Beginnings
The new year at Hogwarts began, and the novelty of the new classes came and went; by the time the beginning of the second week rolled around, Remus was already elbow-deep in work for his classes. Between that, his Prefect duties, and the planning for the first prank of the year (yes, of course he was still working on that), he already felt like he was being worn thin. This wasn’t helped by the fact that there was a full moon looming over him, only a couple of days away.
He already felt achy, smell a more prominent sense for him, his hearing more attuned to any and all whispers. It was truly tiresome, and only made his insomnia worse. Coupled with the fact that it was a Monday morning, Remus knew he wouldn’t wish this feeling to his worst enemy. All he wanted to do was lay in bed all day, covering his ears, doing his best to avoid any sound, or smell, which would upset him. Sleeping for more than a couple of hours straight would also be a blessing, but he knew better than to wish for the impossible.
“Well, someone’s cranky today, aren’t you sweetie?” James chirped, almost sing-song, as he sat down on the table beside him, to his left. His hair, a mess as always, was already wet, meaning Remus’ suspicions that he’d woken up extra early to go for a broom ride were correct. Quidditch training hadn’t started yet, per the request of the rest of the team, but James could never be too far from the sky. A feeling Remus didn’t understand, and much less shared.
“Piss off” Remus answered, though not unkindly. It was still very early, the breakfast buffet having appeared only minutes ago, and the Hall was mostly deserted. Remus was still piling up his plate, stuffing it with all the foods he could think of. He was starving; he always was, before a full moon.
“I take it Pads and Wormy are still in bed?” James asked, also serving himself a generous amount of food. Remus nodded, and James laughed. “I don’t even know why I ask.” Both Sirius and Peter were heavy sleepers; Peter snored so much that James had taken to making a silencing charm to his bed every night, which had helped them all sleep better.
Remus nodded, and they started eating their plates in silence. Remus took the opportunity to look at the trickle of students arriving for their breakfast; this early, it was quite common to see the same people over and over: there was Emery, from Ravenclaw, a brilliant third year who always woke up early to do Merlin knew what. Rob, the Hufflepuff from sixth year, who kept giving Remus eye glances when he thought he wasn’t paying attention (seriously, what was his deal? Remus knew he had his scars, but the amount of staring he did was a bit rude). Taylor, the third year Gryffindor who also had trouble sleeping, the one Remus had helped last year when his friendship with Lily was blooming. Evan and Regulus, fourth year Slytherins, with whom he’d formed a sort of… friendship? Camaraderie? He didn’t even know, but they’d been cordial to one another since the end of last year.
Of course, he hadn’t told Sirius about it; he didn’t want to know how he’d react.
Those two were actually sitting at the Slytherin table at the moment, and Regulus looked up at him and gave him a small smile. Well, that was new; in all the time he’d seen the youngest Black brother, he was always wearing a stoic expression, or a bored one, even while talking to his close friends. Unsure, Remus returned the smile and wave, careful that James wasn’t seeing him, but he was too caught up in devouring the plate in front of him to notice. James ate at such a speed that he was already halfway through his plate, whereas Remus had barely even touched his.
“Remus, who are you waving to?” came a feminine voice from behind him, and a second later, Mary MacDonald sat on his right side, flashing him a smile that told him she’d definitely seen who the wave was directed at.
“No one. What are you talking about?” He decided to play dumb, just in case she’d spare him from the interrogation he knew would come from the other Marauders if they found out.
It wasn’t like he’d planned it, exactly. While the other Marauders had been busy with becoming illegal Animagi and hiding said fact from Remus, he’d spent a lot of time on his own; during the nights and in the safety of the common room he had Lily, but in the early mornings, when he went for breakfast, it had been those two who had provided a semblance of friendship. He still didn’t know why they’d been cordial to him, especially in the beginning, but they had offered a seat to him at the Slytherin table one day, when he’d been close to losing the grip on his sanity, and he’d accepted. They didn’t exactly include him, mostly talking around him all breakfast, but the sound helped. Anything to avoid thinking the dark thoughts that traveled through his mind at the time, and if he got a lot of gossip and an insanely accurate map of the Slytherin common room out of it, could he really be blamed for accepting the company more often than not?
