The confrontation
Strange, awkward interactions with James similar to on the train kept occurring throughout the first two weeks of term. Regulus didn't really know what to make of it yet and wrote them off as mere coincidence, that was until one night when he had come to the astronomy tower at around 3 in the morning to clear his head after receiving a particularly nasty howler from his mother. She was dissatisfied with his performance at school; when was she not. His grades had been slipping slightly but he was still top of his year in every subject and it was only the beginning of the term.
Regulus' thoughts began to spiral as they often did, when once again James Fleamont Potter emerged out of nowhere, this time from behind a large stone column of the astronomy tower, whith a map of some sorts in his hand. it was a pale orangy-yellow colour with writing he could barely make out scrawled messily on the front of it. Regulus thinks back to what Sirius had told him back in Sirius' second year, about an enchanted map that showed where everyone at hogwarts was and realised that that same map was the one James was clutching tightly in his left hand, cautious to let Regulus sneak a peek. It was far too late for that now though, Regulus had already seen the tattered parchment and the pieces of the puzzle began to slot perfectly into place. The bastard had been appearing on purpose! Reguluswas seething at the thought. How fucking dare he? The absolute prick he must be insane that's the only explanation, James Potter must have finallygone barkingmad.
"JAMES FLEAMONT BLOODY POTTER WHY IN SALAZAR'S NAME ARE YOU USING THAT WRETCHED MAP TO STALK ME? YOU NO GOOD FUCKING-" Regulus found himself not being able to properly curse James out due to the older boys hand firmlybclamping his mouth shut.
"Shhh Reg be quiet, someone's going to hear you" he hushed and Reguls did the only logical thing he could in that situation and he bit down on James's had. Hard.
"Owww. Bloody hell Reggie what was that for" James winced as he lowered his hand examining the teeth marks now imprinted on his palm.
"Serves you right you git now tell me why you're stalking me befor I hex your bollocks off, also I thought I already told you to call me Regulus if you have to address me? "
James turns beet red probably only focusing on the part where Regulus accused him of stalking.
"Oh. I wasn't...I mean... I didn't! I mean... I CAN EXPLAIN OK!" James bas a blushing stuttering mess and couldn't for the life of him look Regulus in the eye.
Regulus smirked that sly slytherin smirk of his and he could have sworn he watched James' blush deepen about five shades of red.
"Oh! Can you now Potter" Regulus teased a playful glint in his stormy eyes.
"I... well...no. No I can't..I'm sorry Reggie" James blurted out sheepishly, gase falling to examine the uneaven stone floor of the ancient tower and the suddenly very interesting scuff marks on his beaten red converse.
"What exactly are you trying to gain from this James?" Regulus questioned after an uncomfortable moment of silence, a good laugh? I won't let you! Regulus snarls all matter of fact as he speaks.
"No,Regulus, Reg, I promise it isn't like that I just wanted to talk to you and I didn't know how to go about it and...and I-" James was a mess and Regulus' patience was starting to wear thin.
"Oh for Christ's sake James spit it out!" Regulus sighed loudly while rolling his eyes in mild annoyance.
"Right...sorry. I just... after the train I really wanted to speak to you again because you're just so beautiful and sarcastic and...and just so you I couldn't help it and, I've been trying so hard not to but I have the biggest crush and my heart just can't take it anymore. I wasn't made for loving quietly. " He froze and swallowed thickly realising what he had just confessed. Twiddling his thumbs and beginning to pick at the skin around his fingers, he took in Regulus' dazed expression and the tinge of pink slowly creeping it's way up the skin of his neck and engulfing his face.
Baffled. That was the only way to describe how Regulus felt right now. Completely and utterly gobsmacked because James Potter had just called him beautiful. That same James Potter who had stolen his brother from him, with a smile on his face as he did it no less. The same James Potter who, despite Regulus's grievances, had stolen his heart too. Sadly, Regulus had been deeply in love with James Potter since the first time he had been the target of that gentle gaze and dazzling smile of his, all the way back in his first year when Sirius introduced them. This was it, this was his chance, his chance to be loved to...to be important to someone. James was right there and he had said...well implied that he was in love with Regulus, oh how his heart fluttered just thinking about it. He wanted to tell James he felt the same way wanted to pull him in for a soft kiss and have James take him into one of those tight hugs he had seen him give to so many people yet had never experienced for himself.
Then her face appeared in his head and he knew he couldn't, he hear heard her voice laced with disappointment the words sharp and painful. " Never in your pathetic life will you be loved by anyone, you'll do well to remember that Regina Black." His mother spat at him while he curled in on himself still in pain from the prior beating. The memory is carved into his very sole and branded into his mind never to be forgotten, never to fade away a gruesome reminder that he will never find love, never be at peace. Specifically stuck in his head is the gut wrenching name she had called him. Regina.Regina. Regina. Regina. Regina. It played in his head like a mantra. Regina Black, a person who no longer existed, his mother was well aware of this, that's why it stung so much more, because she knew he was Regulus and yet refused to accept it. She forced him to remain miserable and disgusted by the fact that when he caught a glance of himself in a a mirror it wasn't him looking back it was her. Always, always her ,always Regina and never, ever Regulus.To her he was just broken and useless. To his mother, to Walburga Black, he was simply a disgrace. A disgrace that ought to be taught a lesson, a painful, violent lesson. There have been more mirrors in the house since he well attempted to come out. Regulussuspects that mother did it on purpose knowing what it did to him, knowing how much it tore him apart from the inside out to look in the mirror and see a stranger he knew so well. It was probrably gratifyingto her, to know that despite his age she could still get to him. To know that no matter what Regulus was still a powerless and frightened child of which she had complete and utter control of and would do whatever she pleased to him. She was sick and twisted like that, there was something dark and evil rooted deep inside her heart, gripping tightly and It will never let go.
"Umm... Reg?" James questioned apprehensive.
Regulus didn't reply, still lost in his turbulent sea of emotions.
"No." He said finally in that cold, calm and collected tone he uses when he's hiding his emotions or lying.
"No?" James parroted his face falling, that smile that had always seemed permanently plastered across James' mouth dispersed the instant the word exited his lips.
"No?" Regulus attempted to seem sure as he confirmed it nodding his head firmly. However, the slight crack in his voice and the tears welling up in his eyes betrayed his previous confidence.
"You don't seem quite sure about that. Is it your parents, is that it? If it is you know very well you're free to stay at the Potter residence, Sirius already is anyway, and my parents wouldn't mind.!"Â
And for a moment Regulus' heart melts and as he considers it.
"Please, Reggie." James sounds desperate now, "I know you feel the same way, don't even try to deny it I may need glasses and be completely and utterly stupid at times, but I see the way you look at me and I know what it means." Tears are swelling in James' eyes now threatening to spill down that perfect face. That face that should never have an emotion other than happiness portrayed on it's strong features, and yet it did. He was in pain and on the verge of crying, it was Regulus' fault and it was killing him. As frustrating as it was, James was right and Regulus knew it. Tempting as it was, he still couldn't give in because if he did he would be dragging James into his mess of a family and they wouldn't hesitate to eat him alive. The house of Black would devour James' light and shroud him in darkness. Regulus couldn't allow that, he wouldn't.