Chapter 1
Regulus Black didn't die when he drowned in the Black lake.
He died when he found out Sirius ran away.
Regulus had always been envious of Sirius. Sure, their parents favored Regulus, but Regulus didn't want that. He wanted what Sirius had. Loving friends, an escape from home, and top of the class. Regulus only dealt with Sirius because instead of punishing him they would punish Sirius. He couldn't recall the amount of times he heard Sirius scream for help as he was beaten bloody. Happened too many times to count.
It was the summer of 1976, the summer before Regulus went on to 6th year. Walburga screamed and cursed almost everyone in the manor looking for Sirius. She demanded answers and she needed them right away. Regulus was almost pleased when she didn't curse or ask him. Almost. Regulus was in the same bedroom he had been in since he was born. He remembers all the times he and Sirius had smoked and talked shit about they're parents. He would never admit it, but he actually missed Sirius.
The night he ran away Regulus went outside the Manor and sobbed for hours until the sunrise came out. He needed Sirius. He needed Sirius with him. He needed him so badly right now. Walburga almost broke the door when she went into Regulus’ room. She grabbed him by the hair, dragging him down the stairs.
“You-” She smacked him. “Little-” Smack “Piece-” smack “Of-” smack “SHIT-!” Walburga screamed as she let go of Regulus and he fell down the stairs. She held her wand at his throat as Regulus looked at her with unshed tears in his eyes. He tried his best not to cry but it was hard not to when his mother was physically abusing him.
“Where is he?!” Walburga screamed as she grabbed his hair and yanked it so harshly Regulus could have sworn pieces of his hair fell out. “I know you know where he is! I swear to Merlin I will curse you until you lose the ability to look at me.” Walburga spat at him.
“Mother… I don't know-” as soon those words came out of Regulus’ mouth he screamed in terror and pain.
“CRUCIO!” Walburga said.
Regulus felt like his body was on fire, like he was drowning but without the water. Think of the most painful thing ever. It was 10x more painful then that.
“JAMES’ HOUSE!” Regulus spat out before Walburga could crucio him again.
Walburga tilted her head in both confusion and anger. “Who is this James you speak of?” She said very carefully as her wand was placed at the side of his head like a gun waiting to shoot.
“James Potter.. a friend of his from Hogwarts.. I only met him a few times before.. he's.. he's a blood traitor.”
Walburga looked finally satisfied with Regulus' answer. “Fine. If Sirius wants to act like a bitch then he can stay with a bitch. Write to him that he is never allowed back here again.”
Regulus nodded.
“And clean this mess up my dear boy.” Walburga walked away as her shoes clacked against the floor, that being the only noise regulus could hear except from the voices in his head telling him to run. He couldn't run. He had to stay here. To please his family.
Regulus stared at the bloody floor that was covered in what looked like guts and blood. The house elfs took care of the body already, the mess was the only thing that was evidence of the abuse there.
As the night time came, Regulus lied in his bed and thought about what would happen if he had ran away just like Sirius. He was angry at Sirius. Sirius couldn't be his escape anymore. Their parents would let out their anger on him now, now that Sirius was gone. Regulus wouldn't do this to him so why would Sirius do this to him?
Regulus would take Sirius’ secrets to the grave if he had to. Regulus knew everything about Sirius. It may not seem like it considering their dynamic together, but he and Sirius shared everything. Well maybe not everything, but still. You get the point. Regulus was the first person Sirius said he was dating Remus to. Remus. Regulus remembers Remus very briefly. It's hard to remember people, especially if they're friends of Sirius. Regulus doesn't know anyone outside of Slytherin except for a few people.
During their late night talks Sirius would talk about James. Regulus only remembers James the best. James Fleamont Potter. God, Regulus could only think about him whenever Sirius talked about him.
But it was wrong. It was wrong to like a boy while being a boy. Sure, Regulus accepted Sirius but it was different for him. It wasn't his life so he didn't have a say in it. But this is now his choice, his life, and his decisions.
Walburga and Orion always taught them to be a good, well behaved pureblood. Regulus feels like he's being taken to hell whenever he thinks about James like that. James potter. Just James. James talking about quidditch, James lifting his arms up and his shirt also lifts up so you can see part of his abs-
‘Stop it.’ Regulus thought to himself. Regulus forced those feelings about James to go away, but that light of hope and freedom flickers from time to time.
If people sin out of hate then why is mine out of love?