Merlin
Merlin wanted to scream. To cry. He was an all powerful god, immortal, a king, and yet the possibility of an idiot loving him was worth more. Merlin would give up all of his titles just to be with Arthur in a second. It was stupid, and horrible, and cruel, and Merlin should have his magic stripped from him for the thought.
But no, no, Arthur didn’t love him. Obviously. Why would he? Arthur was enchanted. It was so clear now. Merlin dragged a disconsolate Arthur back to the castle, locking the king of Camelot in his room like a child. Now Merlin just needed to find the spell Arthur was under, and undo it. Should be easy. He was a god now, couldn’t Merlin just do some of that Emrys magic and get rid of it?
Emrys had slowly shoved all that back under his skin, forcing it down. Everyone had heard his announcement, but it did not seem that any of Merlin’s friends had truly understood what Emrys meant. That was alright though.
His magic had started to itch again, but not in the same way as…before. No, now it was just uncomfortable. As if his magic was annoyed.
Emrys wanted to tell it to shut the hell up and take it up with another god, but that seemed rather rude to himself.
“Merlin! Come on! I swear to you, I’m not enchanted!” Arthur called out from behind the door. Merlin had had Gaius diagnose the king with an illness, which was rather rich, seeing as part of the reason Emrys had been so pissed was because Arthur had told everyone he was sick.
But this was different. Sort of. Not really, but Emrys got to do whatever he wanted after dealing with that clot pole for a decade. Pompous brat.
Merlin still loved him though.
“Are you sure Arthur is enchanted Merls? He didn’t seem enchanted when I checked in on him.”
“You don’t understand Morgana! He is, I’m telling you!” Merlin whined, falling into her lap, letting the raven haired girl stroke his head.
Merlin often wondered what he had ever found so wrong with her. Morgana was so sweet, and kind, even if her magic did have a slight prickly feeling when she used it too close to Emrys. Merlin knew that he and Morgana looked practically identical. The same black hair, blue eyes, and prominent features. They had the same overall build as well, the lanky too long limbs and slightly too large ears. Morgana loved to joke about it.
It felt nice to have a person who had grown up similarly to Merlin. Well—in some ways. Morgana was lovely, but she had grown up with very different struggles than Emrys. While he had been able to explore his magic, and was a man(which, sadly, did give him quite the advantage), he had grown up in a poor farming town as a bastard. Also Uther would hesitate to burn Morgana. The old tyrant had made it quite clear Merlin would not get that.
“Alright then, I trust you.” She mumbled, continuing to stroke Merlin’s head. The way Morgana had said it, it was obvious she was struggling not to laugh at him, but Emrys chose to ignore that.
“Absolutely nothing! I can’t find anything!” Merlin whined to Gwen one day, who simply rolled her eyes. Why did no one believe him? He was the god of magic, surely he was a credible fucking source!
“Merlin, I love you, but have you considered that Arthur isn’t under a spell?” Gwen asked gently. Merlin didn’t want to snap at Guinevere. She was so kind, and sweet, and she didn’t deserve it. But holy shit, she needed to stop suggesting that. Arthur had to be enchanted, there was no other reason for why he would’ve said…all of that. Merlin wished Lancelot were here. Lancelot would believe him.
Merlin decided to ride out to the Veil the next day. There was an overwhelming amount of magic that surrounded it, though it didn’t have a…malicious undertone anymore. Merlin sat down across from the Veil, the place that had almost destroyed everything for Merlin. Emrys had been ready to sacrifice himself, but gods be damned, Lancelot had to do it first. Promises and what not. Lancelot had left Merlin.
It was beginning to feel like everyone would eventually. Balinor. Gaius had left for some time, which had nearly broken Merlin. Lancelot left him. Arthur was currently bat shit crazy under some spell. Who was next? His mother? Gwen? Gwaine? Morgana?
