Mixed Signals

July 1, 1993 – Day 2 of the European Potioneers Assembly, Vienna

The next day, Katya was startled awake by the sound of the telephone ringing in her hotel room. With her eyes half-closed and still groggy, she picked up the receiver.

“Yes?” she asked sleepily.

“Good morning, Miss Borislova,” said a nervous female voice on the other end of the line. “A professor is here to see you.”

Katya glanced at the clock on the bedside table and silently cursed. She had completely forgotten about her breakfast appointment with Arkady.

“I’ll be down in a few minutes,” she replied quickly before hanging up and shooting out of bed.

She had gone to bed late the night before, with too many things swirling around in her mind. But most of all, her thoughts constantly circled around him. As she had lain in bed, she wondered why Severus kept his distance from her, coming close only to pull away again, as though torn between two worlds. The thought that there might be someone else in his life had tormented her all night. She couldn’t bear being the other woman. That thought had kept her awake until she finally drifted off, crying. Insecurities consumed her: What if they’re right? What if I can never have anything good in my life? she thought bitterly.

As she dressed hurriedly, Katya heard a soft tapping at the window. Rov, her father’s two-headed eagle, was there, carrying a letter. At the sight of the bird, she paled. She knew no good ever came with those messages. She rushed to open the window and quickly ushered Inna, her own harpy eagle, into the room, fearing Rov might start a fight. Rov had a tendency to be aggressive with other animals—a trait that had always reminded her of her father.

Ignored, Rov began pecking impatiently at the window with his beak. Katya let out an exasperated huff.

“Khvatit, idi otsyuda,” she snapped at the bird, which stared at her with its four red eyes, unrelenting.

Resigned, Katya opened the window and took the letter from Rov’s claws. But as soon as she did, the eagle jabbed her hand forcefully with its beak, causing a wound that began to bleed immediately. Cursing under her breath, she shoved the bird toward the edge of the balcony. Rov flapped its two heads irritably and flew off in slow circles before vanishing into the sky.

Frustrated, Katya rummaged in her bag for a handkerchief and wrapped it tightly around her bleeding hand. She looked at her father’s letter with disdain but decided to ignore it completely. She wasn’t in the mood for bad news that morning. Grabbing her purse, she hurried downstairs for breakfast, not even bothering to open the letter.

In the lift, as she adjusted the handkerchief, she mentally prepared herself for Arkady’s arrival. She knew he would surely ask about the injury, and she’d have to come up with a convincing excuse. When she exited the lift, she headed towards the dining room, where she assumed Arkady was already waiting for her. But a familiar voice stopped her in her tracks.

“Katya!” exclaimed Severus, standing up quickly from the armchairs in the reception area.

Katya, who had managed to push Severus out of her mind for a few minutes, looked at him in surprise and approached him. He was wearing the same clothes as the day before, with his cloak in hand. It seemed that, like her, he had slept little—or perhaps not at all. Intrigue washed over her.

“Oh, hello,” she said, still bewildered. “What are you doing here?”

Severus greeted her with a kiss on the cheek, a gesture that made Katya feel even more nervous. As he studied her, his gaze fell on her bandaged hand with clear disapproval.

“What happened to you?” he asked, taking her hand gently.
“Nothing,” she muttered, trying to brush it off.
“You’re bleeding,” Severus remarked, in a tone of concern that irritated her.

His anxiety, his apparent interest in her well-being, sparked a small glimmer of hope in Katya, something she didn’t want to feel. Why couldn’t he just make up his mind? Why did he seem to play with my feelings? she thought.
“Yes, well…” Katya huffed, irritated, letting her accent grow more pronounced. “What are you doing here?”

Severus released her hand and averted his gaze, clearly uncomfortable. He had spent the entire night wandering aimlessly, searching for some answer to his feelings.
“I couldn’t sleep,” he confessed, wringing his own hands nervously. “Katya, I’m no good at these things, but… I want you to know that I can’t stop thinking about you.” He paused, clicked his tongue, and looked directly into her eyes. “It’s something new for me, you know? I think it’s driving me a little mad.”

Katya watched him silently, feeling a mix of confusion and longing. Severus’s words echoed in her mind. The fact that he couldn’t stop thinking about her meant a lot, but it wasn’t enough to dispel all of her doubts.
“Are you sure about that?” she asked finally, her voice softer than she intended. She needed to be certain that Severus truly understood what he was saying. Katya wanted clarity because the last thing she wanted was to remain trapped in a game of back and forth.

