Where are we? under lock and key
Chapter 1: Where are we? Under lock and key
Dear Harry,
For your safety I must ask you to remain with your family for the entirety of the summer holidays, to ensure the sacrifice your mother made to protect you was not in vain and the blood wards that are vital for your safety do not collapse.
I understand of course that you will need to leave your relatives at some point during the summer to purchase your school supplies, aside from that short day trip please stay within close distance to your home, at all times.
Kind regards. Albus Dumbledore.
P.s - I have enclosed a chocolate frog for your enjoyment.
__
Mr Potter,
I write to remind you that you may owl me if you should ever require emergency assistance.
Letters addressed to spinners end will find me.
-S.S.
__
Harry,
I am as safe as I can be. She did not take my wand. If you need to write to me for any reason address the letters to – the shed on the grounds of Zabini mansion. Be careful what you put in your letters; in case she reads it.
I hope you are okay.
Your friend, Blaise Zabini.
~~~
Harry looks up at the ceiling of his new room, it feels… wrong. The sheer size of the bedroom that was now supposed to be his, looming threateningly around him. It feels more like a cage than the cupboard, with the iron bars on the window and the cat flap and bolts on the door.
The room is completely bare apart from a small single bed and an old wardrobe.
He misses his cupboard. That’s not a sentence he ever thought would cross his mind - but it’s true nonetheless.
He had grown accustomed to it over the years, the tight space had become kind of like a pocket of safety. It’s where they threw him in the aftermath, it’s where he recovers. It gave him the comforting illusion of safety (much like a rabbit would feel hidden away in a burrow believing it is protected even though a predator prowls above ready to dig them out).
This room gives him none of that. It’s big enough so Vernon can come in and terrorise him as much as he pleases and it’s easier than ever for them to simply lock him in here, forget about him, and let him slowly rot away.
It was supposed to be an improvement.
He feels more trapped than ever before.
When he returned from Hogwarts a week ago, he had tiptoed into the Dursley home with his head bowed low, prepared to hide immediately in his cupboard, only to be stopped by aunt petunia.
She had pointed to the stairs with a pinched look on her face and something unreadable in her eyes, and said, ‘You will be staying in Dudley’s play room from now on.’
Harry had nodded with barely veiled confusion and walked up the stairs, not daring to ask questions. However, he had noticed an open letter on the table when he passed the kitchen door, he’s pretty sure it was the letter Snape promised to write last year, which is probably the reason behind this sudden change of heart.
But as aforementioned it’s not doing him much good.
Harry hasn’t actually seen Vernon yet, which is... strange, but not unwelcome. Petunia hasn’t ordered him to do any house work and she seems to be ignoring his existence for the most part. Dudley has appeared outside of the bedroom door a few times but he doesn't do anything more than taunt Harry.
Petunia has taken to bolting him in his room for most of the day only letting him out in the morning and evenings to use the bathroom, but that isn’t a huge problem because Harry can unlock the door with his magic and sneak out under his invisibility cloak (it's not like anyone actually checks to see if he’s in his room or not).
He assumes the Dursley’s strange and oddly civil behaviour is also a result of whatever Snape wrote in that letter. While Harry is grateful that no one seems to be set on causing him pain he is very wary of the new situation.
For the past decade of living with the Dursley’s he has always known what to expect. It was predictable and much easier to navigate in a lot of ways. But now, it's like he’s in an entirely new situation and living with complete strangers. The unfamiliarity of it, is anxiety inducing (absolutely terrifying) and he feels as if he is waiting every second for a surely ticking time bomb to explode.
Most of his old problems have disappeared but that doesn’t necessarily mean things are any easier (psychologically at least).
He had been planning to go stay in the leaky cauldron like he did last year, but the headmaster quickly crushed that dream with his stupid bloody letter (which Harry incinerated with magic seconds after he finished reading it) and his merlin cursed chocolate frog (which Harry also burned to dust).
Harry is almost certain that what the headmaster said about the wards collapsing if he doesn’t stay with his ‘family’ is utter bullshit. His mum was smarter than that, and she had clearly planned this blood ward beforehand as a safety measure; his mum was surely way too intelligent to base the entire protection on the conditions that her only living relative would take him in.
As soon as Harry gets back to Hogwarts, he’s going to use the library to do as much research on blood wards as he can. He needs to know exactly what his mother did that night so he can find a way to disprove Dumbledore’s useless theories. Maybe Hermione would help him, she would probably be interested in the topic and she’s brilliant at research.
