Sirius swung his feet slightly, enjoying the feeling of the night air blowing against him. He was sitting on the ledge of the Astronomy Tower, feet dangling over empty air. It was incredibly peaceful, like there wasn’t a worry or sound in the world. He closed his eyes, enjoying the moment while he could. He’d have to jump soon, he wouldn’t go unseen forever.
A small pile of letters lay wrapped in his cloak on the ground behind him. One each for Remus, Regulus, James, and Peter. He wasn’t scared to die but he hated to leave them. It was the only way though, the only way out.
There was a quiet creaking as the door opened behind him and he turned, wondering if he could slip off the ledge before whoever it was could stop him, and saw Regulus standing there, frozen in shock.
“You should be in bed, Reggie.” He kept his voice soft and level, doing his best to not alarm his brother further. He opened his mouth to reply but it took several moments before words came out.
“So should you.” Regulus’s voice shook and he hesitantly took a few steps towards Sirius.
“Go back inside.”
“Only if you come in with me.” Sirius turned back to look at the sky.
“I can’t do that. I’m sorry.” There were quiet footsteps and then Regulus swung onto the ledge, sitting next to him.
“Then I’m staying with you.” He reached out and twined his hand with Sirius’s. He just sighed softly.
“Remember when we snuck onto the roof? And I showed you our constellations for the first time?” Regulus nodded.
“And I asked you how you could be up in the sky and next to me.” Sirius smiled slightly.
“I laughed at you. You were so little and confused.” They fell into silence, Sirius watching the sky and Regulus watching his brother, not letting go of his hand.
“Come back inside. Please.” Sirius started to shake his head but Regulus squeezed his hand and he glanced over, seeing the tears in his brother’s eyes. “I can’t do this without you. If you…” His voice cracked but he continued. “If you jump tonight I’ll follow you.” Sirius studied his face, looking for any sign he was bluffing but found nothing. His eyes flicked down to the ground, then focused back on Regulus.
“Okay.” He swung his feet over the ledge and Regulus followed, quickly pulling him into a tight hug. Regulus started crying and Sirius pulled him closer.
“Once I’m done crying and being relieved you’re in so much trouble.” Sirius laughed lightly.
“Alright.” Regulus pulled away and grabbed Sirius’s robes before grabbing his hand again.
“Inside, let's go.” He dragged Sirius through the door and down the stairs until they reached the bottom of the tower and brought him into an unused room.
“Is this the part where I’m in trouble?” Regulus sighed.
“Can you not… can you just care that if I hadn’t found you you’d be dead? That’s… that’s bad.”
“I… I’m sorry. I don’t know how I’m supposed to… react I guess.” Regulus made a small frustrated movement with his hands.
“Just… how you feel.” Sirius hesitated for several moments.
“I don’t think I have felt for a really long time. Like… I can act excited and stuff but… I just feel all empty inside.” Regulus was silent for a long time, studying him, before he spoke.
“Well. We can take it one step at a time, okay? Tonight let's just get you to bed and then tomorrow we can… we can work through it.” Sirius nodded and let Reggie lead him through the hallways back towards Griffendoor tower.
- - -
“I’ll see you tomorrow at breakfast then?” Sirius stood in the open portrait hole, Regulus looking up at him.
“Actually could I… could I go up with you, just for tonight? I… I’m scared you won’t be here tomorrow. I don’t think I’d be able to sleep without…” Sirius hesitated, it was honestly a very valid fear and something he’d been genuinely considering on the walk. “Please?” Seeing his baby brother so scared he relented and offered him a hand up.
“Alright then. Quietly though.” Regulus quickly accepted the hand and followed Sirius into the common room. It was thankfully empty and they made their way to the dorms. Silently Sirius opened the door and they both slipped in. They could hear the deep breathing from the bunks, a sign that everyone else was asleep.
Sirius guided Regulus to avoid the clutter that was ever present in the dorm and to his bed. They both climbed into bed and Regulus quickly curled into Sirius’s side, a feeling that sent him back to his childhood when they’d snuck into each other’s beds after nightmares or particularly bad days. Exhaustion pounced on him and he was quickly asleep, taking comfort in the warmth next to him and the knowledge that Regulus was there if he needed him.
