Erroneous choices
Sitting in the dimly lit locker-room, a cigarette between his lips. He waited for coach Adams to arrive, it was not that he was looking forward to meeting him, he already knew that the coach would only ask about his parent’s whereabouts, and the reason they were absent. But it was an inevitable conversation to have, regardless of his preferences.
The door creaked open, and Remus heard footsteps approaching, he took a long drag of his cigarette, hoping that filling his lungs in smoke will give him the courage he is lacking.
Coach Adam’s came to his view, a warm smile on his lips. He was always patient with Remus, from signing with him, without a guardian, to giving more chances than he will ever deserve, when everything Remus did was lie to him.
“You smoke too much for somebody with a dream of becoming an Exy star, young boy.” Coach Adam’s acknowledged, and he was right, Exy players didn’t smoke. specially the strikers, except that didn’t apply to Remus. He relinquished his dream of being an Exy star eight years ago, when he took the coward's way out; and decided to run away with his mother.
“I guess I really like testing my limits.” he remarked, as he stubbed out his cigarette, and got to his feet. “I didn’t see your parents today, I thought you said they wouldn’t miss this game? It's the last game of the season after all.” he was looking at him like he already knew what Remus was going to say. Which he did.
“I expected them to do so, but father had an important meeting, and mom works with him, so they couldn’t come.”
Coach Adams looked at him, skeptical and knowing —Remus always hated when adults looked at him that way, it made him feel exposed and vulnerable.
After a tense moment —in which they both knew that Remus was lying, coach Adams broke the silence, “look son, I would really like to dive into that matter, but now isn’t the time, because there’s someone here to see you.”
Remus felt that immediate sense of danger that was part of his daily life now, his heartbeat quickening and his palms getting sweaty. Who was here to see him? He was no one, he didn’t exist, at least that’s what he wanted everyone to believe while he was on the run.
They couldn’t find him this quickly, couldn’t they? He was being careless since his mother died, he knew that. But it was only four months, he had a real identity and purpose only for four months and now he was done for.
Coach Adam’s hand on his shoulder shook him from his thoughts, he was staring at him quizzically, “Don’t worry, I’m certain it’s someone you would be very happy to meet.” coach Adam’s comforted, except coach Adams didn’t know him, he didn't know who his father was, and what he was capable of. Every sense in his body told him to run, and not wait for whoever the unknown person was, to run and not look back, to disappear without a trace like he’s been doing for years.
But then, when has Remus ever listened to his instinct? His inquisitive personality was always one of the biggest reasons he got in trouble with his mother. And regardless of how dangerous it was for him to stay to find out who the said person was, Remus was intrigued.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Lupin,” said, an unknown voice. Remus turned to see who the voice belonged to, and he saw the last person he expected.
Throughout the time he was on the run, they were nearly caught a few times, and every time it was Fenrir who was leading his father’s men, it was him who fired the bullet that struck his mother’s heart. Remus has learned the hard way to expect him every time in everywhere. So Remus expected to see him today.
Who he didn’t expect though was coach Minerva McGonagall, the first female coach in the history of ERC standing in front of him.
Remus was busy trying to figure out a way his father and McGonagall were connected when coach Adams put his hands around Remus’s shoulders.
“Good afternoon Minerva. it's a pleasure to see you in person, This is Remus Lupin.” coach Adams said politely, trying to cover the awkwardness. But Remus didn’t have time for introductions, he didn’t have time at all, he wanted to know exactly what she came here for.
“Why are you here to see me? What do you want?” Remus muttered.
“It’s very nice to meet you too, Mr. Lupin” McGonagall responded, with a little edge of surprise in her voice.
Remus knew McGonagall was very stern and determined woman, being the first female coach in the ERC was not the most fascinating thing about her, it was how confident and self aware she was, it had been her first season as the head coach for the Gryffindor lions the, and there has been very pleasant changes.
And Remus technically knew she could be here for only one reason, but it couldn't be possible.
“As you may know Remus, Gryffindor have been lacking players, most important of them being strikers and dealers. And I showed Minerva here some personal files and the stats of a few players who didn’t choose a school yet, yours being one of them. So they decided to come talk to you after the game.” Coach Adams noted, like it was permitted for him to show his personal file to bigger schools, which was permitted, considering he was his coach, but Remus didn’t appreciate it much, looking at the situation he was in.
“Why would you show my file to people without my consent?” Remus retorted his voice raising, and anger bubbling inside him. Adams was interfering with matters he didn’t understand, what if he showed his file to Slytherin instead? What if someone there recognized him?
“You’ll choose a school eventually Remus, and it’s his right as your coach to display your file to other teams; if they show interest in you.” said McGonagall. Remus turned to her, he briefly forgot she was here before she opened her mouth.
“Well thank you very much, for considering me worthy of being a member of the mighty fallen Gryffindor, but I’m not interested. so you can save your time.” Remus blurted, putting emphasis on fallen to get a reaction out of her.
McGonagall looked at him, her face blank of any emotion. The woman Remus was trying to irritate was the first female coach in the ERC who handled a broken team of barely stable youth, and chose the first female captain to lead the team; she has heard enough from entitled assholes to be bothered with Remus’s criticizing remarks.
