To Sing a Song of When I Loved
Regulus had been working on his admissions essay for thirty minutes when James interrupted him.
It had been a week or so since the party, and Regulus still flushed from head to toe whenever he thought about how he’d kissed James on the cheek. Thankfully, neither of them had brought it up yet, and Regulus was hoping it would stay that way.
“What are you up to?” James wondered, craning his neck to get a look at Regulus’ parchment.
“Is that your first question?” he countered, covering his swirling handwriting with his arm.
James looked pained, his eyes flitting between Regulus and the paper.
“No,” he decided eventually, “I wanted to ask…” he pulled up the chair next to Regulus and folded his arms on the table, “Did you and Barty ever… Go out?”
Regulus paused in putting away his essay. They were getting right to it then.
“Did Barty say something?” he asked seriously.
“No!” replied James, “No, I just… Well, I was wondering, that’s all.”
“You already know we did,” said Regulus, resuming the tidying of his papers.
“Well, I wasn’t sure!” he spluttered back.
“Oh, come off it James. I bet Sirius was complaining about it nonstop.”
“I just wanted to check,” explained James in a resigned sort of way.
“Did you now?” mocked Regulus.
“Yes,” agreed James, “Because Sirius has a tendency to…”
“Blow things out of proportion?”
“I was going to say exaggerate,” said James. Regulus sniffed at this. “So you and Barty…”
“Went out,” filled in Regulus, tilting his head slightly and raising an eyebrow, “I think we covered that.”
James smiled nervously.
“Right,” he confirmed.
“Next question?” prompted Regulus.
“Did he, er, did he break your heart?” James said the last part quietly, like a secret.
“If he’d broken my heart,” said Regulus evenly, “Then I never would have spoken to him again.”
“Oh,” was James’ soft reply.
“It didn’t work out, if that’s what you mean,” he continued, though he wasn’t sure why he was continuing. “We started arguing a lot towards the end, and we figured we were better off how we had been. As friends.”
He remembered those arguments bitterly. There had been several nasty fights, full of Regulus’ trademark passive aggressive attacks and Barty’s stinging insults that always hit a bit too close to home. It had gotten too serious for both of them - Barty was never one for commitment and Regulus had been too tangled up in what a relationship could be.
They had started off casual, if that’s what you could call it, and then it had all gotten too much. Regulus wanted Barty to take him on dates and treat him nicely and to stop running off with other people, but Barty couldn’t really do any of that. Not for very long, anyway. Regulus liked casual, and he thought he liked (or at least wanted) something more serious as well, but he couldn’t do anything in the middle. It just didn’t work.
“You seem like good friends now,” said James, interrupting his reverie. Regulus looked over at him. James had gotten very good at asking questions with statements, seeing as he was confined to three a day.
“We are,” replied Regulus, and then because he felt like indulging James for once, “Just friends, though.”
James smiled at him brightly.
“Good,” he said. Regulus wanted to roll his eyes, though he couldn’t stop the heat that had bloomed across his face.
“Next question?” he asked, pushing onwards.
“What’s going on with Evan and Barty? Are they going out now?”
Regulus laughed. Funnily enough, it was a question he got asked often.
“Not yet,” he responded, a mischievous expression working its way onto his face. “They’ve been skirting around it for a while now. I’ve started a bet, actually.”
“A bet?” echoed James. Regulus nodded.
“I’m betting that they’ll be together by the end of this year,” he explained, “I’ll bet you two galleons on it if you like.”
“I’m not taking that bet!” laughed James, “You’re their best friend! You’ve got all the insider information. You’re probably influencing them into getting together.”
“I’m not,” insisted Regulus, insulted by the notion, “Those two couldn’t be influenced into anything. Especially Evan, he’s stubborn as a rock.”
“How about I make you a different bet?” offered James, “I bet that they’ll get together before March.”
Regulus mulled it over.
“Three galleons?” he asked.
“Three galleons,” confirmed James.
“Alright then,” agreed Regulus, shaking James’ outstretched hand, “You’re on, Potter.”
“Now will you tell me what you were working on?” asked James after a moment, gesturing to Regulus’ bag. Regulus shot him a look.
“If you must know,” he said flatly, “I’m writing an admissions essay.”
“Oh! Who for?”
“Derby’s Apothecary,” he answered, feeling a little shy.
“Can I help?”
“What do you know about potions?”
“Hey!” replied James, “My dad is Fleamont Potter, I know plenty.” Regulus laughed softly.
“Ok,” he said, “You can… you can read it over if you like.” James grinned his response. “It’s just a first draft,” added Regulus, taking the papers out of his bag and handing them to James.
