Will We Ever Adjust?
It's been almost one month since Lily and James were killed. It's been almost a month since the Dark Lord has been defeated. And, it has been almost a month since Sirius and Remus have taken in baby Harry.
***
"Siri, he's awake," Remus groans, not wanting to get up. At first, Harry thought that this whole thing was just another 'uncle sleepover.' But slowly, Harry has realized that he hasn't had a hug from mom or a song from dad in a month. Harry's cries ring through the flat.
"He likes you better." Sirius says tiredly into the pillow. Sirius sits up, his black curls looking greasy and unkempt. "How did Lily and James do this and still function?" "I don't know." Tears well in Remus' eyes and he quickly wipes them away. "I took care of everything last night. Just get him from the crib and bring him in here, I can't listen to his cries anymore." Remus watches Sirius walk out. He sighs as Sirius looks back at him with puppy dog eyes. "Fine. We will go together."
"Thanks, love." Sirius kisses his cheek and hands him his cane. They make their way to Harry's makeshift bedroom. As they walk, Remus looks at all of the pictures hanging on the cream colored wall. A picture of the whole group. Dorcas with her goofy grin, chin atop of Marlene's head. Marlene cradling Dorcas' broken hand gently. She broke it in a raid. Sirius is on Remus' back, his head thrown back in laughter. Remus, leaning on his cane with a soft smile. What the picture doesn't show is Lily's hand on his back, supporting him. James and Lily, they look at each other with pure love in their eyes, Harry sleeping in a sling attached to Lily. Remus snaps out of it when the cries get sharper. Sirius picks up the red-faced baby, cooing nonsense as he holds Harry close to his chest.
"Did you miss us? You felt lonely?" Sirius chides as he rocks Harry as the toddler flails balled fists. "No, no. None of that today. Not today." Sirius walks with Harry back to their bedroom, supporting his back as he sets him down on their bed. Lily and James' possessions litter their small house, crowding their hallways. Fleamont and Euphemia have been meaning to come by. but they keep canceling with excuses like a busy day or lost track of time. Sirius and Remus both understand, though. Remus can't imagine having to bury your baby. Sirius is really their only boy left, and he isn't even their own biologically. They write to him every week, always enclosing their promises to visit and leaving teardrops on the yellowed 'old-money' parchment.
"Let's get him dressed," Remus mumbles, shaking himself out of his own brain. "Something in one of these trash bags."
"James really loved to spoil this kid." Sirius chuckles, pulling some corduroy overalls out with a jumper. "He has so many things." Sirius bites his lip, pushing his hair out of his face as he tries to put the squirming kid into pants.
"No! No!" Harry protests, "Mama!"
"She isn't here." Remus says gently, taking Harry as Sirius gets slowly more and more frustrated. "Sorry about that, kiddo."
"Remus!" Sirius hisses while watching Remus pull the overalls over Harry's pudgy legs. "You can't just tell him that."
"I refuse to just shock him with the fact that his parents are dead when he gets older." Remus says to Sirius while keeping gentle attention on the squirming toddler. "I am going to ease him into it with all of the wonderful memories of his parents and our friends." Remus pull's Harry's arms up while pulling the jumper over him.
Sirius sighs. "I don't know about that, Remus. He is so little." Sirius picks at his fingers, a habit he is never able to drop and leads to Remus always criticizing his cuticles. "He must be so confused." Remus finishes dressing Harry and sets him back into Sirius' lap. Harry stands on wobbly legs, pulling at Sirius' curls that hang down. "Ow, chap. That hurts." Sirius unfurls the little fists.
"Lily and James died in a very public way. I would rather he found out from us than a story or a paper or some other child." Remus says firmly as he stands, leaning on his silver-headed cane as he wades through black trash bags and possessions to get to the kitchen to make some tea for the pair. "And that's final!" Remus shouts from the kitchen, emphasizing his point.
Harry grabs onto Sirius' face. "Outside? We go outside?" Harry jumps a bit, used to James immediately showing him things on a broom or Lily walking him through her failed attempt at a garden. Sirius nods, standing and lifting Harry onto his hip.
"Of course we will go outside." Sirius pokes Harry in the side, causing his giggles to ring throughout the flat. "We will go outside any time that you want to." Sirius and Remus do not have the biggest backyard and it will never compare to the beautiful yard that James and Lily have. Not have. Had. The Ministry of Magic owns it right now as they investigate. Sirius walks with Harry to the kitchen which has bigger things like a dresser and a play pen with an enchanted mobile that never stops. At least, Remus can't make it stop. He remembers that only Lily could because James always found it annoying. Harry is obsessed with it, though. Sirius heads to the patio, but stumbles back when Remus pulls on his pajama shirt collar.
"What do you think that you are doing right now?" Remus asks, brewing his tea. "Also, where do you think that you two are going?" Remus leans against the counter in his long robe like a tired, stereotypical television show middle-aged mother. The slow tea sipping really adds to the dramatic effect. Siruis puts Harry on his other hip, not noticing that he has his entire tiny fist in his mouth, drooling on his fresh clothes.
"We were just going to go outside, mate. What's the problem with that?" Harry takes his drool covered fist and wipes it on Sirius' shirt with a giggle.
"No, you are not going outside, mate." Remus hands Sirius a dishtowel. "There are still Death Eaters out there, waiting for him to show his scarred face in public so that they can avenge the Voldemort." Sirius covers Harry's ears, hushing Remus. He starts making a piece of toast, getting out some peanut butter.
"Don't say that name around him." Sirius sets the toaster on for too long. When he turns his back, Remus sets it to the correct time.
"Sirius," Remus says softly as Sirius starts to stir the peanut butter, "Harry doesn't like that kind of peanut butter. He likes the one with the blue lid."
Sirius looks to Remus with eyes that come straight out of a horror movie. "We...we ran out of the blue lid peanut butter." Harry whips his head around, tears welling up.
"Shit."
"Shit."
Sirius puts one earplug in. "Well, shit."