Severus clenched his jaw, visibly nervous. Despite the seriousness of his expression, there was something vulnerable in his gaze, something he rarely showed.
“Yes, I’ve never… I don’t know if I’m ready for this,” he admitted, briefly looking down at his hands as if trying to find the right words. Then he looked up and met her gaze. “You deserve better—someone who isn’t as… broken as I am.” Severus moved even closer to her, taking her hands once more. “But I can’t, I don’t want to be away from you.”

Katya’s heart pounded as a question that had tormented her all night surfaced once more. If he couldn’t stop thinking about her, why did he keep his distance?
“Severus…” Katya began, biting her lip. “If there’s someone else, if you’re already with someone…” Her words faltered, but she finally gathered the courage to voice what had been troubling her. “Tell me now. I don’t want to be with you if that’s the case. It wouldn’t be fair…”

Severus let out a huff, incredulous. He looked at her with amusement. Moving closer, his eyes searched Katya’s with an intensity that left her breathless.
“Katya, there’s no one else,” he replied sincerely. “No one has such appalling taste as you, to consider me a potential partner,” he joked.
“Don’t say that, Sev,” she scolded, taking his hands in hers and caressing them softly.
“It’s true, Kat.” Severus held her gaze firmly. “I’ve never been in a relationship.” He cleared his throat. “At least, not one where I felt anything for the other person.”

Severus’s words struck her harder than she expected. She felt sudden relief and then confusion. Was he talking about one-night stands, perhaps? The honesty in his voice brought her some peace, but at the same time, the uncertainty wasn’t completely dispelled.
“Then why do you keep running away?” she asked, her tone almost desperate. “What’s holding you back?”

Severus, clearly uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation, swallowed hard. He knew he couldn’t keep avoiding the truth. Gently, he lifted his hand and brushed Katya’s cheek, caressing her skin with a tenderness he rarely displayed.
“I’m afraid of losing you,” he whispered. “Of ruining it.”

Katya closed her eyes for a moment, relishing the warmth of his hand. She wanted to tell him there was nothing to fear, that if he would just let go, things could be different. But before she could answer, a voice interrupted them.

“Katya!” Arkady exclaimed, approaching from the hotel dining room.

The bubble they had been wrapped in burst abruptly. Katya took a step back, clearly startled by the sudden appearance of her friend. Severus, too, moved away uncomfortably, lowering his hand. As Arkady approached, he noticed that the girl had been speaking with Professor Snape.

“Arkady…” Katya said, her heart still racing.

“I was starting to think you’d forgotten about our breakfast,” Arkady said with amusement. He offered his best friendly smile, though his gaze didn’t miss the palpable tension between Katya and Severus.

Severus looked at Arkady with irritation. The professor’s arrival had interrupted a crucial moment, but it also provided an excuse to escape the intensity of the situation.

“I’m sorry, Professor. I lost track of time,” Katya responded quickly, trying to regain her composure.

Arkady, ever perceptive, gave Severus a quick glance before turning his focus back to Katya. He recalled noticing a certain closeness between them at last year’s assembly. Alongside Professor Slughorn, he’d seen how the two of them had chatted animatedly and even visited tourist spots in Paris after the presentations. Though Katya hadn’t said anything, something told him that the situation between them had shifted.

“Professor Snape,” Arkady greeted with a slight nod of his head. “Why don’t you join us? I’ve read that Hogwarts found a basilisk in the castle, and I’d love to hear all about that adventure,” he said cheerfully. “We’ve plenty of time before the first presentation of the day.”

Severus stiffened at the invitation. He wasn’t sure he could handle any more conversations after what had just transpired. He needed a cigarette and time to process his own feelings and emotions, far from Arkady’s curious gaze and Katya’s figure-hugging attire.

“I appreciate the invitation, but I’d best be going,” Severus said, almost in a whisper, avoiding Katya’s eyes.

Katya looked at him, surprised by the speed of his decision. Her chest tightened with the feeling that Severus was running away, once again.

“You’re leaving?” she asked, trying to keep her voice from reflecting the disappointment she felt.

Severus nodded, attempting to hide his discomfort.

“I’ll see you in a while,” he assured her, his eyes meeting Katya’s briefly before dropping again.

Katya nodded slowly, processing his words. Despite everything that had happened that morning, there was a sincerity in his voice that offered her a small measure of comfort. Even so, the distance between them felt greater than ever.

