Chapter 2
¨Remus,¨
He stops walking and turns around to see Sirius. ¨where have you been?¨
¨Just on a walk¨
¨May I join you?¨
¨Um yeah¨
They walk in silence but it was not awkward as Remus feared it would be, instead he enjoyed not being alone, enjoyed just having Sirius´s presence.
Despite having friends now he still felt alone often. Alone because he was the only one who hadn't known about this whole world before and he felt as though he had a million years of catching up to do, and alone because of his… ¨episodes¨. Although he was relieved they found out about them in the end even if they weren't really able to do much about it. The last thing he didnt like to think about much, but it was becoming difficult to ignore as his trousers rubbed painfully against his fresh cuts.
He tried discreetly to relieve some of the pain by digging his nails into the area around his cuts. He wasn't sure why it helped but it did. He guessed it must just distract his brain from the much worse pain and help spread it out.
Of course Sirius is much more observant than Remus was ever really able to grasp and notices even the most subtle of movements, its as if he is always on his highest alert. His demeanor is calm but his senses are as though someone is about to attack him at any and all times. Remus wonders what could make a person like that, or if it is simply how some are born.
¨What are you doing, are you alright?¨ as soon as Remus notices Sirius´s eyes on him he removes his hand, flinching so slightly at the pain no one should have been able to notice. ¨What's wrong? Are you hurt?¨
¨its fine, it's nothing¨ he says though he realizes his tone is more irritated and defensive than he intended ¨just leftover from the full moon¨
¨Remus that was a week ago, didn't Madame Pomfrey heal you up?¨
Sensing that Remus was not in the mood to talk about whatever it was that was going on, he dropped it. ¨we should get to dinner.¨
Remus nodded in response, grateful for the subject change as they headed towards the dining hall.
One of his favourite things about Sirius was that he doesn't push, he understands Remus so well, better than maybe Remus himself, but he also knew that this meant Sirius probably knew about his secret habit, or at the very least suspected something. He felt he would be fine as long as the others didn't find out and he didn't really think they would. He was quite sure Peter was completely oblivious to it as he was to most things, James on the other hand was a little more perceptive but he didn't think it to be a problem as long as he continued on as he had the past… how long had it been? 2 years? Three years? Longer? Remus wasn't sure, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know.
He was pulled out of his thoughts as they reached the dining hall and was greeted by James and Peter who followed behind him. They sat down at their usual spot and Remus already felt better. Comforted by the repetitiveness of it all, only this time he couldn't stop looking at Sirius. He felt things when he looked at Sirius and he couldn't tell if he liked it, he couldn't tell if it was excitement or nervousness or something different altogether. He'd never really thought about it till now, but he was very pretty. He liked his overgrown curly black hair, though most people told Sirius he should cut it remus thought it suited him well.
They laughed and talked till dinner was over and they all began to head back to their common rooms. As happened every night James tried to talk to Lily, compliment her on her hair or whatever and she would smile politely while Severus stood behind her like he always did glaring at us, before pulling her away.
¨what's his problem¨ Sirius said after they were out of hearing range.
¨i don't know but i can't possibly imagine why she'd rather hang around him than me.¨ james responded, sulking until sirius brought up something about quidditch and all was quickly forgotten and replaced by james excited chattering about how he was surely gonna win the upcoming match against slytherin house.
When they reached the commons, James offered to let Remus copy his homework, and Remus gratefully accepted. He'd never been much good at reading or writing. All the letters seemed mixed up on the page and it was confusing, he was glad though that his friends never thought any less of him for this and always offered to help him with his work.
After he finally finished copying it all down, changing a few words here and there to prevent it from seeming suspicious he went to bed for the night forgetting mostly what he had done to himself just a few hours prior and thinking once again, about Sirius and how perfect he looked in his robes with his Gryffindor tie and dark curls falling carelessly around his face.