But that’s something to look into at a later date.
He was relived to get Blaise’s note. Although he knows his friend is probably far from okay, at least Harry knows he made it home alright and managed to get through the first few days. And now Harry has a way to contact him which is good.
It's weird without his friends. He got far to use to them being around all the time. He misses sharing a dorm with the twins and Blaise, the noise and the feeling of never quite being alone even when he’s asleep, has long since become a comfort rather than a nuisance. He misses Hermione and the times they spent pondering over books together, sharing notes, and hanging out in the library.
Most of all he misses, Luna. Her floaty voice and her random comments that don’t always make sense, her wandering footsteps and her gentle words, he misses her hugs and the way she holds his hand when they walk to and from classes, and the way she always, always understands him.
He still speaks to her through the mirror but it's just not the same.
But they’ll be back at Hogwarts together soon (only 2 months and 3 weeks left according to the roughly drawn calendar on his wall) and then they’ll all be together again.
He’ll be able to leave the Dursley’s and all their strange new behaviour behind for another 9 months and figure out all the stuff with his mum's blood wards and Dumbledore’s foolishness. All he has to do is make it through the summer, that shouldn’t be too hard, right?
~~~
“It is safe star.” Selena hisses. Harry sent her on a scouting mission downstairs to see if it was safe for him to open the door, she’s small, fits through the cat flap, and can turn invisible so she’s perfect for the job (they’ve been doing this almost every day for two weeks, so they’re pretty good at it now).
“Shield me?” He prompts in quite hiss.
Selena’s magic closes around him, shielding his magical signature from the ministry so he doesn’t get his wand snapped for breaking the law on underaged magic. Her magic is interesting, its similar to his own (gold) except hers has sparks of green throughout, it's almost like she has his magic mixed with hers. It is an actual possibility; he’s read that it often happens between a Wixen and their familiar, as long as the animal has some form of magical core (which Selena does). “It is done.”
He tugs on his magic, drawing it up into his fingertips, it feels warm and tingly under his skin, he touches the door and thinks ‘unlock’. He hears a soft click (the lock) then the slide of metal on metal (the bolt that goes across the entire door) and finally the sound of a chain clinking out of place. He has no idea why the Dursley’s feel the need to put that many locks on the door.
He gestures for Solace to come sit on his shoulder (the Dursleys are yet to find out about the raven and Harry plans to keep it that way) once he lands, Harry pulls his invisibility cloak over himself and his familiar, making sure it covers them all the way. He checks to make sure he has all of his possessions on his person (he refuses to leave his stuff where he can’t see it and protect it, he hasn’t even bothered to unpack he keeps all of his possessions in his school trunk, shrunk down and safely in his satchel) and then he reaches for the door handle and slowly pushes it open.
He steps out into the hallway; he can hear petunia downstairs in the kitchen and Dudley is gaming on his television set in his room if the sound of laser guns is anything to go by. He can still feel Selena's shield around him, so he pulls his magic up again and thinks ‘silence my footsteps’. Now that he’s sure no one can see or hear him, he pulls the door shut behind him, and locks it once more. No one will notice he left. He has become something akin to a ghost in this house (which is not entirely unpleasant if a little lonely).
“Selena we can go now, stay close.” He hisses to her, so quietly its barely more than a breath.
He hears her equally quiet response. “I will follow.”
He creeps down the stairs one at a time careful to avoid the ones that creek, then he reaches the last step and tiptoes down the hallway, until he passes the kitchen,
Petunia is baking a cake, she stands at the unit wearing a floral apron, she’s mixing a bowl of batter while humming along to a song on the radio, her face isn’t pinched or angry, she looks content.
She only ever looks at Harry with hate, so it’s easy to forget that she’s capable of softness.
He wonders sometimes what would have happened if she saw him the way she sees Dudley. He knows that Petunia isn’t really a bad person, sure she’s prideful, and stuck up, but not necessarily evil. It’s just... Harry brings the worst out of her.
She’s a good mother to Dudley (even though he doesn’t deserve it, and she spoils him way too much) she loves Vernon (even though harry has no idea how) and despite how much she hates Harry and mistreats him... she still kept him.
It’s stupid to wish and dream of things that will always be beyond his grasp. But in moments like these, where he can look at petunia when she is without her hatred... he finds himself wishing.