“Professor Dolgorúkov,” Severus greeted Arkady, giving Katya one last glance before turning toward the door.

Severus inclined his head slightly to Arkady and, without looking back, left the hotel lobby. Katya followed him with her gaze until he disappeared through the door, her heart still pounding in her chest. She began walking toward the dining room, and Arkady followed, somewhat concerned by the look of misery on her face.

“Are you all right?” he asked softly, sitting across from her as they waited for their coffee.

Katya let out a long sigh and slumped her shoulders. She could still feel the warmth of Severus’s hand on her cheek, the weight of his words echoing in her mind.

“I don’t know, Arkady… I don’t know,” she admitted, feeling emotionally drained.

Arkady, in his characteristic protective tone, tried to ease the tension.

“It’s clear there’s something between the two of you,” he said with a slight smile. “I’m happy for you, dear!” he exclaimed. “You’ve always been… a solitary person, but I promise you, love changes lives. Believe me, forty years married to Esme, and I wouldn’t trade my time with her for anything.”

Katya looked at him fondly. Esme and Arkady were the very definition of a happy marriage—something particularly rare in her family. She knew he was right, but she also understood that Severus’s internal battle wouldn’t be easy to resolve and that, unfortunately, he was hiding something.

“Come on, let’s have breakfast,” Arkady said finally, changing the subject in an effort to distract her. “You’ll have time to deal with that later. Besides, I’ve seen that man barely able to speak to anyone, and now… in a pair! Who would have thought?”

“We’re not together yet,” Katya replied.

“Well, yet.”

Katya nodded, though her mind remained on Severus. The waiter arrived with their coffee and menus. Katya ordered some toast, barely tasting it, while her professor opted for several sweet dishes.

“How’s everything, dear?” her professor asked.

“Well… I’ve submitted my thesis, so I’ll be graduating soon,” she informed him.

“Oh!” he exclaimed proudly, raising his coffee cup. “Congratulations!”

Katya nodded and smiled, slightly embarrassed.

“Your father?” he asked. “All fine, I presume?”

Katya nodded. There was no need to tell him that her father had likely found out about her applications to other companies and was now furious about it.

“Yes, as always,” she murmured.

They finished breakfast, and Arkady invited her to walk along the canals where, the previous evening, she had walked with Severus. After a while, they returned and prepared for the day’s assembly, where Katya would have to face Severus once more. At that moment, she wasn’t sure how their next meeting would go, but she awaited it eagerly.

Professor Snape, on the other hand, was terrified, to say the least. Vocalising his feelings had stirred up dark memories from the past, and the mere idea of sharing his vulnerability with Katya only heightened his nervousness. In his mind, thousands of thoughts swirled like an uncontrollable whirlwind.

What would happen if they agreed to have a relationship? That question tormented him, and frightening scenarios began to play out in his head. He imagined what it would be like to open up to her, to share not only his joys but also his sorrows. What if she discovered his past? The thought of Katya learning about his history as a Death Eater, of the choices that had led him down such dark paths, sent a chill through him. He feared that such knowledge would drive her away, that the image she held of him would crumble in an instant. Severus had worked hard to build an image of himself that, while distant and cold, held a semblance of respect. The fear of losing it all paralysed him.

What if she uncovered his past and decided never to connect with him again? He wouldn’t blame her, of course, but the mere possibility of her distancing herself, of the bond they had built over the years dissolving, filled him with anguish. How would they cope? Would they maintain a long-distance relationship? The thought of separation filled him with despair. Or, worse still, what if the Dark Lord truly returned? In his mind, the scale tilted towards the negative; every dark thought seemed more convincing than the last.

And yet, there was another side—an insistent longing he could not ignore. On the other hand, he was eager to see her again. The truth was that Severus thought about her constantly in his day-to-day life, whether suffocated by the silence of his home or stressed as he chased unruly students around Hogwarts. Her letters were a small gift, and since Moscow, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her—about someone who truly desired him. That night echoed in his mind like a constant refrain.

He made his way to the assembly at a slow pace. The only source of comfort in these meetings was the simple joy of being able to bask in her presence. Her laughter, her intelligence, her passion for potions had become an obsession in his monotonous life. Each time he saw her, a part of him yearned for more.

As he walked, the weight of his thoughts overwhelmed him. Every time he allowed himself to think of Katya, a tightness settled in his chest. He knew he needed to make a decision, but the fear of the unknown kept him frozen. He wanted to open up to her, but he was terrified that doing so would destroy everything.

