The Plan
One week went by, one week of Harry’s crush for Draco growing a little more each day.
They were currently on the floor of their room, chatting casually and listening to music. The music playing was ‘There is a light that never goes out’ from The Smiths. It was a lovely song in a lovely day. Winter was definitely on the way, the weather felt a bit colder than usual, but that was fine because every time Harry was next to Draco his body was filled with a warmth feeling. It felt good being like this, listening to a good song, laying on the floor, chatting with someone special to him and wearing a cozy jumper, the moment was just perfect.
“I like this song.” Draco said, so softly and staring at the ceiling.
Harry turned his head to look at the blonde boy, he had a really nice side profile. His nose upturned, his eyes with long eyelashes and his sharp jaw. His platinum hair that was a bit wavy just behind his ears and that also contrasted perfectly with his pale skin.
“Me too. It’s a really good song.” Harry grinned at him. “It is from The Smiths right?”
Draco’s eyes met Harry’s as he smiled slightly. “Yes, it is. I love The Smiths. Do you like them?”
“Er- I do. I mean, I can’t consider myself the biggest fan because I’ve only heard a few songs, but I do like them. I think their voices are great and they have good lyrics.”
Draco chuckled. “Now look who is the poet. Talking about other’s lyrics.”
Harry flushed a bit. He hoped Draco didn’t notice. “That’s not what I meant, I- sorry.”
“Relax Scarhead. It was only a joke. I know that isn’t what you meant.”
“Alright then.” Harry grinned cheekily, hoping Draco couldn’t see his embarrassment. Then he frowned. “Wait- Scarhead?”
“Oh, yes. That is a new nickname I created. Like it?”
“Umm, sure?” Draco laughed at seeing Harry’s confused expression, and Harry melted immediately, that was probably one of his favorite sounds in the universe. He thought it was so cute. Adorable even. It was unusual hearing Draco’s laugh, so when he did he couldn’t help but laugh as well, so happy to hear it and even happier for being the one that made him laugh. But a few seconds later Draco did it again. Draco had this thing, that every time he realized he was laughing he stopped immediately. Harry never understood why, but Draco got all tensed up after doing it, so he never felt like it was the right thing to ask.
But he wanted to know. He wanted so badly. “Why did you stop laughing? I like it when you laugh.” Harry said shyly and giving him a small smile. He also noticed a flush going through Draco’s neck, his pale cheeks were now pink. Draco looked away, now his gaze focused on the ceiling.
“I- It’s complicated. And kind of a long story.” Draco said. Clearly being uncomfortable, not because he didn’t trust Harry, but it was still something hard to remember, hard for him.
“I have all the time.” Harry hesitated, but he thought it was just the perfect moment to comfort the boy, so he did. He slowly placed his hand on Draco’s forearm, then reached for his hand. He shivered at the touch. His own hand was warm and Draco’s was cold. Holding hands was something he did all the time with friends, but it felt different with Draco, it felt more intimate.
He flushed. But he wasn’t the only one, Draco stared at their hands, his face was now a shade of red similar to Ron’s hair. The feeling was magical. Something so normal felt like a new thing to him, his heart was now beating faster.
“And you know you can trust me.” Harry added, grinning at the boy.
Draco looked at him and nodded. “I know. Well, the thing is… that I’ve never been allowed to… umm, laugh.”
Harry frowned. How is someone not allowed to laugh? “What? What do you mean?” He asked.
“My father used to say that laughing was for… pathetic people. People that do not worry about their life, or the consequences about their carefree actions. Laughing is showing yourself in a vulnerable way, too much, it’s not formal or proper.”
“But… that makes no sense. You should laugh as much as you want.”
“I know that now. But I somehow can’t manage to stop. Every time I realize I’m laughing my brain tells me to stop immediately. It’s like… part of the way I am now.”
“Why would your father do that? Putting all those wrong ideas in your head?”
