Steamboat
Pandora brings the cotton swab to her nose and takes a large inhale. Not breathing out until she needs air. After a few seconds she can feel the Mirthroot working.
At first everything is clear. She feels very alert and attentive, but it only lasts a moment. What follows is the opposite.
It’s like she is floating. The room shifts in and out of focus. It feels like she is drifting between realities. She sees Peter but it feels like he is being broadcasted on muggle television. He is here but not really. He exists, but not in this room, not in this moment.
Pandora becomes oddly aware of her breath. She doesn’t like it. The feeling of air in her body, her lungs expanding and compressings. It’s very irritating. She hates it. Next thing she knows her blood is bothering her. She can feel it circulating through her body. She feels uncomfortable. Like wearing a pair of pants that are too itchy and too tight. She wants to take them off. But she can’t. It’s her body that feels too tight, too restricting.
She wants to leave it behind. Escape the prison of her flesh and bones. She can be eternal without her body. The room around her fades away and Pandora finds herself floating through space. It’s peaceful and she can see the stars. They are so beautiful. For a moment she wishes she were one. Watching, with eternal lids apart, like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite. It would be nice to be a star. No one would bother her. She could simply exist and that’s all. She would live long, but not forever. In the end she would die. Fading into darkness.
She lets the idea consume her. And for a while that’s all there is, darkness.
Then all of a sudden, there is a light. It takes a moment to locate it but she does, it’s the Karthos Beetle. It’s hovering by her face. It stays there with her for a long time. The two beings exist with each other, bathing in the energy of the other entity. Pandora is very relaxed when Beetle explodes in front of her. Causing her momentary blindness before everything turns green.
The shade of green Pandora has been searching for. It feels like falling. Her whole being reduced to this moment, this color. She never wants to leave. Pandora can exist here forever, the earthy tone soothing her soul. This is it, being surrounded by this color Pandora’s life is complete, she will never beat this moment. Nothing will ever compare to this color of green. That’s okay, because she can stay here forever. It’s her favorite place, she loves everything about it, the shifting shade of green, the blankness of her brian, the smell?
Flowers?
The green is fading. No, no no. Please no. Let me stay. Please. Pandora doesn’t want to leave. She doesn’t want to go back.
It’s too late. The green is gone. She is laying on the floor of Peters dorm. He is holding a lily to her nose. The Mirthroot is gone. She is in her body. There are no beetles. She isn’t floating through space.
“Pandora?”
She stares at the floor. Feeling lost. Everything is wrong. She can feel her body. It’s too tight, too heavy, too irritating. She can feel the blood rushing in her ears. She can feel her heart pumping. She hates it. She needs to leave. She can’t be in her body anymore. She needs to be soul. Not a person.
She’s done existing within this physical vessel.
“Pandora, are you okay?”
Please come back. I need to find you. Please. Pandora wants the color back. She wants the floating sensation back. She can’t be here like this. She silently pleads for a great force to take her, free her from her body. Whatever takes. A knife through the heart, a blow to the head. Poison in her veins. Something, anything.
“Fuck” In a panick peter brings the lily closer to Pandora nose encouraging her to smell it. She holds her breath.
“Please come back. I need you. I am lost. Please. Please” Pandora is pleading, she needs the color back. She feels as though the fate of the universe depends on this color. She is in her body, and she can’t be. She hates it. But maybe if she could find the color it wouldn’t be so bad.
“Smell the flower please, you’re scaring me.”
Pandora hears a voice, but it’s muffled. It doesn't matter. She needs to find the green. She can’t exist without it. Every second she cannot see the color feels like an eternity. She is fading, Pandora is fading, and the only thing that can save her is gre- flowers?
She can’t picture the green anymore, it’s gone. It isn’t here. Pandora can’t see it. She can’t feel it. She knows where she is, and yet she has never felt more lost.
Suddenly Pandora is a hyperventilating heap on the floor.
***
Nope. Nope. Nope. Peter doesn’t do well in situations like this. He panics around panicking people and that is exactly what he is doing right now. He doesn’t have a plan but he certainly can’t calm down Pandora, so he rushes out of his dorm to find help.
There are a million things on his mind as he flies down the stairs into the common room. Is she okay? Has she ever been high before? Is she allergic? These are all genuine questions. Peter smelled the Mirthroot too, and he found it quite subtle and enjoyable. But clearly Pandora did not react the same way. Which leads to his current mission. Finding help. He needs someone who won’t get them both expelled and, preferably someone Pandora knows and trusts. Who does Pandora know and trust? She is a Ravenclaw, but he usually sees her with the Slytherins. Maybe her brother? No. Sirius would not want to see Regulus in this situation. Regulus? She spends a lot of time with him. But, no. I cannot bring a Slytherin into Gryfindor tower. The situation is getting worse by the minute. Pandora is having a breakdown in the Gryfindor boys dormitory after using drugs that if discovered would definitely get her expelled. And Peter left her all alone. She could be in trouble.
Now Peter is on his way to having a panic attack which is the least helpful thing he can possibly do in this scenario. But he can’t help it. His breathing is getting shaky when the portrait swings open. Peter watches as the familiar brown shoe of Remus (his savoir) Lupin steps inside. He is alone. Thank merlin.