“Don’t worry, I know,” James told him, taking the essay with a smile before starting to read over it. Regulus watched his brown eyes flit back and forth. He chewed on the inside of his cheek, anticipating James’ reaction. It wasn’t a full first draft - not yet, but he’d made a bulleted plan of things to write at the top and he was about halfway through the essay. James finished reading and put the parchment back on the table.
“It’s really good!” he announced, and Regulus felt his insides go warm.
“You think?” he pressed.
“Yeah,” smiled James, “It’s got really good structure. I was thinking though, in this bit…” And James set off correcting and improving. In the end, James’ knowledge of potions was proved irrelevant next to his knowledge of admissions essays.
“How do you know so much about them?” wondered Regulus once they were done editing.
“My mum helped me with mine over the summer and everyone in my year has been writing them, so I’ve seen a few.” he paused and looked appraisingly over Regulus. “Why are you writing one now, anyway?”
“I’m going to postpone it a year,” he explained quietly, trying and failing to not think of Lily Evans.
“Well good on you,” replied James, “You can get it over and done with so you don’t have to stress over it next year.”
“Right,” he agreed quietly.
“Hey Reg?” asked James.
“Yeah?”
“This is a little off topic but I just wanted to tell you that I really like that you always answer my questions honestly.” Regulus blinked. “Or you answer them earnestly. You don’t just... Say anything. You say something you actually mean.”
“Well how else would I answer them?”
“I don’t know,” said James, “Some people will just say things without thinking. They’ll say things they don’t really mean. But you always think my questions through, you know?”
“Well what’s the point in saying anything if you don’t really mean it?” countered Regulus.
“I don’t know,” replied James, then, huffing a laugh, “I don’t know.”
Regulus tilted his head slightly in confusion, but decided to drop it.
“You should probably head to Quidditch practice,” he said, and James looked at him strangely, “It starts any minute now.”
“Yeah, I… That’s true.”
Regulus gave him a knowing smile.
“You’ll have to train hard if you want any chance at beating Slytherin in our next match.”
“Yeah,” breathed James, sounding as though he hadn’t absorbed a single word of what Regulus had said. “I’ll see you, Reg,” he added, and before Regulus could reply James planted a quick kiss on his cheek.
“See you,” he managed to stutter out, and then James was gone and Regulus was left reeling.
***
Later that day, Regulus returned to his dorm to find Pandora redecorating.
“Reg!” she announced as he entered. It was the boy’s dorm, but she was always dropping in and sometimes even sleeping there, so it wasn’t a surprise to find her between his and Barty’s beds.
“Hey Pans,” he replied, making his way over to her, “What are you up to?”
“I got the photos!” she told him excitedly, “Come and have a look! I’m going to put them on the wall.”
He came to stand next to her and she brandished a few cards at him, but when he looked closer he saw that they were the pictures of them; him, Barty, Evan, Dorcas and Pandora. She flipped through them and finally landed on the one of him reading James’ letter. He was indeed smiling, and it made him burn with embarrassment.
“Don’t put that one up,” he told her.
“I knew you would say that,” she replied, “So I thought I could keep it for my dorm because I think it’s very sweet.” Regulus only groaned. “Help me arrange the rest of them though.” She held the photos up to the wall, then used a levitation charm to roughly position them. “I thought this one could go in the middle,” she told him, floating a group picture of them all squeezed on the sofa taken by Dorcas over to the centre of the wall. “What do you think?” Regulus nodded his assent. “I don’t care what you think Barty,” she added, and Regulus spun around to see him standing behind them. He hadn’t even noticed Barty come in.
“Nice to see you too, Rosier,” he quipped, sidling up to them and flicking one of the floating photos. Pandora batted his hand away, then swirled her wand to rearrange the photos into a large spiral pattern.
“How about like this?” she asked Regulus, and he looked it over before nodding again. “Alright, help me stick them.” They set to work using sticking charms until all the photos were secured. Even Barty helped. By the end of it, he slung a gangly arm around both Pandora and Regulus and pulled them tight.
“Job well done,” he commented as Pandora tried to push him off.
“Thanks, Pans,” added Regulus.
“Yeah, cheers Rosier,” agreed Barty.
“Alright, I’m leaving,” she told them brusquely, and Barty laughed, a loud, clipped sound. Regulus watched her go, then turned back to Barty, who still had an arm looped around him.
“I was thinking about us,” Regulus found himself saying.
“Aww, you want a kiss?” teased Barty.
“No,” chuckled Regulus, “I was just thinking.” His thoughts drifted to James. “I’m glad it didn’t work out.”
“Ouch,” hissed Barty, clutching his heart dramatically, “And to think I thought I really meant something to you.”
“I don’t know where you get your delusions,” he bit back with a grin, and Barty grinned right back.