“Well, they aren’t wrong for him. He says that Malfoy’s should never show too many emotions. If you laugh, cry, love or ask for forgiveness you’re showing weakness. And Malfoy’s are not weak. It is not proper to do any of those things.”
“But… none of that makes sense. How are you supposed to hide those feelings? Those are the ones that make you human. They’re normal for fuck’s sake!” Harry tightened his grip on Draco’s hand even more. He wanted to comfort the boy so much. “And how do they even make you stop feeling in the first place? Isn’t it impossible to make you stop feeling?” Harry asked.
“Punishment, duh.” But as soon as those words left his mouth Draco regretted it. He wishes he could take them back, elaborate a better answer.
Harry felt a lump in his throat. Then, he remembered Dobby talking about the punishment he got every time he did something wrong. Did Draco got the same punishment? He cleared his throat. “W-What do you mean Draco? Did… did your father ever… p-punished you?” He asked, his voice a little rough.
Draco looked away and remained in silence. He didn’t say anything, but the silence said more than words. Harry understood. He did, indeed. Harry felt his own eyes water a bit. How could a father harm their own son? Unbelievable.
He threw himself over Draco. Hugging him tightly. “Oh my god… Draco. I’m- I’m so sorry.” He didn’t know what to say, but he just knew that this whole thing was so wrong, so so wrong.
Draco’s eyes watered a bit too. “It’s not your fault.” God, he hated the way his own voice broke. He felt tears going through his cheeks. Harry felt them too. His neck was now covered in Draco’s tears. “I’m so sorry… you never deserved that. No one deserves that.” He hesitated, but he wanted to know what did Draco meant by punishment. “W-what did he do?”
Draco closed his eyes. “He u-used to say horrible t-things about my mother, a-and me-e. He said that he was disappointed of me, t-that I was not good enough t-to be a M-Malfoy… that he was ashamed of me being his son— but he’s right— I-I am ashamed of myself too…”
Harry wanted to say something, but Draco cut him off when he started talking more. “It was just insults, until… until t-this summer. H-he slapped me, multiple times, until my f-face was bruised.” Harry’s stomach twisted at the idea of Draco being hurt, his heart ached. He wanted to tell Draco he was safe with him, that he never had to go through that again, he wanted to tell him how much he cared about him…
Harry backed a little so he could see Draco’s face, he slowly placed his warm hands on Draco’s cheeks. The blonde opened his eyes to look at Harry, he flushed. And Harry melted, Draco’s eyes were so beautiful, he looked so gorgeous like that, and they were so close… so close that if Harry leaned closer their lips would be touching. He sighed while tears fell from his own eyes.
“Listen to me Draco… you don’t deserve to be treated like that, no one does. That is so wrong. And you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of, whoever that says they’re ashamed of you is a fool. You are a good boy. You’re smart, kind, funny, handsome… you are more than enough. You are no disappointment. You could never be… And- and I care about you so much, you’re my…” He took a deep breath. “You’re my best friend.”
Harry searched for something in Draco’s eyes, any reaction, anything. Draco was completely still, staring at Harry’s eyes, speechless. After a few moments he managed to say something.
“I- thank you, Harry. Nobody had ever said something like that to me. You are v-very kind. And I- I care about you too, so much. You’re my best friend… you deserve the world Harry. There aren’t many people like you anymore…” Draco said, his voice was so soft, almost like a whisper. His heart was beating so fast, he had never been this close to Harry. They hugged again and they stayed like that for a few minutes, holding each other tightly until they were tired from crying. They rested their heads in their shoulders, while they took deep breaths to calm themselves.
Once they stopped crying Harry backed a little. “Draco…” Harry said. He couldn’t think properly anymore, all the things that Draco said were so sweet, it made him flush a lot. He was as red as a tomato by now.
“Yes?” Draco replied softly as he let out a deep breath.
