Chapter 2
James Potter got up from the table and immediately felt two pairs of eyes on him.
Peter and Remus were both looking at him, knowing where he was headed. He smiled at them reassuringly, but the worry in their eyes stayed. He couldn't blame them. Today was the hardest day in the year for Sirius. His brother's birthday.
Sirius was already gone, when James woke up and James had learned in previous years that Sirius needed some time alone.
So now, after breakfast, he was going after him.
He looked at the girls, who were talking at another table and like Mary could sense him looking at her, she turned around. She gave him a tightlipped smile. Marlene waved at him and Lily and Pandora didn't notice him, too lost in their own world.
He couldn't understand why they weren't together yet. Pandora has been here for two years and it was obvious to everyone how Lily felt about her. And everyone could see how Pandora looked at Lily when she thought no one saw.
James looked at all his friends again. He loved them so much. Every one of them. He left the room, thinking about that.
His oldest friends were Peter and Mary. All of their parents have been in the Rebellion since before their births, so they grew up together. They were always inseparable.
Then came Remus, when they were eight years old. His parents were a part of the Rebellion but they lived far away, until they died in a fire. Remus had no other relatives, so he was sent to the Rebellion.
He was a quiet and sad child. He missed his parents. Mary's family took him in, so he was basically forced to hang out with her and her friends. Slowly, he opened up to their attempts at friendship and he soon became an important friend to all of them.
Next were Marlene and Lily. They were both of higher status. Marlene's family was heavily involved with the Rebellion, but they were found out and forced to flee. Mary was very excited when she heard a girl her age was coming, but when the family came, there were three kids instead of two (Marlene and her younger brother). There was another girl with red hair and green eyes, filled with tears. That was Lily, Marlene's cousin. She was staying with them at the time they had to leave and there was no time to get her back to her family without seriously endangering everyone involved. And so, Lily had to come to the Rebellion. Mary instantly became friends with both girls and she and Marlene spent the day comforting Lily. In a few months, Mary and Lily were dating. They were good together, but in a few more months, they broke up. They said they were better off as friends.
And then, Sirius. James was running a chore in a nearby city, when he came face to face with a boy his age. He was dressed in poor clothes and his black hair was tied back in a messy bun, but nothing could hide the proud posture and typical grey eyes that ran only in the royal family.
But that wasn't the first thought in James's head. He saw Sirius and something in his soul responded like it recognized him. And he could tell Sirius felt it, too, by the widening of his eyes.
The rest was kind of a blur in James's mind. He didn't even clearly remember what they talked about. How they figured out who the other was. And then Sirius came with James.
The leader if the Rebellion was Albus Dumbledore. James didn't like him. He was supposed to, but he heard his parents complain about Dumbledore too many times. His and Peter's parents were very good friends and when they came over, James and Peter always hid and eavesdropped on the conversation.
It was also no secret that Peter's older sister Vita, got seriously hurt, because Dumbledore sent her out on a mission too early, despite her parents protesting.
The man used everything and everyone he could for "the greater good". He has spent so many years fighting that he forgot who he was fighting for. The only thing that mattered to him was winning.
So, James didn't trust him, at all. He might be a great man, but he wasn't a good one.
When James took Sirius to their current village - the heart of the Rebellion changed their position every few years -, Dumbledore was overjoyed. They gladly took him in; they have all heard before that the Crown Prince didn't exactly agree with his parents' view. They had gotten valuable information from Sirius. It helped them greatly in their fight back.
Sirius was taken in by James's parents and they got along great. They quickly became his second family - actually, you could say they become his first family, because his actual first wasn't much of a family.
Sirius had his demons. He missed his brother, he had nightmares, he flinched when someone touched him. But living with the Potters helped him immensely.
He immediately became part of the group. They all accepted him without questions, even though he was their former enemy. He filled the invisible hole they didn't even know existed.