Did any of them actually value him? Emrys did not think it was possibly for a being like himself to be loved. There were just so many things…wrong. Ignoring all of the god and, for the majority of his life, an illegal sorcerer stuff, his appearance. His personality.
Emrys lied. Deceived. Tricked. Was cruel. He had much to long limbs and way too large ears. He was too skinny and lean, despite all of the food he had stolen from Arthur. Even as a god, he kept that skin and bones stature that he had never been able to lose.
Merlin always heard whispering now. Bridge to the mortal realm and the old religion apparently meant ghosts. Angry sorcerers, disconsolate priestesses, animals, bandits, peasants, kings, princes, princesses, knights, anything and everything. They all begged Emrys to let them leave. To untether them from this realm. He wanted to yell that he didn’t. Know. How.
There was no point in it though. No ghost he had meant seemed to have any awareness other than their sorrow and anger of being trapped in the place they had died.
But this one was different. It was intelligent. The voice held promises. It held family. Emrys desperately followed the siren’s song, not caring how potentially dangerous this was. He was a god, that meant immortal. No voice could kill him. It was fine. It would all be fine. Just as soon as he found the voice.
“Merlin! Meerliiinnnn!” Emrys froze. No. No, this wasn’t right. That’s not what he had heard. It couldn’t be. Merlin took a step back. This was all wrong. It wasn’t, he didn’t— they had promised! No! Why hadn’t they kept him safe? What had Merlin done wrong?
“I’m gonna find you!” Will cried out, and Merlin giggled at his friend. Will wasn’t gonna find him, and Merlin was going to win the last piece of cake. Like he always did.
Merlin almost pitied Will as he kept searching. Maybe Merlin should stop the spell. Just to make it fair.
“Ah hah!” Will screamed, pointing at empty air. Merlin furrowed his brow. What was Will talking about? “Come on Merlin! Come out, I found you, fair and square.”
Merlin made a face. But Will hadn’t found him. So what was he talking about? Merlin hopped down from his hiding place. But Will didn’t turn. He just kept telling Merlin to come out. Merlin jumped in front of Will, waving his arms around. Will’s focus didn’t break. Merlin screamed, jumped, stomped his feet, but Will wouldn’t look. Finally Merlin decided to follow Will’s gaze. Every bone in his body screamed not to, but Merlin needed to figure out what was going on.
“Will! Will! Come on, it’s getting dark!” Merlin screamed, but he wasn’t sure that the cry came out. He stared at the strange creature before him. It was human, but it wasn’t. Whatever it was, it was magical.
Merlin felt the burning in his veins, just like he had the few times he encountered magical beings. It was human in size and facial structure. It looked almost familiar, except for the eyes. They were cat like, yellow with black slits. What was it? Merlin couldn’t place it, but he knew whatever this thing was.
Will must recognize it, why else would he have stopped? Merlin was beginning to feel antsy. This didn’t feel right. Usually magic creatures weren’t that big an issue. Sure they might lure the occasional fool out, but it was never like this. It didn’t feel like this.
It was never Will.
The creature’s eyes flicked to Merlin.
“Lord Emrys” It purred. Merlin took a step back. This was too weird. Merlin grabbed onto Will, they’d get back home if Merlin had to burn down this forest.
The cat creature stepped out from it’s hiding place to stop Merlin. Merlin jerked away. He prayed to whatever gods would hear him that this would just stop now.
“You must understand my lord, his time in this realm is over.” The creature said gently. Merlin scowled. This thing wasn’t taking his friend away.
Before Merlin could think to do anything, his magic acted of it’s own volition. His magic lashed out, slamming the creature against a tree.
He didn’t really know what happened next. Tears, blood, and screaming from a terrified Will. He ran back to his mother. Cried like a little boy really. He and Will never mentioned it again. But deep down Merlin knew, that was the first time he had killed. And it wouldn’t be the last.
Emrys came to gasping, tears running down his face. What the hell?
