Still an Outsider
Saturday morning, in the library
“You know, I truly can’t enjoy my life, can I Lupin?” Remus looked up from his book to find Snape speaking to him. “Er-”
“Don’t Lupin. You and your stupid friends have made my life a living hell, and just when I finally found peace again, you come in crashing it all down as per fucking usual!” Snape interrupted coldly, before Remus could form a reply Snape leaned down into his ear, “Make sure you remember that I know of you’re infliction Lupin.” Snape leaned back giving him a grim smile.
He stood there gesturing for Remus to follow him, yet Remus remained seated, Snape rolled his eyes disappearing into the bookshelves. Merlin, Snape was crazy, he’ll have to ramp up the good old Remus Lupin charm if he wants the group on his side. He looked down to his father’s watch checking the time, holy ghosts! Remus was late, he quickly went round the library trying to find the group, trying to remember where on Merlin’s earth had Snape gone to, he was about to ask the librarian when he saw Silversteam making his way over to him.
Her hair was in the usual style yet today instead of school robes she opted for a burgundy jumper, griffindor colours thought Remus. “Lupin you are late,” she began frowning.
“Oh, sorry Silversteam, I lost track of time I guess.” Remus blushed scarlet. She didn’t say a word, only tilting her head, as if to say follow me. As he followed Silversteam in silence, he realised that he’s never been to this part of the library before. The shelves were to the roof of the castle filled with books of all shapes and sizes all old but in well kept condition, he couldn’t help it, he ran his hands along the spines, admiring the gold and silver lettering on each book, Merlin since the five years of studying here how could he possibly not come across this part of the library? It was an academics dream.
“I can see you admiring the library,”
“Oh, um yes, I never knew this part of it existed before.”
“Well essentially this is where all the old course books used to be kept, obviously the school curriculum has been constantly evolving over the years, so some of the books have come in disuse, I doubt anyone would want to travel back and forth to look for the more current books, so this part of the library is essentially abandoned.”
“Huh, that’s a shame it really is quite lovely, gives off quite a cosy atmosphere.”
“Oh Aphrodite, I know!” She took a large sniff.
“Don’t you think books, particularly old ones give of the most wonderful smell.” She giggled turning towards him, walking backwards.
Remus let out a soft laugh, “I know exactly what you mean, James always made fun of me-” he pursed his lip's, Remus was thinking about James, which he definitely shouldn’t be, he was talking to Isabel Silversteam for Merlin’s sake! Isabel however didn’t seem to notice his slip up, she had turned around taking a seat at the table where the rest of the group was seated (including Snape, who was comparing notes with Harris across the table).
“Well, well, well. Look who finally decided to show up.” Bit Cassian Gold.
“I know you and your pathetic friends don’t care about anyone but yourselves, but this assignment is extremely important to those who actually have a future in life.”
“Cassian, calm down, there’s no need for you to get you wand in a twist.” Harris replied, rubbing Gold’s back in comfort. She gave a small smile at Remus pulling out the chair for him to sit in.
“Alright everyone, now that we are all here, we can finally decide what we should do for our potions project, now personally I want to do something related to creatures, but by all means give your ideas.” Isabel said opening up the floor for anyone to speak.
“See, making something for creatures is all well and good, but wouldn’t that be too difficult?” argued Harris. “Personally, I think we should make something in relation academia, like… a potion that helps you speed read, or multi-task.”
“Those are good idea’s but I feel like they are more likely idea’s for spell creation, rather than for potions, besides,” Gold joked, “You only was those spell’s for yourself.”
Harris pouted, “Well what do you suggest we do?”
“Well I’m inclined do agree with Isabel, recently my grandfather was telling me about the laws the ministry want to invoke on a list of creatures, I can’t recall which ones where on the list though.” Gold replied scrunching his forehead in thought.
Remus knew about the law, Dumbeldore had informed him and his parents about it, essentially they wanted to encourage creatures under the list to be registered under the ministry, they wanted to keep control on them. He could speak up about it, but he didn’t want it to seem suspicious that he knew so much.
“I’m quite certain that vampires and werewolves are on the list,” piped Snape softly, it seems that Snape’s temper had reduced significantly, he was back to the demeanour he had when he is with Evans or on his own, but much to Remus ire he mentioned werewolves.
“Vampires, could be an interesting topic to focus on, however, there has already been a plethora of studies done on vampires.” Spoke Silversteam biting those petal perfect lips.
