Home
Remus landed roughly on the sidewalk, falling to his hands and knees, scraping the knees out of his trousers. Regulus didn't have any better luck, landing smack on his butt, head flinging back and hitting the grass behind him.
“Fuck Remus, I’m so sorry. I haven’t side-along apparated since i was 18. Are you alright? Are you bleeding?” Regulus pulled Remus to his feet. Remus was indeed bleeding but with a quick wave of his wand the scrapes on his knees were closed.
“I’m fine, no worries. Where are we? This looks like the middle of the forest.” Remus said, glancing around at the endless trees surrounding him.
“Oh yeah, we might have overshot my house by a mile or so. My wards are pretty strong and they might have bounced us back if we got too close. So we’ve got a bit of a walk.” Regulus said with a grimace. Remus just shrugged and gestured for Regulus to lead the way. They walked in silence for a while, until Remus spoke.
“So where exactly are we? I’m assuming somewhere muggle?”
“Wanna take a guess?” Regulus asked, raising one eyebrow in challenge.
Remus looked around the streets near him, taking in the trees and expensive homes the pair walked past. Remus hadn’t been to many places, especially not in England, which he was sure they still were as the trip wasn't long enough to be in a different country. Remus just shook his head and Regulus answered. “We are living in Sonning, just east of Reading, in Berkshire. A bit expensive for an area but my… partner got to choose, and it's not like I couldn't afford it.” Regulus paused at the edge of a field and raised his right hand in the air, and within a blink Remus was able to see the cottage Regulus had spoken to him about.
Regulus entered the cottage first, holding the door open for Remus and pulling his wand out with his right hand from his left sleeve, waving it to seal the wards behind them.
“Take your shoes off, Lupin. Harry’s latest obsession is eating his dinner on the floor and I’m not going to be the one to stop him, so no outside shoes inside.” Regulus had already gotten one of his boots off and the other was sliding off before Remus had even heard the man.
“Oh, sorry. Where is Harry? I didn’t even think but… You didn’t leave a toddler here all alone did you?’’ Remus looked concerned as he pulled off his worn trainers and placed them next to Regulus’ boots.
“Of course I didn’t leave him alone, I’m not an animal! No, my partner is here. It’s all part of the story. Just let me throw a kettle on and we can both explain. If you head to the sitting room, I’ll shout for Harry. I’m sure getting a chance to see him will help ease your mind a bit.”
As Regulus walked towards what looked to be a small kitchen, Remus continued down the front hall into a sitting room, with two reclining chairs and a large sofa. Remus took a seat in one of the chairs and found himself looking around the room. On one wall was a large fireplace, but no floo powder nearby, confirming that the fireplace was just that. On the other wall was a television, as well as 2 overflowing bookcases.
On the mantle were a few copies of the photos that Remus had received in his letters from Leo, as well as a few he hadn’t received, mainly because they featured Regulus’ face. There was one of Regulus and a blonde woman, holding Harry up in front of her face, covering hers with his shiny, sticky face. Another photo of them at the beach knee deep in water. When Remus turned around at the sound of the door opening, he had intended on asking Regulus about the woman but froze in his steps.
“Pandora? What are you doing here??”
“Oh fuck, REG!!!! How did Lupin figure out where we are? Do we have to move? God damn it Regulus you were supposed to be careful!” Pandora’s demeanor was all off and she was wearing an outfit completely unlike her. Usually a fan of flowy, floral dresses and overalls with embroidered roses, she was instead wearing a pair of loose leather trousers and an equally loose button down short sleeve shirt, both in shades of gray. Her hair was pulled up into a loose bun and she had a cigarette between her teeth as she tore off a pair of doc martens. Behind her, Regulus approached with Harry and Remus just stood there confused.
“Just give it,” Regulus glanced at the clock above the mantle, “Eight more minutes? I’ll explain then, I promise. Let’s start some tea before we talk, and I can get this little guy a snack.”
Remus followed behind Regulus while glancing over to the couch where Pandora had thrown her legs haphazardly over the armrests. Once the two boys had finished preparing tea for the four of them (because of course any child raised by Regulus Black would be a fan of a warm cup of tea) the eight minutes were up. Remus turned to look at where Pandora was laying and saw her hair begin to shrink back into her skull. Her skin, normally covered in dark freckles from her time spent in her garden, was now an almost perfectly freckleless brown. Slowly her body began to fill out and her curves became flat, and eventually, laying before Remus’ eyes, was another man who Remus had been certain was dead.