He shakes his head to clear the foolish thoughts from his mind, and continues to the front door, opening it quietly and then shutting it behind him with barely a sound. He takes a deep breath of fresh air, and begins to walk down the street, still under the invisibility cloak until it's safe to take it off.
“Speaker. Pick me up.” Selena hisses from where she trails invisibly behind him on the pavement. “The human pathways hurt my scales.”
He stops in place and looks down at the place where he can hear her voice coming from. “I’m stood still, you can climb my legs.”
He feels her wind her way up his legs and settle around his waist with contented hiss. “Continue onwards, Star.”
He lets out a quit huff of laughter and rolls his eyes fondly, before continuing down the street, towards the town near little whinging. “Your very bossy you know that, Selena? It’s like I'm your personal minion.” He doesn’t really mind, Selena is so special to him, he would do anything to make sure she’s happy (even if that means being her minion).
“What is a... minion.” She asks curiously.
“Someone you can order about, they do all your bidding, evil or otherwise.” He smirks as Selena’s eyes seem to spark with interest.
“Yes, you are minion.” She concedes happily.
He shakes his head once more, smiling despite himself. “You would never treat me like a minion, would you buddy?” He switches back to English and pets the raven who still sits on his shoulder.
Solace tilts his head and chirps (Harry assumes it’s in agreement; Solace isn’t really the evil overlord type).
“That is because the bird is foolish beyond measure.” Selena gives an indignant huff. “He is too feeble to even be a useful minion.”
Privately Harry thinks she’s not entirely wrong. Solace is a brilliant familiar, but he does not exactly have brilliant minion or overlord qualities. The little raven still doesn’t leave Harry’s side for more than a few moments (unless he’s with Freya) and still isn’t the best candidate for a post carrying bird (due to the severe separation anxiety), but Harry finds he doesn’t really mind. Anyway, he would be worried about Solace flying long distances all by himself, and Solace is still the most precious raven on the planet and Harry would be lost without him.
Solace pushes his feathered head against Harry’s neck and clicks his beak happily. Which makes Harry smile. “He’s great, Selena. Don’t be mean to him.”
She hisses in annoyance for a moment before ultimately choosing to stop bullying the oblivious raven.
Once Harry gets nearer to the town (it's only a ten-minute walk from number four) he ducks behind a tree, so he can take his cloak off. He folds it up and hides it in his satchel.
“Solace buddy you’re gonna have to hide in my hood again.” He says to the raven apologetically. The muggles would be suspicious if they saw Solace happily perched on his shoulder.
Solace chirps once and tilts his head to one side, looking at Harry for a moment before hopping into the hood of his blue hoodie.
Even though it’s quite hot outside Harry wears a hoodie. He has loads of scars on his arms (and everywhere really) and people always ogle at them, so he prefers to keep himself covered up. But the hood comes in handy for hiding Solace in muggle populated areas, so it serves a double purpose.
“Selena, you stay invisible, yeah?” He says to the snake that is currently climbing up from his waist to rest on his shoulders instead.
“Yes. I shall stay unseen.”
Now looking supremely normal to the average muggle’s eyes, he makes his way towards the library in the square of little whinging.
He pushes open the door, entering the library. He loves it here; he has spent most of the past couple of weeks here instead of locked in his room. He used to come here before he left for Hogwarts too, but not nearly as much as he has this summer. He has loads of free time now (since Petunia stopped giving him chores) and he gets restless if he stays locked in the bare room (hence the sneaking out). So, he comes here instead.
The librarian (Alex) is nice too, they’re always happy to see Harry and whenever Harry comes in on a day that they are working Alex always give him snacks. Which was especially useful back in the days where he didn’t have the lunchbox Snape gifted him before the end of the school year.
He found his way to the library for the first time when he was eight, and Alex lets him take books home even though Petunia wouldn't let Harry get a library card. He had to hide them from Petunia, but he still got to read in his cupboard which was nice and he always appreciated Alex for that.
“Hi Alex.” He greets the person sitting at the front desk with a smile and a shy wave.
“Hiya Harry! I swear you’ve been in here for two weeks straight.” The librarian smiles good naturedly.
He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “Yeah well... I don’t have much else to do, and anyway it’s cool here. I can do my schoolwork in peace.” He shrugs.
“Well, I certainly don’t mind. You’re nothing like the other idiot children I have to deal with.” They say with a shake of their head and a slight grimace as they probably recall memories of said idiot children. “You know, I had a kid about your age in here the other day, they grabbed a book of the shelve and sprinted right out the door! I didn’t bother to run after them though, I'm not as young as I used to be.”
