Where the World Stopped Turning

There were only a handful of times that I truly felt fear and had things happen that were beyond my control. Normally, I would choose a body bag before ever considering putting myself back into those situations, but something haunting pulled me back to one of those times. Something strong enough to have me dressing up for a meeting I initially tried to refuse. Tony was impossible to say no to, mostly because he did things like transferring a generous amount of money into my account with the memo saying, “It’s just a conversation.” I was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I accepted his bribe. There was also the added coincidence that Bruce would also be at the lab he wanted me to go to. That was the one bright spot in all of it; I hadn’t seen him in years. I pulled into a visitor spot and took a deep breath. I already knew my answer to going back to that island, but I could pretend to listen at the very least. I focused on my breathing as I made my way into the building. Bruce was nervously pacing, and I could tell he assumed I wouldn’t show up.

“At ease, Banner,” I said softly.
“Natasha! You’re here.” Bruce said with surprise.
“Yes, well… Money talks, and unfortunately for me, Tony has quite a bit of it,” I admitted with a sarcastic laugh.
“Well, not even he was convinced you would come. Would you like to meet the person you’ll be accompanying?” He asked slowly.
“I haven’t formally accepted anything yet.” I reminded him firmly.
“How have you been?” He asked, visibly relaxing.
“You sure you want to ask me that?” I asked with a laugh.
“Other than that...” He tried.
“Yes, well, other than the event worse than the literal war we were in… Everything is good,” I said with a nod.
“Look, I know you don’t want to be here, but can I introduce you to someone?” He asked, cutting to the point.
“Why not? I’m already here.” I said with a shrug.
“Come with me. I think you’ll like her.” He said with a smile.

He turned and began walking toward the doors of the lab. Thankfully, that meant he missed seeing me roll my eyes at him. He was never a good judge of people I would like, so something told me he hadn’t gotten any better after not seeing me for years. I allowed him through the doors to see a lab that screamed Tony’s name. Everything was high-tech and sparkling. We came to a stop behind a woman who seemed to be working on something.

“Wanda? Can you stop that and meet someone, please?” He asked loudly.

I watched her back straighten at the sound of his voice before she sighed. Her shoulders relaxed, but she showed no signs of stopping her work. It was something that I both respected and hated. While I understood focusing on her work to make sure she doesn’t mess something up, especially being in science, it also pissed me off to no end that she thought her work was more important than acting like I was worth her time. Being dismissed by someone who hadn’t even met me was infuriating. 

“Who is so important that I need to stop what I’m doing to meet them?” She asked in annoyance.
“A potential guide.” He explained with a sigh.
“Fine.” She said with a groan as she finished what she was working on.
“Today, Wands. Please.” Bruce urged.
“I’m finishing!” She complained.
“Ine. While she does that, Nat, this is Wanda Maximoff, one of our top scientists and veterinarians.” Bruce said as she turned to face us. 
“I’m sorry. Are we even sure she’s qualified?” She asked, her eyes slowly assessing me.
“We are. Are you qualified?” I asked with a frown.
“Me? Since when does anyone in the military show up in a suit?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Since I take business deals seriously enough to dress the part. Bruce? What the fuck is this?” I asked in annoyance.
“I’m sorry. Wands, come on, we talked about this.” Bruce said with a sigh.
“No, we talked about someone with military training offering to protect me.” She said, turning her attention to Bruce.
“I haven’t offered to do anything yet,” I said flatly.
“Wanda, this is Natasha Romanoff.” He said, shaking his head.
“Romanoff? Why do I know that name? She asked with a frown.
“Romanoff, as in the person who confirmed the continued existence of dinosaurs on the island after the eruption.” He explained.
“She’s that Natasha?” She asked, turning her attention back to me.
“The one and only. Now, Bruce, who’s the princess who needs protection?” I asked with a sigh.
“That would be Wanda.” He said, knowing it wouldn’t be a popular answer.
“Her?” I questioned with disbelief.
“Me. And I’m a scientist, not a princess.” She said, sounding annoyed.
“Could’ve fooled me. Look, you are free to decline my help. I don’t care. You’re free to go to that island without my protection; I promise you I won’t lose any sleep if I reach a headline saying you went missing. However, I will be annoyed if you decline my help now, and then I get a call from Bruce saying someone needs to verify if you died or not. I’m not a big fan of… Incompetence.” I said, doing everything I could to be somewhat professional.
“Bruce? How do you know her?” She all but growled.
“Funny. I have the same question.” I said through my teeth.
“I was a medic in her unit. And now, I clearly work with Tony, which you know.” He said, rolling his eyes in my direction.
“With? Or for?” I questioned with a smirk.
“Wait, her unit? What is she? G.I. Jane?” She asked, butting in again.
“Yes. She was the CO of my unit.” Bruce said with a sigh.
“Technically, still your CO, Banner,” I said with a laugh.
“Who does Tony want me to trust with my life?” She asked with a frown.
“Meaning?” I asked with narrow eyes.
“What did you need to do to get those promotions?” She asked with a scoff.
“Excel at my job. Not to mention put my life on the line for my people.” I said with a tense jaw.
“It’s true, Wands. I’ve regrettably removed bullets from her more times than I’d ever wanted to.” Bruce explained.
“Yes, you’ve forever ruined bikini season for me for the rest of my life,” I said with a laugh.
“So you’re telling me she takes not only real but metaphorical bullets as well?” She asked flatly.
“I’m afraid so, yes.” He said, shaking his head.
“Does she have any survival skills?” I asked with a sigh, taking her in for the first time.
“Nat, I promise. She’s more than capable of…” He explained before being cut off.
“Kicking your ass.” She said, interrupting him.
“I wouldn’t say that.” He said quickly.
“Neither should she,” I growled.
“I’m not scared of you.” She said with a tense jaw.