“Evan??”
“Hey Lupin. I’m guessing Reg decided it was time to fill you in then?”
“Why were you polyjuiced to look like Pandora??” Remus asked dumbfounded.
“For someone so bright you sure ask dumb questions. That would be part of the ‘filling you in’ I just mentioned five seconds ago.” And then Evan rolled his eyes and sat up, pulling Harry over next to him on the couch, and summoned a book.
“Hey Haz, Reg and Remus are gonna have a little story time, but I already know the story so I’d be dreadfully bored. Would you mind reading me this story about a…” Evan glanced down at the title of the book, “... Lost duck? I don’t think I know this one!”
“Oh I know this one! I can read it!”
“Okay kiddo, let's go read it in the kitchen while the grownups talk!”
“Evan, you are a grown up!” Harry responds, and Regulus laughs.
“Sure he is Haz. Keep an eye on him in the kitchen or he’ll eat all the pudding for later!” Regulus watched as Evan walked Harry into the kitchen, levitating their mugs in front of them both, leaving Regulus and Remus alone.
“So, ready for that story? It's a bit of a long one so I'm only going to tell it once, and I'd prefer no interruptions. I’ll answer any questions at the end, and I already know I’m going to have to give you a minute a few times, but I should be able to get it all out in an hour or so. Does that work?” Regulus pulled out a well worn journal from a shelf high up out of reach of Harry, and looked to Remus for confirmation. Remus nodded and sat his cup of tea down on the stand next to him. Regulus sat down in an armchair across from Remus and opened the journal.
“I want to start by saying, I know Sirius probably told you a lot about how we grew up. The abuse, the curses, the neglect. And while all of that is true, it wasn't all there was. We had happy moments, times of complete peace. I learned how to fly a broom from my cousins, Sirius’ first prank he ever pulled was with Bella at a ball. We loved each other, Sirius and I, but I think we were pitted against each other from the start. ‘The Heir and the Spare’ was always a joke growing up, until it wasn’t. Until I was being raised to take over for Sirius when he started to rebel against our family beliefs. Beliefs I NEVER believed in. One of my best friends to this day is my house elf, for Salazar’s sake. I just knew growing up that to disagree was to ask for a punishment. I thought I could make it ‘til I turned seventeen and then… I could leave, like Andromeda. Like Alphard. But then I met Evan, and there was no way a Rosier was going to be able to get away with not being a Death Eater. And Barty… Barty’s father hurt him in ways not even I could imagine a father hurting their child. I knew he'd do anything to get away from him. But we didn’t want to pick the only option we thought we had. So I did what I thought Sirius would do in my shoes. I went to Dumbledore. I told him about the pressure I was under to be a death eater, about how badly I wanted to follow Sirius, but how I knew my mother would never let us both leave. How Barty’s father…” Regulus looked down at the floor in disgust. “How Barty’s father was even worse to him than my mother was to Sirius. How Evan had no chance to get out, no chance except for Dumbledore. After a few meetings with each of us, Dumbledore agreed to allow us to join the order, only not as members, but as spies. He wanted us to join the Death Eaters and help ‘turn the tides of the war in the favor of the good’ or some bollocks. But we did. And the first thing Dumbledore did was assign us a handler. The only other person in the order to know we were helping to stop the war. You’d never guess who he picked, Remus.”
Regulus looked at Remus like he was waiting for a guess, but Remus just shrugged his shoulders, eyes wide in anticipation.
“James Potter.”
Remus coughed, choking on his own air at the thought that James could have had a secret he kept from Sirius, Peter, and himself. James couldn’t keep a secret to save his life, but being a handler for three teenage- boys- turned- Death- Eaters- turned- order- spies? That just blew Remus’ mind. Regulus stared at Remus and waited patiently until he was done processing, and then with a nod from Remus, continued.
