Chapter 1
James was trying very hard to breathe. He was forgetting exactly how you were supposed to do it, but trying nonetheless.
The halls were long and empty, the stone cold and forbidding. He was supposed to be in class, Transfiguration if he was correct. He’d lost track of time.
James Potter was having a bad day. It didn’t happen very often, he was the one who held it together, who helped others. Not the one who was in need of helping. Yet, here he was, pacing the halls, tugging his hands anxiously through his unruly black hair.
James wasn’t exactly sure what had happened to make it so bad. A combination of things, really. The marauders had missed breakfast since Remus and Sirius were arguing. Again. James and Peter had waited, trying to break up the fight before it escalated. They were unsuccessful, and the morning had consisted of yells and angry glances. James was willing to bet the two stubborn gits didn’t even know what they were fighting about. He certainly didn’t.
Then, his professors had piled on more and more homework until James was practically drowning in it. He could handle that, but Sirius and Remus were still fighting and they wouldn’t bloody shut up. And Lily Evans had turned him down again, laughing as she turned away. And his mom hadn’t responded to the owl he’d sent a week ago. And they were bound to lose their next Quidditch match because Slytherin’s seeker was nearly unbeatable. And his head just really fucking hurt.
James knew it was ridiculous. It was all stupid things that didn't matter much, but he was tired and it all felt so overwhelming. He knew that his problems were small, and in a day's time he’d be okay again. Who even cared if Lily turned him down? James would always, always respect her right to choose. Even if she didn’t choose him. Over and over again, she didn’t choose him. But right now, he just needed a minute. One single minute of not being the person everyone expected him to be.
So, when James reached an empty classroom, he flung open the door and walked inside. He closed the door gently behind him and sank to the floor, sighing.
“James?” A quiet voice asked to his right.
James looked up, startled. “Regulus?”
Above him stood Sirius’ brother. He looked so much like him that James had to blink a few times. Regulus’ hair was different though, shorter. And his eyes lacked Sirius’ warmth. Regulus held himself almost statuesque, so much unlike Sirius’ characteristic slouch. A trait, James was sure, he got from his pureblood upbringing.
“Oh. What are you doing here?”James asked, pushing himself to his feet.
“I could ask you the same thing,” Regulus said, cocking his head.
James blinked again, “I was, uh, I was looking for my book.”
Regulus glanced at the floor, which contained no books. “On the floor? Is that where you typically leave books, Potter?”
“Uh, yes?” James grinned, “Don’t tell me you put yours on a desk or in a bag!”
Regulus sighed, his gray eyes flashing. He really was quite pretty.
“You're a terrible liar, Potter.” Regulus paused, frown deepening, “Are… are you okay?” He seemed to have to force the words out, and they fell between them like stones.
James hesitated. “Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay Regulus. Thanks - I mean, thank you for asking.”
Regulus nodded curtly, and then turned on his heel, reaching for the door. It was so uncharacteristic of the Regulus James had in his head, that all he did was blink for a few seconds.
James blurted out before he could stop himself, “Wait," He didn't know what to say, only knew he wanted Regulus to stay for a moment longer.
Regulus stared at him for a second, waiting, his eyes cold. When James didn't say anything more, he sighed, “Don't think I like you, Potter. I still hate you and your little group of attention seeking Gryffindors.”
"At least call me James." James said quickly, before Regulus could leave.
Regulus paused, before turning away, shutting the door behind him without answering.
James stood for a moment, shaking his head. Regulus was hard to figure out, a puzzle with all the wrong bits. He'd asked him if he was okay, and then told him he hated him. It was a bit of a whirlwind to work out.
Yet, somehow, when James left the room he felt better than when he had entered it.
…
Regulus hated James Potter and his stupid pretty face. Hated how sad he'd looked, how he'd grinned up at him. Hated his stupid idiotic brown fucking eyes. Hated and loved and all things in between. For Regulus, love and hate intertwined, grew so close they could touch.
He muttered the password crossly when he reached the Slytherin common room, pushing past a second year as he entered.
Regulus headed towards the dorms immediately, hoping against hope that Barty and Evan would be quiet today, that they would allow him silence. They did not.
“Okay, but here's what I don't get, if a giant and a wizard have kids, how, you know? Like, logically that does not make sense.”