“Yes, there have been, according to the Daily Prophet They want vampires to register because a potion has been released to help the potency of blood to last longer in taste, so they are less inclined to hunt more often.” Continued Snape.
“Well for once the ministry has proved useful” Harris muttered rolling her eyes.
“Maybe, we can make a potion that can poison a werewolf. That would surely be beneficial,” Remus suggested.
A beat of silence came over the group, Merlin I’ve said something very wrong thought Remus, Did they support werewolves? All of the group refused to look Remus in the eye, all except Silversteam who looked directly at Remus yet her expression remained neutral.
She went on softly, “Well maybe we could make a potion that could reduce the pain a werewolf feels when transforming, that way they could be more calmer?”
Harris nodded and began writing down something on a piece of fresh parchment. “You know that might actually be a brilliant concept, from previous knowledge in third year we know the affects certain substances have on a werewolf, so in theory we could create a potion that makes a werewolf drowsy!”
“So essentially you are saying we should make a drug for werewolves?” Asked Snape raising an eyebrow.
Harris rolled her eyes, “Don’t put it like that, besides you know that some drugs are useful in a medical setting, not every drug is coke Severus.”
Snape raised his hands in surrender, “Sorry, sorry, I got worried for a second that you wanted to get a bunch of werewolves high,”
“What about you Cassian, thoughts?” Asked Harris passing him the parchment and quill,
“Well I think it’s an excellent idea, I mean if I were a werewolf I would want to take a potion that makes me sleep through it all, the reduction in pain could lead to less aggression-”
“The less agression, will lead to less attacks, less attacks will lead to a more positive outlook of werewolves, the positive outlook will help the ministry reduce the propaganda on werewolves and increase their rights!” Isabel gasped in heavy breaths. They all looked at each other as if they solved Gamp’s Law. All in sync with one another. God, he had never felt so alone in his entire life.
“Ladies and gentlemen-“ began Snape, “We are making history!” He grinned his crooked teeth on display, but he did not care one bit.
Gold sighed, “It’s so obvious, how did no one think of this before?”
“Because no has ever cared about them before, although people don’t see werewolves as human beings. To me werewolves are human beings just with a disability…” Silversteam let out a slow breath, casting a silencing spell around the group, looking back to Remus, “What you said..did not make me happy Lupin, if we are to do this assignment, it can’t be with someone who thinks the way you do.”
“I-”
"My uncle was bitten as a teenager, and he's a great man who's been through a lot. I'd appreciate it if you worded your thoughts more carefully," her ink-brown eyes bore into his blue ones. "I know what you meant, but you should be mindful of how you say things." She smiled at him, giving him a wink while removing the spell. "Alright then, we've got a basic concept. Now we just need to begin planning out the assignment."
"Um, Slughorn did give us this breakdown plan of what should be completed at different stages," murmured Snape, getting out of his seat and handing out pieces of paper with a rough plan. "We need to decide on the team leader."
Without missing a beat, Gold urged with an uncharacteristic grin, his leg bobbing, "I think you should be team leader, Severus. You're a potion prodigy, after all!"
"Me? I couldn't possibly be team... leader. I... I... it... I would s-struggle," sputtered Snape. "What about Isabel?"
"Me? Are you sure, Severus? I don't think I'm the best candidate for this. Besides—"
"Why don't we take a vote," suggested Harris. "I vote Isabel. No offense, Severus, but I think Isabel would make a better leader."
Silversteam pouted. "I vote Isabel as well," agreed Snape.
"Well, that's two for Isabel and two for Severus. Looks like you're the tiebreaker, Lupin," said Harris.
The answer seemed obvious to Remus, but doubts crept in. What if he secretly offended Snape by choosing Silversteam? What if Snape genuinely didn't want to be leader? What if he chose Silversteam, but she really wanted Snape to be leader?
"Bloody hell, Lupin, make a decision already!" Gold snapped. Merlin, Remus thought, I bloody hate how Gold can't keep his trap shut.
"Er... I think Silversteam should do it... if she doesn't mind, that is. Do you mind?" Remus stammered. Merlin strike me dead, why am I such an awkward loser? He let out a slow breath. He'd never felt like this before; usually, he'd just go along with whatever James or Sirius was doing. But now he was on his own.
"Well, guess I'm going to be the captain of this great force, and you, dear Severus, will you be my major? Do you accept this offer?" Silversteam exclaimed dramatically.