“It's going to get worse from here for you, Remus. James was meeting with the three of us once a month to go over what intel we could gather, but the one thing we brought to this was that we both, Evan and I, had heard of Voldemort keeping valuable items hidden. Valuable items that contained a dark magic that was almost tangible, that caused our hairs to stand on end and a deep sense of dread whenever we entered the room that the items were in. Horcruxes, Remus. Voldemort had created Horcruxes. And I knew where at least three were located before even having my first meeting with James.”
Regulus glanced over to where Harry was sitting with Evan and smiled a small, barely there smile. Turning back to Remus, Regulus sighed.
“This is the hard part, Lupin. And I don't even know if you'll forgive me for this, but I hope you forgive James. After a few months of spying, Barty and Evan stopped coming to our meetings. They had just gotten their heads out of their collective asses and started dating, so it was hard to really plan times for all of us to meet up, and for them to plan time to meet up in secret. Plus we felt it was suspicious to have the three of us running around the castle together with James, so it became just.. Just James and me. And I learned that he wasn't just this loud obnoxious Gryffindor jock. He could be quiet and intelligent, he had a dry sense of humor when he wanted to. He wasn’t afraid of me, or my anger. He… He made me want to be a better person for me, and not just because it was the only option. And one day I was walking down a hallway,” Remus looked at Regulus’ face, which had turned a shade of pink he’d not seen on the boy, “and I felt a hand pull me into a classroom. That old potions classroom on the first floor. And it was James. And he just… Kissed me. And it was like I woke up for the first time. Like i'd never known what it was to be awake. I know he was your best friend. But James… James was the love of my life.” Regulus placed his hands on his lips, touching the ghost of a kiss long past. Remus wanted to say he was surprised to find the cold boy he’d known for so long had fallen for a person so full of light like James, but he knew James well enough to know if anyone loved him, it wasn't going to be a passing fancy. No, if Regulus loved James, he was going to love him until his last breath.
“What about Lily? How does she-” Remus began, before Regulus interrupted him.
“What did I say, Lupin? No interruptions. I promise I'll get to all of your questions. I promise, I left no stone unturned in this little book of mine. I even had Evan check over it for things I might have missed. I’ll get to Lily eventually. But first we have some Horcruxes to find, right?” Remus scoffed but leaned back on the couch, getting comfortable.
“Continue.” Remus said with a huff. Regulus rolled his eyes but did as he was asked.
“When I found my first Horcrux, I was terrified. Only two known items can destroy them, and despite informing Dumbledore of the danger, he was unable to obtain enough basilisk venom to use on them, which left Barty, Evan, and I to learn to make and tame fiendfyre. It took…. 3 months? For Evan to get it. He was always the calmest of us, better at controlling spells than anyone. Then I managed to do it, and then Barty. The first Horcrux I destroyed was a ring, belonging to Voldemort’s family. I found it in his childhood home, and it's a good thing too because my casting wasn't great that first time. I ended up burning down the entire house and surrounding garden before eventually managing to put out the fire. After the fire, and seeing how dangerous it could be, I ended things with James. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I didn’t want him to hurt if I… if I died. So I told him I needed him to be just our handler. If only for my safety, so I could concentrate on the task at hand, without worrying about his safety. James didn't take it well, but I think he knew I was just scared. And that, knowing that I was scared, that scared him, because i'm not often one to let fear get to me. A few months later Lily came into the picture and by the summer after you all graduated, they had moved into their home in Godric's Hallow and you and Sirius had moved into that apartment in Diagon Alley above that one old flower shop. After that, I was able to track down a cup that Voldemort turned into a Horcrux, a cup belonging to Helga Hufflepuff! The history he made me destroy Remus! I was lucky too, he had given the cup to Bellatrix, and I had access to her vault. I didn't even have to go get it, Kreacher was able to get it for me as a black family elf. At this point I was meeting James at their home, and Lily became aware of what the four of us were up to. She was pregnant at that point, and James seemed happier. But then one day she pulled us both aside and told us to ‘get our heads out of our asses’. I guess she had figured out that we were together in school somehow, probably Jamie not being able to hide anything from that witch, if we are being honest. When I explained to her that i wouldn't get in the way of them, she laughed in my face, Remus! LAUGHED. I didn't even know what to do, I just stood there. When she realized James and I weren't going to say anything, and were resigned to spend the rest of our lives without each other, she told us we didn't have to.” Regulus reached into the book he was holding and pulled out a photo. The one of james and sirius, with lily’s pregnant belly. When james winked at the camera, Remus realized what that meant.