Oh shit. Harry could feel Draco’s breath on his own lips, he couldn’t handle it anymore, he was craving to lean closer. It would just take that, he could just lean a bit and they would be kissing. But… what if Draco didn’t feel the same? If he kissed him and he was rejected he would be devastated, so no. Instead he gave Draco another warm hug. “Do you want to eat?” Harry said. Not really knowing to do. He had almost kissed him, his mind wasn’t functioning properly.
“What?” Draco smiled. “We just had a deep conversation and now you’re asking if I want to eat? You have problems Harry.” He chuckled.
Maybe Draco was right. He had some problems.
He laughed and stood up. He offered Draco his hand so he could stand up too.
“What do you want to eat?” Harry asked.
“Er- Whatever you want I guess. Not really hungry.”
Draco hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday’s breakfast. His stomach was begging for food, but he ignored it. He was very thin, most of his clothes were too big for him by now. He hoped Harry didn’t notice how scrawny he was, or how much his collarbones stuck out, or how knobbly his knees were. Or just how malnourished he looked…
“Oh.” Harry wanted to ask if he had eaten anything, but he was too shy to ask. He had barely seen Draco eating since they got to Hogwarts. But Draco was probably fine, maybe he was just being paranoid. “Alright… Do you like treacle tarts?” Harry asked.
“Too much sugar! I’ll get like ten pimples just for taking one bite.”
Harry laughed and bumped Draco’s shoulder as they walked out of their room.
“Come on! They’re so good. It’s definitely worth it!”
Draco didn’t want to eat, but he could try this time. Just for Harry. He rolled his eyes, trying to act like nothing was happening in his mind.
“Fine. But if I get one pimple I’ll kill you. AND you’ll pay for all the skincare products I’ll need for acne treatment!”
“Oh my God! Stop being dramatic Draco! You won’t die for having pimples.”
“I will! They would look bad on me… I would be ugly.”
You could never be ugly, Harry thought. “No, you wouldn’t! Now stop complaining and let’s go get some treacle tarts. I bet I can get to the kitchens faster than you!” And just like that Harry started running as fast as he could.
“No you- HARRY JAMES POTTER! WAIT FOR ME!” Draco shouted while he followed Harry. Harry just laughed and kept running. He really loves spending time with his blonde.
———————————————
Later the next day.
Harry had gone to the Gryffindor common room. He didn’t want to go, but Ron and other Gryffindors insisted, saying that he was spending less time with them since this year. So Harry went, he told Draco he was just going for twenty minutes or a little more, he didn’t want to leave Draco alone for so long.
Meanwhile, Draco used his free time to clean the room and organise some of his own stuff. He sat on the floor and opened his luggage. There, between some clothes, he found an old notebook, he supposed he brought it just in case he needed to take notes, but he forgot it was there.
He looked at the cover, which was made of leather, it was an emerald notebook, some elegant tiny details all over it. Draco ran his finger through it, feeling the texture. He carefully opened it and stared at the first page, he grabbed his quill to write something, but his mind couldn’t think of anything, so he just placed it down on the floor again.
He was going to stand up when some loud noise coming from the window got his attention. It was an owl, who was trying to open the window with its claws. He looked at it for a few seconds and realised it wasn’t just an owl, it was his father’s owl. He didn’t know why, but he felt his stomach twist, he had tried to ignore what had happened back at home, but he just couldn’t. It still hurt him.
He felt a wave of sadness and panic as he opened the window to take the letter from the owl. “Thanks buddy.” He took the letter and touched the owl on his head. The owl gave him a confused look. “Oh, I’m sorry buddy. I don’t have any treats at the moment…” he said. The owl bitted Draco’s hand.
“Ouch!” He ran his finger through the blood on his hand. It was definitely his father’s owl, just kind to you when you have something to give. “Sorry!” The owl turned his head and flew away, leaving Draco alone again. He stared at the letter. ‘From Lucius Malfoy, to Draco Lucius Malfoy.’ written in such elegant handwriting.