Every muscle in my body was tense and vibrating. I could feel my core shaking as anger bubbled in my chest. Bruce looked like he wanted to be anywhere but in the room with us. Not that I could blame him; I didn’t want to be in the room. But I knew the conversation wasn’t done. I still hadn’t given them an official answer, and now, because of Tony’s little scientist’s big mouth, they wouldn’t like my answer. The air in the room was heavy, but I knew someone needed to break the silence, and it clearly wasn’t going to be either of them. I took a deep breath to try and calm down enough to formulate a plan. On my third deep breath, I was able to determine that I needed to talk to Tony immediately. If he wanted someone to go to the island alone, it would be one thing, but the condition of bringing someone I didn’t know or trust wasn’t something I was interested in. When I went with people I trusted, only two of us came back. And I was the only one to return whole. Bucky lost an arm, and when we got back, he wasn’t able to fight his demons on his own. He had to be committed less than a week after we returned. The thought of going back and not being as lucky as I was the first time made my stomach churn, something my therapist would probably call a PTSD response because the island triggers my trauma. I swallowed thickly before deciding to ask for Tony. With the silence, it felt like time wasn’t moving, and I needed to know how much longer I had to wait for his diva entrance.

“Where’s Tony?” I asked in frustration.
“Not available,” Bruce said, swallowing thickly.
“Shame. I wanted to deliver the bad news myself.” I said with a sigh.
“Nat…” He said with anxiety in his voice.
“No. No.” I said, shaking my head.
“He’s calling it in, Nat.” He said with a shrug.
“For this? Who is she? His new mistress?” I asked in confusion.
“What the fuck?” She asked, finally speaking up.
“She’s important to the survival of the dinosaurs. Something the government is invested in.” He said with a sigh.
“Of course they are,” I said with a scoff.
“I’m sorry, Nat.” He said with a sigh.
“Why’d you let me think I had a choice?” I questioned.
“Tony said you’d agree if you thought you had a choice.” He admitted.
“Bruce? What did she do to owe Tony a favor?” She asked quietly.
“She didn’t do anything but make a deal with the devil himself.” He said, shaking his head in annoyance.
“How am I supposed to trust her if you won’t tell me?” She asked with a frown.
“Look, princess, I made a deal with him to prevent someone I love from being punished just for worrying about me enough to break the law,” I said through my teeth.
“Nat…” Bruce said slowly.
“Fine. Have your majesty, the King, send me the details.” I said before turning and leaving.

I could hear Bruce calling for me, but I ignored him. While he called for me, the woman, Wanda, was making sure he heard how displeased she was as well. It was clear that no one had told her security detail and guide had already been assigned. Leave it to Tony to do something without asking anyone else involved. I thought that he would use more thought and consideration when he made choices like that, but clearly, that wasn’t the case. He knew how badly the island affected me the last time I went, so for him to make the choice for me, I wanted to kill him. It was partially my mistake for thinking I could actually trust him to take my feelings into consideration, one I wouldn’t make again if I had the chance. I made it to my car and left as quickly as I could. On my drive home, I pulled out my phone and made a much-needed call.

“Karla Sofen’s office, how can I assist you?” Asked a familiar voice.
“Lloyd? It’s Natasha.” I said gently.
“Hey Nat! What’s up? What can I do for you?” He asked happily.
“Does Karla have an opening or an emergency session in fifteen minutes?” I asked, swallowing thickly.
“Her afternoon is completely free. She’s in her office now. I’ll let her know as soon as we hang up. Are you driving right now?” He asked slowly.
“I am. But I’m good to talk to my sister before my session.” I explained.
“Of course, Nat. Just join when you can; she’ll be waiting.” He said gently.
“You’re the best,” I said with a shaky sigh.
“I hope your day gets better.” He said honestly.
“Thank you, Lloyd. I hope you have a great day.” I said before hanging up.

