All it Takes
It was a Monday evening when Sirius found Lily Evans crying in the corridor between the boys and girls dormitories.
He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Lily cry. But there she was.
He noticed her before she did, and he was in half a mind to leave her to it until she looked up. She looked awful, to put it nicely. And she looked hurt, and vulnerable, and almost hopeful, though the hope disappeared once she realised who it was.
“Sorry, I…” he began to say, but trailed off, “Are you…ok?”
Lily wiped at her face with the heel of her palm, shooting him a disparaging look.
“What does it look like, Black?”
“Right,” he said uneasily, sidling up to her in a way he hoped was natural, “Well, what’s wrong?”
She frowned again, looking fierce, and she seemed as though she was about to say something along the lines of ‘you wouldn’t get it’ when she faltered. It was then that Sirius realised she was holding a letter, a muggle one. Holding was a generous description really, she had it scrunched up in her fist.
“What’s that?” he asked her, pointing at it.
“A letter,” she returned, but there wasn’t much bite to it.
“I know that,” he replied, coming up to sit next to her, “I meant, is that why you’re upset?”
Lily let out a dry chuckle.
“Yes,” she admitted tiredly.
“Is it… from your parents?” pressed Sirius. She paused, wiping at her face again where fresh tears had fallen.
“My sister,” she told him, her voice breaking a little. And Sirius thought he understood, then.
“Oh,” was all he said.
“Yeah,” she replied softly.
“Is she younger?” he wondered after a short silence.
“Older,” said Lily. Sirius nodded quietly. “It’s stupid,” she sighed, scrunching the letter even tighter.
“It always is,” he agreed.
“Do you ever…” she fiddled with her skirt, “Does Regulus ever make you…”
“All the time,” he confessed, “Last night, at the party, I was crying just the same as you, except down there.” He motioned to his spot on the staircase and she let out a soft laugh.
“It sucks,” she said emphatically.
“Yeah,” he agreed. He looked sidelong at her as the tears kept falling. She sniffed, and he felt the urge to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder, or to do something.
“My Mum’s sick,” she confessed and Sirius looked at her fully now. She burst into new tears and put her head in her hands, breathing in deeply. “Tuney— My sister, she’s angry that I’m not there to help take care of her, because I’m here instead, running around doing magic and casting charms, when outside there are real problems. But I’m—
“Hey,” interrupted Sirius firmly, trying to think what Remus would say, which was probably the person Lily wished was there instead. “It’s not your fault.”
“Sirius…”
“Really,” he assured her, “I mean, I thought, with me and Reg that it was… as well, but it’s not. It’s not.”
“No, but that’s different,” began Lily, sitting up again.
“Maybe, but it’s still not your fault. Your mum wants you to finish your education, right?”
“Of course,” replied Lily.
“And you only have the rest of this year anyway, then you can go back and take care of her.”
“I… yes,” she agreed.
“It won’t be too much longer,” he comforted, though the notion was daunting.
“I still feel awful,” she told him.
“Yeah… I do, too, if that makes it any better.”
“A little,” she smiled. “God, I can’t believe I’m telling you this.”
“Me neither, to be honest.”
They both laughed at that.
“Sirius?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re not so bad after all, you know.”
Sirius grinned at her.
“Who are you and what have you done with Lily Evans?” he joked, and she gave his shoulder a light shove. “You’re not too bad yourself,” he replied. She smiled at that too.
There was a quiet pause in their conversation. Lily sniffed, though the tears had stopped, and she seemed in better spirits than when he’d found her. She turned to face him with a look of concern painting her features.
“What happened with Regulus yesterday?” she asked, “If you want to say.”
“Oh it… Well, it was stupid,” he explained, and she gave him a pointed look, “He was at the party.”
“He was?” she asked, surprised.
“Yeah,” confirmed Sirius, “And he’s never gone before, so I thought, maybe, he was there to talk to me. So I went up to him, but he clearly wasn’t there for me. Told me to leave him alone, so I did.” He breathed out in a deep sigh, and Lily gave him a pained look. “Little prick,” he added under his breath.
“Is he angry because you… left?” she asked softly.
“That I ran away, yeah. He wanted me to stay.”
It hurt to talk about it, to remember it all, but there was something nice in confessing this to Lily Evans. She got it. Better than any of his other friends anyway.
“Usually I tell all of this to Remus,” he confessed.
“I usually tell Mary,” Lily told him, “But I’m sure she must be sick of it by now. She thinks I should just break things off with Petunia, but how could I do that? She’s my sister. I can’t… I just couldn’t.”
“I think Reg wants to break things off with me,” muttered Sirius, “I guess he already has.”
They exchanged a tearful glance.
“It’ll be alright,” comforted Lily.