His hands started trembling as he slowly opened the letter.
‘Dear son, I am writing you because we need to discuss of your returning for Christmas, I know it’s a month away, but your mother insisted I should inform you that this year the Greengrass family will be our guests, so I need you to behave properly. During Christmas we will introduce you to your future wife, her name is Astoria, a lovely young lady. I expect you to be polite with her, remember what this marriage contract means to our families, you have the responsibility of marrying a pureblood woman, and give the Malfoy family a new heir. For now, continue with your activities at Hogwarts, I also expect you to be the best student, but I am not worried because you are, right? It would be such a shame to see you loose over a mud-blood. We will have another conversation about the marriage later, perhaps.
- Lucius Malfoy.’
Draco felt devastated after reading the letter. He didn’t want to marry Astoria, or any pureblood woman. His family didn’t know, but he was not into women. He was in fact attracted to no one else but Harry Potter. His father would MURDER him if he knew. He didn’t want to admit it in the beginning, but there was no point in denying it. It wouldn’t change anything, ‘cause in the end, Harry was not attracted to him. Someone like Harry could never like someone like Draco.
Even though, he felt sad. His family never cared about what he wanted or his happiness, they just cared about how his actions would affect the Malfoy name or how would society react. His father said it was important to remain as a pureblood family, being a pureblood is a privilege, it gives you benefits in the Wizarding world.
Draco had always acted like his father wanted him to be, he never really believed the blood status, or he just didn’t care at all. But his father had said so many things about it, he demanded Draco to follow his example, to judge people if they were muggleborns. Draco had always thought that it was just blood, how could that be important for the society?
It was confusing for him, but he was the perfect little puppet, always following his father’s orders, always trying to make him feel proud.
He stared at the letter one more time, just before ripping it in half. He threw the letter to the floor and jumped to the bed, his face into the pillow, tears in his eyes. He felt so useless, he was forced to live a life he didn’t want, he couldn’t do what he wanted or be with who he loved. His life was a misery, getting worse every day.
——————————————
“Tell us Harry, how is it being Malfoy’s roommate?” Seamus asked, while the other Gryffindors waited wide eyed for Harry’s answer.
“Er- ok? I guess…” Harry managed to say.
“Just ok? C’mon Harry. We’re all sure that Malfoy is more interesting than that. Has he done anything weird? Or… or tried to hex you while you’re sleeping? Something?”
“Not really guys. Sorry to disappoint you, but it seems like he changed. He’s actually been very … polite.” Harry laughed in his mind. Draco had been more than just polite, he was sweet and kind with him.
They all stared at Harry like he was going mad. Until Ron spoke.
“Malfoy being polite? I can’t imagine that.”
“Well, people change all the time, you know…” What was he supposed to say? This was getting a bit awkward.
“But Malfoy? Bloody hell. He just — it’s impossible — he couldn’t have changed.” Ron frowned.
“He did. Or has he tried to hurt any of you?” Harry said. Everyone stayed in silence. “I guess that means I’m right, he’s not an idiot anymore.”
Ron rolled his eyes and looked away. The other Gryffindors remained in silence. Who was this new guy and what happened to Malfoy? It was like he wasn’t the same person anymore. Odd. Very odd.
“I say we should provoke him!” Ron said after a long minute of awkward silence. “What?” Harry said. “Provoke him! That’s it! If we provoke him then he will show his true self, we’ll see that he hasn’t changed one bit.”
Harry looked at him in disbelief. “You seriously think that’s a good idea? Why would we want to get in trouble?”
“We’re not getting in trouble. It’s the perfect idea. Besides, we can mess with him a bit, see it as a little revenge for all the times he messed with us.”
Harry froze. He had a bad feeling about this. Something just didn’t feel right.
“That’s stupid Ron. We should be happy of the fact he’s not being a dick to us anymore. Just let him be!” Neville said. First time he talked during the whole meeting.
