Chapter 1
Sirius knew the summer of 1976 was going to be different than summers passed. And he meant very different, he finally left the house of horrors he grew up in, falling in to james’ arms, but there was another thing that was different. He had this best friend, whos name is Remus Lupin. He happened to be badly obsessed with remus. Remus also happened to be a wearwolf. If that wasnt bad enough, Remus had lost his dad over the schoolyear.
After being secretive and refusing to talk about it for over a month, Remus had a complete breakdown. He loved his father, Sirius knew that, he might not understand, but he knew that. Remus had sobbed in Sirius’ arms, and admitted that he was terrified for the summer. He had nobody to take care of him after full moons, because his mum was a muggle, she simply couldn’t heal his wounds. Sirius held him and let him cry, but when his tears were all dried up, Sirius promised him that he ould come before every moon and take care of him, no matter what happened.
This is what lead Sirius to be where he was, walking down a dirt road towards a small cottage in wales, where his friend resided. He knocked, slightly nervous, he didn’t know what Remus was like over the summer, letters came to him throughout the years, but were burned by his mother before they were ever read. The worry seeped out of him as soon as Remus opened the door.
“Hey stranger” Remus said, after the door swung open.
Sirius had to reset his brain for a second. Remus in his shirt wasn’t new, and the feeling in his gut wasnt either, but he still went blank everytime he saw it. Trying for normality, he said “Thats my shirt you absolute tosser” making remus laugh.
Remus led him inside and introduced him to his mum, who was sitting on the couch.
“Lovely to meet you ma’am” Sirius said, very properly, and it almost made remus snort with laughter again.
“Oh sweetie, call me hope” She said, standing and shaking sirius hand.
“Fat chance ma, hes a snooty pureblood, he cant turn it off.” Remus remarked, falling onto the couch.
After niceties were exchanged hope departed and sirius got comfortable enough to sit down. He gazed around the room and noticed that it was light up on every front. Candles dotted the room, releasing a sweet fragrance Sirius recodnized from remus, light streamed in through every window, and a colorful lamp was on in the corner. It felt like the word home, completely unlike how he grew up. He admired the pictures on the wall, nailed up to the pale yellow plaster. His favorite part was the stone fireplace though. It was bare due to the summer weather, but he could just imagine Remus sitting all curled up in front of it with a book during winter holidays.
Soon Remus had dragged him up to his room, and they sat next to eachother on Remus bed, which was pushed up against one wall so only one long side of the bed was against it, which sirius secretly thought was very strange.
“Effie spoiling you?” Remus asked.
“Oh yeah, shes acts like Ive been there since day one, I kind of have whiplash honestly” Sirius said, chuckling at the end.
“Totally, trust me she did that to me too, I literally had to tell them about my furry little problem to convince them that I wasn’t being abused” Remus commented.
“Oh, I didn’t know they knew”
“Yep, since third year.”
A little later Remus’ mother called them downstairs to have dinner, and the whole time remus was giggling at how proper Sirius was acting. He never did this at hogwarts, but Remus knew Sirius was still uneasy around adults, understanably.
“My mum isnt going to bite your head off for using the wrong salad fork pads, relax.” Remus finally said, trying to calm him. He hated to admit it, but Remus’ words worked, he hated that he trusted him completely.
After dinner Remus gave sirius a proper tour, showing him the garden and all around the property. They sat together on a bench in the garden, absorbing the last sun that they would get until tomorrow, and Remus gazed at him.
“I missed you you know” Remus said, making Sirius’ stomach twist, because he would never know how much it meant to him.
“I missed you too moonpie, you’re my better half after all” Sirius said, dying slightly inside, wishing Remus could know how true it was.
“Hows Jamie boy?” Remus asked.
“Hes good, I need him to stop hitting on my brother though, its really gross, I mean were basically the same person” Sirius exclaimed “At this point he should just get with me”
They both laughed at the absurdity of the idea “You realize hes completely different than you, smarter, politer, and better company, come to think of it maybe Ill try and get with him” Remus said, which made Sirius shove him and he almost fell off the small bench.
“Oh shove off you know you want me moony” Sirius joked, making Remus laugh lightly, music to his ears.
“Come on, lets go upstairs and Ill pack us a bowl or two.” Remus said, standing up.
…
Remus and sirius were curled up on the little window seat in Remus’ room and remus offered the pipe he had just packed with marijuana to Sirius. He grabbed it and reached to light it with his wand but remus cleared his throat and held up a zippo lighter.
“Whats that then” Sirius asked.
“Muggle lighter, you know Sirius, you cant always rely on magic, Ill light it for you.” Remus responded and flicked the lid of the lighter off, lighting it in the process. He held the lighter to the pipe and sirius inhaled deeply. He held it for a second and exhaled, immediately making the room hazy. They traded it back and forth, and everytime Remus hit the pipe sirius felt like he was going crazy. The smoke poured from remus’ lips and made him look like he himself was made of smoke. Sirius thought it was fitting, because no matter what Sirius couldn’t have him, couldnt touch him.
Sirius was a lightweight compared to remus, and was dizzy and unstable walking to the record player to change it.
At some point in the evening they ended up laying on the ground staring at the glow in the dark stars Remus had covering his ceiling. They were chatting and giggling until Sirius asked the question swirling around in his head.
“Why do you have those stupid things anyway” Sirius asked, questuring towards the glow in the dark stars.
Remus sighed, Looking like he was trying to put words together in a way that made sense. “Theyre a dream”. Sirius didnt respond so Remus looked at him. He was glassy eyed and smiling. “Stars are beautiful, and mysterious, and I am in love with them. But, the moon scares me, so looking at these is like my own little sky, void of a moon, a sky I can feel safe in.” Remus sighed.
“Forget the stars moony, I think youre beautiful” Sirius responded, before even really thinking, but thankfully it didnt seem like Remus noticed.
“Sometimes I feel ugly, like I’m a monster, like I can’t control the wolf writhing around in me even when the moon isn’t full” Remus said, then tears slowly started running down his face. Sirius did him the courtesy of not mentioning it.
Sirius thought for a second and sat up. “Listen Remus, youre not a monster, youre just a kid who was majorly screwed over by an asshole who can do more damage than normal. None of it is your fault.”
It seemed remus didn’t want to say much after that, which was ok with Sirius, because Remus stretched out and looked a lot calmer.