Being glad
The rest of the train ride seemed to go smoother than expected. Alicia had shifted her focus back onto her potions book while Remus stared out of the window, feeling more nostalgic than ever. He seemed both happy and sad, unsure which of it was taking over. The feeling of the train riding along the tracks, the landscape blurring with every passing moment, the smell of sweets and rose hip tea brought in an thermos flask made that warm, glowing feeling rise in his chest, reminding him of his youth and those train rides back to Hogwarts where he spent his days being carefree. His friends daughter sitting across from him, looking like a carbon copy of them, made the uprising nostalgia hit Remus like a wave. The kind-looking green eyes, the dark hair, the head burrowed into a book - it all reminded him of Lily and James. Lily, the first person who had treated him like was worth something. James, the first boy who not only became his friend, but made him feel like he was normal like the other boys were. It all seemed so familiar. But somehow, it was not. The Green eyes across from him had that same warmth and kindness in them but it was overshadowed by a tiredness going further than just the dark circles beneath the girls eyes. An exhaustion that one wouldn't notice on the first glance, making those bright green eyes seem like their spark has been taken away. The child's dark hair only added onto that feeling. It wasn't as messy as James' had been but it still represented the man who it once belonged to. Black, wavy hair that was pulled into an improvised bun - it must've been long enough to reach past her shoulders - framed a round face. A single strand was hanging loosely in front of her ear, the tip touching the hood of her sweatshirt. It was so washed out that the once black fabric had faded to grey, a few loose strings being the remembrance of the original color. The loops that once held the strings for the hood were empty and slowly coming apart, just like the sleeves were. They were pinched with holes and bare thread loosening at the seems, almost coming apart whenever someone tried to slip their arm past it. Beneath it, Remus could make out a small, round wristwatch. The band was made out of plastic and the broken glass reflected three slim watch hands on a yellowish background. It must have been old, or at least heavily worn before Alicia had got it; the werewolf was sure in only a matter of time it would stop working, if it hadn't already. The girls legs were clothed in a dark pair of jeans which seemed to be the kind that were so large that her hip bones were the only thing keeping them up. At her ankles, the jeans had slid up, revealing a pair of almost grey tennis socks and woren out trainers. If Lupin hadn't known better he would've believed Alicia to be at least as poor as he was, but having read his friends will he knew they had left their child enough money to buy decent clothes whenever she wanted to. So, how come she was dressed like that and was looking as miserable as the man felt around every full moon?
The scenery around them had changed long ago. Remus had been so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't notice when the lights came on, or when the student sitting across from him had left the carriage to change into her Hogwarts robes. It was only when the girl got up, tapped him on the shoulder and said "The train ride is over, but if you want to stay here and miss the feast then I'll let you" that he realized it was time to stop getting lost in his mind. Getting up from the seat he had occupied he heard the joints in body cracking. The last full moon had not been too long ago and sitting in the same position for multiple hours on end had not been the smartest idea Remus had in a while. It was only when he stepped down onto the platform and felt a cool breeze hit his face that he forgot about the pain he was in for a moment. There was something in the air on Hogwarts grounds that made him feel comfortable, no matter what was going on around him. He missed that comfort deeply over the past decade and could not believe his luck to be back, even if was just temporarily. Not wanting this moment to end, Remus stood still at the edge of the forest. Except for the first years, Hagrid and Lupin everyone was trying to get onto the self-driving carriages, hoping to be the first at the feast. The teacher stood still and watched, only stepping onto a carriage when all of the students were already on their way to the castle.
Alicia was tired. The great hall was noisier than she remembered it to be, her robes were not sitting right and the people in the seats next to her felt the need to take up more space than any human could possibly need. It was hell. The ringing in her left ear was getting worse with every minute she spent in between these people, but she knew there was no way out. She placed her shaking hands beneath her thighs, turned her head towards the teachers table and took another deep breath. It wouldn't be too bad, would it? She had survived this before and she would do so again. She just had to sit through this and then she could finally go to bed. To bed in a room with 4 other people who she didn't get along with. To bed in a tower filled with noisy first years and drunk teenagers. To bed in a place that she felt more uncomfortable in than anywhere else. Except for maybe the Dursleys, though they at least left her alone. Her dorm mates however did not. They took every opportunity they got to drive Alicia mad. She wasn't sure if it was her reaction to their harassment, her lack thereof, or the simple fact that she was different from the others that made her dorm mates feel the need to torment her at every chance. But, and that was the one thing Alicia knew, at least during the summer holidays she was being left alone. Her aunt and uncle weren't treating her nice, but in comparison to her classmates at Hogwarts there was a way to escape it. Once uncle Vernon was angry there was no turning back. He would hit her, hard, until she passed out while aunt Petunia would be screaming in the background. Her horse-like face turning into a disgusted facade that kept indoctrinating her with insults and threats, blaming her for ruining her relatives lives. And then, after leaving her unable to move, they would eventually close the door and not step foot into her room for the next few days. At first, that loneliness seemed to consume every bit of her that her uncle hadn't destroyed yet. But, and that feeling carried her through the the past years at Hogwarts, the loneliness was comforting. Familiar, even. That loneliness seemed more like home than any place or person could ever be.
It was the sound of forks being laid down that stopped her daydreaming. Soon the first years would start their tour through the castle, up the stairs and into the common room. Alicia knew that this was her last chance to get at least a few peaceful minutes before her classmates would stream into her so-called bedroom and invade her privacy. With slightly trembling legs and her vision darkening she stood up from the large wooden table and started walking towards the oak door. The stares of the teachers were burning in her neck but she carried on, through the door, up the stairs, one step after another, turning every once in a while to make sure she really was alone, until she saw that familiar portrait just one step away from her. The fat lady hadn't changed at all since the student last saw her. Her dress was still pink, her hair was made and her voice was ever so piercingly high. Alicia gave her half a wave and a small smile. "Oh dear, are you back already? Couldn't believe it, these holidays are getting short and shorter, oh my. Come in, come in!" she squeaked before opening the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. When the girl first came to Hogwarts two years ago, she was the only one who respected the portrait. She spoke in full sentences, said "hello" and thanked the fat lady for opening the entrance. It was when Alicia became less and less communicative the lady showed her kindness. She did not ask for passwords when she sensed the teen had a bad day, and did not force her to speak when she did not feel like it. The girl always appreciated that, knowing full well that it was rather uncommon for portraits to care that much, considering they had passed away centuries ago. And so, the brown haired child stepped into the warm, red common room, ready to face the night, knowing at least one thing hadn't changed since she had last been at school. That, however, would turn out to be the only thing Alicia could be glad about for the next weeks.