Was Silversteam pretending to be in the marines? How did she even know about the marines? She was a pureblood, wasn't she? A cultured pureblood, Remus thought, as she and Snape stood up, saluting each other with Harris and Gold cackling in the background.
"Okay, okay," Silversteam said, calming down. "But honestly, you would have made an excellent leader, Severus." She gave Snape a soft smile. God, she was an angel.
"Okay, what's next on the list, Snape?" Remus asked, moving the conversation forward.
“Well, we need to submit the idea to Slughorn, and he has to approve it, as well as completing the planning stage of the potion, which involves potential potion ingredient’s. Um we’ll need to decide whether we should start off with a base potion, or if we should start completely from scratch, Merlin, there’s actually a lot to do, I wish this was something you’d if you take bloody N.E.W.T.S potion’s—it’s too difficult.” Snape ranted. Wow, Snape was having a proper conversation with him.
“Ugh the thought of it makes my head spin,” groaned Gold burying his face in his hands, “I want to go to bed already.”
“Get over yourself!” laughed Harris.
“I’m sure you’ll get plenty of beauty sleep. It would be more logical if we started from someone else’s potion and go from there, but that potion is going to have to be from the ‘approved set of potions’ which is utter bullshit.”
“Ugh, why can’t you convince Slughorn to let us use other potions as well, I’m sure if we were allowed in the restricted section we could get a recipe for polyjuice potion or something,” asked Gold.
“Slughorn only likes me because I’m a black muggleborn women, who is doing ‘greater than he expected of someone from my background to be doing,’ but I will go to him tomorrow and ask, I do not have the mental patience to be dealing with him today.” she rolled her eyes trying to come off as if she doesn’t care, but clear in the way she frowned.
"Okay, well, I think we should take a break and meet each other tomorrow same time," Isabel suggested, letting out a sigh. She stretched her arms, groaning as one of them cracked. The group agreed, gathering their belongings and heading out of the library.
Remus took his time, gathering his thoughts coming up with the next plan of action. “Lupin are you ok?” He froze from under the table, he looked incredibly stupid all haunched over.
“Oh, Silversteam, hello.” He spoke pathetically, voice cracking, standing up from his awkward position. Was Silversteam wanting to talk him? “How are you feeling?”
“Um, fine. You?”
“I’m very well thank you, I wanted to speak to you about today, regarding your participation in the group.”
Remus gulped at the sound of that, “Sure…What do you want to ask.”
“Well, I just think you were very quiet today, bar from the strange comment…are you okay? have we made you feel uncomfortable in any way?”
Holy shit! was Isabel Silversteam worried that she was in the wrong!? “Um, you see Silversteam, I guess I just felt uncomfortable with the group, not you! but… the rest, they kind of seem like they hated me being there…”
Silversteam sighed biting her lip, “Well it makes sense that the four of them would have any animosity towards you..considering you do bully them, and now you are going to be working with them on something that’s very important to them. For example Sev needs this to go well otherwise he wont’t get a scholarship for the mastery program he wants to do after Hogwarts, so I completely understand any feelings they may have….maybe you should try get to know them more, and perhaps talk to your friends about leaving them alone for once.” She said the last part rather harshly.
“I’ll keep that in mind.” He winced. It would not be an easy task to do but he’ll have to try if he wants to make it through this year.
“Excellent. I’ll see you tomorrow, bring that thinking cap with you.” She gave him one last smile, before walking off. Remus watched Silversteam walk away, feeling a mix of emotions. He knew he had a lot of work to do if he wanted to make amends and be a contributing member of the group. With a sigh, he gathered his remaining belongings and headed out of the library, his mind already racing with ideas on how to approach his friends about easing up on the others. It wouldn't be easy, but he was determined to make it work.
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Most likely he would find the marauders in the gardens, it was a perfect autumn day after all, who wouldn’t want to be outside. Remus decided to take the long way to the gardens, he needed a moment or two to collect his thoughts. How is he even meant to approach the marauders? how is he even meant to convi-
“Gave Lupin a good scare didn’t I?”
Remus frowned concealing himself behind a wall.
“You really shouldn’t have Cassian, what if Isabel finds out what you did?”
“I highly doubt that Severus, besides… I don’t think she would necessarily disagree with my choices.”
