of him.
“What?” Remus asked.
”It’s my work.” She tilted her head, putting on a pout that made Remus’ nose wrinkle as though he had smelled something foul. Well, he did, if you counted the strangling floral perfume she wore that was enough to knock out any man, not just a sensitive-nosed werewolf.
“Did you not just hear the conversation I had with Snape like literally five minutes ago?”
At his tone, she didn’t seem to falter. Instead, she pushed the parchment across the desk towards Remus.
”Of course I did, silly.” Rita giggled, “I need some help.”
”Oh. Right.” Remus replied flatly, then glanced over Rita’s shoulder and called out, “Dorcas?”
”Fuck off!” She spat back, Marlene snickering next to her.
”She’s busy.” Rita said, pattering around the desk and pulling up the chair that Dorcas previously occupied, sitting herself down.
Oh, lord.
Hell was real.
No, the devil was real. And it was Rita Skeeter.
”So… when we’re on about ascendio… is it going up or down?” She drawled, clearly playing the ditsy blonde.
“When were on about… ascendio…?” Remus started very slowly, though not sure if it was to get Rita to understand or him to understand the bloody idiocy of it, “Rita, that’s not even transfiguration.”
”I know that. I’m just curious.” She smiled, leaning in closer and waving her quill strangely around her mouth.
”Ascendio? Is it really that hard when you put your mind to it?” Remus asked, tightly, eyes narrowing. He heard chuckling come from one of the desks and turned to see Sirius, barely containing himself. Remus rolled his eyes but couldn’t deny the grin that was threatening his lips.
And it continued.
On.
And on.
And on.
Until Rita was practically on his lap, dropping things so suggestive that even Remus could pick up on them.
”Do you really not know how to do aguamenti?” Remus asked, practically at his wits end.
Rita sucked in her lips and released them with an exaggerated pop.
“Please will you show me?” She whined, “I promise I’m a quick learner.”
”So quick it’s taken five years to get one spell.” Remus muttered to himself then, louder, “You know what. You’ll be fine without it.”
”But you’re such a good teacher, professor Lupin.”
”Oh, Christ almighty. Crack a book.”
”How will I get water?!”
”A tap.”
She pouted again, eyelashes fluttering almost comically at Remus before her pout turned into a grin and she leaned forwards, “I wont need it, anyway. I’m already wet enough.”
”Right!” Remus stood up, taking one pointed step away from Rita and staring right in Dorcas’ direction, “McKinnon’s had enough. Come and help Rita.”
Remus had never had authority over children under the age of nine. But he imagined it would be a very similar situation to what was going on in this classroom. You had Snape grumbling whatever insults he could pull out of his brain (which mustn’t have been a lot since the space in his skull was clearly occupied by the grease that leaked out of it). You had Charity Burbage snipping the feather off of her quill and playing in the pile of vane.
You had Rita Skeeter trying to hike up her skirt just enough so it isn’t classed as public indecency in Remus’ direction, though Philip Alford seemed to be a lot more interested than he was. There was Marlene McKinnon shooting less-than-subtle dirty looks Rita’s way and Dorcas trying not to explode from the clear riling up Rita was attempting to do. And then there was Sirius, watching it all and laughing like he couldn’t believe he was the only normal one in the room. Remus agreed with him.
Speaking of Sirius, Remus had been very intent on trying to figure out if 1. Sirius was Padfoot (which Remus was almost 100% certain on now) and if 2. Sirius had figured out that Remus was Moony. And, as a bonus, 3. If Sirius was happy that Remus was Moony. He watched the other boy until the very end of the detention, trying to figure out what the bloody hell was going on in his head.
It didn’t help that Remus was shite at reading people, he was pretty sure Sirius had some sort of impenetrable force around him that stopped him from interpreting a single thing. Well, that and every time Remus watched him he found his mind drifting off to fairyland about hm, what does Sirius like to eat? Hm, what does Sirius’ hair smell like? Hm, will Remus ever get a FUCKING GRIP?!
So, when the last latecomer finally departed, Remus told himself that the twenty minutes they had he would make count.
He would.
Was he sitting at the desk in silence and trying to sneak glances at Sirius? Sure. But he would.
At some point.
…
It wasn’t like he was risking anything if it turned out to not be Sirius! They aren’t major best friends and he seems like an alright enough bloke to not say anything about the whole ‘gay’ thing.
So he would go.
Fuck! Why was he so bothered?!
”Getting on alright?” Remus finally asked when he had plucked up the courage to go over. He felt very awkward—being so tall and looming over the other boy.
“Pretty much, professor Lupin.”
Remus groaned, pressing the heels of his palms into his eye sockets then recovering with a smile. Though, it really didn’t sound that bad when Sirius was saying it…
“I do wonder, though,” Sirius tutted, looking back down at the parchment and tilting his head that was still balanced on his fist, “what d’you think—“ He paused, flipping the book on his desk closed and peering at the author, “-Emeric Switch did in his free time?”
Remus smirked, pulling out the seat slotted behind the desk next to him as smoothly as he could and sitting down on it, still facing Sirius, “Is that part of the curriculum?”