The year after Sirius brought Pandora. Her parents were also dead and after their deaths she got separated from her brothers and decided to seek out the Rebellion. A while later, they found out her brothers became the Royal Guards.
Pandora was different. Not bad different, jusy different. She could get lost in her thoughts for hours and not notice the time passing. She was very passionate about everything connected to nature. She didn't immediately connect with the group and when they were all together, she rarely spoke and only listened. But she could talk to one person at a time. She and Lily got unbelievably close so fast. Everyone could see the invisible string between them, always bringing the one to the other.
James truly loved all of his friends. And he hated seeing them hurt.
He went a little out of the village, to the fields and meadows. And like last year, Sirius was laying in the middle of a meadow.
In three years, Sirius and James became brothers. It felt like they have known each other their whole lives. And so, seeing Sirius hurt, also hurt James. His heart was breaking for everything Sirius had to go through and for the brother he had to leave behind.
James quietly approached the other boy, not wanting to disrupt him.
•••••••••••••••
Regulus was 17 today.
Sirius couldn't believe it. His little brother was almost an adult now.
And Sirius missed three years of him growing up.
He wasn't grieving it now; he's spent three years doing that. One day couldn't make such a difference in how he felt. He still missed Regulus like crazy and he loved him and he hated him for changing and choosing to stay in that castle.
But he knew how birthdays were spent in the royal family. Very depressing. The only thing that was ever good on either of theirs birthdays was when in the night one would sneak in the other's room and they would celebrate quietly, but together.
Sirius was so tired of having to miss and grieve for someone who was still alive.
He came to the meadow to have some peace. Other times were all loud and while he needed noise, because silence reminded him too much of his life in the castle, the noise sometimes got too much too.
Suddenly someone else laid down beside him.
James.
Sirius smiled. He knew, whatever happened, he would always have James.
For a while, they were quiet and then James broke the silence.
"You alright?"
Sirius was so grateful that James didn't ask how are you and instead asked a yes or no question. It was so much easier.
"Yeah, I think so, I just... I hate that he's all alone there"
James stayed quiet. Another thing Sirius loved about James; he knew when he needed to say nothing because you still had something to say and he knew you needed some time.
And it came spilling out of Sirius:
"I know it's not my fault, it's his, but I still feel responsible. I hate that he's all alone even though it was his choice to stay there and I couldn't have done anything to convince him. I tell myself that I should have tried harder, that maybe I could have gotten him to leave with me, but really I couldn't. Our parents got to him. They sunk their claws in and he didn't fight back. He would never come with me. I should be grateful that he didn't call the guards that night. I know all that. But I still miss him. I shouldn't, but I do. He made his choice and I made mine. And they didn't go together. That's fine. I should be ready to accept that. Except I'm not. James, I'm not fine with it."
"I know" James's eyes were full of compassion and then they were hugging and Sirius realized he was crying.
"I can't do this every year" he whispered, "it's too much pain. It's too much."
"It will get easier. I know it doesn't seem like it, but it will. You have me, you have Mum and Dad, you have all our other friends. We'll always be here for you, Padfoot."
When Sirius came to the Rebellion, he, James, Remus and Peter formed a group. They gave each other nicknames. And they all wore the necklaces with the animal their nickname was associated with. Sirius had a dog, James had a stag, Remus had a wolf and Peter had a rat.
The necklace was was the only jewellery Sirius wore. That and a ring with a lion. It represented the Leo constellation, of which the brightest star was Regulus.
Sirius had lots of other jewellery, but he gave it all to the Rebellion to sell. The only thing he kept was the ring.
"And if you still miss him this much next year, we'll break into the castle and kidnap him. I promise, he won't be able to resist our ways."
Sirius laughed. James always had the right thing to say.
"Thank you. I'll be holding you to that, just so that you know."
"I expect you to."
"I love you, Prongs."
"Me too."
Maybe he didn't have his blood brother, but he had his other brother, James, and that would be enough.