Harry nodded in agreement. “Neville’s right. Someone who’s actually making sense.” He whispered the last part more to himself.
“Harry would you stop being a Malfoy lover?” Ron stood up. Raising his voice.
Harry frowned. Was it that obvious? “What are you talking about?” He stood up as well.
“Guys stop it!” Dean said. “Fighting about Malfoy is stupid! Don’t waste your time like that.”
“I agree with Ron! It’s a perfect idea.” Seamus stood up. “What we need is revenge. Everyone must know that if they mess with us they’ll pay for it. We are not cowards.”
The other Gryffindors whispered things to each other’s ears.
“Raise your hand if you agree.” Ron said.
And Harry felt his stomach sink when more than the half of the Gryffindors were raising their hands. He was now worried about Draco. Could they harm him? No, he was not going to let that happen.
“That’s it then. We have to make a plan. We can’t be caught by Snape or he’ll torture us for the rest of the year. We have to be extremely careful with every move we make, but I bet that in the end everything will be worth it. We’ll teach Malfoy what happens if you mess with one of us!” He smiled while the other Gryffindors cheered.
Harry zoned out for a second. Thinking of all the bad things they could do to Draco, he was liking this less and less. He knew his friends were good, but somehow talking about Draco brought the worst of themselves.
When he came back to reality he saw all the Gryffindors laughing and enjoying this situation. All except Neville, he was sitting next to Harry, staring at them with the same horror of Harry’s face. He could spot Dean too, who was smiling with the others, but was clearly not as happy as them. Harry thought that in the back of his mind he knew that this was a very bad idea.
“Harry, come here please!” A Gryffindor called William said. Harry never liked the boy at all. He always felt uncomfortable every time he was next to him.
Harry obeyed. Even though his face showed how annoyed he was.
“Since you are Malfoy’s roommate, we think you could help us with this plan we have.” An evil smile widening in his face.
It was disgusting, really. “And how am I supposed to help?” He said sharply. Fighting the urge to roll his eyes.
William smirked. “You could be our little spy. Tell us everything that Draco does or tells you, so we could use it against him.”
“I won’t do such thing!” Harry yelled. Anger in his voice. How could they expect him to do that? Betray Draco! He had earned Draco’s trust, now it was not the time to ruin everything.
“Oh but you will.”
“Yeah? How are you so sure about that?”
The boy smirked again and stepped forward. He leaned to whisper something into Harry’s ear.
“I’m afraid if you don’t collaborate I’ll tell the others your little … secret. Is it that you’re in love with Malfoy?”
Harry froze. He felt his stomach sinking while the color drained from his face. He swore he could have been as pale as Draco. How did William know? Or was he just teasing him? Fuck.
“I- I…” Harry couldn’t say anything. His voice cracked and his hands were shaking. His entire body to be honest.
“Think about it Harry…” the other boy had this evil look on his face as he backed.
“What is it Harry? Don’t you want to have a little fun?” Seamus asked.
“I…”
“Oh don’t worry Seamus. I’m sure he will help. Right, Harry?” William raised his eyebrow.
Oh no. What was Harry supposed to do? He couldn’t let anyone find out about his crush on Draco. He promised Hermione he would tell Ron, but now was not the time nor the place. Too many people listening. People who clearly were annoyed with Draco’s existence.
“What is it Harry? C’mon mate!” Ron begged.
“Is it that you’re afraid your precious little Malfoy might get hurt? Do you have a crush on him or what?” William asked.
Yes! Harry wanted to shout and leave the room. “No…” he whispered instead, in a very low voice. Looking at the floor, disappointed by his own answer.
“Then that’s it. You have no reason to be against us. You’ll help. And you’ll tell us EVERYTHING Malfoy does or says. Understood?” William said.
Harry just nodded in agreement.
Oh no. This was bad… really, really bad. Draco was not going to like this. He was going to hate Harry. What had he done? Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck…
——————————————————
Harry knocked the door.