”Oh yes.” Sirius nodded, picking up the book and turning it over in his hands as he looked back at Remus, “It’s mandatory now—to get to know all of the authors personal lives. Old Switchy was really big on Elvis, y’know.”
”Really?” Remus grinned, “The same ‘old Switchy’ who died in 1885?”
But Sirius’ confidence did not waver, giving Remus a firm nod, “Yep. He was secretly a seer.”
”Was he now?”
“Used to use it to look at students in the quidditch changing rooms.”
”Wow.” Remus nodded, “Gotta applaud him for the effort.”
”Yeah,” Sirius quipped, “I personally just use James’ invisibility cloak.”
Bursting into laughter, the pair of them nearly doubled over while Dorcas, who had offered to walk Marlene back to her common room, came back into the room with an incredulous eyeroll, smirking despite herself.
”Well, look who decided to join us.” Remus snorted, “Did you kiss her goodnight?”
”Yeah, did you ask her father for her hand in courtship?” Sirius added, causing the pair of them to dissolve into snickers and giggles like schoolgirls.
“You two are ridiculous.” Dorcas scoffed, picking up her bag from the desk and promptly marching out the door.
”Oi! We’re both still supposed to be on duty!” Remus called out after her.
”You’ll manage.” She threw over her shoulder.
Remus rolled his eyes, still smiling as he turned back to find Sirius’ eyes already on him. He really hoped there wasn’t a flush making it’s way up his neck.
”Just, er,” Sirius started, looking down at the book still in his hands and thumbing the print on the spine almost sheepishly, “Just out of curiosity… You do know that Marlene might actually think Meadowes wants… her hand in courtship.”
Remus wanted very badly to lift Sirius’ chin up himself, just to get those bloody eyes to look at him.
”I’d hope so.” Remus said, a quiet smile ghosting his lips, “Or Dorcas would be very disappointed.”
To his delight, Sirius’ eyes flicked up to look at him as the corners of his lips pulled up into his cheeks, Remus had to will himself not to stare at his dimples, “Really?”
”Yeah.” Remus replied, “And I probably shouldn’t have told you that, so I’d appreciate if you’d keep it to yourself. Though, I do seem to be pretty shit at the whole ‘not telling people’ thing…”
”You don’t have… an issue with it, then?” The dark-haired boy asked, smile a bit further down on his face.
”D’you think I should?”
”No! No—“ Sirius immediately started, bunching his shoulders up, “It’s just—well, a lot of people seem to have a problem with it. I was just wondering if—“
”By people, you mean Slytherins?” Remus asked, not quite sure why Sirius was dancing around it so much. It was true.
A bright red flush came across the other boy’s cheeks and Remus cocked an eyebrow.
”You know what I mean…” Sirius muttered.
”Yeah.” Remus nodded, leaning back and resting his ankle on his knee so he could fiddle with his shoelace, “I don’t really get why people are so bothered, y’know? You can’t change who you are and doing what other people want does absolutely nothing for your own happiness. Sounds a bit selfish when I say it like that, but… Why would you live your life for people who don’t care enough about you to just be alright with the fact you’re happy?”
”Exactly!” Sirius gasped, thrusting his hands in front of him and sitting up straight, “Exactly.”
Remus took a moment, thinking about if he should take the opportunity to try and ask now. The grin on Sirius’ face made the decision easier, though, “So, y’know, just out of curiosity… D’you reckon that also applies to other things in life? Like being… uh, friends with someone who… well, is in a different—less than moral house?”
The other boy let out a chuckle, almost fond, if Remus were to think about it too hard. Sirius seemed too look down for a moment, deliberating in his own head on how he should say whatever he would say next, “Well, look at it this way. It’s no secret I’m a bit different from my family. But that’s mainly because I realised, from a very early age, that they don’t really care about my happiness, miserable as it sounds. All they want is an heir.”
”My uncle only produced girls, even though they’re older than I am, so, in a turn of very sexist events, my mother was given the house and I was made the heir. Ever since I was a little, the title was given priority over my needs. I very quickly realised that - like you said - I was miserable conforming to it. The thing people forget with the whole ‘everyone is a product of their environment’ argument is that there are so many different products that you can be. Logically, I should be in Slytherin house with you and my brother and every other member of my family. Yet, here I am.”
“The funny thing is, people always feel the need to say it was ‘against all odds’ that I’m a Gryffindor, but I think it’s just because I had enough courage to actually see that the way I grew up wasn’t the same as other kids and to go against it. I think that’s where you and I are similar. The people around you are saying you should do and be one thing but, instead of going with it, you just… don’t care. It’s not even that you don’t agree with what they say—it’s that you’re not trying so hard to be one simple thing. You’re completely content being exactly who you are, as complicated as it is. And I think that’s a greater value than the fact you were sorted into Slytherin.”