“You blocked that out with magic? I wondered why it never seemed to bother you as much.” Merlin’s eyes snapped up, locking onto his best friend. Will. The same Will that had been killed because of Merlin. The same Will that was smiling at Merlin like an idiot.
“Will?” His voice cracked, so the only sound that really came out was a cut off sob. Merlin wasn’t thinking as he wrapped Will in a hug.
Somewhere in the logical part of his head Emrys wondered how Will was here, but it didn’t matter. It was Will.
“Alright you sap. Let go of me.” Will teased, poking Emrys in the ribs. “No questions from you? Nothing along the lines of ‘oh my dear Will, however could you be here with me? I thought you were dead, and it has plagued my dreams!’” Will finished in falsetto. Merlin laughed through his tears. Though Will was being sarcastic, he wasn’t completely off. Will’s death still haunted Merlin’s nightmares, which is part of the reason Merlin hadn’t tried sleeping since he had become a god. Lack of sleep didn’t impact him anymore, and Emrys really didn’t feel like seeing what a god dreamed of. What if the nightmares got worse? No thank you!
“Will what the hell was…that?” Merlin asked instead. Will’s face became slightly more serious.
“You’re a god, man. You came to the place where life and death meet. You see ghosts. You see death. That was just your first encounter with death.” Will said.
“There’s no way. We grew up in a town with no doctor, I had to have seen death before that.” Merlin insisted.
“I didn’t say seen. I said encountered. You met a vassal of Death. And you killed it, Merls. Most people see their last moments. But most people aren’t gods of magic.” Will said, almost regretfully. Emrys tried to wrap his head around it. The cat person? A vassal of Death. That made no sense. You can’t stop Death. Everyone knows that. All the old stories say it always ends badly. Merlin’s eyes opened in realization.
“The day you died. Was that-?” He asked, unable to finish the thought.
“Don’t start spiraling you idiot. Everyone dies, and you gave me a time to live my life. I was meant to die much earlier, and it was supposed to send you off to the druids to be trained. Your life would have been much different if you hadn’t been so protective.” Will teased, but there was a hint of disappointment in his voice. Emrys felt like curling up into a ball and crying for his mommy. This wasn’t right. That hadn’t happened. He was imagining it. It was the Veil! Yes, the Veil! It was making him think these things. Will wasn’t really here. “Earth to idiot? Merlin. Come on. We’ve got someone else to meet.”
Will tried to drag Merlin up to his feet, but Merlin wrenched his arms away.
“You’re not Will!” He hissed, scrambling away from the hallucination. Maybe it was Merlin’s imagination, but he could almost see burned skin and flames coming off of the delusion. Like when Will had been burned.
The hallucination made an exasperated look.
“Remember when you had a thing with Jerome? The smith’s kid? And then I walked in on you two half naked, making out inside his dad’s shop—“
“Stop! Shut up!” Merlin screamed, covering Will’s mouth. Alright. This was Will then. No one else would dare bring that up. Not even Merlin himself.
Will bit Emrys’ finger, causing the god to hiss and pull his hand away. Will paused, letting Merlin get his bearings, before cheerfully saying, “Right then! Time to go see the boss!”
Merlin followed, and he wanted to say it was because he understood his duty as the bridge to life and death. But it was really because the moment Will started walking away, other whispers creeped in, and all of them sounded incredibly angry.
“Will! Will! Wait up! Who’s this boss of yours?” Merlin panted. Of course being a god didn’t cover fucking stamina. What a shit deal.
“You know him pretty well, I hope.” Will mumbled, a grin stretching across his face.
“Merlin!” Another voice cried out, causing Merlin to trip and fall over a tree branch. What the hell was with people? Can they just approach him fucking normally for once? When Emrys stumbled to his feet, he was shocked to meet another familiar face.
“Nope. Nope. Definitely imagining everything.” He mumbled, before turning on his heel and leaving.
“Merlin! Come on! Not again!” Will whined, but Merlin ignored it. Great, so now being a god came with schizophrenia!