Gryffindor was one of the big three teams, if not the best of them. Always competing with Slytherin in the first place, but that was decades ago, now Gryffindor rarely qualified to the quarter finals, let alone competing in the cup. And the only time people mentioned Gryffindor was when an incident happened to them.
Like when Vance, their offensive dealer tried to commit suicide.
Or when James Potter, a descendant of the founder of the club himself, and the only son of Fleamont potter, one of the most legendry Exy stars, chose legacy over glory and decided to choose Gryffindor as his school for the next five years.
Or when Regulus…
“We’ve come all the way from Gryffindor only because I convinced McGonagall here that I could make someone out of you. the least you can do is put your attitude in places where it’s permanent.” bored the new arriver that Remus didn’t pay attention to his arrival.
Remus’s stomach bottomed, a cold shiver running through his spine from that voice he knew well, how idiotic he was, worrying if coach Adam’s gave his file to Slytherin, when the greater problem awaited him. In the time he was busy being surprised by McGonagall's arrival he forgot that Regulus Black was no longer a Slytherin, —he broke his better hand in an accident, they never proclaimed the details to the public, but he signed with Gryffindor as an assistant coach for McGonagall. Regardless of his young age, his talents were far more important than to go to waste in an accident.
Whatever little courage he had left to stand there and hold a conversation with McGonagall vanished into thin air at sight of dark curls and and gray eyes, Remus was sure that Regulus couldn’t recognize him, he was a just a kid, younger than Remus by a year and half, the last time he saw him, and to him Remus wasn’t any different from the other kids they used to give his family to, as a pay-off. But what if he recognized his name.
Remus Lupin was Remus Lupin for the first time in eight years.
Every nerve in his body roared at him to move, to get away. His newly returned identity be damned. What use was it to him if he was a lifeless corpse?
Remus didn’t wait to get a second look at Regulus’s appearance and bolted right to the direction he knew the door was.
He was wholly relying on his leg to save his life. He was alone, he didn’t have his mother to tell him which way was safer, after all, everything he did was to disobey every survival advice she ever gave him.
He had no one to blame for this but himself.
And he had nothing to rely on, except for his legs.
All he had to do was; to turn the corridor and he’ll be out of this place. He heard the muffled voices of the one’s he left behind screaming for him, but there was no sense of hearing for a dead-man scrubbing for a chance to live.
He was close to turning right, they couldn’t be able to capture him, Regulus might have been one of the best strikers in the ERC, but Remus is faster, one his best traits, that assisted to the life between his lungs to this day.
It was the moment that he was about to turn the corridor and get out, that he was startled with a heavy crushing weight on the left side of his head.
Remus fell to ground head first, his comprehension collapsing and his head exploding with a searing pain, he made a move to identify his attacker, but black dots covered his vision disabling him from perceiving anything.
“Are you out of your mind Mr. black!” exclaimed McGonagall’s furious voice, at the same someone fell on the ground beside him and started running anxious hands over him to check him for further injuries.
“Aw come on, it’s not like you would’ve been able to capture him, not with his speed and those ridiculously long legs of his” said an unknown voice Remus didn’t recognize.
Remus could feel hot liquid trickling from where the so-called Mr Black hit him. As his vision began to clear, he spotted a Goalkeeper’s racket in front of him.
“Are you insane? A goalkeeper’s racket on the head? you could’ve killed him!” reproved Regulus’s worried voice, —and he was right given how the striker racket was slightly shorter and more portable than the goalkeeper’s, and it was still enough to kill a person.
Remus had a faint idea who his attacker was, the goalkeeper’s racket, the perfectly precise aim, the manic laughter that announced the bastard didn’t care if he murdered someone on the spot.
Remus looked up, silky locks of long raven hair came to view, followed by a set of silver grey eyes. And with the all-teeth manic smile on his face, Remus was able to recognize him.
The man standing above him was Sirius Orion Black. Regulus’s older brother.
Remus has never met him in person before, but he knew everything he needed to know. everyone did.
He was the disowned, black outcast; who played with Gryffindor instead of the greatest Exy club —that was also founded by his family.
Sirius Black’s whole existence was the biggest scandal that pierced the Black family right through their generationally built fame.
Sirius didn’t bother to respond to Regulus, instead he was eyeing Remus intently, like he was some kind of unknown species.
“If I remember correctly Mr. Black, we agreed that you are to stay out of this recruitment until me and your brother are finished.” said McGonagall as she and Adams helped him to his feet. Remus felt the sticky blood trick from his head all the way down to his neck. He brought his fingers to the wound, which strangely enough wasn’t very wide, it would need three stitches at most.
“From where I was standing, you were doing a terrible job at it.” he muttered, returning his attention to his coach, “and besides, I hit him with the racket tilted side-ways. He wouldn’t be standing now if I didn’t intend him to.” he said. Simple as that.
He turned his attention to Remus, a sly smirk on his lips, his eyes scanning Remus, like he was some sort of a wild animal.