One thing he had expected Sirius to do, with being so used to people and being able to predict their actions, was apologise for going on. But Sirius just sat there, a small smile on his face as though there was nothing at all difficult about talking so much on a topic so vast. So different from the usual edginess of the people around him that Remus had always been frustrated at, wondering why they needed to care so much. But, no. Sirius was sure of himself. He’d seen Remus, reached into his chest, pulled out, dissected his heart then laid it out on the table for Remus to understand.
The room felt so silent without the soft confidence of Sirius’ voice and it took a few moments of intense thinking to realise that Remus contributed to that silence too.
“Well, shit.” Remus found it in him to say, “I reckon you’re spot on with that one.”
“Not as daft as you thought?” Sirius chuckled, now seeming a little more sheepish, to Remus’ surprise.
“I never thought you were daft.” Remus answered, tilting his head slightly.
”Really?” Sirius grinned, though there was a cheeky air to it, “Not even after you spending the past—what? Four-five years being collateral damage to our pranks on Snape?”
”I’ll be honest, he’s annoying enough that it all sort of blended into each other.”
“Fuck off.” Sirius laughed.
And Remus laughed with him.
*
”So, I’ve poured my heart out to you, now you’ve got to at least give me some background on what contributed to the absolute brilliance that is Remus Lupin.” Sirius said once they had ditched the classroom and Remus had brought him to the Hogsmeade passage where they could smoke a joint without the risk of being skinned alive by Filch.
“Brilliance?” Remus snorted, stubbing the end of it on the grit of the floor by his hip. The pair of them were sat, side-by-side, on the ground of the narrow tunnel, legs hiked up on the wall opposite them.
”Don’t sell yourself short, Remus!” Sirius demanded. Remus couldn’t see his face given they were both staring at their shoes but could imagine a look of faux offence, a grin trying to overcome his face.
”Alright, then.” Remus laughed, “There’s not much to it, really.” Unless you count the werewolf thing, “I live in a muggle town with my mum in Gloucester. She’s a muggle so I’m a half-blood. I wasn’t really… raised on the idea of magic being, y’know, a real thing. Practically muggleborn, in all honesty.”
”Practically muggleborn?”
”Pretty much.”
”What about your dad? He’s a wizard if you’re half-blood, right?”
”He’s dead. Threw himself off a bridge.”
”Oh. I’m sorry.”
”Don’t be. I don’t really remember him.”
”You’ve got to be upset that you never got the chance to, though?”
Remus shrugged, knocking their feet together on the wall, “I did alright for myself, didn’t I?”
Sirius was silent for a moment, before letting out small chuckle, “I keep forgetting you’ve got that ‘who cares, just accept it’ mentality. It’s proper whiplash from Pete and James.”
Remus snorted, shoulders bouncing in silent laughter as he closed his eyes, “They handfuls?”
”Nah.” Sirius smiled, leaning in Remus’ direction before righting himself again, his feet began to tap on the wall opposite as though he were trying to walk up it, “James cares too much, that’s the problem. But he also tries too hard to not let people see it so he, very often, comes off as arrogant.”
”Yeah,” Remus replied, “I thought he was—arrogant, that is. But I changed my mind after the whole potions-prank-thingy.”
”Really? How come?”
”I think he wants people to make their minds up on him how he see’s himself.”
Sirius was silent.
“S’that make sense?” Remus asked, head lolling to the side to look at the other boy. The only thing lighting up Sirius’ face was a candle they’d charmed to levitate like the ones in the great hall, mainly because they didn’t want it to get fused to the floor and have to fuss about with the wax cleanup. Something Remus knew about the colour black - or the shade, if you were to ask someone pretentious - was that it reflected zero light. It absorbs it all and keeps it for itself, so much that it can harbour heat greater than any other colour.
And yet, Sirius’ black hair, strung like picked-apart silk, glittered brightly with the flame. He watched intently, the glowing bend of where the curls spiralled into the darkest hidden parts. Remus wanted to run his hand through it. To feel every part, light and dark, and watch it change with the movement. He wanted to see the most beautiful, outward parts of Sirius and the ugliest of the ugly, then he wanted to push himself through it. Weave himself into it. He wanted to watch Sirius change with the movement of life, Remus along with him.
“Nope.” Sirius snorted and the pair of them dissolved into uncontrollable giggles, keeling over and trying to keep their feet from slipping.
“Pete’s similar.” Sirius continued after (with great effort) they managed to right themselves, “Except he’s not been given everything like James has. Me too, if you don’t count the whole family bit. He doesn’t think he owes anything to the world or that the world owes anything to him so he just… puts up with it. Bit sad, really. James and I often have to socialise for him. I think he might be scared, y’know. Scared of what it means when the world relies on him. I don’t think he has enough faith in himself to be good with responsibility either, in all honesty.”
”Fear is stupid.” Remus said, “I don’t like it.”
”Cheers to that.” Sirius nodded, holding his hand up and curving it as though holding an invisible glass.
”Cheers.” Remus snorted, doing the same motion before tapping his knuckles against Sirius’. He did it for far longer than necessary, but that could easily be blamed on his not-sober-ness. So could the fact he had just thought up the phrase ‘not-sober-ness’.