“Merlin.” A new voice rung out. Merlin groaned as he felt shadows crawl up around his feet. Emrys used a small amount of magic to try and push them away, but clearly it wasn’t working.
“Boy, do you really think you can overpower me when we’re in my realm?” The Morrigan asked. Emrys whined at her.
“Shouldn’t this be my realm, Lady Morrigan? After all, it is the bridge between life and death. Kinda my whole schtick.” Merlin shot back, before cowering down at her glare. She patted his head, as if he was a pet. Emrys fought the urge to scowl at her.
“Actually. Both of you are incorrect. This is my realm.” A new voice announced. What the hell! Was Merlin getting ambushed here?
“Arawn.” Lady Morrigan warned, with obvious disdain.
“Right then,” Merlin interjected, “Either way, not my realm, no overpowering anyone. But can you please explain to me why I’m imagining two of my dead friends?”
“So you’re the boy that killed my vassal. I didn’t appreciate that.” Emrys fought the urge to go, “No, really?” Don’t anger gods, especially ones that can and probably will squash you like a bug.
“I apologize Lord Arawn. I was just a child trying to protect my friend.” Merlin stated, trying to remain calm. He still wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t hallucinating.
“Emrys, stop with the hallucination crap.” The Morrigan hissed in his head, causing Emrys to jump slightly. Did gods understand privacy?
Merlin flushed slightly as he realized the Morrigan probably heard that. But he managed to compose himself before Arawn looked back at him.
“Hmm. Your pet is polite, Morrigan.” Arawn concluded. Emrys wanted to shove the nearest tree up the snotty god’s ass. Pet? Emrys was a god, just like them! He deserved to be treated as more than a pet. Merlin had put in just as much, if not more work than most of these gods in the past decade, and he wanted the respect that came with it.
Merlin was used to nobles frowning down on him, and knights being cruel, even staff that was higher up in ranks than him(though there weren’t many when he was still Arthur’s manservant, and there was definitely no one now, other than Arthur himself), but they were in different classes. It was horrible, but it was expected. But Arawn? They were peers. Merlin didn’t care what these gods said, he had just as much say in this realm as the gods of death. Emrys was the bridge, and it would do them well to not forget that.
“Yes, and he has a slight attitude problem.” The Morrigan hissed, most likely in response to Emrys’ new conclusion.
“I can see that.” Arawn muttered, stroking his beard. “You’re brave to disobey me in my realm, Emrys. But I suppose you have a point. I’m a fair ruler, and I will permit you easier access to the Veil if you choose to return.” Arawn granted. Merlin wanted to yell at the gods for consistently invading his mind, but he was sure they heard that too!
“Catching on now, I see.” Lady Morrigan muttered under her breath. Emrys snarled at her. She really was treating him like a pet. No, that was wrong. Taliesin treated Merlin like a pet. The Morrigan treated him like a prize hound. A hunting dog she could release on anyone she pleased.
“I must ask Morrigan. Why am I here? You can easily raise the boy from the dead.” Arawn questioned, and Emrys’ eyes widened. Raise someone from the dead? It couldn’t be. Merlin glanced back up at where Will had been, before realizing his old friend had now disappeared. Emrys mourned the loss, it felt like Will’s death all over again. Maybe he would take Arawn up on his offer to return. Instead of Will, Merlin saw the other person. Emrys dared not think of his friend too hard, lest he disappear like Will.
“You know that’s not true, old friend. “ Morrigan said, with a forced politeness. “I am raising a sacrifice to the veil, and it will offset the balance. I need someone to guide the knight out, and someone to take care of the veil afterwards. With Emrys here, he will be able to lead out his friend safely, but he is still new to our world. I need you to reset this realm so more of the dead are not released.”
“Fine. Get on with it then.” Arawn said. The Morrigan smiled a cold, soulless smile.
“Well Emrys. Let us get your Lancelot out.”