“Just give it time?” he filled in sarcastically.
“Yeah,” she snorted. And that was how the two of them had finally become friends.
***
Sirius thought a lot about Lily Evans after that. He hadn’t even known she’d had a sister, or that they had a strained relationship. He hadn’t really thought about her very much except in terms of James, which he was now beginning to realise wasn’t very fair.
He saw her throughout the week, and they shared waves and smiles, even if they were mostly back to their normal disdain for one another, though Sirius couldn’t help but thinking there was something fond in it. They didn’t really talk again until the week after though.
“Fancy seeing you here,” commented Sirius as he approached Lily. She was in the corridor between the girls and boys dormitories again, but this time she wasn’t crying. She looked up in surprise at him.
“Hey,” she said softly.
“You alright?” he asked, his tone changing to something more attentive.
“It’s nothing,” she sighed.
“Oh, come on,” replied Sirius, “It’s just me.”
Lily surveyed him sidelong, a wary look in her eye.
“You won’t tell James?”
“Why would I tell James?” he returned, “Got yourself a boyfriend or something?”
“Not exactly,” she said dryly.
“Trouble in love?”
“Something like that,” she replied.
“I won’t tell him,” he said, after a moment. He wasn’t sure why he was so ready to keep this a secret from James, but it seemed to mean more to Lily than it did to him.
“I don’t really want to talk about it,” she told him. Probably better that way, he mused, seeing as there was nothing to hide from James then.
“That’s alright,” he said, “None of my business anyway.” He paused and stared ahead for a while. “Got enough trouble in love myself to be helping someone else out.”
“You mean Remus?” she snorted.
“What?” started Sirius, nearly jumping out of his skin.
“Oh come on,” she teased, “As if it’s not obvious.”
“What?” he repeated, aghast, “You– I– What?”
“Hey, calm down,” she told him, her tone shifting, “It’s alright. Only me, remember?”
He let out a long breath, his brows furrowing as he tried to process what she’d just said.
“You can’t tell him,” he commanded, to which she rolled her eyes.
“Oh believe me, I’ve tried,” she replied, “But he wouldn’t believe it if you kissed him right on the mouth.” Sirius burned with embarrassment as his brain was filled with the idea of kissing Moony on the mouth. “He’s incredibly oblivious,” continued Lily, “Insists that you see him as a friend and only that.”
“Really?” asked Sirius in a strangled voice.
“Really.”
“Well how do you know then?”
Lily raised an impervious eyebrow.
“For one, you make love eyes at him in basically every class,” Sirius opened and shut his mouth in shock but nothing came out. “You also sat in his lap and held his hand and all kinds of other things a few weeks ago. And don’t get me started on the playing footsie.”
“You know about that?” he practically squeaked.
“You think I don’t hear about these things?” she countered, “I get an earful everytime you decide to pull shit like this. Remus was having a full-blown panic.”
Sirius covered his face with his hands.
“Well that’s why I stopped,” he groaned, “I knew I’d taken it too far. I’m leaving him alone now, I promise.”
“Sirius,” said Lily, and she sounded tired and unimpressed all at once, “You need to tell him.”
“I can’t tell him!” he retorted.
“Yes, you can. And you need to. Trust me.”
“He doesn’t like me back…”
“Well, I think you should ask him,” she returned, “I think he’d give you an answer that says otherwise.”
“I already asked him, Lily,” replied Sirius, staring at his shoes, “He likes someone else.”
She was silent for a moment and he thought he might have stumped her. This illusion was soon shattered.
“Are you sure?” she asked him, still in that unimpressed tone.
“Yes,” Sirius shot back, “He told me.”
“Maybe he was lying,” shrugged Lily, “Or maybe you misunderstood.”
Sirius peered over at her.
“Has he told you… that he likes me?” he wondered, hoping against hope.
“If he had, I wouldn’t tell you,” she replied, and Sirius groaned again, “Ask him yourself, and like I said, I think you’ll get an answer you’ll like.”
“Ok, well you can’t tell him you know,” he replied all in one breath.
“I already told you, he wouldn’t believe me anyway.”
“Lily, I’m not joking,” he continued, “One little word is all it takes for James to send you the most obnoxious valentines ever, you know.”
“Is that a threat?” she laughed.
“Yes,” he said tightly.
“Fine, fine, I won’t tell Remus you’re in love with him,” she sing-songed.
“In love with him?” exclaimed Sirius, his eyes blown wide again.
“You heard me,” she said with a sly smile.
“I can’t believe this,” he breathed, trying to recover from the second emotional heart attack she’d put him through.
“So will you tell him?” prompted Lily and he glared at her.
“Maybe,” he acquiesced, and he began to think that it could be a possibility.