Gods, why was it so complicated? he wondered, feeling anxiety devour him from within. Severus forced himself to take a deep breath, trying to calm the storm raging inside him. Yet for every attempt at control, doubt and insecurity returned to attack.

Meanwhile, Katya entered the laboratory with a firm stride, searching for Severus among the attendees. She spotted him immediately; he was still wearing the same clothes as the previous night, and his gaze reflected nervousness. As she approached, he tried to mask his unease with an awkward smile.

“Relax, Sev,” Katya whispered, smiling conspiratorially.

Severus nodded, though his expression remained tense. The two of them made their way to their corner in the laboratory, where they continued working on the potions for the healers. Katya, with swift movements, rolled up her sleeves and positioned herself beside him. He watched her closely, feeling the intensity of his gaze, though she preferred to focus on her task, slicing the ingredients with precision for the blood-replenishing potion and the wound-healing draught. The silence between them was comfortable, broken only by furtive glances they shared amidst their concentration.

The work progressed wordlessly, but the tension between them lingered. Both were keenly aware of what had occurred the previous night and the conversations yet to come. However, midday arrived quickly, bringing with it the presentation by Jakob and Andrea Wagner, the celebrated twins showcasing their latest "breakthrough" in cosmetic potions, supposedly aimed at “the beauty of the ordinary witch.”

Katya and Severus sat together for the presentation, sharing a sceptical attitude from the start. The twins had turned their presentation into an advertising stunt, promoting what was clearly a common beautifying potion disguised as a revolutionary rejuvenating cream.

“… so, you may be wondering: how would one use the potion?” Andrea Wagner explained with forced enthusiasm.

Severus muttered under his breath,

“No one has ever wondered that.”

Katya stifled a laugh but couldn’t help smiling. She squeezed Severus’s knee. His arm rested casually on the back of her chair.

“Do you think if I laugh, they’ll realise how nonsensical this is?” Katya teased quietly, looking at Severus with mischief. “Or perhaps I could ask how much they paid for the licence to use Madam Tugwood’s recipes.”

Severus hid his smile behind the promotional pamphlets the twins had handed out. It was obvious that the twins were taking credit for the work of the renowned Sacharissa Tugwood, the potioneer who had created the first beautifying potion decades earlier.

“You wouldn’t dare,” Severus challenged, the spark of amusement in his eyes unmistakable.

Katya arched an eyebrow, clearly entertained by his provocation.

“What’s the wager?” she teased, challenging him with a smile.

Severus looked at her for a moment, weighing the gauntlet she had thrown down. Katya returned his gaze with a playful smirk, waiting for his answer.

“Whatever you want,” he said finally, his tone carrying undeniable interest.

Katya leaned slightly towards him, as if she were seriously contemplating the wager.

“Well then…” she replied, savouring the moment. “A night at my hotel.”

Severus swallowed hard and cleared his throat, intrigued. After a few tense seconds, he nodded slowly, accepting the challenge. Katya, wearing a seductive smile, prepared to act. The question round had begun, and she confidently raised her hand.

“Yes, the witch at the back! Your name?” Jakob Wagner called out from the stage, noticing Katya among the audience.

Katya brushed her hair back elegantly before speaking, all eyes on her.

“I’m curious, Jakob…” she began, her tone calm but sharp, “what exactly are the ingredients in this ‘rejuvenating cream’?”

The smiles on the Wagner twins’ faces faltered slightly. Andrea attempted to regain control of the situation.

“Well, it’s a proprietary formula…” she began, but Katya interrupted her smoothly.

“A proprietary formula, you say?” Katya asked, raising her eyebrows. “Because it seems rather familiar. Could it be a modification of the original beautifying potion created by Sacharissa Tugwood? The one specifically developed to enhance physical appearance, though not for rejuvenation purposes. I wonder if you’ve paid the requisite licence to market her work.”

The auditorium fell silent for a moment. Jakob Wagner tried to recover his composure, but his hesitation was clear to everyone present.

“Well, we’ve… improved the formula with certain modern touches,” Jakob replied, visibly uncomfortable.

Katya smiled almost imperceptibly, knowing she had caught them out.

“Oh, of course.” Katya tilted her head slightly. “Curious, though, that you failed to mention Tugwood in your presentation, given that she created the foundation of your potion. I wonder what the Potion Regulators would make of that.”