It takes a whole two seconds before Remus is approaching Peter, concern spreading across his features.
“In and out, deep breaths.” Remus pats Peters back, and oh, this is pathetic. Pandora is the one who needs help, but Peter can’t even get his words out.
“I-it was-f-fine-butshe-” Peter stumbles over his words.
“Deep breaths. In and out. You can explain later”
Remus is so fucking good at this. He is what Pandora needs right now. Peter needs Pandora to get help. She is his friend. She trusted him and he needs to show her she still can.
“Come to our dorm. Pandora needs help.”
Remus gives Peter a look of utter confusion.
“Rosier?”
“Please Remus.”
And that’s all it takes before Remus is hurriedly following Petter into their dorm.
Pandora is right where Peter left her. She’s crying now. Great heaving sobs. She looks pale, as she bangs her head on the floor, with a loud thud.
Peter stands frozen in the doorway as Remus rushes to her side.
“Pandora, can you hear me?”
She is beating the floor with her fist now, looking towards the ceiling.
“Come back! I need you! Please! PLEASE!”
Remus looks at Peter now. “What happened?” His voice isn’t angry, but it is demanding.
“We-we took Mirthroot bu-”
“Are you stupid? Mirthroot is deadly!” Remus says crouching next to Pandora. He holds her still as she tries to smash her head into the floor again.
“It was safe I swear! We diluted it first. I was fine, but she started freaking out, and I-I didn’t know what to do so I left her to look for help, and you were the first person I found.” Peter explains in a rush.
Remus pauses taking in the new information.
“So you think she’s physically okay?”
“I think so.”
“Okay” Remus says. It sounds like he’s reassuring himself. “We just need to calm her down then.”
Peter watches helplessly as Remus talks to Pandora. The only person who was his. The only friend he made by himself. He can feel himself losing her. And yet he does nothing.
“Pandora, I need you to focus on me okay?”
She doesn’t respond only mumbles “please, please, pleaspleaseplaseplease”
Peters feels sick as Remus takes her hand.
“Everytime I squeeze your hand I need you to inhale. And when I stop you exhale.” The boy explains.
“In and out” He says, taking breaths with her.
It takes a long time, but eventually, Pandora calms down. She still looks pale, and there is a bruise on her forehead but at least she is breathing normally now.
Peter feels relief come over him. As Pandora wipes her tears away, and looks around the room. Her eyes linger on Remus, as if she’s just noticed he’s here.
Then she looks at her hands, she runs them through her hair. There’s fog in her eyes. She doesn’t seem to comprehend what’s happening.
She clutches her heart as if trying to see if it’s still beating. With her hand on her chest she thanks Remus and Peter then leaves. Pausing to pick up the lily off the floor before she steps out of the room.
Peter wants to ask her to stay. He’s worried something bad might happen, but she’s already gone.
***
Pandora is out of her mind. Well more than usual. She doesn’t feel real. Nothing makes sense. She is in Gryffindor tower. She smelled Mirthroot. She saw green, she was a star. She was panincing. Remus Lupin calmed her down. Her hand still has the scars on it. She smelled a flower. Said flower is in her hand. She is walking down the stairs. Her body feels wrong. Her limbs feel too long, heavy, too connected to her torso. Everything is too loud, too bright, too much. She can’t take it. She needs relief.
Her body goes into autopilot as she makes her way to the portrait of the fat lady. But just before she can open. Someone else does from the other side. Pandora is still in a dreamy state when Mary Macdonold and Marlene McKninnon step through the hole and stand in front of her.
They appear to have just gotten back from an outdoor activity, Pandora can smell nature on the girls.
McKinnon gives her a weird stare.
“What are you doing in our common room?”
Pandora is trying to force the mush that is brain at the moment to form clear thoughts, when she decides it would be best just to leave. So she steps towards the open portrait, but just as tries to exit, someone else is entering. Pandora trips trying to get out of Lily Evans' way, but the redhead quickly reaches out to steady her, grabbing Pandora’s shoulder.
And suddenly the world is crystal clear.
Pandora can feel everything down to Lily’s fingerprint. Her hand is warm and speckled with freckles, they remind Pandora of stars. She smells of flowers and sugar. Lily’s nails are painted. They are green.
Pandora doesn’t feel lost anymore. She doesn’t feel the absence of the color anymore. Her body isn’t too tight. It’s like a switch has been flipped and all of her problems are gone. She is exactly where she is meant to be. She is alive.
“Hi Pandora,”
Evans says, brushing past her and joining her friends in the common room. She is wearing brown corduroy bell bottoms, with a flowery top. Her hair is kept out of her face by a bandana, and she is wearing sunglasses.
“Hi”
Pandora says, staring. As the portrait closes, shielding the redhead from view.
Despite the breakdown she had only moments ago, Pandora feels surprisingly well, as she ventures back to her room.
She holds the flower very gently to avoid losing any petals. It’s beautiful. She thinks as she passes the library.
What vase should I put it in? Perhaps, the green one. Green is my favorite color. It will complement the orange nicely. It kinda looks like Evan’s hair. Or her hair just looks like flowers. She smells like flowers. I like flowers.