What the Bloody Hell Happened Last Night?
Monday, 1 November 1976
The sun is already high in the sky by the time James (literally) rolls out of bed, thanking Merlin that Hogwarts never has classes the day after Halloween. A hand shoots out from the pile of blankets and limbs that is James Potter and starts fumbling around the bedside table to find glasses. When he finally sits up, now with the power of vision, he starts to take in the scene around him.
This, James thinks, is not my dorm.
He blinks hard and tries to focus again. He sees four poster beds with Gryffindor red curtains, but that’s where the familiarity ends. Instead of four beds, there’s 5.
Weird, but not the weirdest think I’ve ever seen … maybe someone drunkenly conjured another bed? Yeah, that feels like an explanation…
Going with his drunken conjuring theory, James starts to look for his roommates. It’s then that he realizes the walls have a distinct lack of Bowie and Queen posters, there’s no record player on the dresser, his broom is missing, and he doesn’t recognize the initials on the trunks. And, strangest of all, the floor is clean. As in, there’s no random robes or piles of books, winter cloaks are hanging nicely on a hook by the door instead of flung over the backs of chairs or thrown by the doorway, and all of the parchment is rolled nicely and stacked on the desk instead of sticking out of bookbags or stuffed in the pockets of school robes. Yeah, new theory, I’ve been kidnapped.
Just as he’s about to find a way to find and adult and tell them he was kidnapped by some weirdly clean Gryffindors, he hears Mary’s laugh. James closes his eyes, okay, he thinks, I’ve officially lost it.
When he opens his eyes again, he sees the faces of four very amused girls. Well, three obviously amused girls and one girl who’s doing a poor job of hiding her grin. With a wave of her wand, and a shake of her head, Lily makes the fifth bed disappear.
See, James tells himself, I wasn’t so far off with that conjuring theory.
“Alright, time for one of you to tell me what the fuck is going on.” James asks, deadpan.
His attempt at being serious is enough to send Lily over the edge. She, along with Marlene, Mary, and Emmaline start to roar with laughter. James is unimpressed.
“Guys! I’m not kidding! How in Merlin’s name did I get in here? I thought boys weren’t allowed in the Gryffindor girls dorms?”
Wiping tears from her eyes, Lily manages to answer, “we honestly don’t know … best I can figure is that the charm was put in place to prevent the boys from doing any harm to the girls and the shield didn’t recognize you as a threat.”
“I think I’m going to take that as a compliment?” James responds, with the beginnings of a grin pulling at his lips. “But that doesn’t entirely answer my question … how did I end up in you lot’s dorm room?”
Lily breaks down laughing again, meaning it’s Marlene’s turn to pull herself together, “well part way through the party, you, Remus, and Sirius disappeared, we all assumed that you three had gone off to do something insane and Marauder-y, so no one thought twice about it. Then, like an hour later, you came back with a wicked grin on your face and no clue where Lupin and Black were.”
“I didn’t leave with Moony and Sirius, I left with –” James cuts off.
“With whom, Jamie.” Lily asks with a knowing smirk.
“I thought we talked about people calling me Jamie.”
“That doesn’t answer my question, now does it.”
“Doesn’t matter. I left. I remember coming back, and then it goes black. How in Merlin’s name did I end up here?”
“We honestly don’t know, James.” Marlene cut in, “you came back to the tower from wherever you’d wandered off to, grinning like a fool might I add, and it was uncharacteristically easy to talk you into doing shots with us. Next thing any of us know, we’re being woken up this morning by you snoring like a lawn mower.”
“Okay, I think I’m gonna head out now.”
With that, surrounded by a chorus of cackling girls, James made his way back to the boys’ side of the dorm.
“Morning, Pete. What the bloody hell happened last night?”
“James, as soon as I figure it out, you’ll be the first to know.”
“Endlessly appreciate that, Peter my boy,” James quipped, while ripping open the curtains on Sirius’ bed, “next question, where is our raven-haired friend?”
“James, last thing I remember, you were dancing on a table. If you need information on anything that happened between then and this very moment, you’re going to have to consult another source.”
James had made his way across the room to Remus’ bed, “Moony’s missing too… maybe they just went to breakfast already?”
“Well, you’re gonna have to be the one to figure it out, because I simply refuse to leave this bed.”
“Alright, Petey boy, shall I bring you up some toast?”
“Have I told you lately that I love you?”
“Oh, how lucky am I,” James said, putting both hands over his heart, tilting his head, and sporting his signature James Potter Grin, “see you in a bit.”
