For most people, Hogwarts is just a magic school, but it is so much more than that for James Potter. He loves every little aspect of it; the teachers that almost feel like family, the friendships that had formed over the past few years, the delicious tasting food whenever you feel like it, or even the relationships that some students developed. James experienced every one of these things, except for the relationship one. For years now he tried to build relationships that could turn into a partnership but that hasn't been working out very well for him.
There is only one girl in the whole school he has fallen for over all these years he's been at this school, Lily Evans. Her hair was fiery as her insults, her laugh as heavenly as her soft voice, her eyes as light as her flawless freckled skin but she hasn't even once, to James’ luck, shown any romantic affection to him whatsoever. Not one flirtatious giggle or no submissive hair swirl. Nothing. So James has made it his task to someday win her over. God, he wishes he could. But it hasn't had any success.
“Ay Potter, stop watching the birds go by and focus!” It was one of Gryffindor's Quidditch players. There was a Quidditch match today, Gryffindor versus Slytherin, and James tried to calm himself with his thoughts a little too well. He had to regain his focus and win this thing for his house. Quidditch is one of the things James loves about Hogwarts as well, the joy after a win, the thrill when the ball gets closer to one, just everything about it was perfect! Well except losing of course, which luckily wasn't the case today. He threw the quaffle through the hoops and won by ten points!
The crowds roared and echoed through the field. James felt like he was flying, which he was, but it was more of a feeling that he did it. He made it. There was nothing that could compare to the proud feeling he had if it wasn't for the look he got from a rival player, Regulus Black. He looked at James with pure disgust like he was some rotten pumpkin and flew away with his broom. Of course, James had to like Reguus, he was Sirius’ brother but oh how he wanted to throw him off his broom right now.
James just looked away quickly and turned his glance over to his friends who had been cheering for him. He couldn't let his mood get affected by Regulus’ silly annoyance so after a while of cheers he got off of his broom and into the locker room. There he was greeted with even more pride than from his house out on the bleachers, the whole team sang a little song to their victory. This season has been the best one Gryffindor has had in quite a while and they all agreed that that should be celebrated appropriately. They wanted to throw a party tonight. There would be booze, girls, and how one of the guys remarked, hopefully, a little action while smirking slightly.
James himself hasn't had any action, and honestly, he did not desire it as much as most guys his age. Sirius on the other hand couldn't stop talking about the urge to do it. The first time he brought it up I was a little surprised he felt so strongly about it. We all were a little stiff to talk about that topic, except Sirius. “This is my chance, James! I can feel it. ” That was the first thing he said after I told him about the party. James admired Sirius for what a casanova he was and honestly was a little jealous. He just woes women so easily. He wished it was so easy for him with Lily. This party may be the chance for her to see James in a different light.
“Merlin Sirius, stop it,” said Remus while searching the table for food. The boys had just entered the great hall and were filling their stomachs with food, also as mentioned, one of the things James loved much about Hogwarts. The table was full of everything a kid could dream of.
“Well sorry Moony, but I just wanna experience love!” Sirius exclaimed,” Now Marlene seems like a catch doesn't she?”
"McKinnon?! Padfoot, I am sorry but you must be blind if you aren't seeing what we are.” Peter was shocked at Sirius’ idea. After his comment, we all turned and watched Marlene as the only Gyriffindor giggling with Dorcas Meadowes, their rival Quidditch player. They were doing what James wished he and Lily would do; be in love. Is it so hard to get a girlfriend?
“When did that happen? I thought she was a safe catch.”
“Well looks like she's now playing for the other team. Literally” Remarked James before stuffing his mouth with fries. Sirius exhaled while thinking about other girls he could hook up with.
“Fiona Wildmere?”
“She's going out with Tobias Wrenford.”
“Nessa Brightwater?”
“With Lysander Quillshade”
“Selina Duskthorn?”
“Adrien Pimtons”
“Bloody hell! Every girl is taken now or what?” Sirius's head fell on Remus’ shoulder while whining about the need for love. Remus was just rolling his eyes till they were fully white and patting Sirius’ head. Slowly James’ mind was drifting off thinking about tonight's party. His eyes catch the boy entering the great hall, Regulus. The second time today with the same disgusted look on his face. He just couldn't look normal. What was his problem anyway? If it was about Slytherin's loss today then he was just being a baby.
“So mates, we can't possibly talk about girls all day. Have any of you done the potions assignment yet?”
“Remus!”
“What? It’s due tomorrow and I can't figure out the last question!” All of them decided to finally do what they dreaded, homework. They sat down at the library and the only one doing the work was Remus. Sirius sighed, “I don't get it, I give up”
“Sirius, you are not even trying!”
“I was trying until I realized that I could do it tomorrow morning.”
“You can not be serious!”
“Remus, I am always Si-”
“Quiet boys!” Yelled the librarian while staring down at the two boys. They quietly went back to doing homework. Instead of doing homework, James was looking at a map of Europe thinking about the places he has visited yet. There was clearly Great Britain but other than that and France he hasn't been anywhere else. He would make sure to beg his parents to go somewhere a bit far away like Croatia, Latvia, or Greece! Oh, he loved Greece. Or perhaps Italy would be nice. Next summer, he thought. Next summer.
After an endless 2 hours at the library, the boys went up to their dorm and got ready for the party. It was really fun choosing the outfit, cologne, hairstyle, etc. They were all excited and all James could think about was Lily. Was she going to be there? If yes, do I talk to her? How do I make her not insult me? Every conversation they ever had had ended with playful insults, at least he hoped they were playful. No, he can't obsess about her too much, it would freak her out. Other thoughts, other thoughts,...