“Barty, seriously? I just walked in,” Regulus sighed, sitting tiredly down on his bed.
Evan laughed, “Yeah Barty, so vulgar.”
Barty hit him over the head with a well aimed pillow, “This was a mutual discussion, Rosier. And it's a good question!”
“Barty, really?” Regulus hid his face behind a pillow, wishing his dorm mates, okay maybe friends, weren't such idiots.
“Aw, poor little Reggie. Such a prude. Rosier, perhaps we should teach him to loosen up. I know a lovely lady--" Whatever Barty was about to say was cut off by two pillows this time, and a smack on the head. The smack had been Regulus’s, and the two pillows, Evan's.
“Really, must you be so tasteless? Don't you know Regulus here is a pureblood from the esteemed house of Black! His noble ears can't hear such things!” Evan exclaimed, clutching his chest dramatically.
Regulus sighed, “I swear to god, one day I will murder you both in your sleep.”
“Aw, Reg, you love us!” Barty smirked up at him, batting his lashes.
"Don’t call me Reg. I’m already having a bad enough day without you two idiots.”
“What’s happened now? Don’t tell me! You missed a question on your assignment?” Evan said, sitting down next to Regulus.
“Haha, your wit astounds me, Evan. No, I ran into Potter.”
Barty gasped, ever the dramatic, “Potter? Do tell!”
“Nothing to tell. He just seemed,” Regulus hesitated, “He seemed sad.” He thought back to the lost look in James’ eyes. He’d never seen him like that before. He hadn’t even really seen James upset. Well, except for when Sirius left, but Regulus tried not to think about that too much.
“Potter? Upset? Have you met him?” Evan scoffed.
“Everyone can get upset, Evan. Even pompous assholes like you and Potter.” Regulus smirked at Evan’s dramatic expression.
“You dare compare me to Potter? Me?!”
Barty laughed, “You know, he’s kind of right. I think it’s something to do with the way both of you play with your hair. Or maybe it’s just your self righteous attitude.” Barty ducked as Evan threw another pillow his way.
Just then the door opened, a blonde head peeking through.
“Regulus, do you want to join me in the library? I’m researching a spell for charms.” Pandora asked, smiling at him.
Regulus smiled softly back. He liked Pandora, though Barty and Evan scoffed at his willingness to befriend a girl, especially Barty. He tended to be more old-fashioned in his ideas, due most likely to his upbringing as a pureblood.
“Sure, Dora.” He stood, slinging his bag over his head and gathering his books.
“Don’t leave us, Regulus! Pandora, don't take our friend away, we were trying to get him laid." Barty said with a wink, "Perhaps you could be of help?"
"Oi, Barty, that's my sister!" Evan exclaimed. Though the two were incredibly different in personality, they shared the same fair hair, and mischievous smile.
Barty only grinned, "Don't you want Regulus to have some action, Evan?"
"Fuck off, Crouch. Pandora, please ignore my roommates and their distasteful language." Regulus said, flipping off Barty as he strode towards the door.
Pandora only smiled, "Oh I don't mind. I have better things to worry about. Have you heard about the snacklerobs? They've begun hatching, which is why we're having such a cold winter," She prattled on as they left the dorm, Barty and Evan rolling their eyes at her antics. They didn't understand Dora's mystical talk, but Regulus enjoyed it, if only to escape from the mundane reality of his life for a moment.
…
James stared out the window of the Gryffindor tower, watching a sparrow weave a twig into her nest on the opposite windowsill. He couldn’t stop thinking about Regulus. He looked so much like Sirius, but where Sirius was soft, Regulus was sharp.
James thought about the way Regulus had asked if he was okay. Regulus hadn’t said a word to him in years, and now this? When Sirius had left, he’d been broken, his smile cracked at the edges. Regulus and his family had caused that, caused his best friend's eyes to lose their warmth. But James had never really considered that maybe Regulus was trapped there too.
He knew it was naive, and he knew he was overthinking just a few words. But, what if Regulus was trapped, just like Sirius had been? James’ head was moving too fast, his brain like a bludger inside his head.
He took a deep breath, pushing up his glasses to rub at his eyes. Maybe he could help Regulus. Convince him to leave that awful family behind. He could try, at least. That’s all James did - all he could do, try and try and try.