“Hello there, pretty boy, I don’t believe we’ve met before.” he said that creepy unstable grin on his face. Remus didn’t bother to reply. Sirius wasn’t the kind of person he would like to get involved with, not with the Black family’s blood running through his veins, or how dangerous he was as an individual. Regulus might report Remus(if he recognized him) to his family, who were likely to give him back to his father, but Sirius would separate his head from his body and send it to the black family’s doorstep only to get a laugh from it.
The last thing he wanted was to make himself noticeable for someone like Sirius.
“You go and wait for us outside, Sirius,” McGonagall grumbled gesturing for Remus to sit, on the bench nearby.
“I’m not leaving him here alone,” he waved his arm towards Regulus, “He’s the reason I'm here in the first place.”
“You can go with him, Mr. black.” McGonagall addressed Regulus who looked like he wanted to protest, but decided better when she fixed him with a stern look.
The brother’s walked out of the locker-room leaving Remus with McGonagall and a worried looking coach Adams.
“I apologize for Black’s behavior, Mr. Lupin”
“I’m sure you do.” Remus muttered bitterly. She looked at Adams and gestured to the door with her head.
“I’d like to have a word with Lupin in private, if you would excuse us, please.” Adams shook his head —a bit shaken and stumbled to the door.
“You realize that you're very lucky right? No one recruits players from here. Especially not someone with your stats.” She continued tilting Remus’s head to get a good look at his wound, “but fortunately they send us recorded tapes of you on the court, and Regulus insisted that we’re to have you, given how fast and determined you are.”
Remus’s chest ached with want, a deep buried passion that was dimmed by the instinct of survival, over the years Remus vowed to his mother to never get near an Exy court again in his life, but he already broke his promise as soon as his mother was gone like some starved animal, he went to the nearest court and shattered his word.
Remus opened his eyes to a world surrounded by Exy from every direction, from kids being given to the dark lords as pay-off for debt to gambling between the games. Exy had all the qualities for it to be favored by the likes of Remus’s father.
It was a chopped pieces from different sports that was enclosed with hostility and antagonism between both players and teams.
But that didn’t make Remus love it any less, it was one of the few things he was great at, and he craved it so much in those eight years that he thought he might get crazy from longing anytime Exy was mentioned. And now Remus wanted it so badly that might have signed his death on the papers McGonagall was offering.
“You’re wasting your time, you know, I could never play with your team. Not with Regulus on the same team.” Remus could see that she was curious about why he was particularly against the idea of playing with Regulus but she didn’t ask.
“I’ve never seen anyone refuse a chance to play with a big three team when they have no offer from the others, and you have no offer from other teams as your coach confirmed. But I’m not going to ask, not about your issue with the younger Mr. black nor about your past and most certainly not about anything concerning your background and personal life issues. I have a vision for the Gryffindor lions this year, and I'm fighting tooth to nail to make it real. Personally I can envision you in red and gold, next to a newly restituted cup of glory. But that’s not my call to make.
I’m asking you Mr. Lupin, can you have as much trust as I had in you when I just met you and take all the risks?”
Now that was unfair.
He thought to himself. how could she just say that when she just met him? When she didn’t have an idea who he was. How could say that she had fate in him to be somebody? when his own mother never did.
Remus was trying to focus on his anger to get over those other emotions, those meaningless emotions that might cause his heart to stop beating.
But what if?
She said they do not need background or anything from his past. No no no, now he was being idiotic, what was that? Hope? Surely not —the last time he had hoped his mother back-slapped him so strong
that his lip kept bleeding for days. No one was here to slap him now but he was old enough to know, signing up with Gryffindor meant being on the spot. Even if they aren’t as important anymore, still a place amongst them was too bright for a shadow.
But what if?
Regulus surely couldn’t remember him, and Gryffindor didn’t put their new players on display until the games, if he signed with them he could be safe at least until the season began.
Remus felt himself stunned with an entangled wave of different emotions that stirred in his gut and threatened to spill out.
He should refuse and walk away, he knew that, they weren’t forcing him. But his legs weren’t moving and his brain was unfolding different kinds of possibilities.
“You don’t know me. if you did, you would never want anything to do with me." It was a weak statement. Desperate for reassurance. Remus hated feeling weak, he hated having to run away with his mother and marking himself as the coward forever.
“That’s not the question I asked you, Mr. Lupin,” she turned her head so that they were face to face and continued, “are you willing to take the risks? Because speaking for myself, my presence here after all of this proves how desperate I am.” her note didn’t even once falter, as she finished never once breaking eye-contact with him.
And with the startling confidence in the way she rolled her words and the unwavering confidence in her face while she was gambling an alien future, Remus thought to himself for the first time that maybe, it was better dying as someone with eminence than living as a shadow with no existence.
***
Remus might have limited his living days and doomed every chance of becoming non-existence, shadow like he was aiming to be; only for the touch of a Racket, for a breathless race across the court, and the false delusion of belonging somewhere, but for the first time in his life; the fear was mixed with aspiration. And the dread was nearly muted with expectation. And—
Remus Lupin was Remus Lupin for the first time in a very long period.