The tension in the room thickened as several attendees began whispering among themselves. The twins exchanged nervous glances, aware that Katya had exposed them. Severus, observing the scene with a barely contained smile, settled back in his chair, enjoying the spectacle. Katya had dismantled them brilliantly.

He wanted to take her right there and then. That was the first thought that crossed his mind as Katya looked at him boldly, an insinuating smile on her lips. The air between them was charged with an electric tension he could hardly bear. Yet he had to wait. He had promised her a night, just as she had requested. Patience, he told himself, though he felt that, at any moment, his body might betray him.

Upon the conclusion of the Wagner twins' presentation, who had been humiliated in front of the attendees after Katya's clever remark, both returned to their space in the laboratory. Once there, they began drafting the reports on the healing potions they had prepared earlier. Katya, still in high spirits, leaned slightly against the laboratory table while pointing out to Severus what needed to be included in the report. Her cleavage, which casually but noticeably escaped from her shirt, caught Severus's gaze in a way that completely distracted him.

His eyes moved between the paper and the exposed skin of Katya, and though he tried to maintain composure, his mind wandered to thoughts that had little to do with potions. The silence between them was broken when Katya, noticing his distraction, softly called his name.

"Sev, did you hear what I said?" she asked playfully.

Severus blinked, shaking himself out of his thoughts. The confusion in his gaze caused Katya to let out a small laugh, finding it endearing how he looked when he was flustered.

"No," he murmured, his voice somewhat subdued, as though he had just returned from another world. "You're distracting me."

Severus stood up from his seat, intending to regain some control of the situation. He looked at her with a serious expression, the same one he used in front of his students when he wanted to enforce discipline, wanting to intimidate her, knowing that facade always worked.

"Behave yourself, Miss Borislova," he added, in an authoritative tone that made her heart race.

Katya looked at him, scandalized by his sudden shift in attitude but also slightly flushed. It was clear that his words had affected her. Severus, still in his rigid posture, wondered what thoughts were crossing Katya's mind at that moment. Maybe, he thought, he had been too harsh with her. But then, the young woman stood up and leaned toward him, her lips just a few centimetres from his ear. The closeness made Severus's breath quicken, but he forced himself to remain steady.

"Oh, so this is Professor Snape," Katya whispered, biting her upper lip slightly. "What do you think if we finish earlier?"

The question left him speechless for a second. Katya was playing with fire, and he knew it. But what surprised him the most was not the provocation itself, but how much he liked it. His heart pounded in his chest, his mind torn between duty and desire. But now there was a bet in play, and she was doing her part.

Severus looked at her intensely, his dark eyes reflecting the whirlpool of emotions overwhelming him. He didn't answer immediately, but Katya could see the internal struggle on his face. She was tempting him, and she knew it.

By the end of the day, after finishing the reports and ensuring everything was in order, the tension between them had only increased. As the sun began to set, filling the laboratory with a soft golden glow, Katya moved away from him with a satisfied smile. She knew she had left him bewildered, but also eager.

"I'll see you at the hotel," Katya said with a playful tone before leaving the laboratory, leaving him alone with his thoughts for a few minutes.

Severus watched her walk away, and for a moment, he felt as if time had stopped. His mind kept replaying the images of their interaction from just moments ago, the way she leaned toward him, the insinuation in her voice. He wanted her, and he knew it. But what puzzled him the most was how Katya managed to awaken something different in him, something he hadn't felt before. His heart raced, and he couldn't help but feel... important. Desired. It was a new sensation for him. He had always been the distant observer, the man who kept everyone at arm's length. But with Katya, the distance seemed to melt away.

They met outside the building where Katya was waiting for him, leaning against a wall, smoking. He approached her slowly, staring at her intently, and in front of her, he took her by the neck and kissed her deeply. They headed to the hotel in silence. He felt like he was walking on clouds; the desire was overwhelming, yes, but there was something more. He liked the attention Katya gave him, the way her eyes followed him, the fact that she wanted him in a way he had never experienced before. This wasn't just an affair, it wasn't just a game. It was different.

At the hotel, Katya opened the door with a plastic card that she slid smoothly through the lock reader.

"It's the latest technology," she explained, as they entered the room. "They're magnetic cards."

Severus, following her, observed the card with mild curiosity.

"Ingenuous, these Muggles," he commented in his characteristic neutral tone, though he couldn't help but feel slightly impressed by the simplicity of the technology.