As James made his way down to the Great Hall, he had a lot to think about. What exactly had happened with Regulus? He’d just decided he was done pining for Lily; he really didn’t have time to start pining for someone else. But it was Regulus. James had been … intrigued … by the younger Black brother ever since he walked into their train car behind Sirius that very first day. Over the years, a lot of James’ focus was spent on trying to get Lily to fall in love with him. Part way through last year, James had finally given up on that endeavor and, honestly, it had been a good choice. Once she realized that James was done making an absolute fool of himself, Lily had decided it wouldn’t be so bad being James’ friend. James had found that being Lily’s friend was incredible. All James had really known before was that Lily was smart and pretty; but over the last year, he’d learned that she was unfailingly loyal and endlessly hilarious. Along with being smart and pretty. James loved being Lily’s friend.
The downside, however, to ceasing his quest to woo Lily Evans, was that James’ mind now had room to focus on other people. Quickly, his interest in Regulus Black turned into a bit of an obsession. James would wait for him to show up to parties, would turn up to every Slytherin match, would sit on the far side of the Gryffindor table to he could see everyone else in the Great Hall, and had even taken to watching Regulus’ name on the map. Any chance of explaining this as an interest in getting to know his best friend’s little brother was well and truly lost.
Now, after last night, it seems that Regulus might have an interest in him as well.
As James walked into the Great Hall, instead of looking for his two missing friends, his eyes went right to the Slytherin table. And there he was. Beautiful. Regulus Black was truly beautiful. It’s not that James had never noticed it before, but now he couldn’t ignore it. Regulus was, simply, beautiful.
As beautiful as he may be, he also appeared to be ignoring James like his life depended on it.
James had resolved to stop making a fool of himself. So, naturally, he decided to cause a scene, “HAS ANYONE SEEN SIRIUS ORION BLACK AND REMUS JOHN LUPIN? HELLO, HELLO, GOOD MORNING, HOGWARTS, HAS ANYONE SEEN SIRIUS OR –”
His performance was cut short as a hand clapped down on his shoulder, “I AM HERE MY SWEET JAMES, DO NOT FRET!”
Ah, there he was.
“I can’t do this anymore.” And there was Remus.
Mystery solved?
Not even a little.
“Where the bloody hell were you two and do either of you happen to have a clue what happened last night?”
“My dear Prongs, what ever do you mean? We’ve been here. We’d just left but decided to return when we heard your siren call.” Sirius said, sporting a shit eating grin.
“You know what, I don’t have the energy to question any of …” James paused to gesture broadly at Sirius and Remus, “that … so, let’s just return to my second question. What happened last night?”
“You’re gonna have to be more specific, Prongs.”
“You know what Remus, I think Sirius’ sass is rubbing off on you, I can’t decide if I love it or despise it.”
“You love it,” Remus responded, with a very Sirius Black-esque smirk.
“Okay, I hated that.”
“You mus’nt tell lies, James. What do you mean about last night?
“I mean, I woke up this morning in my own bed … but that bed was in the girls’ dorm.”
“What are you on about?”
“I woke up in the girls’ dorm. Lily and Marlene are convinced that, somehow, I was so drunk that I confused the wards into thinking I wasn’t a threat and then one of us somehow conjured my bed from our dorm into theirs and I passed out. I don’t remember a single thing that happened between me coming back to the common room and waking up this morning.”
“Coming back?”
Oh no, James thought, I’ve fucked up.
Ever the quick thinker, James near shouted “well, I saw you two disappear and so I left to investigate.”
Oh, they look guilty, something happened there, James was now thoroughly distracted, he’d almost forgotten why he’d started this conversation until Sirius jumped in, “we went down to the greenhouses, the supply was running low. I’m surprised you didn’t see us.”
“No part of me believes that’s a real story, but I’m choosing to move past it. It seems that no one knows what happened last night, so I think the best path forward is to just tell myself I must’ve had an incredible night and not dig any deeper.”
“Sounds like a plan, mate.”
* * *
“Okay,” Lily started, drawing all of her roommates’ attention, “time to place bets on who James was yammering about last night.”
“My bet’s on Remus, I think the laws of Gryffindor Tower dictate that no one is allowed to bypass their Remus Lupin phase.”
“Great point Mary, I’m gay and even I fell victim to Lupin Fever.” Marlene responded, “but my money’s on that Bones girl from Hufflepuff.”
“Marlene she’s like a fourth year, I sincerely doubt that.”
“Okay, Emmaline, then what’s your bet?”
“I think it was Regulus Black.”
Mary and Marlene both whipped their heads back to Emmaline with over-animated looks of shock on their faces.
“I agree,” said Lily with a knowing smile.
“What do you know, Evans?”
“Oh, MacDonald, what kind of friend would I be if I divulged everyone’s secrets?”
And on that very infuriating note, Lily Evans strolled out of their dorm.