- - -
Sirius awoke the next day to quiet chatter from outside the bunk. Regulus had apparently pulled the curtains shut at some point during the night.
“I’m telling you, he brought someone in with him last night.” He frowned slightly as James spoke, he had sworn they were all asleep when they came in.
“That’s ridiculous.” Remus’s voice was sharp and irritated.
“I saw it!”
“And what are you trying to say by telling me that? Hm?” There was silence for several moments.
“Listen, I’m not trying to-”
“Then kindly shut up.” Regulus shifted and poked him in the side lightly before whispering just loud enough for him to hear.
“You might want to say something before they start a brawl.” Sirius nodded and whispered back.
“I didn’t know you were awake.”
“Mate, I’m not trying to cause issues between you and-.”
“I thought I said shut up.” Sirius sat up and pulled back the curtain a bit.
“Both of you can calm down. Merlin. James, yes I did bring someone in last night.” Remus whirled, betrayal written across his face. Before he could speak Sirius continued. “However, it was my brother.” Regulus sat up and waved.
“Hi.” Peter, who had been watching the interaction, burst out laughing.
- - -
“So do you want to tell me why your brother slept with you last night?” Sirius shrugged.
“He was scared.” Remus frowned.
“That doesn’t seem very… Regulus like.” Sirius hummed and continued brushing his hair. Regulus had run off almost immediately once they’d woken up, having to get back to his dorm before breakfast, and James and Peter had left soon after. “Is there something going on?”
“Why do you ask?” Remus hesitated before answering.
“You’ve just… I don’t know. Been off I guess. Then suddenly Regulus, who you hardly talk to, is spending the night.” Sirius took a moment to tie his hair up and put the brush back before turning to Remus.
“Listen, I’m not ready to tell you everything but last night we had a very… difficult discussion. Regulus just wanted some comfort.” Remus pursed his lips but accepted the answer.
- - -
Regulus had spent all his free time the last month or so glued to Sirius’s side. At first their friends were puzzled, but quickly accepted it. The only one who was still wary was Remus. Sirius would catch him watching them worriedly. Regulus had commented on it once.
“Just tell him what happened. He’s… I don’t know what he is but he’s confused for sure.”
“I don’t want him to…”
“He’s not going to judge you.” Sirius had sighed and agreed to tell him next time they were alone. The issue with that was that with their newly combined friend groups, Regulus constantly being at his side, and James insisting they practice for quidditch every available second, they never were.
It was another week and a half before he’d managed to convince James that he was too sick for practice. Regulus quickly saw through the ruse and ran off, hurriedly making up an excuse of forgotten homework. Remus was staying in the dorm with Sirius since he had an essay to write. Once he was certain James was gone he sat up, throwing the covers off.
“Lay back down! You’re sick!” Remus was quickly at his side and Sirius just shook his head.
“I’m not, I just needed James to let me stay back from practice. I wanted to talk to you.” Remus frowned but sat next to him.
“Okay…” Sirius sighed.
“So remember when Regulus first started hanging out and he came up and slept in the dorm?” Remus nodded and Sirius hesitated. “And I told you that I wasn't ready to tell you exactly what happened?”
“Yeah.” Sirius put his head in his hands for a moment, taking a deep breath, before looking back to Remus.
“Well, he uh… he found me on the Astronomy tower. I was… I was going to jump. And he talked me down and brought me back to the dorm.” Remus studied his face for several moments before he spoke, voice shaking slightly.
“Well I'm very glad he did. Are you… okay now?” Sirius contemplated the question. He hadn't really thought about it but…
“I think so. I mean… I feel okay.” Remus nodded several times before abruptly wrapping him in a tight hug.
“Why didn't you tell me?” He sounded just as scared at Regulus that first night and was trembling slightly as he held him.
“I didn't want to bother anybody.”
“You're never a bother.” They stayed there for several minutes before Remus spoke again.
“I'm totally telling James you faked being sick.”