“I’m sorry Remus, you're gonna have to forgive him too. Sirius knew I wasn't really a death eater.”
Remus couldn't hold his tongue any longer, and spoke.
“How? How could he have known?? How could he have known and not told me? We mourned you, Regulus. We fought about you! He always told me that you.. That you couldn't be saved.” But Remus realized at that moment that it was just a clever cover. Of course, if his own brother believed he was a Death Eater, no one would know any wiser.
“So what, you, Lily, and James just became a throuple or something?” Remus asked, annoyed. Surprisingly Regulus laughed at that.
“No Lupin. I’m as gay as they come. No, Lily and James had something I couldn't touch. They were almost like.. Like a completed puzzle. Every piece had its place and fit perfectly. But James and I… Even Lily said it was like we were soulmates. Where they were the same, we were something else. Something that James needed too. So Lily and I, while I did grow to love her, it was never more than the way I love Pandora or Evan, or even Barty.” Regulus took one last glance at the photo before flipping the page in his book.
“And now back to the Horcruxes! Barty was the next to destroy a Horcrux, a diary that belonged to Voldemort himself. Lucius had been keeping it in his personal office, and Barty snuck in and took it one day. Sometimes I wonder if one of us had taken it instead, if he would be in Azkaban right now. I can't say for certain that Barty was caught, but from that day on it seemed every mission Barty went on, Lucius was there too, watching. We didn't let Barty go on another Horcrux hunt after that, and we moved some of his belongings to Godric’s Hollow, just in case. James and Lily had 3 guest rooms, and with Sirius spending a fair amount of time in one of them while you were off on your own mission, Evan and Barty were given one and I was given the other. Not that we were using them too often, for appearance sake I spent most of the time at Grimmauld and Evan and Barty would stay there too, but they couldn’t be together there, so they were at Jamie’s almost as much as I was.”
“This would be around the time that I can answer your Pandora question. ‘Why is Evan polyjuicing himself as his sister?’ Pandora has the sight, if you'll believe it. And she said she knew Evan would need her to make a sacrifice for him, and so she cut off all of her hair. Quite literally, she spent her entire last year of school with not even shoulder-length curls. But after Evan and I had to disappear, he realized she gave him the one thing no one else could; freedom. Evan was able to go into Hogwarts for meetings with Dumbledore. Evan is currently able to work at a tattoo parlor two towns over. Evan is able to take Harry to Diagon Alley and to any wizarding town he wants, as Pandora. And don't you worry, Panda is well aware that Evan is her for about 40 hours a week, she understands. I think she works with you now, am I right? It’ll probably be nice for her to have someone to talk to about all of this. Luna is lovely, but she isn't really able to understand any of this, being a toddler.”
Remus could feel a headache coming on, struggling to keep up with all the information. Remus glanced into the kitchen at Evan, who was no longer reading the book but instead appeared to be building a lego castle. He gave Remus a little wave and then went back to the little boy who looked unhappy with the distraction.
“Go back to your story Reggie!!!” Harry shouted, then giggled when Regulus wagged his finger at him.
“Okay okay, back to the story. So this part is going to be rough. So one of the Horcruxes was a locket. And fortunately for us, Voldemort actually asked for a house elf to help him with a task, which turned out to be related to the Horcrux. See, Voldemort wanted to hide the Horcrux in a cave. And Kreacher, who is without a doubt a key part of why this all worked out, went along with my plan and was able to find out where the Horcrux was being kept and how to get past the traps set for anyone stupid enough to try to steal it.”
“We would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those damn inferi.” Evan shouted from the kitchen.
“YOU ARE WATCHING TOO MANY CARTOONS WITH HARRY, THIS IS NOT SCOOBY-DOO!!!” Regulus shouted back.
“Inferi?” Remus asked, absolutely exhausted from biting his tongue.
“Ah, yeah inferi. So one of the traps Voldemort set was not mentioned by Kreacher, because he just apparated back to the manor when he was done with the task. I, stupidly, shoved my head in a lake full of inferi when the potion I had to drink made me feel like I was dying of thirst. If evan wasn’t there, it would’ve been way worse, but as it was, I lost quite a bit.”
