Peanut Butter
After a long hour filled with tantrums, tears from every party, and reconciliation, Harry eats breakfast. Sirius sits at the small table, exhausted.
"That kid has a pair of lungs." Sirius groans as Harry eats toast with jam happily, no peanut butter.
"We can't keep just...giving him everything that he wants." Remus says as he finishes his own breakfast, which consists of only tea. "We aren't just fun uncles now. We have to be parents. Okay?" Remus wipes his chin. Lily was so good with gentle discipline. His mind flashes back to one of the first times him and Sirius came over for breakfast when Harry was a toddler.
"Harry, no." Lily says as she leaves the toddler in the highchair. "You have to eat. If you don't, you will be hungry. And when you are hungry, you can't just expect mama to give you snacks, okay?" Lily says as she stands across from him with her hands on her hips. It's clear that James has chosen to stay out of this battle as he serves the boys their breakfasts.
James sighs as he looks back at Harry. "He's in his tantrum phase. He'll be two years old soon. Can you believe it? God, I feel like yesterday he was just a baby." James winces as Harry's wails get louder. He piles Remus' and Sirius' plates with eggs and bacon and toast. "His favorite food are peanut butter or jelly. Not and jelly. He refuses to eat them together, but he will eat them separately. It's all he will eat."
"Harry," Lily says in a warning tone as she continues to cut up Harry's breakfast, which does not show any sign of peanut butter or jelly, "eat some of it. Just to see if you would like it." Lily holds a fork with scrambled eggs up to him. Lily gasps as he knocks it out of her hand with a whiny noise. "Harry James," Lily says firmly, picking it up. "In this house, Harry, we do not hit. We never hit." At Lily's tone, Harry's bottom lip quivers. He reaches out for Lily with his little hands, making grabbing motions.
“Sorry, mama! Mama, sorry!” Harry whimpers, messing up his thick, black locks as he nestles into Lily’s chest when she picks him up. James looks upon Lily with a look of absolute adoration.
“Isn’t she perfect?” James says in awe as Lily feeds Harry as she rocks him on his hip. “She is…wow.” James feels like he has won the most perfect prize, Lily.
Sirius speaks through mouthfuls of food. “Aw, look at you, mate.” Sirius says in a teasing tone, nudging James.
“Mouth closed.” Remus chides as he neatly eats his food.
“But-”
Remus flashes a warning look. “Sirius…”
“Fine.” Sirius grumbles. Him and James continue to talk like brothers. They practically are, anyhow. Remus, on the other hand, takes up his cane and walks over to Lily. Lily was his first friend at Hogwarts. He can’t believe that they used to despise both James and Sirius.
“Hello there, little one.” Remus says as he pokes Harry in the stomach. He looks up at Lily. “Lils, anything I can do?”
Lily sighs happily. “No, we are all good now that we are eating, aren’t we.” Lily smiles and holds her baby boy close. “I don’t know what I would do without him. I’d give my life for him.”
Remus snaps back when Sirius teases Harry and the laughter coming from the pair is deafening. ‘I’d give my life for him’ rings in Remus’ head. If only Lily and James knew how true their words were. Remus feels himself being shaken by one of Sirius’ pale and spindly hands.
“Earth to Remi?” Sirius says, “Sweetheart? Remi? Remus.” Sirius says firmly, setting Harry back down into his fire engine red high chair. Sirius pulls Remus in closely. “I know. I think about all of them. All of the time. But, we can’t…we can’t stay wrapped up in it. We will get lost. All lost.” Sirius kisses his cheek. Remus doesn’t speak, instead he lets himself stay close to Sirius, his chin resting on the top of his shorter partner’s messy black locks. Eventually, his head drops and he lets his forehead rest on Sirius’ shoulder.
“Would Lils and Prongs even approve of how we are raising him? He won’t sleep through the night, eat anything besides peanut butter or jelly, and…I don’t know what to do with this child.” Remus says hopelessly, feeling a tightening in his chest, a fist squeezing his heart with no mercy or restraint in its emotionless appendages. “You can’t sit a toddler down and discuss the news.” Remus’ voice starts to get more frantic and his breathing quickens, the fist squeezing. “You can’t tell a toddler what’s going on and why their mother and father aren’t here. You can’t just tell them why this is this and why that is that! You-”
“Remi, you didn’t take your medication this morning.” Sirius says as he tries to deescalate the situation, calming Remus down while looking back at Harry. Harry is content in his own world, chewing on his fingers and playing with his food, giggling. “Let’s take that and then tackle the crisis of not knowing how to raise a kid.” Sirius grabs Remus’ bottle from the counter, opening it and taking a pill and handing it to him. “You can swallow pills with tea, right?”
Remus takes a breath. “I mean, no one ever said that I explicitly couldn’t swallow pills with other liquids. Water is just the status quo.”
“Well, I would say that we are experts in breaking that fancy status something or other.” Sirius says with a smirk as he nudges Remus. Sirius speaks in a beautiful and light French accent. The Black family came from France and French was Sirius’ first language until the family realized that he needed to know English as well for their family to fit in and rise in status.
Money only means as much as other people think that it’s worth.
So, sometimes Sirius mixes up his words, finds it hard to pronounce them, or doesn’t know what some things mean. But, Remus finds it to be maybe the most endearing thing on planet Earth. Fleamont and Euphemia write some of their letters in French when they know that Sirius is struggling. It’s a comfort to him. Lately, Remus hasn’t been able to read a single letter from the letters that arrive daily.
Remus swallows the pill and tries to ease his anxieties. “We are trying our best.” Remus says, repeating something Euphemia said.
“We are trying our best.” Sirius confirms.
“We are not going to mess up a toddler to the point of no return.” Remus says, repeating something like Fleamont said after Sirius freaked out when he almost dropped Harry when he wouldn’t stop squirming.
“We are not going to mess up a toddler to the point of no return.” Sirius confirms with a laugh. He looks over at Harry. “Oh. Oh no. Someone needs a bath this morning.” Sirius turns Remus to go and look over at the toddler. Remus whips around and starts to laugh. The nice jumper, the overalls, and all of Harry himself is covered in peanut butter. Sirius accidentally left the jar of peanut butter too in reach. There are gobs of peanut butter in his thick hair, streaks of it on his woolen jumper and his overalls, and peanut butter covers his hands. Harry squeals and claps his hands together, chanting ‘peanut butter’ with his toddler voice, replacing ‘r’s with ‘w’s.
Remus lifts Harry from his highchair very carefully, wrinkling his nose as the wall of peanut butter smell hits his nostrils. “I am this close to never eating peanut butter again, Siri.” Remus says, very sensitive to smells and tries to hold back a gag. When Remus turns toward Sirius with a giggling Harry who holds his peanut butter covered limbs out to him, Sirius quickly starts backing away.
“Hey…we don’t need to do this.” Sirius trips over a bag as Remus walks slowly toward his with the peanut butter weapon. “I think I need to…um…go take out the trash. Maybe I’ll clean the trash can.” SIrius stumbles outside and away from the toddler. “I gave him a bath last night!” Sirius shouts. “Your turn! Your turn!” Remus watches as Sirius disappears to somewhere on the property.
“Oh, Harry,” Remus says with a sweet smile as Harry starts licking his fingers free of the peanut butter. “I can’t complain too much. At least you're getting some protein in.”