Once inside, Katya turned on the light, filling the room with a warm glow. She took off her shoes with a fluid movement and gestured for Severus to make himself comfortable and do the same. The room was three times larger than his: a spacious bed, a TV on the wall, an elegant armchair beside a dark wooden desk, and a balcony with glass doors. There, an imposing bird rested next to a cage; Severus recognized it instantly as Inna, Katya's messenger eagle, whose black feathers gleamed under the moonlight.

Katya walked toward her suitcase, rummaging through her belongings with a mix of determination and mischief in her eyes. She slowly removed her jacket, fully aware that she had Severus's attention.

"I'm going to take a shower," she announced with a smile on her lips, taking what she needed. Then, she approached him, her eyes shining with a mix of complicity and desire. She kissed him softly, leaving him slightly stunned. "Make yourself at home, Sev."

With that, she quickly disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Severus somewhat disoriented. The kiss had left him dizzy, and Katya's invitation to "make yourself at home" disturbed him in a way he couldn't quite define. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to gather his thoughts. He knew he should follow her, take a shower, prepare for her, but he felt trapped between nervousness and desire. He couldn't remember the last time he had physical contact with another woman, perhaps two years had passed already. What if he disappointed her? He wasn't a man accustomed to these situations, and Katya's closeness put him in a position he couldn't entirely control.

While torturing himself with these thoughts, he began pacing the room slowly. His eyes stopped on the desk, where a formal-looking folder lay. Upon opening it, he found papers with Russian words and financial charts that he didn’t fully understand. Katya had probably been working the previous night, likely reviewing financial reports or something related to her family business. He flipped through the papers for a few minutes, trying to distract himself from the nerves overtaking him.

Underneath the folder, Severus found a letter with the word "дочь" written on the back. With more curiosity than caution, he took the letter. Looking at the address, he remembered that it matched one Katya had mentioned once, so the letter, still unopened, must have come from her home.

Without warning, Katya's voice pulled him from his thoughts.

"What are you doing?" she suddenly asked from the bathroom door.

Severus turned, startled. Katya had emerged wearing a white silk pyjama in the form of a jacket, which fell delicately over her figure. Katya had left the first buttons undone, and Severus lost his ability to think for a few seconds. The girl's eyes were looking at him with an unsettling gleam, as though she couldn't decide whether to be upset or not.

"I... I’m sorry," he murmured, clearly uncomfortable. "I was just..."

"Going through my things," she accused him, though she didn’t seem genuinely angry.

Severus quickly rose from the desk, feeling a pang of embarrassment. What had he been looking for? Why had he done that? His mind was filled with questions as he tried to apologise.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, this time more sincerely.

Katya approached him, her steps calm but laden with intent. She took the letter from his hands with ease, showing no signs of anger.

"It’s from my father," she explained, showing him her hand, where the marks of a small wound remained. "He has a rather unfriendly two-headed eagle."

"Two-headed?" Severus asked, genuinely surprised. "I thought they were extinct."

Katya shook her head and explained that a client of her father’s, from Nenetsia, had a breeding farm and had gifted her one as a symbol of prestige, since the two-headed eagle is the emblem of Russia. Bravely, she finally decided to open the letter.

"Oh, it’s just an invitation to a gala," Katya said, visibly relieved as she read its contents. She finished reading and carefully placed the letter back in the folder before turning to Severus with a more relaxed expression. "Sorry if I reacted badly. This work change thing has me worried."

Severus, sensing the tension dissipating, tilted his head slightly and, on impulse, kissed her. Their lips met in a soft but intent gesture. She responded immediately, her hands wrapping around his neck as she pulled him closer. The heat of the kiss made them both stagger slightly, but Severus, despite his growing desire, paused for a moment, resisting the temptation to give in completely.

Impatient, Katya began pushing him toward the bed with a mischievous smile, but Severus gently stopped her.

“Perhaps... I should imitate you and take a shower as well” He murmured, trying to keep his composure as Katya kissed his neck, igniting his senses.

Katya huffed, clearly frustrated by the interruption.

“Hmm, no” She mumbled, not stopping her attempts to lead him to the bed.

Severus, unable to suppress a smile at her impatience, gently took her wrists.

“Kat... please” He pleaded, his voice low, his breath ragged.

Katya sighed, resigned but still with a spark of amusement in her eyes. She released him, allowing him to get up from the bed.