Minutes after I put my phone away, I pulled into my driveway. Yelena had promised to be waiting at the house to hear about everything that happened in the meeting. I hadn’t told her the full truth about what I’d known the meeting would be about. At the time, I didn’t see a reason to. By that point, I’d planned on turning the offer down; I didn’t know then that I wouldn’t be able to. After I parked my car, I took a second to myself just to try and recenter before breaking my sister’s heart. With a sigh, I got out of the car and made my way to the house. When I opened the door, I could hear the television and followed the sound to find Yelena on the couch. She turned to face me with a look of confusion.

“What’s wrong with your face?” She asked slowly.
“Bad news,” I said with a groan.
“You didn’t get it? I thought Bruce said you were perfect for it?” She asked with a frown.
“That’s the bad news. I was perfect for it.” I explained with a sigh.
“I think you need to read the definition of ‘bad’ again.” She said with a laugh.
“You wouldn’t laugh if you met who he wants me to bring to Isla Nublar,” I grumbled, rolling my eyes.
“Isla Nublar? The one with the dinosaurs? You said it was a one-time thing,” She argued.
“Yel, I know. Okay? But you didn’t see the money he gave me to just show up to that. The money he’ll pay me to go is… It’s not just good money; it’s life-changing money. Not only would I be set for years, you would be too.” I tried.
“Is there any chance you’d let me come with you this time?” She asked, hope in her eyes.
“Not one, no,” I said, shaking my head gently.
“Come on, I want to see an original dinosaur too!” She argued.
“Look, I’d love to argue; I’d love to tease you about missing me even more, but I have to call my contacts to make sure this goes just as well as the last one. And I’m exhausted.” I said, rolling my shoulders.
“At least promise me you’re bringing guns strong enough to kill any dinosaur you could run into.” She tried with a sigh.
“Well, you know, the thing about guns is that they really haven’t been tested on dinosaurs that much since they’re protected by the government,” I said with a laugh.
“But… They still know what works best, right?” She pressed slightly.
“Of course they will,” I said with a nod.
“I just… Remember Bucky.” She said quietly.
“I get it. I thought of him, too.” I admitted with a nod.
“Why is it you that they’re sending?” She asked with a slight frown.
“Tony called it in. I tried to say no, but he finally cashed in.” I explained.
“For this? Because it’s something you’ve done already? Who are you going with?” She asked with confusion across her face.
“She’s important to the continued existence of dinosaurs. Apparently, the government is keen on keeping them alive and healthy for years to come.” I repeated to her.
“You would… Refuse if she would put you at risk, right?” She asked slowly.
“She looks like she can hold her own. I would tell you her name, but I would hate to owe Tony another favor.” I said with a smirk.
“How many times do I have to apologize for that?” She whined.
“I didn’t say you needed to. But I’ll still laugh about it. I mean, my little sister hacked a government server.” I said with a grin.
“It’s really not that hard. Any nerd can hack into a server. But if you’re good, they won’t catch you.” She grumbled.
“And you were unfortunately not good enough because they caught you. Believe me, I tried to say no, but Tony wasn't even there. That's how much of a non-conversation it was. I didn't have a choice. I owed him a favor, and he cashed in on it. Nothing else to say.” I said with a shrug. 
“I’m sorry…” She mumbled, looking at her hands. 
“There’s nothing to apologize for,” I said, dismissing her apology.
“You wouldn’t even be going if you didn’t owe Tony a favor. Something you only owed him because of something I did.” She mumbled.
“Lena, seriously. I promise you don’t need to apologize. But I do need you to leave now. On my drive home, I scheduled a therapy appointment.” I said slowly.
“Oh! Right! Right, of course. You’ll see me before you leave, though, right?” She asked with a frown.
“Of course, Lena. I’d never leave without saying goodbye.” I said with a nod.
“Okay, I’ll get out of your hair.” She said with a nod.

She grabbed her things and made her way to the door. I waited to make sure she locked the door; once it was locked behind her, I grabbed water. I made my way to my office and sat in front of my computer. My heart raced in my chest the more I thought about talking about the island again, and I knew there was no avoiding it. I saw that my therapist was in the waiting room of the session and clicked into it. Almost instantly, she joined the call.