Remus chocked, Gold and Snape were talking about him, what the Hell had they done to him? He watched on, a sinking feeling in his stomach as he observed the two Slytherin’s interact. Gold edged closer towards Snape inhaling deeply, “I don’t want anyone hurting you anymore, enough is enough “ His voice becoming rough.
Snape scrunched up his face, “Still it’s wrong, I feel bad for Lupin, imagine how much he has to go through each month, no wonder he’s always falling asleep in class.”
“I feel bad for Lupin,” Gold imitated, to Remus horror he watched as Gold transformed into Snape, the same grim smile on his face as this morning, God, Gold was a metamorphmagus, how did no one know about this.
“Oi, I would appreciate it if you were not imitating me Cassian,” Replied Snape, in mock scolding. Gold transformed back into himself, a cheeky grin on the bastard’s face of his. “Ha, you know you love me Severus!”
Snape rolled his eyes in response, “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”
“Speaking of night, I finished the book you gave me last night.”
Snape’s eyes shone bright, “You finished Jane Eyre! How did you find it?”
“Well I’d have to kill you first before I could say anything.”
“Ha! you like Brontë, I knew you’d like Charlotte Brontë, now you need to read Wuthering Height’s next!”
Gold could only grin in response, handing the book back to Snape. The two of them fell silent in each other's company. Tears welled in Remus's eyes as he realised Gold and Snape were completely different people from who he thought they were. Merlin, they were friends, and they seemed so… so… Remus couldn't even find the words to describe what they felt like. “Come on I’ll get the book from my dorm.” They both left, thankfully not noticing Remus.
Remus let out a shaky breath wiping his face, why the fuck did seeing the two of them bring out such a reaction from Remus? It then hit him, it was like watching James and Sirius together, so at ease, so alike the two of them. Merlin, you couldn’t go anywhere with either of them alone, the other always had to be there. Both Peter and him knew that they’ll never be as close to James as Sirius was to him. As much as he tried to form that bond between Peter and himself, there is not much in common the two of them have, so in a way Peter still could relate to James and Sirius. It was awful, despite being around a group of ‘friends’ Remus was still an outsider.
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After calming down, Remus found the Marauders in the gardens, all under a tree together flicking sparks at the first years. Sirius was the first to notice him. "Moony!"
"Hi guys, I wanted to spe—"
"Moony, you're paired with Silversteam, aren't you?" Sirius interrupted.
"Erm, well yes, but I wanted to speak to you guys about something."
“Ugh he’s also with those arsehole’s Snape and Gold, should we give them a wee message not to mess with you!” Spoke James bursting with energy.
"NO, STOP!" Remus shouted. Everyone turned to look at the Marauders and Remus.
He flushed, clearing his throat. "Can I speak to the three of you privately?"
Sirius's voice went uncharacteristically cold. "If you want to speak, then speak , Remus."
"Okay, I... I just want you to leave my group alone, if that's possible. It's going to be hard working with them, so I'd really appreciate if you could avoid pranking them. I want my life to be easier if that’s okay."
"Of course, Moony. Why didn't you say so?" Sirius smiled.
"Really?" Relief flooded Remus.
"Of course. We'll just leave Snivellus and Dark Arts scum Gold without punishment?" Sirius continued, the smile not leaving his face.
"O-kay?"
"Yeah, Moony, because they don't deserve it, do they?" James pouted. Remus froze, realising the two of them were mocking him. "Oh, for Merlin's sake, please guys. Come on, Peter, you know I’m right.”
Peter looked down shuffling closer to James and Sirius, not saying a word.
“Ugh, I have to do the potions assignment with them, I’m not with them by choice, you know that.”
“Sorry Moons but since you don’t want to hang around with us, why should we make your life better.”
“Sirius!” Hissed James.
James sighed, “We’ll see Moony.” There was an air of finality to his voice. That same finality that was always present when there was disagreements. No one could say anything against James Potter after that voice, absolutely no one.
Remus huffed, “You guys are a bunch of tossers you know that!” And he stomped away.
It was a Saturday so there was no classes, so Remus spent the rest of the day roaming around the corridors of Hogwarts. He even skipped dinner despite the stabbing pains shooting through his stomach, begging him for nutrients, but he just couldn’t, not when he knows it will come all out again. Eventually he got back to the dorm, there was no surprise when he couldn’t see his friends (most likely going to do a prank on the Slytherin’s no doubt).
Remus crashed into bed not caring about pyjamas or brushing his teeth, all he wanted was a trial of sweet death…..