Thankfully, Mary seemed to get the hint. “If you say so, Lupin. Just curious.” He took a look at her, her dark curls framing her face beautifully, all loose, her smile sharp and eyes entirely too focused on his expression. Merlin, she was a menace.
“Oh, hey, Mary” James said, finally looking up from his plate, before taking a sip from his hot chocolate. Bless his soul, he’d been oblivious to the entirety of their conversation, as usual.
“Hello, James.” Mary’s expression was more guarded towards him, probably on Lily’s behalf, but he didn’t seem to mind. They were teammates anyways, both of them Chasers on the Quidditch team. He just flashed her a bright grin and continued his breakfast.
Remus debated serving himself another plate, sipping on his mug of coffee, as the trickle of students steadily increased into a consistent stream. It was getting to the time most students woke up, barely with enough time to have breakfast and walk to their first lessons of the day.
“I’m off to wake up Pete and Sirius, mate. Want me to get your bag?” James offered, as Remus decided to start filling his second plate of the morning.
“Yeah, Prongs, thanks” he answered distractedly, as he started eating, and continued observing the other students.
“Okay, now that he’s gone, you’ve got to tell me. What the hell are you doing, being buddies with Rosier and Black?” Mary finally spoke up again, between bites of food.
“Actually, Mary, I don’t have to tell you anything about it” Remus shrugged, tense. He didn’t want to talk about it, especially with her.
Yes, she was Lily’s closest friend, but she had also snogged Sirius for the most part of fourth year, and Remus was jealous and a little bitter about it. Sue him.
“Whatever it is, Mary, leave him alone.” Lily, his savior, arrived, sitting beside Mary and giving her a stern look. Thankfully, that shut Mary right up, and Remus could finish eating in peace. He greeted Lily with a small wave as she sat on the other side of Mary, her red hair neatly braided into two thick pigtails. She looked better than she did on the train, and he took a mental note of checking in on her later that day, during their rounds. She hadn’t gone down to the common room earlier, so that was probably a good sign.
“Yeah, leave my Moons alone, Mary” Remus couldn’t help the blush that spread through his cheeks all the way to his neck as Sirius sat down beside him and put an arm around him, enveloping him in a half-hug as he used his other hand to take a plate and started hastily piling his food on it.
Remus ignored Lily’s playful stare and forced himself to stand up, letting Sirius’ arm fall back down to his side. He barely seemed to register it, already devouring the food with his left hand. The fact that he was ambidextrous never ceased to amaze Remus.
“Nice to see you, Pads, but I have to go now if I want to catch Prongs to talk about the… you know” he corrected himself in just enough time, but Lily still narrowed her eyes at him.
“Oh, go for it, mate. Pete will join me in a few minutes, anyways, as long as Prongs managed to get his arse out of bed. Thank Merlin I woke up before I had to hear his lecture, found him halfway to the Common Room” he gestured vaguely towards the exit, barely even lifting his eyes from his plate.
“I thought we’d agreed on no pranks, Remus” Lily said, though she didn’t sound half as mad as she tried to appear.
Remus knew, deep down, she loved their pranks, but she’d never be caught dead admitting as much.
“And who said anything about a prank, Lils?” Remus teased, giving her a mock salute before turning around and heading out the hall, his mind set on finding James. He heard Lily’s offended reply to his back, and smirked as he set off to find his fellow Marauder.
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Remus was absolutely exhausted by the time classes were over, but he still had his homework to go through, and prefect rounds later in the evening.
That’s why, the second he entered his room, he collapsed on his bed and groaned. His hip was giving him trouble again, which also meant that he was limping more than usual, his other leg now stiff and achy.
“Yes, Moony, I absolutely second that” came from Peter’s bed. Remus lifted his head and saw him in pretty much his same position, lying face-down in his bed, his voice muffled by his pillow. His school back was thrown carelessly across his unmade bed, papers peeking out from inside it.