Regulus sighed and began unbuttoning his coat with one hand. Remus looked at his other hand and realized that this entire time, Regulus had only used his right hand. Making the tea, his wand being up his left sleeve… As Regulus shrugged off his jacket he revealed a short sleeve shirt underneath and where his left arm should’ve been was a state-of-the-art prosthetic, which Regulus showed could move its fingers and pick things up, but he looked uncomfortable using it.
“The scarring makes it a little painful to use,” he explained. “The inferi clawed my arm right off, and got a few good grips elsewhere too.” Regulus waved his wand to remove a glamour charm Remus hadn’t even noticed, revealing the extent of the damage done. Regulus’ arms were both covered in deep scars, animalistic in nature, very similar to the ones Remus had on his body from the full moons. Across Regulus’ neck was a patch of skin that didn't match his skin tone, a deep brown where Regulus was a pale ivory, as though it was transplanted from someone else. The most jarring though, was the scar on regulus’ cheek going over his nose, almost an exact match to the one Remus had gotten after a bad moon.
“You look a bit like me, mate.” Remus said, trying to find humor in the situation.
“Merlin, don’t tell my brother that, we’re trying to stay away from following in the black family footsteps, afterall.” Remus let out a loud snort, which made Regulus smile.
“Can I ask about the…” Remus said, pointing to his own neck. Regulus held his hand up and gently brushed his fingers over the strip of skin covering his throat. Regulus called for Evan and he walked over to the living room, leaving Harry to what now looked like a coloring book.
“Time for show and tell, I'm assuming?” Evan asked and began unbuttoning his trousers. Remus blushed and immediately covered his eyes in terror.
“Evan, what the fuck?!” Remus exclaimed, refusing to uncover his eyes. Both of the other boys were laughing and Remus could feel how flushed his face was.
“You can open your eyes, you prude. I’m just showing you my thigh, you think I'm going to drop my trousers when my nephew is sitting ten feet away?” Evan asked skeptically, still laughing.
Remus opened his eyes and saw Evan was telling the truth. Near the leg of his boxers, a shiny scar the size of the mark on regulus’ neck stood out from his dark skin.
“We apparated back to the Potter’s,” Evan said, pulling his pants back up, “And Regulus was so out of his mind he splinched himself. Lily, the brilliant witch, stupefied me the moment she saw Reggie’s neck, vanished my pants, and cut a chunk of my skin off to attach to his neck, stopping the bleeding on his neck almost instantly. She would’ve been a brilliant healer, Lupin. God she used some muggle technique on his arm and it stopped bleeding before Potter even got me awake again. Smelled like the welcome feast at Hogwarts, but it gave her the time to get him all healed up. She saved his life, and I’ll never forget it.”
Evan pulled down the collar of his shirt, and next to what looked like a handwritten BC with a roman numeral two in the C, was a lily.
“That was the last time I saw her. The day she saved us.” Evan tapped the lily once, and the BCII twice, and then walked back into the kitchen.
“So I think we are on to Barty, if I'm correct.” Regulus said, flipping forward a few pages. “While Evan and I were fighting for our life in that cave, Barty had been recruited by my cousin Bella, her husband, and her brother-in-law on a secret mission from voldemort. We couldn't figure out what it was, but with the timing, we figured it was the best chance to go after the final Horcrux was when the bigger players were occupied. We didn't count on them asking Barty to join them, but we couldn't miss a chance to see what they were doing, you know? So Barty went, and at the last minute so did Lucius. I don't know exactly what happened on the mission, but when it was over Bella, Barty, Rodolphus, and Rabastan were all in Azkaban, the Longbottoms were lucky to be alive, and Lucius wasn't even mentioned. It was like he had never been there. They tried to say BARTY tortured the Longbottom’s into oblivion, but Barty never even managed to hold a cruciatus curse for more than a minute, and that was on his own father! On Frank or Alice Longbottom?? There was no way he could’ve done it.”
Regulus paused to go and check on Harry, who was now under the kitchen table with Evan and a few toy cars. Seeing that he was alright, Regulus grabbed a glass of water for each of the boys under the table and poured himself and Remus each a glass of firewhiskey.
“Oh I’m good really-” Remus started, but with the look Regulus gave him he took a sip, watching as Regulus downed the glass.