“Be quick” She said playfully “I'll see what they have on the menu”

As Severus headed towards the bathroom, his mind remained unsettled, filled with intrusive thoughts that seemed impossible to control. Despite his evident nervousness, he couldn’t deny how good Katya made him feel. There was something in the way she looked at him, touched him, that made him feel desired, something deeply new and unsettling for him. Yet, with every pleasurable sensation, a torrent of insecurities struck him fiercely.

The sound of water starting to run in the shower momentarily pulled him from his thoughts. 

He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, and what he saw was far from pleasing. His reflection brought him back to the harsh reality of how he looked, and more importantly, how he felt. His black hair, falling over his shoulders in messy strands, shone almost greasy under the dim bathroom light. His face, pale and angular, with his prominent nose and dark circles that seemed never to disappear, made him appear even more gaunt. He despised that face, and wondered what Katya saw in him.

His gaze drifted to his body, slender and covered in scars, indelible marks of his past and the choices he had made. Some of these marks were really old, gifts from his father's drunkenness and devoted belt, others were remnants of his days as a Death Eater, while others were more recent, results of his life spent with potions and the dangers they entailed with fire or blade. All of this filled him with anxiety. A slight churn in his stomach suddenly shook him as he thought about what was to come. Would Katya let them be together, but only with the lights off? He couldn’t understand how someone like her, so perfect, so graceful, could desire him in this way. Surely, if she really saw him naked, with all his scars and his body marked by the years, she’d feel what most people did upon seeing him: disgust.

With a sigh full of anguish, he stepped into the shower. The hot water began to fall on him, flowing over his body with a comforting, yet overwhelming sensation. He let the heat rise until it almost burned his skin, as if that could wash away the shame he felt. He wanted the water to take away the fear, the insecurity, the doubts that had been tormenting him since he entered that room. He stood there, still under the stream, wishing he could disappear, wishing that the thought of someone like Katya seeing him in this state wouldn’t overwhelm him to the point of feeling incapable of going on.

He hadn’t always felt this burden. Before, when he slept with women like Claire Higgs or Anne Avery, he hadn’t had these insecurities. With them, it had just been physical, something without ties, without expectations. He didn’t care what they thought of his body, his scars, or his appearance. He never worried too much about what they thought, and probably neither did they. It was easy. Superficial.

But with Katya… it was different. They were friends. They had shared years of letters, conversations, moments of genuine connection. If anything went wrong between them, if this night turned into a disappointment, it would destroy him completely. What if he disappointed her? Severus knew it wasn’t just about physical desire. It was about emotional intimacy, opening up to her in a way he had never done before. And that terrified him more than anything else.

The thought of losing her tormented him. It wasn’t just that he desired her; it was that he needed her. Their friendship had been a refuge, something he relied on during the dark moments of his life. If that friendship broke due to his own insecurities, because he couldn’t measure up to what she expected, it would be like daily torture. How could he look at her after that?

The water kept falling, enveloping him in a cloud of steam, but his thoughts wouldn’t dissipate. He was aware that Katya was waiting for him, that any moment now he’d have to step out of the shower, face her, and… what? Severus closed his eyes, letting the water wash away the tension in his shoulders, but he knew that nothing, not even the scalding water, could erase the invisible scars he carried with him.

Finally, with a heavy sigh, he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. He looked at himself in the mirror once more, watching how the steam fogged his reflection. For a moment, he felt the urge to return to his small, safe hotel room and pretend none of this was happening. But that option was no longer available to him. Katya had entered his life, shaken him out of his routine and his walls of protection, and now there was no going back.

Severus wrapped himself in a robe and left the bathroom, still feeling that sense of uncertainty. He knew he had taken a step into unknown territory, and for the first time in a long while, he felt vulnerable. Would Katya look at him the same way after tonight?

Katya was sitting on the sofa, the TV on and the room service menu in hand, but as she heard him exit, she looked up. Their eyes met, and for a moment, everything else disappeared.

“You look incredible” She assured him. She smiled at him with a warmth that, although he didn’t admit it out loud, gave him a brief flash of reassurance.

Severus swallowed and slowly made his way to the bed. His mind was still filled with doubts, but also with a small spark of hope. Perhaps, just perhaps, he thought, Katya saw him in a way he had never allowed himself to see. The idea both terrified and drew him in.

“Do you want to order something to eat?” She asked, her voice soft and welcoming, breaking the silence.

Severus nodded, still unsure, but with a slight glimmer of confidence reflected in his gaze. Katya moved closer, sitting beside him as she looked at the menu. Severus’s robe parted slightly, and she couldn’t help but glance at his slender yet strong torso, his scars, one of the many things that made him unique. As she handed him the menu, she smiled to hide the blush on her cheeks.