“And you guys dare to claim I’m the drama queen. Just look at yourselves” Sirius scoffed, as he all but strutted into the room, his dark hair bound in a perfect messy bun.
Remus put his head down and groaned again.
“Guys, come on! Aren’t you excited about this prank we’re planning?” James was right behind Sirius, apparently, as his voice rang loud and clear into the room. Remus winced at the booming sound but said nothing about it.
The prank they were planning did have Remus excited, he had to admit. Sirius had somehow gotten his hands on a ridiculous amount of Stink Pellets, and they were planning on using the smoke as a distraction to transfigure the entirety of the Slytherin beds into a different assortment of trinkets. James, the genius he was, had been researching all summer, trying to perfect a transfiguration spell that not even McGonagall could revert.
The answer had come to him one night, seeing some spells his mother used to cook (or so he said, but whatever cooking had to do with transfiguration Remus had no idea), and he’d sent Remus a letter of pages and more pages of his notes and thoughts to see if he could combine it all. He had taken the time to go through them, but it had been Sirius who had put together the spell and taught it to them all, until they could all perform it flawlessly. None of them had been able to reverse it as of yet, so Remus was confident in their endeavor. They had decided to put the plan to work after the full moon though, so Remus had a bit of time to recover from it.
He was grateful for that, but he was also still mourning the loss of his fuzziest pair of socks, now turned into a small flower vase and a (non-functioning) lamp, courtesy of Peter.
“I am excited Prongs, and don’t get me wrong, but I’m also exhausted” he said, trying to sound casual about it. He must have failed though, because not a second later a hand was on his back, turning him around.
James stared at him through his glasses, eyes filled with concern. “Can I do anything to help, Moony?”
“You can copy my Transfiguration essay, if you want. I did all the proper research in the library this time, I promise” Peter offered, head still pressed against the pillow.
“I can actually write it for you, if you want. You know I can copy your horrid handwriting perfectly” Sirius offered as well, a small smile on his face.
Remus gave them all a small smile. “It’s fine, really. I’m almost finished writing it-”
“Because of course you are” Petter muttered, making them all chuckle lightly.
“-so, I just have to get through Prefect rounds, and then I’ll rest.” He really wasn’t feeling doing rounds today, his hip a menace and his back so tight it hurt to breathe, but he’d manage, like he always did.
There was a small silence, as his friends seemed to consider this.
“Not with that face you have, you’re not” it was Sirius who spoke. Remus turned to look at him and saw he had his arms crossed, muscles bunching beneath the shirt he was wearing, looking determined.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Remus said, perhaps a bit curter than he intended. He sat himself on the bed and forced himself to stand up, trying not to limp or wince, until he stood in front of Sirius, trying to intimidate him by staring him down. He didn’t let up, however.
“Moony, you’re so pale you may as well go out there and join Nearly Headless Nick in his nightly patrol” Sirius continued, staring him down as well. Remus wanted to squirm; instead, he crossed his arms and arched an eyebrow. “Wormtail, Prongs, back me up on this.”
“I’m sorry, Moony, but you did limp around the entirety of today. I don’t think you should be out patrolling” Peter offered, finally sitting down on his bed, wriggling his hands. He hated to go against what Remus wanted, so that meant he really had to be looking like death incarnate for Peter to say as much.
“Honestly, sweetheart, I know we can’t stop you if you truly want to patrol tonight, but I think it’s criminal that you have to. I’m sure Lily can manage on her own” James finally offered, a bit sheepish, looking at Remus like he knew the answer would upset him.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to stay in bed, because he absolutely did, it was more that he didn’t want to leave Lily alone. She had received a letter from home this morning, just minutes after he left the Great Hall during breakfast, and he knew she’d want to debrief with him. If she had to patrol alone, she’d probably lose it.
Oh, she was going to hate him so much for this. “Fine,” he muttered, sitting down in his bed, defeated and feeling cornered, and wincing as he let emotion show on his face again. “I won’t patrol today, but only if one of you gets permission from McGonagall to cover for me. I don’t want Lily doing it alone today.”