“Draco? Are you in here?” He asked shyly.
Nothing.
“Draco?” He tried again.
No answer came. He was starting to panic.
“Draco? Can I come in?” He pushed the door a little, fortunately, it was open. He looked around the room. Empty. Maybe Draco had just left to take a walk. Nothing to worry about Harry.
And that’s when it happened. He heard some sobs coming from the bathroom. Something was definitely not right. His heart was beating faster.
“Draco are you in the bathroom?” He asked concerned.
No answer came but he heard water coming from the sink.
“Draco a-are you okay?” He hated the way his voice came out, but he couldn’t help it. It was full of concern.
“Yes…” Draco said with a low voice, almost too low to be heard.
“Can I come in? Please…” Harry begged. He wanted to see Draco. Was he really okay?
Silence.
Harry was freaking out.
“Draco?” Damn it. He was so worried when he heard more sobs.
“Yeah…”
He pushed the door immediately. He stared at the blonde boy, who had his hand pressed against the sink, his face covered in tears.
“Draco what happened? What’s going on?”
“N-Nothing Harry. Don’t w-worry. It’s just a stupid cut.”
“What?” Harry frowned. “Let me see.”
Draco turned around slowly. His eyes met Harry’s. He raised his hand to show Harry where his father’s owl had bitten him.
“Oh. Does it hurt a lot?” He hesitated, but he took Draco’s hand to look closer over the cut. “It looks a bit deep.”
“It’s fine. I just overreacted. I shouldn’t have cried over a stupid cut.” Draco sniffed.
Harry looked into Draco’s eyes. “It’s fine to cry Draco. There’s nothing to be ashamed about that … you are allowed to cry.”
Draco grinned at Harry. “If my father could hear you…”
“I don’t give a fuck about him!” Harry said without thinking it twice. Then he felt embarrassed, his cheeks turned pink.
“I mean- I- sorry. I didn’t want to-” Harry was just babbling by this point.
Draco chuckled. “It’s fine Harry.”
Harry smiled too. He kept staring at Draco’s silver eyes for so long he almost forgot the cut on Draco’s hand.
“Oh, right.” He took his wand out of his pocket. “I can cast a healing charm on your hand. If- if that’s okay for you.”
Draco nodded softly.
“Okay. Here we go.”
He casted the spell and after a few seconds the bruise was gone. His hand looked brand new, like it hadn’t been harmed at all.
“Thank you, Harry.” Draco whispered.
“No problem, Draco.” He flushed when he realised he was still holding Draco’s hand. “It was a pleasure. Everyone would’ve helped.” He grinned.
“But you didn’t have too, you know.”
“But I am glad I did. I like helping others.”
“Yeah… saviour of the Wizarding world.” Draco teased.
Harry cringed at the words. ‘Saviour’ he never felt like it. He was just a child, who luckily survived that night.
Besides, he never saw it as something heroic. It was just a reminder of the night his parents died. Harry stared at his feet.
“Er- I’m sorry. I didn’t — I never wanted to make it awkward — please, forgive me.”
Harry shook his head and looked back to Draco. “It’s fine. Don’t worry. It’s just … you know … I never felt like a saviour or a … hero. I mean, I can’t even remember what happened that night. I was just a baby.”
“I’m sorry.” Draco placed his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “I bet it must be very painful to talk about it.”
“Yeah… it is. But I’m mostly used to it by now, so…” He gave Draco a weak smile.
“Maybe … we could listen to music. You know … to distract yourself. If — umm, if your willing to, of course.” Draco suggested timidly.
Harry’s face lighted up. He could use some music, it would cheer him up.
“Sure. I would love to.” His smile going wider.
Draco grinned. “Let’s do it then.”
The music playing was ‘Wicked game’ from Chris Isaak.
‘What a wicked thing to do,
to make me dream of you,
and I wanna fall in love,
no, I wanna fall in love,
with you…’