They both chose what to eat, and Katya called room service to place the order. After hanging up, Severus had lain down on the bed, finally relaxing his body after the tension of the day. Katya, feeling a surge of adrenaline, pounced on him. Severus allowed himself to be swept away by the moment, instinctively taking her hips and pressing her against the bed. He felt the heat of her body so close, something inside him igniting that he had kept under control until now.

“Oh, God” Katya murmured against his lips, rubbing her hips against his pelvis, feeling the growing pressure in him.

“I’m sorry” Severus whispered, his voice tense, embarrassed by what his body was doing without his control.

Katya, laughing softly, covered his mouth with her hand.

“Stop apologising, Sev” She told him, looking him in the eyes with intensity. “Let this happen.” She gave him a long, deep kiss, pulling him further into her desire. “Oh, I knew you were big…” She moaned against his mouth, igniting something in Severus that he hadn’t felt in years.

Hearing those words, something in Severus’s mind clicked. The barriers he used to erect crumbled in an instant. The insecurity he had felt just minutes before began to dissipate, replaced by a fire he couldn’t contain. He allowed himself to be himself, without reservations. His hands shamelessly explored Katya’s body, feeling the heat and softness of her skin under his fingers. He took his time with her breasts, massaging them firmly through the silk pyjama top.

“Gods, they’re huge” He grunted, devouring her lips, his body growing more in tune with hers.

“Severus, please” Katya moaned, her voice broken by the pleasure she felt.

“Please?” He teased, a twisted smile appearing on his face, feeling an unusual confidence 

that surprised him. “Tell me exactly what you want.”

Katya was about to explicitly tell him what she desired when a knock on the door interrupted the moment. She let out a frustrated huff and quickly pulled away from him, walking to the door to answer it. The waiter entered with a small rolling cart, on which there were plates of food and a bottle of champagne.

Severus, upon seeing him, hastily covered himself, though he couldn’t help but feel a slight warmth on his cheeks due to the awkwardness of the situation. Katya, for her part, seemed completely at ease, exchanging brief words with the waiter before closing the door and heading back to the bed.

"The food..." Severus said in a calmer tone, though still affected by Katya’s proximity. "It’ll get cold."

Katya sighed, resigned, and pulled away from him, placing the dishes on the small table with a slight touch of impatience. Meanwhile, Severus got up from the bed and began to browse the various VHS tapes beside the television. Muggle entertainment had always seemed curious to him, though he usually avoided it. But now, with Katya, everything seemed different, even the idea of watching a film felt more appealing.

"I haven’t had time to watch them," Katya remarked from the table, glancing at Severus out of the corner of her eye. "Do you want to watch a film?"

Severus turned towards her, noticing the sparkle in her eyes and the way she looked at him. It was a gaze that made him feel more than desired, something he hadn’t experienced before.

"Have you seen Rocky?" Severus asked with curiosity. "It’s about a boxer who..."

"Yes!" Katya exclaimed, interrupting him. "I haven’t seen the last one. Do you want to watch it?"

Severus nodded with a small smile. Katya, with a flick of her wand, put the VHS into the television as he grabbed the bottle of champagne. When he tried to open it, the cork shot off with an explosion, which made Katya laugh.

Severus smiled widely, enjoying the genuine laughter of Katya as he poured the glasses. During dinner, they ate in silence, focused on the film, but also on each other’s presence. Without thinking much, Severus draped his arm around Katya, feeling more comfortable with each passing second. To his surprise, she nestled closer, resting her head on his chest as he wrapped his arm around her, more relaxed than ever.

When they finished dinner, Katya slid even closer, pressing her body against his while tracing small lines on Severus’s arm with the tips of her fingers. Katya’s soft, soothing movements, combined with the film in the background, created an atmosphere of quiet intimacy. Severus, who had always been someone who avoided this kind of emotional closeness, was surprised to find comfort in their shared silence.

As the film progressed, their bodies remained close, Katya’s warmth giving him a sense of peace he hadn’t felt in a long time. Gradually, both began to drift into a state of drowsiness, and after a while, they fell asleep together, wrapped in the warmth of each other’s company.

It’s not just a fleeting affair, Severus assured himself. He knew that with Katya, everything felt more real, more intense, and though that idea intrigued him, it also scared him. He was vulnerable with her, but for some reason, that didn’t seem so terrible. It was simply wonderful.