“I’ll do it” James immediately chirped, a silly smile on his face, and Remus held back a wince. No, she’d definitely have his head for that one.
“Could you do it, Pads? Please?” Remus said, looking at Sirius and trying to convey his pleading with his face. Sirius’ eyes immediately softened.
“Of course, Moons. I’ll go talk to her right now” Remus felt his face go hot. Yes, they’d all been calling him Moony ever since the end of first year, when they’d learned about his condition. ‘Moons’, however, was a new development, started by Sirius by the end of their fourth year, and the way the nickname rolled off his tongue… Remus told himself again and again that it meant nothing, that it was nothing. But there it was again, and his heart just melted at the way he said it. So soft, almost adoring.
“Thank you” he exhaled, as Sirius gave him a small smile and left the dorm.
The silence that followed his departure lasted all of three seconds.
“What the fuck was that” Peter exclaimed, more a statement than a question, looking from Remus to the place where Sirius had stood.
“What?” Remus immediately jumped, defensive.
“There was a weird… thing, between you and Padfoot. Just now. Come on, Prongs, back me up on this” Peter insisted, looking at James.
The latter adjusted his glasses on his face, and seemed to contemplate this for a moment, looking first at Remus, and then the place where Sirius had been. “Wormtail, sweetie, I’m sorry, I have no idea what you’re talking about” he offered, but he stole a nervous glance at Remus before standing up from where he’d been sitting.
Well, that was weird.
Peter groaned. “One of these days, Potter, you’re going to have to become more observant. I know I wasn’t making it up” Peter threw his hands in the air, seemingly defeated, and started roaming his bag, muttering under his breath.
Remus approached James. “What was that look for?” he asked under his breath, not entirely sure if he even wanted to know the answer.
James’ eyes opened and, not for the first time, his eyes resembled so much those of a deer under headlights it was almost comical. “I…”
“The whole lot of you better not be naked, because we are barging into your bedroom in the next five seconds!” came a shout from outside.
True to her word, a few seconds later, the door banged open, and Lily, Mary and Marlene marched into the room.
It was truly a sight to see. Lily’s fiery red hair let loose and cascading down her back, arms crossed and looking ready for murder; Mary’s curls caught neatly in a ponytail, her eyes sharp and her smile sharper; Marlene’s spiky blonde hair going haywire around her face and neck, eyes lined perfectly in black (no mind that it was a Monday, and it was almost curfew).
“Potter! Why have I seen literally none of you this year?” came Marlene’s offended remark first, throwing her muscled arms around James’ neck. He enveloped her back, grinning brightly, his reply murmured so only she could hear. Remus could hear it, of course, but he decided not to intrude and paid them no mind.
“Rem, I thought we said we’d meet down at 9:00 to get a head start on rounds?” Lily asked, not really mad, but seemingly disappointed. Remus limped to her, and made sure his pain showed on his face, not hiding it as he normally would.
“And I was, Lily, but I’m not really feeling well.” He stood in front of her and took her small hands in his, tracing the freckles there, using them for support in a covert way he knew she’d understand.
“Yeah, I can see that. You look like Nearly Headless Nick’s twin with how pale you’re looking” she said, arms unfolding to come to his face, one hand on his cheek while the other touched his forehead, trying to determine his temperature. Well, two people in less than 10 minutes comparing him to a ghost couldn’t be a good sign. He wondered briefly if this moon would be as bad as it was shaping up to be.
He felt James’ eyes making holes to the back of his neck and separated from Lily with a grimace. As long as the other boy didn’t figure out he didn’t love Lily like that at all, he knew he’d keep getting those stares every. Single. Time.
He sat on his bed and took off his shoes, something he should’ve done the second he entered the room. “Yeah. That’s why I sent Sirius off to ask McGonagall if he could do the rounds with ya, so you wouldn’t be alone.”
