Chapter 1
For fourteen years, there was one good constant in Regulus Black's life. His older brother, Sirius. No matter what happened, he always had Sirius on his side. He always had his brother to talk to, to cry to.
Their parents, Queen Walburga and King Orion, were their parents only in blood, which was the only thing that mattered in their world.
Regulus was young, far too young, when he first understood that no matter what he did, it would never be enough to please his parents, never enough to make them love him. He had to be perfect in every way, but it still wasn't enough for them. He was always the younger prince, the spare heir that they hopefully would never need.
That didn't mean that they treated Sirius more like a son. It just meant he got more attention, which wasn't necessarily a good thing. He had to be even more perfect, more behaved, more like a true heir, like the future king.
That turned out to be a problem, because while Regulus did anything to desperately try to please his parents, Sirius just stopped trying. He figured out they would never love them, so why even bother? He began to act out, to disobey.
While they had gotten punished both verbally and physically before, it got worse after Sirius stopped being perfect.
Everything they did, was somehow wrong. Any move Regulus made, wasn't perfect enough and had to be punished. Every time Sirius disagreed with them or disobeyed an order, he had to be punished.
As the future monarch of the kingdom, Sirius had to do a lot of things and please a lot of people. There were always formal dinners, new people to meet, new things to learn. Regulus was present for every one of them, but next to Sirius, he always faded into the background. As much as Sirius refused his role, he was the best for it. He always got along with people, had such charm that he could talk to anyone and make them laugh. Regulus could never do that. He sometimes didn't even know how to talk to people in front of him. His mind just went blank and he stood there in silence, while the other person waited for him to be as good of a co-speaker as his brother. He didn't know how to make jokes or compliments that would make people give him a dazzled smile or a long laugh that his brother always got. None of it just made sense to Regulus. So, he faded more and more, only speaking when spoken to, smiling less and less, because he never knew who to smile to and when.
But Sirius soon began rejecting his role and loudly displaying his opinions, which were vastly different from his parents'. They got into arguments at every occasion. Sirius never cared when he made a scene, so he just did it. And their parents began understanding that punishing him made no difference in how he acted.
So, they found a new tactic.
When Sirius acted out, instead of punishing him, they punished Regulus. When Sirius made a scene, Regulus was the one who got the bruises. When Sirius disagreed with his parents at dinner, Regulus was the one who went without food for a few days.
It worked. Sirius and Regulus loved each other. They were the only constant in each other's lifes. They were the only ones, who loved the other. When one was in pain, the other was in agony. When one was hurting, the other was hurting.
So their parents used their love as a weapon. Sirius stopped disobeying every order in fear of what they would do to Regulus. He got more and more resentful, while Regulus worked harder and harder to be perfect, to please two people who could never be pleased. He made sure to agree with their views, even if internally he despised them. He ignored the hurt looks Sirius sent him everytime. He perfected the cold and uncaring mask, until it felt like his own face. He supressed his emotions until he felt numb and empty all the time.
And the rift between the two brothers grew. Once, the other's only source of love, they began shutting each other out.
The love between them didn't die, it didn't even dim. It just got more hidden and hidden as the years went on.
Until one day, when Regulus was fourteen and Sirius was sixteen, and Sirius was standing just outside Regulus's room, begging him to leave with him.
In that moment, Regulus understood something. Only one of them could get out. And that was always meant to be Sirius. He couldn't be contained, while Regulus would bend himself in every direction just to fit.
So Regulus looked at his older brother, who was in tears, and supressed all the pain he felt and every single wish he's ever had to leave. And he said no. And Sirius begged and Regulus looked him in the eye and told him he wanted to stay, but inside his mind was screaming and he felt like he could throw up anytime.
He knew that if he gave Sirius even the smallest impression that he wanted to go, Sirius would grab onto it and never let go and take him with him no matter what. And Regulus couldn't let that happen. He couldn't let Sirius destroy the one chance he had of getting out.
Regulus wasn't meant to get out. He didn't deserve it. Sirius, however, needed it to survive. Living in that castle was slowly killing both of them, but Regulus could take it and Sirius never should. Sirius didn't deserve to suffer. Regulus did.
And so Sirius left. And for the first time in his life, Regulus felt truly cold. He felt the cold seeping into every one of his bones and into every crack that marked his broken heart.
He cried all night and in the morning, he put on the mask.
He was Regulus Arcturus Black and he would survive one way or another. He had to.