“Karla,” I said with a nod.
“Natasha. How are you feeling today?” She asked gently.
“Look, Karla, I’ve known you long enough that I think we can skip the small talk,” I said breathlessly.
“Natasha, you asked me for the emergency session. What’s on your mind?” She asked, shaking her head.
“What did Charles Xavier teach you about not killing someone who drives you nuts?” I asked with a sigh.
“Who’s driving you nuts? Yelena?” She asked with a laugh.
“A paleontologist. Tony called in his favor, and now I have to accompany her to that stupid island.” I grumbled.
“How are you feeling about him calling it in? No anger towards your sister?” She questioned slowly.
“No, not mad at her. But the paleontologist is going to get us killed.” I said in annoyance.
“Okay. Tell me about them. Why are they getting to you?” She tried.
“She questioned me and my credentials! When they begged me to go along to keep her safe! With the paycheck, I know they were desperate, and yet she dared to question if I was qualified! Just because I showed up looking like a professional!” I complained.
“Are you worried about going back?” She asked curiously.
“In what way?” I asked cautiously.
“We’ve talked about your last trip. The friends you’ve lost there can’t make it easy to go back.” She said gently.
“It’s not about that,” I said quickly.
“Natasha, you’ve been in active warzones, but you and I both know that the island and what you saw there was much worse.” She said with a sigh.
“I knew what could happen when I went,” I said, shaking my head.
“That doesn’t mean you can’t have a reaction to it. Did you have a different reaction to discovering the dinosaurs than you expected to?” She asked slowly.
“I guess, yeah,” I said with a small shrug.
“Even though you’ve seen them before?” She pressed.
“Yeah, Karla. Even though I’ve seen them before.” I said with a groan.
“Do you see what I’m getting at here, or do you want me to continue?” She asked, shaking her head.
“Yeah, but those people were my friends. I don’t know anything about this woman, and I get paid even if she doesn’t make it back.” I deflected.
“Meaning?” She questioned.
“Meaning that this is different,” I argued.
“What’s her name?” She asked with narrow eyes.
“I don’t remember.” I lied. 
“Do you want to save that for someone who doesn’t know you?” She asked, rolling her eyes.
“Why do you want to know?” I asked with a frown.
“Just answer my question, Natasha.” She said, rolling her eyes.
“Wanda,” I said with annoyance.
“Maximoff?” She asked with surprise.
“What reason do you possibly have to know her?” I asked with a deep frown.
“I don’t explain myself to you. Do you not feel a need to keep her safe?” She asked, tilting her head to the side as she studied me.
“I didn’t say that,” I argued firmly.
“You did earlier. Do you not want to be responsible for her because you don’t want it to feel like it did last time?” She pushed further.
“Karla, what the fuck?” I asked, my heart racing.
“You are more than welcome to tell me that I’m wrong, but we both know I’m not. It’s also the reason you’re determined to hate her after only meeting her once. If you never liked her, it can’t hurt you if something were to happen to her.” She said firmly.
“You know, I pay you,” I mumbled with annoyance.
“Yes. You pay me a lot of money to tell you the truth. But if you want me to lie to you, it’ll cost you a lot more.” She said softly.

I sighed; there was nothing I could say to change her mind. In some ways, that was a good thing; I didn’t want her to lie to me or take it easy on me. I knew that she was right for reminding me that I pay her to tell me the truth even when it’s not easy. But I also didn’t want to think about the fact that I was going back to the place that changed my life forever. Something that I knew was stupid; I would have to face the reality much sooner than later, considering I had no choice in the matter of going. I would have to go to the island, I’d have to come face to face with my trauma, and there was no way of avoiding it. I hated it more than anything, but I was fully aware of the fact that I couldn’t avoid it. She sighed and saw that she was going to have to continue the conversation if she wanted the war raging in my mind to calm down anytime soon.

“What are you most worried about?” She asked lightly.
“Right, like there’s one specific thing,” I said with a scoff.
“What is taking up the most of your energy?” She tried again.
“Well, it’s not the fact that I’ll lose my friends. They’re already dead.” I said with a bitter laugh.
“Natasha.” She said with a sigh.
“Or! Or disfigured and insane! I guess there’s a healthy fear of that happening to me. Then again, if I had to watch raptors rip my fiance apart, I would be in an institution, too. So, I guess I only really need to worry about being disfigured since I’ll be going with someone I would happily give to the raptors.” I said frantically.
“Nat…” She said gently.
“I have to go. Thank you for fitting me in. Mainly wanted you to know so you knew why I wasn’t scheduled for more sessions. I don’t know if I’ll be alive. So, I guess this call was also sort of my goodbye to you. Just in case, I’m gonna go pack and plan. Thank you for everything, again, truly. Bye, Karla.” I said, hanging up the call.

I knew she would call and text me more, but somehow, a text felt much easier than watching her face drop when she realized that there was a very real chance she may never see or hear from me again. I’d known Karla casually while her mentor worked with my unit to help their PTSD symptoms become less potent over time. We fell out of touch when Charles moved to the next unit, and then, by some strange coincidence, Tony paid for me to see her after the first trip to the island. Even after he stopped paying, I continued to see her because she truly did help me. The only mistake I made was becoming her friend.