“No-uh” Mary chirped in. She’d made herself comfortable in Sirius’ bed, lying belly-down in it, head propped in her hands, feet in the air, casual like she belonged there. Remus tried to stop his anger from getting out, his heart from breaking. He only half-succeeded. “We need Sirius here. He’s the party planner, and while Lily is out being a model student, we need him so he can help us plan the first party of the year this upcoming weekend.”
Since their last year, all of them had gathered the fame of making the best parties out of all the Hogwarts houses, so it was logical they wanted to keep the fame rolling. Even if Remus wasn’t the biggest fan of the high-volume music and all the people and the dancing, he had to admit the drinking, smoking, and games weren’t all that bad. Besides, he’d probably be recovered by Friday or Saturday, and a party where he could drink himself out of his worries didn’t sound all that bad.
“I don’t know if I want to be offended by the fact you don’t consider me the party planner, darling, or flattered on Sirius’ behalf” James said, only half-joking, sitting down on his bed and pulling Marlene with him, their backs towards the bed frame. Lily opted to sit beside Peter, in his own bed. He had managed to throw all the papers and his bag onto his nightstand as they had been speaking, so the bed looked decent. Remus lay down in his bed, facing the others. His bed was furthest from the door, with Sirius by his side, James on the other, and Peter in the first bed, closest to the door.
“James, you’re the life of the party, even I must admit that, but you do not have a planning bone in your body. All of them are taken by you being Quidditch Captain” Marlene offered, sitting as close to James as possible, his arm looped around her shoulders, all her side pressed to his, head on his shoulder.
If Remus hadn’t seen the way she looked at a certain Slytherin girl since the beginning of their fourth year, maybe he would’ve fallen for the act she was putting. As it was, he just found it mildly amusing, the dry stares she received from her friends, James’ oblivious toying with her hair, Peter’s not at all discreet mouth hanging open. Even Lily was staring at her with anger in her eyes; what was that all about? Were all of them so unobservant as to not notice her smile was fake, her muscles tense?
Remus decided he’d talk to her about it at some point, probably after the full moon.
“Good news, Moony! Minnie said any of us could replace you on rounds around the days of-” Sirius opened the door as he spoke and took only a second to survey the room, his stride not changing in the slightest. “-whenever you’re feeling sick, I mean. I was about to say your period, but I don’t think the ladies present would like that.” Lily did, in fact, throw a cushion at him, and Mary threw him a killer look. Marlene didn’t seem to notice. “Well, hello, ladies, to what do we owe the pleasure?”
He got close to his bed and gave a kiss to Mary’s head of curls. Her smile softened and she turned her head up to capture his lips in a kiss, barely a peck. He smiled, his lips still on her, and then separated and sat down beside her, hands going to her back to massage her slightly.
Well, that was still going on, then. Although it hurt to watch, Remus couldn’t tear his eyes away, his heart breaking by the hand that stroked her so softly, the way his features looked so adoring while he looked at her.
Lily cleared her throat and stood up. “Well, I really have to leave for rounds, or else Minerva will have my head. So, which one of you will swap in for Remus?”
Sirius made the attempt to stand up, but Mary took his hand and sat him right back down. “We need you here, love, so you can help us plan the weekend party. I’m sure either of the boys will be happy to cover for Remus.”
Sirius contemplated this for a moment, his eyes turning to look at Remus. “But…” he started, voice small, eyes squarely on Remus’ eyes.
He couldn’t handle his troubled expression and gave in. “It’s okay, Pads. Whoever wants to fill in, I’m grateful for it.”
“I still have to finish the Potions homework for tomorrow, but I can go no problem” Peter immediately offered, standing up besides Lily, sensing the way Remus had tensed at the prospect of leaving Lily with James.
“No, Pete, Slughorn is being a menace this year. Don’t worry, finish it, I’ll put in the work” James said, standing up. Upon seeing Lily’s affronted stare, he smiled. “I promise in front of all these people that I won’t be a bother, Lils darling. Just let Pete do his work. He needs it if he wants to ace this year.”
Lily sighed, but nodded, and the two of them exited the room. Remus groaned. Oh, he was so getting murdered the next day.