Okay, the party is another thought. Well not really, because he thought that before he thought about Lily and her beautiful hair- No. He has to stop obsessing. The Party. Will all the houses be there? Merlin, I hope Snape isn't there. That guy is always bringing the mood down, even when he's just in a corner. It's like he's always watching people, it's creepy.
The shower was ice cold because the others used all the hot water. But that way he was quicker out of there. The party wasn't very far away, it was right in the common room. The older guys protected it with a silencing spell so the teachers wouldn't notice us partying. James was so excited for tonight that he couldn't stop smiling.
Then the time came. The party was starting. They walked down the stairs and the room was full of people, half of which James had never even seen around school before. There were also some pretty young kids like 3rd years which was kind of weird but luckily there weren't many of those. James talked to some people from the Quidditch team when she walked in, Lily. She looks more gorgeous than ever with green eyeliner and a very pretty Dress. She was flawless. And her hair was just perfect, it had shiny tinsel in it while naturally hanging over her shoulder. How could any girl compete with her?
Trying not to think about her, James went over to where the drinks were and poured himself a few. He's not much of a drinker but the thought that Lily would look at him the way he looks and feels about her is him. So he poured himself another drink and another. Luckily the others didn't seem to notice just how much he had drunk tonight.
Just as he was getting the courage to go and talk to her Mary MacDonald approached James and dragged him out to dance. Don't get him wrong, Mary is a very pretty and sweet girl, she's just not Lily. Although she wasn't her, Mary kind of got James’ attention and he kept dancing with her. He noticed the room was seriously filling up with people from all houses.
“Do you wanna get out of here?” Mary asked, kind of heavily breathing. Both of them had been having a few drinks so they decided to go outside and get some fresh air on the astronomy tower. Now that they were alone Mary got very flirty which James surprisingly didn't mind. He wanted to kiss her so bad that he just did it. Mary was a good kisser but she was just missing something. She sure checks all the boxes but was that what love was supposed to feel like? The problem was that she wasn't Lily. But she still was great so James just got over the fact that she was not his crush. While they started making out James heard some quiet footsteps approaching from a distance. He slightly opened his eyes and saw Regulus Black. For the third time today! I mean was he stalking him? And he looked at James again with disgust. What was his problem? He slowly started walking to another section of the tower, a little chamber really, but James just couldn't let go. Why was he in such a mood today? He had enough and backed away from Mary and her longing kisses.
“What is it, James?” She looked at him, curiosity in her eyes.
“Mary I am so sorry but can we continue this later I have to go.”
“Potter, I am not just some car you can't park me wherever and then take me out when you feel like it!” She had a point so James apologized and promised to explain tomorrow. She went back to the Party and he quickly ran after Regulus.
Finally, he saw him sitting and leaning against the wall. James was so confused about today so he just shouted “What is your problem, man? Is your ego seriously so big that you just look at people and think ‘ew, primitive’ or what was that with all of these looks today- Wait are you crying?” He had been and had such a scared look on his face when James pointed it out that it made him feel kind of bad.
“What? No! Potter, what is your problem? Can't you just let stuff go and accept that not everybody has to like you and can be a little disgusted at your appearance? ” Regulus was getting a bit personal now.
“Oh, I am so sorry my lord, I forgot that everybody else in your life is the problem and never you. Yeah just go and blame others for the things and hurt you caused!” James was getting a little off track. “That's what you've been doing your whole life, isn't it? Blame after blame. Like how you blamed Sirius for running away when you just-” And that's when Regulus hit him in the face, deservedly so. James himself doesn't know why he was such a coward but that punch felt weirdly good. Is that a word to say? Probably but it was just what he was feeling.
“Don't you dare say his name!” Has that been the reason for his crying? The wound was still fresh, why would James say such a thing?
“Regulus I am sorry-" And Regulus hit him again! What is his problem now? James wasn't going to let that happen so he just punctured him back.
“Ow, why did you do that?!” Was he being serious?
“What do you mean why? You punched me!”
“Yeah 'cause you were being a dick but why did you punch me?”
“Because you punched ME?”
“So what? Can you not deal with that, you baby?” After that, they fought but it wasn't really serious. They just punched each other not as hard as they probably could have but hard enough to leave marks tomorrow. James loved what he thought was super weird. Why would anybody enjoy a fight? The ‘fight’ didn't last long. Regulus threw the last punch and just quickly left the astronomy tower. Coward, James thought.
After a few minutes, he decided that it was his time to go too so he went back to the party and it was even fuller than he remembered it being, if that was even possible. The music was loud, the floor sticky and everyone was making out. He went to get another drink and saw Sirius making out with Mary. He wasn't really sad but proud of Sirius for maybe finding the love that he was longing for.
When he arrived at the bar he saw Remus staring at Sirius and Mary. He had a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Almost everybody was smoking something tonight so no one noticed him. After James got a drink he went to talk to Remus.
“Jealous, huh?” Remus showed no reaction to James’ question and just blankly answered “Yeah, I am.” James didn't expect that answer although he was asking that question.
“Don't worry Remus, you'll find the right girl!” He tried to cheer Remus up but that only seemed to make him sadder.
“I am not jealous of Sirius, believe me.” James was confused.
“But you just said you were.”
“You don't get it.” Remus went to the dance floor and began smiling, which in James’ eyes based on their interaction, seemed fake. What did he mean with- And that's when James realized.