Harry huffs a laugh. “Aren’t you twenty-five? That’s hardly old.”
They waggle they’re finger with a mock stern look on their face, “That’s a decade to much as far as I'm concerned.”
He shakes his head with a smile. He thinks Alex might be his friend now, he’s not entirely sure but he thinks that they at the very least seem to like him. Which is nice. Selena and Solace are great to talk to, but it's nice to have a human to speak with sometimes, one that doesn’t hate him or pretend he doesn’t exist.
“I gotta go do my schoolwork, but I'll say bye before I go home.” He says looking up at Alex who is still sat behind the desk.
Alex Salutes him. “Don’t melt your brain, from all that thinking.”
Harry rolls his eyes, in amusement. “I'm sure I'll be fine.”
With a final awkward wave, he heads of through the small library right to the back, where his favourite armchair sits. He puts his satchel down on the small table next to the chair and pulls out the transfiguration essay McGonagall assigned him for summer work.
He spends the rest of his day working on the essay and doesn’t leave the library until Alex (kindly) kicks him out.
~~~
Back in his room (cage) at Privet drive, Harry finds himself staring blankly at the ceiling.
He had a good day, he got out of the house and spoke to another real-life human being, he completed the last of his summer schoolwork, but he still feels... actually he doesn’t know what he feels.
He misses his friends, so he’s sad about that. He’s anxious because the Dursley's are different and he can’t tell if they're going to snap at some point or not, how long is this eerie peace going to last? He’s also tired... but not the normal tired, where a goodnights sleep will fix it, it's more like... in his bones? Which doesn’t really make sense now he thinks about it. He also feels a bit like his head is closing in on itself, but he doesn’t know what emotion that is, maybe overwhelmed?
It's just so stupid, he’s finally caught a break, his life with the Dursley’s is for once okay. He doesn’t understand why he can’t just enjoy the peace while it lasts.
Suddenly he feels the locket around his neck heat up. He scrambles to open the small metal disk; it grows to the size of a compact mirror in his hand and Luna’s face appears in the reflection. “Hello Harry.”
Harry feels a small smile creep onto his face despite his current mood. “Hi Luna. What's up?”
“You are sad.” She frowns softly for a moment, before continuing. “But I have something that will make you happy.” She says, her voice echoes through the reflection, slightly distorted, but he can still make out her usual floaty tone.
“Oh?” He asks curiously.
“Hermione and I have been writing to each other, and we decided we should meet up in Diagon on the 25th of July. Our school letters will have arrived by then.” She smiles brightly, her eyes sparkling with joy. “Then we can all be together again before we go back to Hogwarts. Even if it's only for a day.”
That does actually make him happier, and Dumbledore did say that he ‘understood’ that Harry would have to go and get his school stuff at some point, so the old man probably won’t give him any problems about it. “That sounds great!” He says in an enthusiastic whisper, quite as possible so the Dursley’s don’t hear him. “Have the twins and Blaise agreed?”
Luna nods happily. The twins have agreed, and I have a feeling Blaise will, but I thought it would be better for you to write and ask him. He didn’t give anyone his address. But you have it don’t you?” She asks, tilting her head to the side and her eyes going slightly distant, like they always do when she’s says something she knows from a dream or a feeling.
“Yeah. I can write to Blaise.” He nods.
She sighs happily and then her reflection goes all wobbly and blurry like she just got up and did a dance or something. “Thank you, Harry! I have to go now; me and dad are going to finish writing an article on the benefits of gnome saliva. I will call you in the morning and I can show you my favourite tree through the mirror. I know we already did a tour of the garden, but my best tree is deep in the woods down the hill. So, see you tomorrow I think at... 6.41am.” She stops and takes a short breath and gives him a soft smile, “Bye Harry.”
He looks back at her excited reflection through the mirror and feels a desperate longing to be with her in person, instead of voices and reflections in a compact mirror. But he pushes it down and smiles back at her with soft eyes. “I’ll pick up when you call. I can’t wait to see your favourite tree.” Then he raises a hand to wave at her through the reflection, “Bye, Luna.”
The mirror goes blank.
Harry lets out a small sigh and closes his eyes leaning his head back against the wall. With Selena out hunting and Solace asleep...
He sits entirely alone in the silence. The bone deep tiredness weighs on him heavier than before.