beautiful days
By the time Sirius woke up the next morning Remus was already downstairs. He meandered downstairs and through the kitchen door to find Remus eating at the breakfast bar.
“Good morning love, howd you sleep?” Hope said, starting to make a plate as soon as she saw him.
Sirius eyed her up for a second but took a deep breath and tried to relax “I slept well thank you” he said, smiling.
“Good, I know this one snores like a train horn” Hope laughed, handing Sirius a plate of eggs, hashbrowns and bacon.
“Oh trust me ma’am, Im used to it by now, sharing a dorm with him for six years now” Sirius responded, laughing too, and wiggling his eyebrows at remus, who proceeded to roll his eyes.
“I forget about that sometimes, and its hope, not Ma’am” Hope said, making a contorted face when she said ma’am.
They all ate breakfast, then hope departed for work, giving Remus a kiss on the head and ruffling Sirius’ hair on her way out.
After breakfast Sirius dragged remus outside to get some sun. Remus decided this wasnt good enough though and lead them through a patch of trees to a small creek. They sat down on the bank of the river and it felt more peaceful than anything Sirius had ever experienced.
“I never knew Wales was this beautiful” Sirius commented.
“Not as beautiful as you pads” Remus said, with a glint of mischief in his eye.
“Oh piss off moons, I was high and you were being dreadful” Sirius huffed out, kicking water Remus’ way.
Remus, ever competitive, flung water back at sirius ten times as hard. This soon turned into a full on fight, and by the end they were both in the creek soaked in water. Remus was sitting breathing deeply with his cheeks flushed, making his freckles stand out. Sirius couldnt stop staring, even when Remus looked back at him. They gazed at each other and Remus breathing shallowed out. All Sirius could think is ‘I love you I love you I love you’ and ‘youre beautiful’ and, embarrassingly, ‘fuck me’.
He quickly broke the gaze and stood up when that last thought popped into his head. “C’mon, lets go dry off”
…
Sadly though, day brings night, and the moon is full. Remus picked at his dinner, looking more stressed than he normally did before the moon. He mashed his potatoes with his fork lost in thought.
“You alright love?” Hope asked, looking concerned.
Remus looked up at his mother, clearly masking his irritation. Something Sirius had only seen him do around his mother, and trust him, he had seen Remus more than irritated. “Yeah Ma, just hurting and more worried than usual, but thats why Sirius is here, I wouldnt trust anyone else.”
The words seemed to calm hope, and they made Sirius’ heart swell.
After dinner was cleared and the boys were done doing the washing up, it was time. Sirius didn’t really know what to expect, he had completely forgotten that was the reason he was here to be honest. They all walked out to the back garden together and hope pulled a ring of keys out of her pocket.
“In you go love” Hope said, patting Remus on the back, who proceed to climb into what Sirius had assumed was the garden shed. He quessed that explained all the locks, nobody cares that much about gardening supplies. Hope proceeded to lock all of the locks, which were more than Sirius cared to count.
“One of your professors, door something-” Hope started.
“Dumbledoor” Sirius corrected.
“Yes him, honestly slightly dreadful man ain’t he? Anyways, he redid all the protective spells after my Lyall passed away” Hope said, greif in her tone “all you have to do is cast a silencing charm, only if you can love”
Sirius stepped forward and cast the spell. Now all they could do was wait for the morning. They went inside together and sat at the breakfast bar sipping tea in silence. Meanwhile it felt as if the sun was setting faster than normal. By the time Sirius had finished his tea, hope was already outside chain smoking ciggarettes, on what Sirius thought was her second pack of the day.
Sirius trugged up the stairs to Remus room and swung the door open, intending on just grabbing a jacket and going outside. But then he realized he was alone, alone in Remus’ room. He walked around the room, breathing it in. It was so utterly Remus and Sirius loved it. The record player was propped on a milk crate by the door and records were leaning against it. His desk had ink stains and parchment spread across it, and then there was his bookshelf. The was completely filled with books, leaving no empty space. There were battered old tomes, thick paperbacks, and anything else you could imagine. Sirius noticed a book on there he had seen plenty of times, but he didnt know what it was. He picked it up and flipped to a random page, expecting some stupid little love story remus adored, and he was both right and wrong. It wasnt a story, it was Remus’ journal, but as Sirius read the page, he realized it was in fact a love story. The date in the corner read Sept. 8 1974. This was written when they were in fourth year. It read as such.
‘To whom it may concern,
Sirius smokes his first cigarette today. We were in the astronomy tower, bugging off lessons when I lit one for myself. He asked if he could try. He put it to his lips and I couldn’t help but stare, I mean come on, hes like a greek god in a leather jacket. He looked so pretty doing it, it made me want to vomit. I can’t help it, I am gay and in love with my tragically straight best friend. Its honestly poetic if you think about it. Completely hideous monster falls in love with a fiery hot star he can never touch.’
More emotions than he could count flooded his body all at once. Excitement. Remus loved him too, everything he thought would never happen could. Anxiety. What could this mean, could something actually happen. This scared Sirius. Then despair. Remus had written this almost three years years ago, there was such a small likelihood that he still liked him that it was almost non existent. Sirius sighed and put the book back on the shelf. He grabbed one of Remus’ sweaters and put it on, then his leather jacket.
He headed down the stairs, out the back door and through the garden, then took a seat next to hope, who was sitting on the garden bench smoking another ciggarette.
“You alright Ma’am?” Sirius asked.
“Oh yeah love, I just worry about him is all.” Hope responded.
“ I mean, how could you not?” Sirius said, trying to be comforting somehow. “I mean I worry about him too, and hes not even mine, like hes yours.”
Hope looked at him and a small knowing smile spread across her face. “Oh honey, he has always been yours, he stopped being mine or lyalls the moment he met you.” She stood up and rested a hand on his shoulder for a second before she left to return inside.
All he could do was sit there and think of Remus. Sirius knew that he had been in love with Remus for years, but there were so many reasons it could never happen. They were both boys to start, and that was already a huge obstacle. And then, even if he didnt want to think that way, the other big thing screaming in his mind was that Remus was a half blood, on a technicality, and categorized as a highly dangerous monster by the minestry of magic. Sirius knew that was all total bullshit, but it was really hard to undo all the brain washing that his parents had done to him his whole life.
After a quick trip inside to get a cup of tea, Sirius planted himself on the paving stones leaning against the door of the shed that made Remus captive. He hoped that his presence would somehow calm the wolf and Remus, maybe both of them could sense there was someone who loved them, even if they couldnt see it.
He sipped his tea, refilling it with a charm everytime it was emptied, and everytime it got more and more bitter and watered down.