“Sirius wasn’t the secret keeper for the Potter’s. He went looking for you, and he told Jamie he needed to pick someone else. He wanted to pick me, but I wouldn’t let him. I was supposed to be dead, if anyone found me they’d know to interrogate me. Lily wanted to pick Severus, but Jamie refused to trust him. Frank.. You know Frank's son Neville, the prophecy could have been about him. It wasn't likely, because the Longbottoms weren't known for being violent the way James was in the field. But James decided to make Frank his secret keeper, and Frank had asked his auror partner, Gideon Prewett. They found Gideon and his brother in pieces after what happened at the Longbottom’s, but it was too late. When Bella broke Frank, she got the secret.”
Regulus wiped a tear from his eye with a shaky hand. Remus handed over the rest of his whiskey, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach knowing what was going to come. Regulus took the glass, grateful for the reprieve.
“I was supposed to be there. I was supposed to be there with them. Dumbledore needed to know about the Horcrux, and James couldn't leave. So I went to Hogwarts and Evan, disguised as Pandora, went to get whatever he could from the Manor. I should have been there to protect him, Remus.” Regulus paused, letting out a choked out gasp.
“Regulus you don't have to-” Remus started, but Regulus stopped him.
“Remus, I can handle it. I’m not a child. I just needed a moment. As I was saying, Evan and I were called away, and neither of us were in the best mindset. I was recovering from nearly dying, Evan’s boyfriend was just wrongfully arrested. That night was Halloween. Peter was over to guard the house, as he was most nights. When Voldemort got there, he took out Peter first. And Peter, Merlin you could tell he did everything to protect them. When Dumbledore checked his wand after, he had shot out every dark spell he knew. He was willing to give up his soul to save Lily, James, and Harry. But when Voldemort was done with him, he was barely a person. He did give Lily the time she needed though, to save Harry. Voldemort, he… Well, James didn't make it long after that. His wand… It looked like he left his wand on the sofa. He was so worried about Lily and Harry, he didn't even have his wand on him. He made it halfway up the stairs before Voldemort killed him. Lily had managed to get a patronus to me, but it was too late when I got there.
‘He found us. I’m so sorry. He killed Peter and James. Take care of Harry. I love you.”’
Regulus looked at Remus with tears in his eyes. Remus could tell by the way Regulus spoke that those words must have been haunting him for all these years.
“They investigated what must have happened, and they never found her body. Or his. But there were runes drawn on the floor in front of the door, and another set near the window. The curse breakers that investigated believe that she used a bit of blood magic and… and blew them both up. The window shattered, glass all around the room and a lightning bolt scar on Harry's head, where the magic may have been protecting him. Sirius got to them first, i was traveling from Hogwarts and I couldn't apparate so I had to take floos and… I was too late. But Sirius, he found them. And when the Aurors showed up and saw Sirius holding Harry, surrounded by James and Peter, they assumed the worst. And so he too got sent to Azkaban for a crime he didn't commit.” Regulus looked up at Remus, to find him silently crying, imagining Sirius holding his dead friends and his godson, not knowing where Lily could be. It would be heartbreaking for the strongest person.
“Rosmerta put us up at the Three Broomsticks while we waited for the trial for Sirius, but there never was one. Instead, Dumbledore showed up in the middle of the night with Harry, and told me I would be in charge of him, and that Lily and Jamie wanted him to be.. To be raised by his father.. So here I am, doing everything I can to raise him how I know Jamie and Lily would’ve raised him, but two very important parts of our family are missing.” Regulus looks to the kitchen, where Evan was holding a sleeping Harry, carrying him past the living room and up to his bedroom. Regulus waited a few minutes until Evan returned.
“I wasn’t meant to die in that cave. But I’d go right back if it meant that James was still here. I’d have died for him Remus. I wish I could turn back time and die for him.”
“Regulus that… That's no way to live.” Remus said, swallowing heavily.
“Are you really telling me you wouldn’t die for my brother?” Regulus said.
“Of course I would. I’ve spent the last five years living for him,” Remus said, his voice cracking.
Evan leaned forward with a smirk on his face, resting his elbows on his knees. The way the group was sitting, they made a perfect triangle.
“Then let's go get him. Let's break them both out of Azkaban.”